who is THE historical figure of tumblr?!?!?!

IT'S EA NASIR!!!!

[ultimatehistorical]

TUMBLR HISTORICAL FIGURES BATTLE!!!!

Who is the TRUE historical figure of tumblr?!?!?!?! YOU DECIDE!!!!!!

ROUND 5 - SUPER ULTIMATE FINAL!!!!!!!!!:

...Franz Kafka VS Ea Nasir

Previous rounds under the cut

Round 4 - super semi finals:

Franz Kafka VS Mary Shelley

Ea Nasir VS Grigori Rasputin

Round 3: (yes I'm aware these arent exactly the semi finals but that's what I'm calling them)

Martin Luther King Jr. VS Franz Kafka

Mary Shelley VS Joan D'arc

Ea Nasir VS Frida Kahlo

Sun Tzu VS Grigori Rasputin

Round 2:

Hamilton musical version VS Martin Luther King Jr.

Karl Marx VS Franz Kafka

Oscar Wilde VS Mary Shelley

Joan D'Arc VS William Shakespeare

Ea Nasir VS Amelia Earhart

Hatsune Miku VS Frida Kahlo

Charles Darwin VS Sun Tzu

Grigori Rasputin VS Katherine Johnson

Round 1 is as follows:

Alexander Hamilton (musical version) VS Alexander Hamilton (real life version)

Martin Luther King Jr VS Victor Hugo

Karl Marx VS Tutankhamun

Franz Kafka VS Aimo Koivunen

Oscar Wilde VS Lord Byron

Ada Lovelace VS Mary Shelley

Joan D'Arc VS Napoleon Bonaparte

Harry Houdini VS William Shakespeare

Ea Nasir VS Gavrilo Princip (🙁)

Archduke Franz Ferdinand VS Amelia Earhart

Hatsune Miku VS George Orwell

Frida Kahlo VS Vincent Van Gogh

Charles Darwin VS Jesus Christ

Sun Tzu VS Marie Antoinette

Grigori Rasputin VS Tzar Nicholas II

Julius Caesar VS Katherine Johnson

Voting will commence soon!! For now, reblog to spread the word!!!!!

[dragongirlbunny]

not to victim-blame but WWI could have been avoided if franz ferdinand didnt release a song titled "take me out"

[dailykafka]

im convinced kafka was my soulmate but we couldn’t exist in the same timeline because he would definitely annoy me as he was a cancer man

Lmao fair enough

[fuckingstupidbracket]

Funniest historical events bracket

ROUND 1B

Aimo Koivunen

Trojan Horse

Voting ended onMay 17, 2024

Details under the cut:

Aimo: He overdosed on meth during combat. He was a Finnish soldier during WW2 and his group was attacked, but they managed to escape. He got tired but couldn't stop, so he consumed the entire supply they had. Then he lost consciousness. He woke up alone the following morning and he was attacked by the Soviets again, escaped, got injured in a landmine and hid in a ditch. He lived until 71 btw this adventure wasn't that bad for his health.

Horse: its a legend. not real. maybe inspired by real events but no one was hidden in a horse. but look at this fucking picture i had to put it in just for the picture. yeah warriors hidden inside a wooden horse whatever

[fuckingstupidbracket]

Funniest historical events bracket

Round 1B

Challenger?? why is this on the list

Assassination of Archduke Ferdinand

Voting ended onMay 23, 2024

challenger: they were gonna put big bird (muppets) on that thing.

franz ferdinand: there were 6 assassins along the motorcade route. First one was armed with a bomb, and did absolutely fuck all when the cars passed him. Okay. Next to him there was another one armed with a bomb and a pistol. He also did nothing. Further along there was another dude with a bomb. He threw it at the car and it bounced off the folded roof. It exploded under the next car and some people were hurt but Franz Ferdinand is still completely fine. The assassin swallowed a cyanide pill and jumped into a river but he was so bad at assassinating he couldn't even kill himself. The other 3 assassins were also completely useless. Then the archduke and other were going to visit the people injured, but the driver took the wrong turn, someone qualified came and shot Franz Ferdinand at point blank range. the end. and thats why *checks notes* the germans invated belgium?? how does that make sense

[handsomeboymodelingschool]

Franz Ferdinand made some gay ass music and that's why they assassinated him

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺

[therealjuliascaesar]

You’re laughing. My best buddy and all my specialist little girliepops stabbed me and your laughing.

