how in tarnation did you find me

call me aria 14 - Class of 29' - she her - bi - demigirl fashion, DC comics, dispatch, movies, music, spiderman

[usernamessuk]

future me looking back at my tumblr posts i’m sorry 😢

[scyraholympia]

The thing that I think most people ignore while writing spiderman fics is that Peter Parker is NOT a superhero. He is a VIGILANTE. There's a difference that many ignore. I mean I love Peter and Avengers interactions in fics. IronDad is GOAT. BUT Avengers and vigilante deal with different things. Avengers protects the world and Vigilantes like Spiderman and Daredevil (and Deadpool depending on the fic(team red gooo)) protect the people in it.

I need more fic where they highlight this....(if u have seen any like this pls recommend)

[jocuul]

I'm just saying

Marvel Team Red:

Spiderman (Peter Parker) - Snarky little sh*t

Deadpool - Undead shooty man

Daredevil - Catholic guilt incarnate

DC (Gotham) Team Red:

Jackdaw (Tim Drake) - Snarky little sh*t

Red Hood (Jason Todd) - Undead shooty man

Goldfinch/Azrael (Jean-Paul Valley) - Catholic guilt incarnate

[juneyweather]

when you’re throwing tomatos but the culprit opens their mouth… sigh I love team red u guys

[candy8448]

Craving so hard a team red fic where either matt gets seriously and badly injured or even maybe near-death/death and wade and peter suddenly dawn on them that unlike the both of them, matt has no healing factor and is opperating at human baseline level

Or you know, any team red fics about healing factors or just some good team red matt-centric whump

Pls rec fics?

[zebarius]

Team Red…

Deadpool: acts like comic relief and is the comic relief. the irrespeonsible decision maker. unfortunately, has to step up and make a responsible decision every now and then.

Daredevil: looks and acts like the adult in the room. he is not. he is decieving you and himself.

Spider-Man: comic relief forced to be the straight man. because of deadpool. you would think he'd be the adult in the room, but he WILL lower himself to argue (mid-fight) about every petty thing ever. because of deadpool.

They all think they're the adult in the room. they are not. none of these grown ass men are The Adult. they all make horrible decisions together. they take turns shaking common sense into each other. there is one brain cell and they play ping pong with it.

Team Red -> all idiots in their own unique way

[ppeanutz]

happy pride. drops this on your doorstep like a cat with a dead bird

[thatboisus]

me logging onto tumblr after consuming a new piece of media

[fotibrit]

word on the street is spider-man’s got a fancy new AI that’s a lot more lethal than before. the AI doesn’t use any tools, change his suit, or do anything that anyone can see. but spiderman talks to himself a lot more now on patrols and he’s got much more strength than before.

everyone assumes it’s a new AI. but matt murdock used to be able to hear the robot woman in his old suit, and there’s nothing in this one. he’s not talking to anyone but himself.

and matt murdock begins to worry that spiderman could somehow be possessed.

(titled something like “Loneliness makes pigs of us all” after matthew 8:28)

[teamredsoverworkedpremployee]

Half of the things Peter knows how to cook are a result of Matt Murdock’s tutelage. Yes, I will absolutely elaborate. May sucks at cooking.

matt, who has superhuman senses and canonically is very picky about/good at food, is TOTALLY the type to go “wait, you don’t know how to cook a fuckin QUESADILLA?!”

and when Peter admits that no, his culinary feats are limited to microwave max and cheese and PB&J, Matt blows a gasket. He KNOWS Peter needs even more food than a regular person and he knows it needs to be BETTER food.

Foggy or Wade walks in to find Matt standing in the kitchen frowning while Peter tentatively flips a pancake and Matt just mutters, “you don’t get points for doing overly fancy flips, kid. The points are on flavor and nutrition.” And Peter just groans

[cloudywithachanceofqueer]

Y'all want to know what fic I really want to see? A fic where Daredevil takes spider-man under his wing after homecoming and when the defenders happens Peter thinks it's because of the Parker curse that Matt "died"

and then they trauma bond over building collapses

that's all I have

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: His name is Billy Batson. Don't you find that utterly ridiculous?

Dick: No.

Damian: That's because your name is Dick.

[rikitiki-infinity]

i think Nabu would like Billy :) i think they should hang out. Fate can add a trampoline to the tower and they can bounce together or something.

