Огурец

Лучше посрать и опоздать, чем придти вовремя и обосраться.

[cakypa120]

This is a small collection of memes inspired by a fanfic I'm really looking forward to seeing updated. These are just memes and have no connection to the fanfic's plot. Although I really hope at least some of it will align with the fanfic's canon. ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

[cakypa120]

Billy is the unofficial younger brother of the Justice League. They proudly call themselves his older siblings. While they all want the best for Billy, they can sometimes go too far.

[cakypa120]

The gods take too much part in Billy's life. Sometimes they are too suffocating. Especially Zeus.

[cakypa120]

I need Justice League fanfiction without focusing on Batman and his family. I'm serious. I really need it. The Batfam is good, but there's too much of it. Do you have any recommendations?

[cakypa120]

Captain Marvel: *quietly sobs over a huge stack of papers*

Flash: Whoa. What happened?

Ms. Marvel: One man broke a lot of rules, Marvel is trying to solve them all.

Flash: Seriously? Who is this man?

Ms. Marvel: D-e-a-d-p-o-o-l.

Hal: Why are you spelling it?

Ms. Marvel: There's a belief that if you say his name, he will appear, no matter where you are or when you are.

Hal: What's so scary about Deadpool?

Ms. Marvel: Oh my God! What have you done!!

Deadpool: *suddenly appears* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! Holy chimichangas! Where am I? Oh, Marvy!! Marvy!! There you are!!

Marvel: WHO SAID HIS NAME?!

Ms. Marvel: It's Green Lantern!

Hal: Why does his voice sound so familiar?

Deadpool: *looks at Hal and reloads* I have to do what DC didn't have the guts to do.

Marvel: NO! You will not kill him! You need to be returned to your universe!

Deadpool: Will you come with me? Spidey misses you. You're like the son he never had but needed.

Marvel: *grabs Deadpool by the shoulders* I'll visit you later. Now, you're going home. Right now. *disappears with Deadpool*

Ms. Marvel: I advise you to leave the Watchtower if you want to keep your teeth.

Flash and Hal: What?

Ms. Marvel: ✌️*disappears*

[cakypa120]

Jason: *recently turned into a ghost* Uh, hello?

Danny: Want a beer?

Billy: He's four minutes old!

Danny: I don't know what to do with new ghosts!!

Later:

Captain Marvel: My baby?!

Jason, aka Red Hood: Hey, Dad.

Batman: *his brain stops working*

Captain Marvel: Do you have any idea how worried father was?! Me?!

Jason: *hides behind Dick* It's not my fault.

Captain Marvel: You could have at least called! Oh my god!! You've been here the whole time!

Dick: *whispers* Jason, what's going on?

Jason: *whispers* I was adopted, then I came back from the dead, and they didn't know where I was. We just need to calm him down for now...

Captain Marvel: I'm going to call your father.

Jason: Damn.

Phantom: *breaks through space* You are so punished young man!!

[cakypa120]

Billy and Dick are best friends. Even though Billy doesn't age due to the Suspendium, Dick accidentally discovered that Billy is a multi-year-old child in an adult's body. Billy couldn't refuse Dick's friendship, as he understood that a child wants friends. Even friends like Billy.

Let's just say these two were constantly getting into trouble.

[duahhail]

Writing a Thavma and Billy are separate entities au and can’t stop laughing at the thought of them hunched over a table filling out tax forms and both of them are stressing

Thavma: You know, before your time, we used to kill tax collectors when they got too much

Billy, ten years old and doing taxes with elementary school math, pencil clutched in one hand: We are not doing that

[cakypa120]

Thavma: Taxes are real dog shit.

Billy: Taxes are like paying subscriptions to the country you live in.

Thavma: This server sucks. Everyone is acting aggressively. It used to be better. It was possible to kick the players out of life more often. Now new laws have been introduced and you can easily get a ban for several years.

Billy: Where in the name of the gods did you find out?

[colossrat]

Drafts dump?

I just took a look at my old drafts, and I'm going to clean them up, post some ideas that I've been letting gather dust there, but also take the opportunity to show some of the most ridiculous ones I found lol

(they were written without a translator since they were thoughts I had at the time and without time to fix or write them properly, so they are either stupidly grammatically wrong or are mixing English and Portuguese, but for me that only makes them better)

[cakypa120]

Billy: Doom.

Player: What do you mean, DOOM?!

*Explosion in the background*

You're walking on thin ice, young man.

Captain Marvel: Guys, it's not that bad!

Oliver: I was talking and joking about sex!

Hal: I offered you drugs!

Bruce: Wait, what?

