Alright, so, Korbo got in a fight once.
The Tumbrushes are, as a family trade, purveyors of fine pieces of wood. Not of large amounts of lumber, for which Hobbits donāt have a particular lot of call save occasionally, but rather of particularly nice pieces suitable for the making of fine window trimmings, floors, or the occasional carved bit of artwork to be given at a fancy event. Obviously for this one doesnāt go cutting down any tree willy-nilly, and Korbo had spent most of the day out and about looking for suitable trees.
(Korbo also personally assisted in cutting them down, being rather well known as on the strong side for a Hobbit, wink wink, nudge nudge.)
Having put in a genuine hard dayās work and rather pleased with himself, Korbo retired to the local bar to have a few beers and a smoke and to partake in good company, all of whom had gotten so used to pretending there was nothing odd about him that it was almost as if there was genuinely nothing odd about him.
Until along comes Humdil Thumbletoe.
Now the Thumbletoes were what was known in the Shire as āexperts on genealogyā. This might sound like quite a good thing when you consider how well-versed most Hobbits are in their family lines, until you consider that most Hobbits are already well-versed in their family lines. A Hobbit being thoroughly knowledgeable of their family tree is not much to be remarked upon, so when it is remarked upon it is more to mean that the Hobbits in question are such tremendous mooches that they have had to dive far more deeply into their bloodlines looking for more relatives to leech off of than any Hobbit would generally consider polite.
Humdil was fairly brawny as Hobbits go, which was about all you could say for him. In fact Humdil had realized that was really all that could be said for him and had become a bit of a bully. And so it was he entered the bar that night with a very put-upon third cousin twice removed (by marriage) and caught sight of Korbo for the first time.
āWhy, look at that one!ā he bellowed, guffawing. āHeās so ugly his mother had to have been a Goblin, ey!ā
The whole bar goes quiet. Aside from the obvious abominable rudeness of this, Humdil has said the thing that is never supposed to be said, and is clearly too stupid to realize heās right. All heads slowly turn to Korbo.
Now, it is well known that Korbo has inherited his fatherās tendency to never give a single solitary hairy-toed fuck about anything. He has currently been in the running to be at least the second most chill dude to ever be born in the Shire. And indeed, right now heās still looking perfectly calm, puffing on his pipe. He sets the pipe aside, finishes off the last of his beer, and stands up.
āSir, weāll be needing to step outside.ā
Now Hobbits are mostly a peaceable lot, not given to wars or fighting for any old thing, but a bit of fisticuffs outside the bar is hardly unheard of. Mostly everyone is kind of nervous about this because theyāre still not sure how Korbo is reacting to this whole Goblin thing. So someone takes Korboās jacket and Humdilās third cousin twice removed (by marriage) grudgingly takes his, and the two square off.
Now, Humdil was a big Hobbit, it was true, but there were a few things that, being a moron who didnāt realize he was right, and who had never been outside the Shire or seen a Goblin anyway, he could not possibly know.
For one, Goblins have long, spindly arms, giving them a surprisingly good reach for their sizeā¦ not abominably long, certainly not in the case of a half-Goblin, and certainly not above being concealed by the cut of a well-tailored shirt. Second, they are compact, wiry creatures, with dense muscle over their otherwise lanky forms, and given to that a Hobbitās already greater mass and the anchoring benefit of large, wide feet, well.
The moment Humdil stepped forward and started to swing, Korboās fist shot out like one of Gandalfās better rockets and struck him directly in the nose. His flight was also, for some weeks after, compared to one of Gandalfās rockets, though not quite as far and the explosion at the end was mostly him laying on the ground cursing wetly due to all the blood streaming from his nose.
Korbo apologizes profusely to all and sundry for the disturbance, collected his jacket, and goes home. Honey is out picking mushrooms (still being of the more nocturnal persuasion after all these years), but Blinkoās sitting by the fire reading a book. Korbo sees that thereās a newspaper (full of lots of extremely important things like how the pipeweed was growing and which barrels of beer were going to be uncasked that month), so picks it up and sits down to read.
āEvening, son. Pleasant evening out?ā
āOh, fine. Save for I broke Humdil Thumbletoesās nose for him.ā
āHm, hm, I see. Why did you feel the need to do that?ā
āWell, he called Ma a Goblin, you see.ā
Blinko slowly lowers his book, and slowly raises his head. Looks at Korbo for long moments. Raises one eyebrow a little.
āSon. You know full well your mother is a Goblin.ā
āWell, yes, but he didnāt know that, and he said it as an insult anyway so it being true or not doesnāt really matter that much, does it?ā
āHm, hm. I suppose thatās true at the end of the day, isnāt it?ā
Blinko goes back to reading his book. Korbo continues reading the paper.
āYou could have stabbed him,ā Blinko eventually notes.
āAye, could have stabbed him,ā Korbo agrees easily enough. āBut itās a bit of a mess, isnāt it?ā
āTrue, true, probably would have been a bit of a mess in the road, not very thoughtful to the community,ā Blinko allows.
And that was the end of it.
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