[cakypa120]

Damian tells his siblings that he's dating someone. It shocks them all. They didn't think their little brother would be able to find someone with his high standards for a partner. Damian ignores their questions, continuing to make some list.

Dick: Shit, we need to tell Bruce.

Jason: Not me! He always freaks out when he finds out one of us is dating. Remember when Cass said she liked this boy?

Everyone winces. Cassandra had a full dossier on the guy in front of her within two hours. Then Bruce spent another hour giving a presentation on sex and the need to protect yourself from unwanted diseases or pregnancies. Poor Cass nearly died of embarrassment and pure terror.

Tim: But he's going to find out sooner or later. On his own. And we don't want a repeat of Roy.

Let's just say Bruce wasn't too happy when he found out who his son was dating. Roy hid well, but Batman is very good at hiding. The poor guy was saved by Jason's bullets and Oliver's arrows, who was invited to the party.

Duke: Is this what's coming to me too?

Steph: Alas and alack. But you'll get a break. The main thing is that it's not a speedster or a super.

Dick and Tim: Hey!!

Jason: Dami. Better tell the old man. Save your future boyfriend the pain.

Damian: He can take care of himself. I think dad will take this news well.

As if on cue, Bruce appears in the room. His face is calm. He looks at Damian.

Bruce: Billy?

Damian: Yeah.

Bruce: Good choice.

And then Bruce just walks away!!! The others stood with their mouths wide open, watching the man go. Who the hell is Billy that Bruce was so cool with his own blood son dating him?!?!

Bruce: Before I forget. Damian, I don't think we need to make a dowry list yet.

Damian: These are just suggestions. I'll show you the list later. After mother and grandfather have reviewed it.

Bruce: *frowns* Is your grandfather okay with it?

Damian: He finds Billy very calming.

Bruce: Fine then. Show this list to Alfred too.

Damian: Fine.

Bruce leaves, and Damian goes back to the dowry list.

Dick: Dami!! What's going on?!

Jason: Who is Billy?! I need to meet him right now!!

Steph: Your grandfather approved of this guy? What did Billy do to make this happen?!? Create another Lazarus Pit?!

Tim: It bothers me that Bruce was so cool with this. Maybe he's high.

Duke: I want to be less and less with this family every day.

Cass: When are you going to introduce us to Billy?

Everyone suddenly fell silent and looked at Damian. He smiled his most disarming smile.

Damian: Why? You already know him.

The shouts grew louder. Everyone was trying to get through to the youngest, hoping to learn at least something about the mysterious Billy. Damian ignored them. He couldn't figure out how many horses he should give Billy. The Gods are very demanding, after all.

[gl00mt0mb]

Billy Batson where his transformation powers work by his interpretation of a hero except there’s little abnormality’s fueled by childhood misunderstanding

Like sure hes an adult and looks like his father because that’s what hero’s are to him but what if there’s additional details most people don’t notice until they get to know him.

Misunderstanding #1 Teeth.

Captain marvel is sitting in a justice league meeting obviously not playing attention as he messes around with his mouth. Batman’s about to call him out until the guy pops up in excitement and brandishes a baby bone as he yells about how his tooth fell out to the horror of everyone around him.

Captain Marvel: IT CAME OUT!

Superman: ???

Batman:… is that your tooth?

Flash: holy shit who got a solid hit on you?

Wonder woman: when did you get injured?

Captain Marvel: Huh? No my tooth it finally fell out! It’s been bothering me all day.

Superman: not to be insensitive but aren’t you a little to old to be loosing teeth

Batman: What injured you?

Captain marvel: what?

Batman: we need to know all the threats strong enough to damage someone as strong as-

Captain Marvel: No not that. What do you mean to old?

Superman:… well most people stop losing teeth after childhood-

Captain Marvel: wait adults don’t lose their teeth? What do they do with them when they get wiggly?

Batman: …

Captain marvel staring at his tooth: …

Batman: …

Superman: …

Flash: …

WonderWoman: …

Captain marvel slowly bringing his tooth up to his mouth clearly about to try and shove it back in: …

Batman: NO.

[gl00mt0mb]

Headcannon that New York just treats Spider-Man like this bad ass kid who’s always getting into superpowered tussles and misbehaving but is somehow the favorite.