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

REBLOGGED BY JULIUS CAESAR HIMSELF 🥳🎊🥳🎉🥳💃🥳🔪🔪🔪🔪

[utopians]

franz ferdinand recording and releasing the song Michael while still professing to all be straight is one of music's biggest moves

[utopians]

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

[ultimatehistorical]

Hey anyone know if this copper is from a trustworthy source?

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

It is the very best in Ur. Simply ask anyone who is not Nanni. Nanni is a liar, though he does create very solid clay tablets.

[ultimatehistorical]

Okkkkkk thank yuo cani have 3 copper sticks please

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

[ultimatehistorical]

wooooowwwww thank you !!!! reaaaaaal copper !

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

[ultimatehistorical]

Hey anyone know if this copper is from a trustworthy source?

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

It is the very best in Ur. Simply ask anyone who is not Nanni. Nanni is a liar, though he does create very solid clay tablets.

[ultimatehistorical]

Okkkkkk thank yuo cani have 3 copper sticks please

[ea-nasir-fine-copper]

[ultimatehistorical]

Hey anyone know if this copper is from a trustworthy source?

[ultimatehistorical]

Gregor samsa

[writing-prompt-s]

You die two deaths - your physical death and your true death when your name is spoken for the last time. You, a mild-mannered introvert, have been stuck in limbo for centuries waiting for your true death, and finally found out why.

[starburst2000]

Shouldn’t have sold all that fake copper, dude.

[ultimatehistorical]

An age long debate

Hamlet age?

Teen

20s

30s

40s+

Voting ended onAug 18, 2023

[hauntthenarrative]

Haunting the Narrative Round 2 Side A

Andrey Nikolayevich Bolkonsky (Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812) vs. Sliver of Straw (Rain World)

Andrey Nikolayevich Bolkonsky

Sliver of Straw

Voting ended onJul 30, 2023

Haunting the narrative means that the character’s absence heavily impacts the plot. They’re not present or active in the story when their influence is most strongly felt, whether they’re alive or dead!

[glowing-and-confused]

ANDREY PROPAGANDA:

literally the first line of Great Comet is: "There's a war going on out there somewhere/ and Andrey isn't here". It's so important to the plot that Andrey is absent that it's the first thing we learn about him. The entire prologue is about character introductions, and all we learn about Andrey is that he isn't there.

Idk about y'all, but that sounds like haunting the narrative to me.

[ultimatehistorical]

PLEASE VOTE ANDREY! the entire plot of great comet unfolds because of his absence! Andrey isn't there, so Natasha falls in love with Anatole. Andrey isn't there, so Marya suffers more and more every day living under her father's rule. Andrey isn't there, so Pierre feels a looming NEED to be SOMETHING, and dedicates his life to killing Napoleon. Andrey isn't there, so Natasha and Anatole attempt to elope and it destroys Natasha, and her relationship with Andrey. Andrey finally returns to find everything he knows changed. PLEASE VOTE FOR ANDREY!!!!!!

[maximumsunshine]

Can this poll end on exactly 69,420 votes. Not notes, votes.

Of course

Yes

Maybe?

No

Hahaha funny number but no

Max you've been here 10+ years you know better

Vanilla Extract will equally help and hurt

Button

Another Button

Jesus with the buttons Max

Voting ended onJul 31, 2023

Unfortunately, this will require reblogs.

[friccahacked]

fuck it. kafcake

[the-real-kafka]

Perfektion. Großen Dank, dies ist ein wundervoller Kuchen