in all the universe, there’s no one else who can know what you’re going through… || Steven Universe AMV (4:22)
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song used: Reunion Tour, composed by Griffin McElroy
Editor notes!
So, from the beginning, I knew I wanted to use this song to showcase a timeline of all the harmful parenting, traumatic experiences, and internal conflicts that led Steven to the low, mentally unhealthy place he was in during SUF. Of course, there’s definitely a limit to what I can visually show in just a 4 and a half minute video, so I had to pick and choose what I thought could be most readily explained in this format… and what I thought could be best woven into a somewhat coherent narrative.
Facets of Steven’s traumatic childhood highlighted in this video:
Neglect from guardians. (0:32- 0:48)
Self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness due to high expectations from others. (0:49- 0:59)
His mother being placed on a pedestal/Steven being compared to Rose, thus kick-starting one facet of his identity issues. (1:00- 1:13)
Steven’s realization that he’s living amidst an active warzone. (1:14- 1:21)
Steven openly admitting that he doesn’t feel comfortable expressing all his thoughts and emotions to the Gems anymore. (1:22- 1:31)
The full humans in his life unthinkingly alienating him by speaking of “being human” and not including him. (1:39- 1:47)
“But I just don’t feel I can ever measure up to her…” (1:51- 1:55)
Steven having to process the “fact” that the mother he’s looked up to all this time shattered Pink Diamond and is thus a murderer. (1:57- 2:06)
Steven’s stubborn belief that Rose created him solely for some sort of grander purpose, rather than just to exist and grow. (2:07- 2:17)
Guilt complex over what happened with Bismuth, Jasper, and Eyeball… fearing that he hurt them when in reality Bismuth and Eyeball were instances of self-defense and Jasper corrupted herself. (2:18- 2:25)
Steven making the active decision to give himself over to Homeworld, knowing he faces near-certain death… (2:28- 2:32)
Just… dear lord, this child is literally attempting to hold the world on his shoulders. He’s marking himself personally responsible for “fixing” this whole situation, and then blaming himself when the problem proves too big for only him to solve. (2:33- 2:47)
A person Steven has known his whole childhood fucking dies due to blunt trauma right in front of him. (2:47- 2:52)
Over time, Steven unravels even more confusing truths about his mother… which only further muddles his whole identity conflict. (2:57-3:08)
Steven being placed in the scary position of having to- without aid of his guardians- convince three ancient Gem tyrants who can most definitely kill him if they so desired to entirely change their ways. (3:09- 3:25)
Steven’s identity crisis comes to its climax, with White almost convincing him that he’s nothing but an organic shell surrounding his mother/White removing his gem. (3:26- 3:29)
The Gems being brutally rejuvenated right in front of him/Steven temporarily losing his powers (3:30- 3:32)
Upon reflection, Steven determines that Gems he barely knows trying to kill him… him unfairly suffering the consequences for things his mom did… and the world constantly about to end are such common motifs in his childhood that they might as well be the story of his life. (3:33- 3:49)
Years of trauma and bottled up stress boil over and manifest as “pink outburts.” (3:52- 3:55)
Steven’s awkwardness around/avoidance of conversations and reminders of his mother. (3:56- 3:57)
Even White fucking Diamond can recognize that Steven is… simply by the cruel hands of fate… isolated in his unique experience as a hybrid, which is yet another facet as to why reaching out for help was so hard. No one else can ever truly understand what he’s going through because there isn’t anyone else like him. (3:57- 4:03)
Based on the unfortunate mistakes he made amidst the throes of trauma response, Steven comes to the conclusion that he’s simply a messed up fraud of a person who can never live up to the angelic facade he’s been presenting to everyone around him. (4:04- 4:10)
