Just cover me in glitter

.

[ultrainfinitepit]

My cat has to wear a cone this week and it made me think of an angel whose halo is a cone.

[ultrainfinitepit]

Local idiot is cone-free and back on his regular sillyzone nonsense.

[she-remade-deactivated20200329]

x

[whitepeopletwitter]

When one of your customers spanks your ass

[surprisebitch]

i thought it was about working in retail omg

[argodeon]

idk

[diegoide]

[coruscanty]

me on my way to the kitchen to eat shredded cheese out of the bag at 3 am

[gaynosha]

my cat following me after hearing me get up and go to the kitchen to eat shredded cheese out of the bag at 3 am

[emmhauer]

[kinsofyoungandold-deactivated20]

squishy cats 

[choapino]

aplastaitos

[dankmemeuniversity]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[stealthydice]

bae,

[sloppystyle]

alright bro im boutta head out

[ristay]

She is obsessed with him. (Btw her name is Petunia and my black beast is Atreyu).

He’s given up trying to get away from her. They sleep like this almost every night.

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The horribly awkward and embarrassing stories of ristay.

[ristay]

Since everyone liked that photo so much, here’s the last two weeks of their love 😂😂

[keagzdraws]

These pictures made me feel like I was looking at a new cryptid so I was inspired to draw a little pic

[ristay]

Omg @keagzdraws I adore this ♥️♥️😭😍

[art-nimals]

This was BY FAR the best thing I’ve seen today.

(Source)

[art-nimals]

watch it until the end IT WILL NOT DISAPPOINT

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[notunlikepride]

@shitpostsampler this feels up your alley

[shiftythrifting]

This is the best purse I’ve ever seen

[dreams-in-metaphors-deactivated]

[delphinidin4]

the terrifying part is that, 30 years ago you’d have to wait to get the film developed to see what was out there…

[femcassidy]

surgeries except theyre recorded like patch notes

[femcassidy]

Uterine lining will no longer spawn outside uterus or clip into organs.

[daco-broman]

2.1.12 Removed tumor

[paperwaspnest]

Patch 2.1.15 Removed the following legacy features:

- Appendix (obsolete from recent environmental updates)

- Wisdom Teeth (Insufficient jawbone RAM for the majority of players)

[30-minute-memes]

[littledeludeddupes]

those snakes are not fighting they are fucking. im very sorry

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

while two snakes FUCK to the death

[eruditionanimaladoration]

That dog looking at the snakes like why you gotta do that while I’m eating

[gelana78]

Metal as snakes fucking.

[thedurvin]

[shittycryptids]

A glass that pushes cat off of counters

[draws-memes]

[roguishpixiedreamgirl]

This is it. Peak humor