The Unbreakable Truce

God help me, I'm somehow here again. Mild dirtbag trans girl, 30 now Avatar by my good friend EMMANUEL.

[escuerzoresucitado]

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[makingtrouble]

This is getting notes so let me just say

Himb 💞💝💘💖💞💝

[first-ex-wife]

thinking about this so bad

[mysterycat-official]

this is my favourite tweet of all time

[adirtnap]

[grapnel]

An example of why one should use the Oxford comma.

[sepdet]

LOL. I think they tried to fix it.

Nice try. Still no.

[rivendellrose]

Wake up, babe, a new example of why the Oxford comma is a really good idea just dropped...

[spinecutter-archive]

my writing gland is purple and swollen

[spinecutter-archive]

my friendship gland is black and shriveled

[blemgoid]

at the bus stop showing a stranger the picture of the devil that I keep in my wallet

[gumi-megpoidd]

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

[ihatenearlyeverything]

its ok theyre Gods lil helpers

[oatmealbrain]

And boy are they clumsy

[hydrangeafae]

Hi, these bees are babies! They’re not clumsy at all, this is what is called orientation flights. After birth and before beginning their careers as foragers (as all Honey bees cycle through all the jobs in the Hive throughout their lifespan), Honey bees take short flights back and forth, to and from the Hive, to orient themselves with their wings and their home so they can learn its location and how to get back home after foraging! Everyone has to learn, these are just smol little baby turkeys. Bees use the angle of the sun for location so adults have a better and more direct sense of location than any human

[polar-solstice]

IM SO PLEASED TO LEARN THIS!!!

They are just!!! Student drivers!!! 😭

[sindri42]

BONK!

[markv5]

Вставай, скоро молоко раздавать будут!…

[sergeantbabylegs-deactivated201]

[ranma-official]

the translation is significantly more Soviet in tone than the original, which is great

[greater-than-the-sword]

When you're a kid you just take trees for granted. Then when you get to be an adult you realize that a fully mature tree cannot be created in an amount of time that fits in a convenient landscaping timeframe for love nor money nor all the powers of science. Then you realize that people are very very very cavalier about chopping them down

[pallidprincess]

baby fucking sink tony!!!!!

[demilypyro]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[iamoutofideas]

[sarahseeandersen]

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

[toxiccaves]

[notajerusalemcricketd-deactivat]