ufomaria

she/her - gardening, crafts, nature

[zoesupreme]

depression is kicking my ass lately ngl

[zoesupreme]

where's that post about the klingon therapist need to hear that rn

[zoesupreme]

[brytning]

Self-care Sunday: Does anyone else feel like they need more concrete instructions than "just let go" of intrusive thoughts? Hunter Clark-Fields (author of Raising Good Humans) explains that the reason labeling thoughts works to help let them go is because the process activates the prefrontal cortex---the part of the brain responsible for logic, reason, and decision-making, i.e. the part of the brain that's good at focusing and setting emotions aside. It's been really helpful in my meditation practice to notice where my thoughts go, give them a label, and find it easier to refocus on the present. Labeling thoughts isn't just helpful during meditation! It's a useful practice at any time of day when you notice unwanted thoughts cropping up. The key is in the noticing.

[buffysource]

[mortalityplays]

the 'will people feed you' discourse rn is very funny and hopefully a wake up call to some of the rude freaks scattered out there across europe, but I do want to note that the cultures we're talking about are cultures of the affluent. literally everywhere I have visited, working class people share food as a matter of course. everywhere I have visited, working class people push drinks and snacks on you the moment you walk in the door. there's a layer to this conversation that only exists among people who have the choice to be miserly and unaffected by their neighbours behaving the same way.

the first time I experienced being completely shut out of another family's mealtime, it was when I was a teenager on an exchange trip to the netherlands. I was staying with this family, and literally reliant on them for food and housing. The day I arrived they explained to me what time mealtimes were, and that I would not be fed unless I arrived at the table on time. One morning I was running a little behind because I had trouble figuring out how the shower worked, and when I came downstairs my hosts were already eating. They hadn't set a place for me, and they all ignored me and continued conversing in dutch. When I timidly tried to serve myself, they gave me look as if I had just walked in off the street and started raiding the refrigerator. They were an intimidatingly affluent family.

one morning the mother had to drop me off early at my work placement, before the building opened. I was sitting outside on a wall for like 50 minutes by myself with nothing to do, and an older lady running a food cart nearby started chatting to me (she wanted to know I was okay, because I was like 15 and not in school, and was very interested to hear that I was on exchange from scotland). she offered me a free breakfast, and when I said I'd already eaten she gave me a drink and a packet of crisps to keep for lunch, and kept trying to make me try fried things that were apparently dutch specialities but were way too much for me at 8am. she was very sweet and funny, and had infinitely more in common with the poorer dutch students who I would meet at a separate pan-european thing later than with any of the kids or parents around the upper middle class academy we were paired with that year. people are people everywhere, some are just more inclined to worry about appearances than others.

[heysawbones]

There’s a sort of, “do for yourself and I’ll do for myself” that unnerved me about learning to navigate upper-class friendships and homes. After thinking about it for years, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s ultimately about maintaining independence and avoiding the class shame of appearing to need others — but the effects manifest as a bizarre standoffishness, an artificial separation of “yours” and “mine”. The class standards they impose on themselves, are imposed on guests.

I was initially baffled that, for instance, family members or friends who come to visit you are often expected to stay in a hotel or at an AirBNB, not at your house. “But you have a whole-ass house”, I would think. “Or floors. And blankets. Lots of things. You can put them in your beds and sleep on the floor, if they don’t want the couch.” Often, they would have guest bedrooms, but these bedrooms were not offered to most visitors. So, you’ve literally got an EMPTY BEDROOM FOR GUESTS, but no?? You expect them to house themSELVES? Elsewhere?? On THEIR dollar? That’s so expensive! Also, to my mind, frankly rude!

I also noticed that my wealthier friends never pick up groceries for each other. They never call or text each other like, “yo, I’m at X, do you need anything”. I think they would risk confusion at best and deep offense at worst, if one of them got a wild hair up their ass and tried it. It’s too personal, implies some degree of inter-reliance.

It makes relationships look and feel artificially constrained.

[mortalityplays]

This is all completely accurate to my experience too. I think a major cultural absence in wealthier social circles is the concept of ongoing reciprocity / gifting relationships. For me, and for more or less everyone I've ever met who grew up poor, it is a normal and natural gesture of closeness to offer resources when you have them and to accept resources when you need them. It's a way of saying that you trust somebody - either you trust them to have your back when you need it, or you trust them to care for you without ulterior motives. I'm talking about small costs, grocery money, meals here and there, maybe a movie ticket if everyone is going and one person can't stretch to afford it this month. Nobody keeps track of the expenses, you just remember who you have built those relationships with, and you share in return when you get the opportunity.

