
ellievsbear
almost home
Jules of Nature
dirt enthusiast
$LAYYYTER
Three Goblin Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Discoholic đȘ©
Misplaced Lens Cap
Mike Driver
No title available
trying on a metaphor
ojovivo
KIROKAZE
Sade Olutola

if i look back, i am lost

oozey mess

Janaina Medeiros
Game of Thrones Daily
Monterey Bay Aquarium
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Pakistan
seen from Germany

seen from Chile
seen from United States

seen from Guatemala
seen from United States
seen from Mexico

seen from TĂŒrkiye

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Denmark

seen from Venezuela

seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
@unfinished-bitchness
Golden Girls was more progressive decades ago than half of America now.
wife, holding our newborn child: this is the most important moment of our lives
me, thinking of the first time I saw Wonder Woman (2017), Dir. Patty Jenkins: uh..it's definitely up there
im laughing @ this image of jeff goldblum bc it makes him look like a centaur but w the horse bit cropped out
update:
Look I didnât spend 20 minutes drawing jeff goldblum as a centaur in front of my family for 3 notes
Life found a wayâŠ
dick what the hell are you wearing
@princessnightwing âŠâŠ.??
tim drakeâs snapchat is 90% him making bruce wayne do normal middle-class american things and filming the results. popular youtube compilations include the one where theyâre at dennyâs at two in the morning and tim keeps trying to get bruce to order a moon over my hammy just so heâll have to say it, the one where theyâre at disneyworld and bruce gets increasingly frazzled culminating in him actually physically picking up gaston for reasons no one can entirely recall, and everyoneâs favorite series âbruce wayne doesnât understand walmartâ
having thought about it the best part is probably when a pranking fails because bruce has such a bizarre patchwork of knowledge/skills and it does not occur to him to hide most of it. tim puts a ghost pepper in bruceâs food but bruce just eats it like nothing is wrong. the same thing happens with the chocolate-covered crickets. it turns out bruce can lick his own elbow. bruce can lasso a runaway robot lawnmower like itâs a calf at a rodeo. whenever tim expresses shock that bruce knows how to do something he says âi did go to college, timâ as if that explains anything and it becomes a meme. whenever anyone does something fucking absurd it just gets tagged âi did go to college, timâ.
The camera came uncomfortably close to the face of a man ignoring it. He was very good at it. He was reading a book about, of all things, the history of denim. It was not the sort of book that made it easy to ignore cameras, but he remained stoic.
The caption said helpfully: [been doing this for 30 mins]
âBruce. Bruce. Bruce. We need to go Walmart. Bruce. I need it.â
âAsk Alfred.â
âââ
âItâs a surprise for Alfred.â
âYou canât surprise Alfred.â
âBruce, please.â
âââ
âItâs not a matter of permission, Iâm saying you literally canât surprise Alfred.â
âââ
[he hates when i say that]
âBruuuuce.â
âNo.â
âThis is bullroar.â
Bruce finally set down his book with an expression of the most profound disgust.
âââ
[oh no now weâll be here all day]
ââeither curse or donât, just commit one way or the other instead ofââ
âââ
The camera took its time panning over a black BMW.
âCan I drive?â
âNo.â
âââ
[after this he took away my music privileges]
Bruce was driving, looking stoic again. His face lent itself well to stoicism. The radio played, at high volume, âSandstormâ by Darude.
âââ
âIâll play something different this time.â
âYou had your chance and you blew it on a meme.â
âââ
[SJGJDH;FUKC đđđ]
âIâm boooored.â
âHi, bored,â Bruce said, eyes still on the road, and Tim groaned loudly. âI donât give a shit.â
The view shifted and audio clattered as Tim dropped the phone, barking a laugh.
âââ
The phone was wobbly as Tim followed Bruce into the store. âCan I get a trampoline?â he asked, camera pointed to one outside the store.
âWe have three trampolines.â
âBut I want that one.â
âââ
They were in the chip aisle. âHave you ever had a Dorito? One Dorito? In your whole life?â
âI am a person. I eat food for people.â
âââ
The camera followed a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos into the cart.
âWeâre not getting those.â
âWe need to get sour cream, too.â
âNo.â
âYouâll love it.â
âNo.â
âââ
Tim had put the seatbelt of the cartâs seat, intended for toddlers, around a giant plastic jar of orange cheese puffs.
âI thought you were getting something for Alfred.â
âIâm getting groceries while weâre here.â
âNone of this is food.â
âââ
[$3 pickles blowing his mind rn]
Bruce was holding a gallon jar of pickles with an expression of incredulity.
ââcosts extra to not waste food?â
âItâs Walmart.â
âEven taking into account the economies of scaleââ
âââ
[putting his degree to use in the pickle aisle]
