"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Today's Document
sheepfilms
Not today Justin
KIROKAZE
EXPECTATIONS
RMH
PR's Tumblrdome
NASA
Kiana Khansmith
titsay
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
The Stonewall Inn
Noah Kahan
izzy's playlists!
No title available
Andulka
Xuebing Du
oozey mess
Love Begins
seen from Mexico
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Pakistan
seen from United States
seen from Kenya
seen from United States
@unclehistory-blog
Where you been Uncle History?
I wanted to let my dear Tumblr friends know that while the Uncle hasn't posted in a while, it's for a good reason. Uncle History is writing a book, a biography of the U.S. presidents. He's been spending his spare time doing this. Wish me luck.
February 28, 1764: 23-year-old Lord Gitwankerprat, fancying himself an explorer, returns from a maiden journey that took him 17 miles outside of London. The young lord regales an amazed London peerage with wild tales of bicorns and nocorns. A more-savvy member of the aristocracy points out that what Gitwankerprat actually saw were bulls and horses, and that the young lord is an idiot, making Gitwankerprat cry.
February 27, 1813: For the first time, the U.S. government passes legislation for a national vaccination to fight the scourge of the vapors.
February 26, 1815: Napoleon escapes from Elba. Feeling safe after his exile the previous April, France's clowns emerged from their underground lairs and chased the mimes from the streets. First viewed as liberators, the nation's populace soon regretted their elation as they became constantly harassed by clowns, who stalked France's citizens with big, floppy, honking shoes; flowers that squirted wine; and too-large pants that bobbed up and down on rubber suspenders. Hearing of his nation's plight, an enraged Napoleon escaped to retake France. Realizing the Emperor was on his way, the clowns ran for it, bandy-legged and with flapping arms, into Belgium with Napoleon hot on the heels of their enormous shoes. While in Belgium, Napoleon was attacked by a coalition of nations at Waterloo.
February 22, 1732: America's first president, George Washington, is born. Washington's parents were concerned about young George's future when his first words were, "Don't touch me."
February 7, 1812: Lord George Gordon Byron delivers a speech to House of Lords, his first to the chamber. The English poet informs the gentry, "I've slept with all of your wives."
February 6, 2012: Queen Elizabeth II marks 60 years as Britain's monarch. To celebrate the occasion, the Queen whacks husband Prince Phillip 60 times with a stick. The Queen insists the practice is tradition. While historians cannot validate Elizabeth's claim, they refuse to speak up because Phillip could do with a "right-good whuppin'."
February 5, 1917: Congress passes an Immigration Act. Overriding President Woodrow Wilson's veto, the act limits and, in some cases, bans East Asian immigrants to the U.S. The plan also calls for a giant fence to be built in the Pacific Ocean.
February 4, 2013: Archaeologists announce the discovery of the bones of Richard III. The ill-fated English king's remains were uncovered beneath a parking lot in Leicester. They didn't find a horse.
January 17, 1900: The Yaqui declare their independence from Mexico. The peyote-using natives also said they wanted independence from "all these damn snakes and bats."
January 15, 1346: Bavarian Emperor Louis IV gives Holland to his wife, the first time there were geopolitical consequences because a husband forgot to buy an anniversary present.
January 14, 1699: The people of Massachusetts hold a day of fasting in homage to those wrongly accused of witchcraft. Six people were burned alive for eating sandwiches.
December 19, 1887: A 106 round bare-knuckle fight between Jim Smith and Jake Kilrain ends in a draw. The fight started when Smith asked Kilrain, "what the hell you looking at?"
Uncle History is sorry that he hasn't posted in a while, but he has yet again been laid low by the flu. He has rubbed himself with chickens, strapped himself to a tree while naked and drank squeezins, but nothing has worked.
He is beginning to question medical science.
November 30, 1900: Author and great wit Oscar Wilde dies. While on his deathbed, Wilde's sister asked if he had made peace with God. "Fuck you," Wilde quipped.
November 19, 1965: The future becomes reality when Pop Tarts are created, making all other food obsolete.
November 9, 1520: Swedish King Christian II executes 600 nobles under the new Anti-Fop Law.