Uta’s DID blog

It/Shi • DID system • no syscourse here

[ultramarinemeadow]

The Meadow System

DID system. diagnosed 2023-2024 (began process ‘23, diagnosed officially ‘24). polyfragmented & disordered. refer to me with singular pronouns and “parts”, not alters or headmates. Adult bodied.

Are your parts separate people?

Short answer: no.

Long answer: my parts may have different names, pronouns, personality traits, and memories, but fundamentally DID is fragmentation of a singular being. Logically, we are not whole different people. “We” are all the same person physically.

A certain level of separation between parts is healthy and can decrease distress and dissociation, but I still prefer to be grounded in reality and acknowledge that DID is not me literally being multiple different people, rather me being a part in a system full of other parts. My parts aren’t all me, but my parts also aren’t separate people in the truest sense of things.

Who are the parts in your system?

It’s important to note that I, Uta, am also a part. DID is more complex than “all of the parts are just the host”. Furthermore, I do not provide a full list of my parts publicly because that’s unsafe and foolish. Sometimes parts will sign off posts, sometimes not.

[proxxicles]

90% done WIP of a velociraptor for new!prehistorian. My son.

[ultramarinemeadow]

I just realized I never… made a proper stances list. I’ll do that later. But just to be upfront I am CDD-centric, anti radqueer, nuanced and confused on shipcourse (but anti kodo stuff because of the heavy overlap between that and irl predation), and pro all queer labels like non-binary lesbian, xenogender, multigender, mspec mono, aroallo, etc.

[battycemetery]

"erm im anti radqueer!! but im also a darkshipper and shotacon!!" so.. ur basically a radqueer?? got it

there's no way u claim to be against radqueers, but then also claim to be a shotacon and darkshipper, theyre the same fucking thing!!!!! both things r equally disgusting!!!!!!!

u cant claim to be against one thing, then turn around and claim to be basically the same thing but with a different term 💔💔

[ultramarinemeadow]

NOTE I MYSELF AM NONE OF THESE THINGS NOR TRYING TO DEFEND THEM !!! I’m just talking about how conflating the two (three?) can be harmful

I can’t deny that radqueerism & darkshipping are two different things because I think that ignores the link between radqueerism, fascism, racism, and Nazism and downplays how serious of a societal parasite radqueerism is. Radqueerism is an ideology that harbors and encourages predators (including predators towards animals and racial minorities, not just children), and also encourages and even rewards racism, cultural appropriation, fascism, and white supremacy.

Darkshippers *usually* discourage predation (obviously not always) because to most darkshippers the point is that “it’s fictional” (however to deny the link between CSEM & kodo would be foolish because I’ve seen many a kodocon admit to referencing illicit abuse material), so I do think that’s important to at least acknowledge. But I wont harp much on that part. A huge thing in these communities is being anti-fascist because many darkshippers agree that censorship = fascism (Which I disagree with but not the point, may address later if anyone is interested). I am not saying a darkshipper is immune from being racist or being a Nazi, but I am saying that unlike radqueerism, the label as a whole does not make this a requirement.

A radqueer is always inherently a racist who at the very LEAST turns a blind eye to Nazism and Neo-Nazism, and at the very LEAST holds space and builds community for predators and future predators.

Two things can be bad without being the same thing. A darkshipper is not inherently a radqueer, nor is a radqueer inherently a darkshipper. We can condemn both with conflating them, imo.

Sorry for any typos, am sleepy. Also not trying to step on anyone or argue, I am mostly just expressing why I think a distinction is important. I do agree neither of these things are good, but things can be equal without being the same thing in my eyes. Like I think all types of trauma are equally valid, but not fundamentally the same thing. This is similar to me. The distinction matters because distinction creates a need for a different way of dealing with the subject in question. I am probably not making any sense forgive me

[cha0tic-userb0xes]

This user/system is CDD-Centric

Not requested

images [1] [2]

CDD-Centric

[clowncorps3]

Saying that people who prefer for their alters to be referred to / treated as separate people are not "grounded in reality" is the same shit as using delusional as an insult by the way.

[thomasismaybereal]

I love you sysblr

[ultramarinemeadow]

I have a few posts in my drafts that are advice for polyfrag systems based off of MY!!!! perspective, would anyone actually be interested in reading these or would it come off as me trying to force my opinions?

Polyfrag Drafts…

I’d like to read / I think you should post

I think you should not post

Remaining time: 18 hours 22 minutes

[ultramarinemeadow]

Ever since I was a little boy I knew I wanted to be hundreds of traumatized lesbians

[ultramarinemeadow]

I am sure that going through an extremely traumatic event and projecting and fixating heavily on The Character to cope with said event will have no negative impact on my splitting pattern at all!

[strangerconnection]

you know, i don't remember

[ultramarinemeadow]

I got scammed out of 150 dollars :’) fuck AI bros.

[immortalgaege]

People will be like "I'm anti good faith!" and then use neopronouns and xenogenders or support them. Buddy YOU ARE GOOD FAITH. Do you know what that means. "Good faith" literally is just using labels that make you most comfortable IN GOOD FAITH / WITHOUT MALICE. That's literally it. You ARE in the same boat as lesboys and bigays actually. "Oh but I'm anti contradictory labels!" A Lot of people would consider it to be contradictory to be multigender. A Lot of people would consider it to be contradictory to be aroace and date- oh? The split attraction model I hear you mention? What the fuck do you think mspec mono/"contradictory labels" base themselves on?

[ultramarinemeadow]

Unrelated to DID. Or maybe related if you squint. Maybe.

Sometimes I wish I was a brainless jellyfish floating in the endless void of the deep sea.

[the-io-collective]

Ask I just got:

Internet safety concern is dead in sysblr spaces. I've also been pursued by someone with an OEA kink who used what they knew about my programs to hurt me.

please protect yourselves.

[ultramarinemeadow]

Me: I wonder why I feel so sad and scared for no reason… that’s odd.

The trauma holder who has been co conscious for three days:

[trixten01]

I already see the no you/r stuff in the same exact situation that it/it's pronouns where and are in

"It's dehumanizing"

"It's not right"

"It's weird"

You don't know why someone doesn't use you/r, they could for a number of reasons, literally doesn't concern, nor harm you, they could quite literally be doing it to reclaim dehumanization trauma, you don't get to say "as a victim of-" and then police how others cope, and if you say this bs about people who don't like you/r then I will assume you say the same about it/it's pronouns, as well as neopronouns, xenogenders, name only users, ect, and therefore assume you are NOT a safe person for people to be open around.