Larger costs tend to be more difficult, and that's because often it's impossible to be sure that you will ever be able to adequately reciprocate. As a teenager I had one friend in particular who was much more wealthy than the rest of us, and he was a wonderfully kind, warm hearted, generous person who would often offer to pay for entire outings or trips on his own so that the rest of us could participate. And it was really, really awkward, because what was a small gesture in his eyes was something that the poorest of us knew we could never pay back. He might not have cared about keeping track of the cost, but we would never be able to forget it, and that would upset the balance of the reciprocal relationship. I don't think he ever really understood why we would turn him down, it's nearly impossible to explain what a strong instinct it is when you have grown up with that dance culturally ingrained in you.

All of that is to say that I think my friend's behaviour ultimately comes from the same background as the people who go through the world hoarding their resources. When you have never been in a position to need a strong relationship that afforded you emergency childcare or a meal of pizza and beans once in a while over, idk, a ski trip once a year, you can't understand why big sporadic gifts are turned down. You can't understand why your poor friends keep insisting on paying for their own gas or trying to do you favours you can easily afford yourself. You can't understand why kids expect to eat dinner with you (because their families would feed your kids, if they ever needed it, and your kids will never need it).

[headspace-hotel]

I also noticed that my wealthier friends never pick up groceries for each other. They never call or text each other like, “yo, I’m at X, do you need anything”.

Why did I not realize this until now

my "friend group" had a HUGE falling-out last semester, literally friendship-ending level stuff, because a couple of us would routinely ask if we could tag along to the grocery store when someone else was going there, or to get a ride to the pharmacy ~5min away from campus. There was so much going on but somehow this was the last straw.

Asking to carpool was being seen as unspeakably rude entitlement and I could not for the life of me understand why until I saw this post

don't go to an expensive private college on abnormally high scholarships, kids. "You're being given a practically unheard of amount of scholarship money" = "You will be the poorest person at this school."

[ufomaria]

The trip to Tofino we got to go on this term. It was a beautiful time! I'm so grateful for the opportunity to experience this beautiful coast.

[evil-tboys]

tumblrs not a blogging or social media or whatever platform. its an aquarium.

[starblaster]

and brother, i’m a stingray who wants to be petted

[scullys]

Micah Nemerever, These Violent Delights // Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights // Once Upon a Dream, Sleeping Beauty (1959) // Marie Howe, The Affliction // Rumi // Amar El-Mohtar, This Is How You Lose The Time War // Jesse Ball, The Divers’ Game // Franz Kafka.

[scullys]

Micah Nemerever, These Violent Delights // Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights // Once Upon a Dream, Sleeping Beauty (1959) // Marie Howe, The Affliction // Rumi // Amar El-Mohtar, This Is How You Lose The Time War // Jesse Ball, The Divers’ Game // Franz Kafka.

[ethanhunt-deactivated20230911]

I’ve always stopped them. Always won. I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew… I was right. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t understand. I don’t know how to live in this world, if these are the choices… if everything just gets stripped away. I don’t see the point. I just wish that… I just wish my mom was here. Buffy Summers in Every Season → Season 5

[todaysbird]

if you don’t have the time or energy to volunteer in your community (totally understandable), please consider helping out even once or twice a year with a beach cleanup or environmental restoration day. these projects very rarely have any kind of time requirement and only really ask that you show up and do your best for as long as you can. these events are severely lacking in volunteers but they do make a difference when people are able to participate!

[nihilsticpanda]

My city does events where they pick garlic mustard every May. Garlic mustard is an extremely invasive and non-native plant in the U.S.

[todaysbird]

And it’s edible - PLEASE pick garlic mustard!!

[ethanhunt-deactivated20230911]

I was happy. Wherever I was… I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time… didn’t mean anything. Nothing had form. But I was still me, you know? And I was warm. And I was loved. And I was finished. Complete. Buffy Summers in Every Season → Season 6

[ufomaria]

an impromptu walk in the woods for yesterday's upload, discussing plants locally found in a funny way :)

[ufomaria]

a little poem i wrote and read about shifting seasons when i was 16. overlayed are photographs i took this year of nature's changes. thanks for your time. it's a pleasure to create and share.