ââit just makes no sense even as a loss leader, unless the goal is to drive the competition out of business and hope they donât go bankrupt in theââ
âââ
[i think heâs buying a pickle company??]
Bruce had every appearance of furiously texting on his phone, or possibly composing emails.
âââ
[lmao he did]
Bruce was now on his phone, looking impassive as ever as he contemplated the giant jar of pickles.
ââthe business itself is perfectly sound. Yes. Obviously. Dead serious. Look, if youââ
âââ
Tim put a gallon jug of ranch dressing into the cart.
âAbsolutely not.â
âââ
Tim was in the frozen section, his reflection visible in the glass.
âI bet Alfred would love some pizza rolls.â
âYour lies demean us both, Tim.â
âââ
Bruce was standing in the toy aisle, rubbing the bridge of his nose. âI understand the concept of blind boxes perfectly well, thank you.â
âThen why are you acting confused?â
âWhy does Thomas the Tank Engineââ
âââ
[đđđ]
Bruce was making a face of disgruntled bafflement at a display of baby clothes.
ââdisturbed by the amount of aggressive heterosexuality being foisted on these babies.â
âYeah,â Tim agreed. âWhat about the gay babies?â
âI canât tell if youâre joking but Iâm unironically concerned.â
âââ
[gotham pride]
The camera panned over a display of hero-themed hats. Most of the Batman hats had sold out, while the Superman display was nearly full. It panned back to Bruce, who was taking a picture with his own phone.
âWho you texting it to?â
âFriend in Metropolis.â
âMetropolis sucks.â
âYes. Yes it does.â
âââ
[no escape]
The camera peered out slowly from behind a clothing display. Bruce was surrounded by enthusiastic and friendly women. It was impossible to tell what they were talking about.
âââ
[???]
Bruce was holding a dress up against himself. The women around him seemed delighted and were nodding their approval.
âââ
[iâll strike while heâs distracted]
Tim dropped another two four-movie collections of Shrek on top of the considerable pile heâd already amassed. He panned up to check that Bruce had not caught him before grabbing another.
âââ
[busted]
While Bruce put DVDs back on the shelf, Tim surreptitiously grabbed a Shrek coloring book.
âââ
[heâs gonna get a fish]
Bruce was frowning at the wall of fishtanks in silence. Finally he said, âThese fish are very unhealthy.â
âââ
[HEâS BUYING ALL THE FISH]
The man attempting to help Bruce looked baffled. Bruce gestured to the entire display of fish with a nod. The man shook his head. Tim brought his phone close to a betta, blue and red with a tattered and graying tail.
âWeâre here to save you,â Tim stage-whispered to it.
âââ
Bruce was now engrossed in conversation with multiple employees.
ââif I bought some tanks â theyâre much too small but as a temporary measure â we could transfer them directly and it might be less distressing for the fish.â
âMaybe I could get one of the big dolly carts from the back?â one young man suggested.
âââ
The low camera angle suggested Tim was trying to be surreptitious.
ââfor trying to unionize is completely against the law,â Bruce was saying, his voice low. He was helping three other employees transfer fish into large plastic tanks.
âAt-will employment,â one woman said.
âWeâd have to prove that was why they fired us,â someone clarified. âOtherwise they can say it was for no reason.â
âYouâre shitting me.â
âââ
ââfucking with my hours hoping Iâll quit.â
âWhat? Why?â
âIf they fired me, theyâd have to pay unemployment.â
âThatâs why they wonât let me work full-time.â
âWhat the fuck.â
âââ
[omg heâs stealing the employees now]
ââin Gotham, but thereâs more opportunities outside of manufacturing if youâre willing to move.â
âWait, so do you mean like for management?â
âNo, no, thatâs the starting wage for someone working assembly, quality control, that kind of thing. Weâre all unionized, none of this at-will bullshit.â
âSo if Iââ
âââ
The woman from earlier was showing Bruce her phone while the others continued moving fish.
âYou painted this?â Bruce asked. She nodded. âThatâs fantastic. Are you showing it anywhere? I know a guy with a gallery â actually I know pretty much everyone with an art gallery in Gotham. I think I have a friend whoâd really love this, if you donât mind me making some calls for you.â
âââ
Four more employees had joined the menagerie.
ââalmost always hiring in Gotham. People are always moving to cities with fewer evil clowns.â Everyone laughed. Tim snorted. âEmployee insurance totally covers acts of supervillainy, though.â
âââ
[trying to crush the revolution]
The employees had not dispersed. In the distance, someone managerial was talking to Bruce. He looked much less amused than Bruce did.
âââ
[THEY CALLED THE COPS]
Tim had switched to the selfie camera, his face pure glee. He turned bodily to show the employees wheeling out tanks of fish out of the store, police lights in the parking lot.
