Busy Busy Busy

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Four legged friends made along my route

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Remnants of a storm damaged home found washed up along the Atlantic-facing beach on Assateague Island off the coast of Virginia.

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I want to be friends with the kind of people I want to be. I want to be friends with people who inspire me with their attitudes, feats, bravery, compassion, and passion.

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Doing scary shit is awesome Everytime you do something that scares you - that gets your little heart thump, thump, thumping up and out of your little chest - you are becoming a larger person. This is what it means to be alive - to do things that pump your heart and frighten you. The meaning of life is to be alive, and fear is the greatest reminder of our liveliness.

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I am so used to what I am used to. I have a very real, conscious fear of my anxiety going away. Who am I without my anxiety? My anxiety, which makes me peculiar and cute-quirky to be around? What will I be like if my brain doesn't work how it works?

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Read a book a month (or a book a week?) Exercise 3x a week (or every day? How much is enough for me?) What is realistic? What is perfect? How is it perfect? Be friends with everyone Go out more Win trivia Make realistic lists about my goals, instead of self-flagellating ones Know everything, be an expert on everything Help

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I have intense fear about being a sober person because I do not want people to expect more from me. I do not want to raise the bar on what can be expected from me. I want low standards. I want the freedom to fail. Success is more complicated than failure - there is complacency in failure. I am okay with being complacent, because I am okay with doing what is easy. What is easy is never what is right. Life is hard, challenge is good, and anything that is easy (I think) is not the right path.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson

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The Bloom is forced to fixate on certain social roles in order to survive. Worker, housewife, professional, student, citizen, all of the roles are but masks, donned and rarely removed. The Bloom must remain positive while wearing these masks, ignoring its own power and sovereignty.

The Bloom - Tiqqun

https://libcom.org/files/blooms.pdf

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Hampton Beach State Park, NH