@turpywurpy - Tumblr Blog

reblog if ur a fish whore

you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.

jaspurr

live your life like a ghibli movie where literally everything is charming and beautiful

sprosslee

Good advice

stream

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

feyrealms

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

newtgeiszler

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

wombatking

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney - early 20th century

Eric Andre - Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi - Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves - We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum - 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau - Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

strangehorse

this is david lynch erasure

hubblegleeflower

Who are the female immortals?

artisanbloodbank

Jenny Slate - Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt

Helena Bonham Carter - Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish

Lucy Liu - ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion

Bjork - 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie

Whoopie Goldberg - present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind

Tilda Swinton - found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive

memewhore

nevver

Social Decay, Andrei Lacatusu

bransonreese

notcaycepollard

the twitter thread the artist created after this was one of the best situations i have ever seen in my whole life:

serpentking456

Somebody give this ignoramus a piece of actual shark skin and tell him to rub his face with it, let him find out just how “smooth” sharks really are.

bransonreese

Somebody did. I use it as a pillowcase because it’s so smooth.

severepaperhideout-deactivated2

But buddy.

Shark skin feels exactly like sandpaper. It is made up of tiny teeth-like structures called placoid scales, also known as dermal denticles. These scales point towards the tail and help to reduce friction from surrounding water when the shark swims. … In the opposite direction, it feels very rough like sandpaper.

((Here m8 https://www.floridamuseum.ufl.edu/fish/discover/sharks/basics ))

bransonreese

Buddy. It’s smooth. The link you sent me led to a website that described how smooth they are. I dunno, maybe you don’t know how to read?