Like yes yes Spider-Man. I’m doing great how’s your day? Thank you for fixing the old lady down the streets porch. Did you eat anything yet? Here’s some lunch stay out of trouble.

Alternatively they all shake their heads and click their tongues watching him and his villains brawl in the middle of the street. But whatever keeps him happy they guess. Let the kid crack a few jokes? So what if he crashes a wedding cake or two, he’s still in school. Hmm no we know who he is he keeps passing out in dinners with his mask off mid meal. No we’re not snitching.

Someone gets a decent hit in on Peter and the whole block goes silent like at a family reunion when siblings are wrestling and someone gets hit too hard.

Suddenly every criminal in a ten block radius is shushing him in a panicked whisper frantically looking around to make sure no overprotective civilian (or god forbid one of his little vigilante buddies) saw them sock the guy in the jaw.

This should apply regardless of Spider-Man’s age. If he’s an adult it’s hilarious because this grown ass man is New York’s first born child and only locals are allowed to shit talk him. If he’s a teenager it’s still funny because why are you publicly fighting that highschooler AND LOSING.

[gl00mt0mb]

Headcannon that Spider-Man gets a reputation for being impossible to track by sheer luck and bad life choices.

SHEILD and countless government agencies are baffled at how he’s managed to avoid being monitored and located for so long meanwhile the metaphorical camera just pans over to this 15 year old vigilante about to engage in the height of stupidity every ten minutes.

SHEILD try’s and fails to predict Spider-Man’s patrol route and debates how he always knows where crime will occur unaware that Peter has no designated route and simply follows his spider-sense.

Countless villains have tried spiking his food or drink meanwhile spy’s are watching in horror and astonishment as Peter Parker consumes his fourth cyanide laced Snapple that they left out to trap the vigilante

SHEILD trying to use gait recognition but fails because Peter Parker is just dragging his feet from exhaustion and constantly limping from injuries on patrol meanwhile Spider-Man practically never has a full minute of time where his feet are planted on the ground so they can’t collect data.

SHEILD is carefully monitoring every single hospital in New York trying to figure out where Spider-Man goes when he’s injured but Peter in inevitably sitting in his bathtub quietly debating if bleach will work as a disinfectant for a stab wound.

Jameson sends private investigators to monitor Peter Parker and find out how he gets photos of Spider-Man and these poor detectives have to watch three days of this kid bed rotting not aware that he’s just passed out from a concussion and conserving energy.

Police try using tracking dogs but Spider-Man is always covered in strange alien slime or various mysterious substances from whatever freak of the week he’s fighting. Meanwhile they keep getting led to this random teenager waist deep in a dumpster fishing for trashed tech.

SHEILD keeps setting up teams to decipher the codes Spider-Man has left them but it’s just a mix of bad grammar, concussion typing and teenage brain rot lingo.

Nobody can get a solid read on Spider-Man’s build or description because the little shit is constantly contorted into strange arachnid like positions and keeps fluctuating his weight by like 30 pounds ever week depending on how much food he’s managed to shovel into his mouth.

SHEILD starts watching through street cameras to catch him unmasked but instead get really depressing footage of the spider themed vigilante splayed on the floor of sketchy alleyways trying to pick coins out of drain pipes and getting excited when he successfully grabs a entire dollar bill.

People start trying to monitor social media platforms and online searches but nobody can find the coloration between Peter searching “How to stitch bullet wounds easy for beginners” and Spider-Man searching “ Brand new day spark-notes rhetorical devices”

Mercenaries get hired to take out Spider-Man but he keeps scaring them off. Unrelated note Deadpool is for some reason now friends with this kid named Peter.

SHEILD is flabbergasted at how well Spiderman is trained to lose someone tailing him meanwhile it’s just Spider-man getting lost and improvising his way home.

Villains take Spider-Man’s photographer hostage to lure him out and the dude literally never shows up. What a prick.

The courts try to sue Spider-Man for property damage and vigilantism and the guy GENUINELY gets a lawyer named Matt. Fast forward a week and Spider-Man now wants a trademark on the hyphen between “Spider” and “man”

Everyone is losing their mind on how Spider-Man can be such a master of deception meanwhile his entire secret identity is dependent on the fact nobody’s cross referenced Spider-Man’s patrol roots and Peter Parker’s Pokemon Go history.