[sadiahakim]

But, I can't be the only one!

When I read a piece of writing or see a painting that resonates with my soul, it feels like every single word has ripped my heart out of my chest, it feels like my soul has been microtomed by every brush stroke. I wanna scream, I wanna laugh, I wanna cry that finally... finally, someone has worded my heart and painted my soul. But I can't. I just can't!

People judge you for your enthusiasm. It sounds insane and overreacted and irrational to them. Where should I go with a heart like this? Where should I keep a soul like this? Because this body can't handle these weird and fierce forces residing inside. And no one understands this.

No one understands this, but still, I think, and I hope that I can't be the only one!

Sadia Hakim

[disableddyke]

some of y’all will be like “yeah i support autistic people” and then go bully the weird kid at school

[disableddyke]

this is literally internalized ableism. fym “it’s not ok” it’s not hurting anyone. protect ND kids and stop saying shit like this

[fandom-cereal]

lmao i mean i'm autistic and looking back i was definitely asking for all the shit i got as a kid.

[autijacen]

No. No you weren't. You were a child, who should have been safe to do silly, harmless things like wear a cape and make noises. You should not have ever been hurt for those things.

As an adult, if you saw a kid wearing a cape or meowing, and then saw them hit or screamed at for it, would you say to yourself "That's okay, that child deserves to be harmed." Or would you say "That kid is just being a kid, stop hurting them!"

I sincerely hope it is the second one. I sincerely hope you recognize that you deserved to be protected from harm, and that it is a wrong to you that you were not.

[fandom-cereal]

bro like for real i did the wackiest shit and if i had been a different kid i would have bullied me

examples:

1. (2nd grade) reading the origami yoda books, thinking they were the coolest thing ever, making my own, only taking him off to shower, eat, and sleep, and crying when i lost him and him 2.0

2. (6th grade) reading naruto, thinking it was the coolest thing ever, and listening to no music but subliminal audio for 6 months trying to get a sharingan. i also contantly stimmed w/ hand signs

3. (since kindergarden, to now, 8th grade) finding a phrase i like, then spamming it over and over (ie, "slap em on the back with a beaver paddle" "zoinks" "jijijijijijiiji" "lmao no" "p i s s"

like fam

admit it

i was asking for that shit

[autijacen]

No, you weren't. You still aren't - you are literally just describing 1) aspects of being a kid that are pretty healthy, and 2) symptoms of a disability which are harmless to both you and other people.

You are quite literally trying to argue that you deserve to be harmed for being disabled, which is both incredibly ableist, and points towards a deep need to get some therapy for trauma, because what you are doing is defending your own abuse and denying your right to exist as a disabled person.

The "spamming" a phrase over and over? That's echolalia. It's incredibly common in autism, tourrettes, ADHD, motor planning disabilities, and a bunch of other disabilities. It is also an incredibly healthy way of self-regulating, and in adults, non-disabled people literally do that as a form of meditation and grounding.

The stimming? Harms literally nobody. It is not a problem. People being uncomfortable with a harmless thing is THEIR problem, and they need to deal with their problems, not make them yours.

Wanting sharingan? Messing around and reading manga as an 11 year old? Again, completely normal. Ask the current young adults how many of them at least half-sincerely waited for a Hogwarts letter and now are like "those books have major problems oof." Ask how many older adults tried getting to Narnia through a closet at *least* once. You are literally criticizing yourself for having an active imagination that is pretty in line with that age group, and enjoying something that is once again harmless.

Finally, as to the first example... you were what, seven or eight? Again, harmless, normal thing. Seven year olds, eight year olds, still very commonly have strong attachments to comfort items.

You are - and I say this as an adult with a *lot* of experience with trauma and disability - in deep need of therapy. Stop and ask yourself why you think harmless activities and sincere enjoyment of a story are things which should be punished, especially in yourself, and especially in kids.

Really, truly, ask yourself why you think you deserve to be abused. Then maybe ask if that is how you want the world to be.

[the-polyhedron]

How many people’s most beloved childhood stuffed animals are actually teddy bears, like I feel like that’s a thing someone made up. Reblog this and put what your longest owned and/or favorite stuffed animal as a child was in the tags, inquiring minds want to know

[low-shear-velocity-province]

It's very easy to say that magic doesn't exist, but ultimately computers work by channeling lightning through a series of crystals, so who's really to say.