Trying for our rainbow baby

28 | Georgia | TTC with PCOS

[inner-sunshine]

🌱

[didntsayyes]

[ineffectualdemon]

“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”

Lies

Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:

1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”

2. “I scared myself with a fart”

3. “You are the wrong parent”

4. “I ran into something with my face”

5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”

6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”

7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”

8. “I got scared because YOU farted”

Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is

[hopes-a-good-emotion-deactivate]

I need more people I can relate to on Tumblr…

If you blog about:

•Ttc

•Ttc after loss

•Infertility

•Ttc with Pcos

•Uk ttc

•Pregnant

•Mummys

Please reblog so I can follow you and connect with other people 😁

[babyfeverforever6]

A letter to my future baby.

I can’t wait to carry you in my womb.

I don’t care if I gain an insane amount of weight, or if my hair thins. I don’t mind my teeth yellowing, or adding more stretch marks. I don’t care if my vision goes bad, or if my pants don’t fit.

I can’t wait to carry you, in my arms. I won’t mind the drool and spit up. I don’t care if you pull my hair or rip my jewellery. I won’t mind my arms getting tired (and the rest of me, too).

I think about you all the time. The possibilities are so endless! I don’t mind how much my body will change, I just can’t wait to have you here.

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

My husband is so cute. 😭💖

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Took a second one when I got home from work between my shifts! It's even darker! 💪

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Woohoo! First positive OPK since I started tracking! I guess the supplements are working! Only issue is usually I ovulate on CD 20ish but today is CD 24. But, I don't ~really~ mind longer cycles if I actually ovulate. I just don't want my body to go crazy and start having 40+ day cycles. 😂

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Preconception visit

Today I had my preconception visit as well as my yearly done. We talked about my past miscarriages/chemicals and my PCOS. Since I'm not with the same partner she wasn't as on board with doing a full workup straight away since the fertility issues could have been tied to my ex-husband. Fair enough.

I did bring up my symptoms and she said it sounds like endometriosis and if in six cycles I'm still having issues then they will consider a lap to go take a look. She also wants me to take Ibuprofen around the clock after I ovulate to help keep the inflammation down.

She said all the supplements I am on are fine for TTC and healthy to take while pregnant. She also had me get lab work done for my thyroid and prolactin levels.

She was well pleased with my weight loss, but I need to lose a bit more before I can get fertility meds. I need a BMI of 38 and I'm at 39. She also said that she has three patients that got pregnant on keto, which is fantastic since I've been doing keto-ish. It makes me really want to buckle down and do strict keto, workout more, and kick the weight. She also wants to see my A1c come down some more to reduce the miscarriage rate. She is hesitant to give fertility medicine to me if my insulin resistance and A1c are still high since the rate of miscarriage is so high. I get that.

She seemed really pleased at the plan we have in place and what we have been doing thus far. I'm excited to know I've been doing the right things!

Here's to the next few months and getting my body baby ready. 💖💖💖

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Because bodies don't care about your timeframe

So, my husband and I are going to Florida for a vacation in the beginning of July. I have been looking for donors in the state since we will be there. One is super promising, and we have been chatting quite a bit. He has prior successes and doesn't give off the creeper vibe. Good start.

Since I have a full cycle of data in FF now it tells me a future fertile forecast. And while I'm happy that I am getting shorter cycles, it has made it so we are missing my fertile window by a week. 🙄

Toby and I are totally fine with traveling to the surrounding states, but it would have been super convenient to just be in the state when my fertile window was.

Thankfully, there is a shipping donor in Atlanta and another donor that I like a few hours south of us. My next fertile window will be in late July, which is the month we will start getting donations. I well and truly hope that we don't have to do this process several months in a row (but feel like that will happen since my ex-husband and I tried for 15 months with no success). I am just keeping my fingers crossed that what I am doing now (eating better, getting some exercise in, taking supplements, trying to quit smoking) will help my fertility and help kick PCOS's ass.

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Sometimes I get really frustrated with how poorly some people parent in the age of Google. I see people making horrible choices for their children and can't help to get angry when I think about how much I want a child and how hard I'm trying to get there.

[acideyesandthickthighs]

How are you supposed to feel When you’ve carried a piece Of the universe inside you But have nothing Nothing to show for it Nothing to hold Nothing to love Nothing but a hole in your heart The shape of them How are you supposed to feel When your world comes shattering Down beside you And you have nowhere to turn Nowhere to seek comfort Nowhere to escape from the pain How are you supposed to feel When the subject is so taboo You don’t speak of what you lost What you loved What you wanted the second You saw that little line How are you supposed to feel When you carried a piece Of the universe inside you And now it’s gone

(Picture from Rupi Kaur’s The Sun and Her Flowers poem by me)

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

So, I had my husband do a tarot reading a few weeks ago regarding our TTC journey and it was so positive that I didn't believe it. 😬

So, when someone on a Facebook TTC page posted a screenshot of Enchanted Readings doing TTC tarot readings, I jumped. She sent me my reading today and I am blown away with the accuracy. As someone who has experienced recurring miscarriages and raging PCOS for years, I am very pleased with the results. 💖

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Sometimes I have this conflicted feeling

About whether I want to wait until July to start actively getting sperm donations (the smart decision because I used up my FMLA with a work injury/surgery and it doesn't renew until April 2020) or if I want to start trying ASAP because my record shows that it takes a while for me to conceive.

My luck would be that I'd get pregnant right away and be without FMLA, which is great for my mental health and TTC journey, but bad in a job security aspect.

Waiting four more months will pass quickly and allow me to get healthier, so I know that's the best option, but ughhhhhhh.

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

For everyone searching for a sperm donor:

There's an app called Just A Baby where you can search for a donor. It's very similar to Tinder in the fact there's a basic bio, pictures, swipe capabilities, and you message each other after matching.

I downloaded it a few days ago and it seems like people on there are fairly active and have thus far been super respectful.

You can also find egg donors, surrogates, etc.

[storyofagirlmarried]

All I want in this entire world is to be a mother

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

💖

[tryingforbabykavanaugh]

Currently on CD 18 and I definitely thought my OPKs would just continue to get darker and darker. My average cycle length is 33-35 days, so I'm fairly confused as to why they keep bouncing back and forth in strength. It's been 5 years since I last TTC, but I don't remember it not doing anything other than getting stronger color. Is this normal? Does it not matter except for when I get a strong OPK and then the levels decrease again? Ugh, I feel so lost all over again since I'm having to relearn everything.