âThe manager tried to make Bruce leave but he insisted on paying for his fish and he wouldnât stop giving people better jobs so the guy said it was corporate espionage and threatened to call the cops and Bruce called his bluff so he did it.â
âââ
[WEâRE BANNED FROM WALMART FOREVER]
Bruce was laughing with the police officers about something. The manager from earlier had been joined by men in suits. None of them looked happy. Some of the employees from earlier were yelling and flipping them off. One man pulled off the shirt of his uniform and started setting it on fire.
âââ
Bruce was on the phone in the parking lot.
âTheyâre small, most of them are tropical. You can figure out what they are when you get here. How is that racist? Iâm not suggesting you already know them, Iâm well aware you donât personally know every single fishââ
âââ
âEither you take these fish or I toss them in the sewer and Killer Croc can eat them. It will be a merciful death compared to what they were getting. It doesnât matter where I found them.â
âââ
[iâm not allowed near toxic waste]
Tim held the betta from earlier in front of his phone, bringing it dangerously close to Bruceâs face. Bruce had hung up, but seemed to be dialing another number.
âIâm keeping this one,â Tim said.
âFine.â
âIf I drop him in toxic waste do you think heâll get powers?â
âWeâve already had this discussion.â
âââ
[the pettiest man in gotham]
Bruce was on the phone again, looking out at the empty field beside the Walmart parking lot.
âYeah, just buy the whole thing. Yeah. Absolutely sure. Green Marketâs doing good, weâll build another one of those. Can we put up a billboard while itâs under construction? A really big billboard.â
âââ
âFirst of all, if itâs in writing, itâs libel. Second, figures taken directly from their report to shareholders arenât defamatory. Whatâs the most they could even sue me for? See, thatâs nothing. Bad PR for them, good for us, it'sââ
âââ
Tim had switched to the selfie camera again, and was using a sparkling purple filter that made his eyes look huge. He backed into Bruce so that Bruceâs face would be in the shot. âBruce, look! Youâre a pretty pretty princess!â
Bruce raised an eyebrow as he looked at his face on the screen. âIâm always a pretty princess,â he said seriously.
âââ
[he picked the music this time]
Bruce was driving again. He was listening to 100 Little Curses without any apparent irony. This did not mean there wasnât any irony.
âââ
[i named him wally]
The Walmart betta was now in a tank that held at least a hundred gallons. His underwater castle was resplendent. His tail had grown in, a shimmering gradient of red and blue. Bruce could be seen in the background through the tank, sitting on the couch and reading a book.
I am so god damn proud of myself.Â
From this Key & Peele skit
i dont think american filmmakers realise how huge london is, because sure you have the london eye and houses of parliament but when you say âlondon has fallenâ what??? so the nandos in catford is in flames? the tesco in peckham has descended into chaos? wtf??
We have states bigger than your entire country
ur largest city
london
OhâŠ. honeyâŠ.honey no
Iâm about to blow everyoneâs got damn mind.
Not a metropolitan area, just fucking Jacksonville.
[Red X captures Nightwing, Starfire, and Nightstar.]
Red X: Starfire? [laughs and turns to Nightwing] You married Starfire? Whoa!
[Red X turns to Nightstar and quickly makes the connection.]
Red X: OH! And got busy!
Beast Boy: I don't know what to do.
Raven: Me neither.
Beast Boy: You give such good advice, babe. I love you.
Raven: You're welcome.
dc comics but everytime something bad happens to tim drake it gets faster
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Jason: "No Officer it's Hi How are you"ï»ż
Tim: Shut. Up. Right. Now.
things tim drake has said
âi know i just rewatched star trek but will you rewatch star trek with meâ
âbruce breaks the no names in the field rule the most tbh. remember the debacle with jason? âyou can change, jasonâ âits my fault, jasonâ âjason, dont kill the joker, jasonâ holy shit keep it on the down low bâÂ
âtim youâŠ. werent even there. how do you know thatâ âi spy on jasons vent blog sometimes. i like to send him anon hate.â
âone time i was falling to my death and i was like âat least bruce will be proud of meâ and my therapist tells me thats âunhealthyâ. whatever that meansâ
âi actually have a rule. no one can mention kons death but me. the rule is called âtims a hypocriteââ
I would date an actor just so I can tell people that my boyfriendâs an actor and then theyâd be like âoh? Whatâs he been in?â And Iâd say âmeâ and raise my wine glass and laugh because in this scenario Iâm at a fancy cocktail party.
what was this movie evenÂ
I spit out my soda reading this.
This is priceless.
my brother while playing mercy: *switches from staff to hand gun* the pharmacist...is about to become the harmacist