Barry: We invited you to a bar!

Diana: Don't forget how the other heroes flirted with him.

Clark: They regret it.

Little Bruce: Captain Marvel!! You came for me!

Marvel: *sweats* Brucie, what are you doing here?

Bruce: I don't know! But I'm surrounded by people in weird suits! I want to go home!

Marvel: Okay. Your parents are in another country for work, so it'll just be Alfred. And your mom hired a few people to babysit you.

Bruce: *tears* What about you, Marvy?

Marvel: I have work in another dimension. I'll be sure to bring you some magic candy, okay? We'll be back in Gotham in a minute. Your babysitters are waiting. One of them is named Dick.

Bruce: *giggles* What a stupid name!

Marvel: Yeah, such a stupid name.

Some time after the spell is lifted.

Bruce: Kill me.

Dick: Now, now, no need to be dramatic.

Jason: You just didn't want to fall asleep without Marvel by your side. We understand. The Captain makes a great pillow.

Tim: You can't find and destroy photos and videos.

Damian: Can we ask Marvel to bring you those magic candies again? I liked the taste.

Bruce: *picks up a butter knife to commit hara-kiri*

Alfred: *knocks the knife out of his hands*

[colossrat]

Cap Marvel: did u ever realise that if u take the U on super, ur name becames Sperman?

Superman: get out.

Cap Marvel: Valid. Sorry. Going.

[cakypa120]

Hal and Barry: *dying laughing*

Batman: *thought* I'm above this. I'm not allowed to laugh. Why did I suddenly find a stupid joke about sperm funny?

[lavena]

I am reading Patian2050 new fic Parental love

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

And it got me thinking about Damian seeing Captain Marvel,

This beacon of purity and hope. Who even his father has said he finds inspiring with how good he is.

Meet his grandfather (Ras) and instead of seeing him as this monstrous figure. This ancient evil in the body of a man who won't let go.

Instead of seeing him the same way Batman sees him, the same way his brother see him.

He sees Ras and holds his face ever so lightly

Brush thumbs over sharp cheek bones like they're still plump with baby fat.

And just saying hello.

Hello that is so laced with love it had to come from a parent.

Marvel calls his grandfather, who is thousands of years old. Tifl. Like he is a baby. Like he is no more than 8.

And when the Captain melts away into a woman. Hair black and long, skin tanned, once red outfit shimmering green.

And Ras who had been frozen by this man holding him like his mother had so very long ago. Suddenly seeing his mother after so long.

Has tears in his eyes. And the man that has only ever been a leader of a fearsome clan of assassins. Voice wavering whispers "ummi"

And Damian suddenly has to come to terms that his grandfather was once a boy too. A boy who lost his parents. A boy who loves them and wants to live up to them.

And finally a hero sees his family as something other than evil.

They are assassins, and they kill people, but they have morals and values and love and fear and family.

And Damian finally feels like its okay to be an Al Ghul. It's okay to be a Wayne. It's okay to just be.

I just really want to make Batman and Talia also see this.

Batman because, holy shit, Ras fucking Al Ghul has a mom who is and was his coworker in a mother life. A mother who loves him and who he so obviously loves.

And just thinking, yeah id do the same if my mother suddenly came back and held my face tenderly despite the years and called me baby again.

And Talia to see her father. Whi had already been a few thousand years old when he and her mother decided to have kids. And the stories of her grandparents were always laced with sorrow and reverence and time. But suddenly here is her grandmother. The grandmother that Talias middle name is from. Whose hair Ras used to braid and so he braided hers so he could remember a time so long ago.

And Captain, now her grandmother, turns to her, and says how beautiful she is, who congratulates her father on such a beautiful baby girl and a beautiful grandson.

And her father is sobbing and saying nothing but "ummi" over and over again, and is being held by this larger than life woman.

Just like have the Captain who is all the people he has ever been, but also just an 8 to 10 year old boy. Hearing one of his pasts recognize Damian as a descendant and bring so happy that part of her boy has survived through the years but also knowing that there is no way her boy is alive, its been thousands of years and there is no way. So they hold in their love and treat Damian like the string kid he is.

And thenbthey see their kid again.

He is old, but he is alive. Their boy is living and they can tell him they love him again.

So billy slips into the background and let's Ras other come forward.

And there is no force on earth or beyond that could stop her from delicately taking Ras face and bringing their foreheads together and calling him her baby boy again.

They will tell stories and Ras will tell her of his late wife, and his 3 kids, and his 2 grandchildren. And his mother will take their faces in her hands and say hello, and how proud she is they are there. And part of Ras will heal. He can finally be told he made his mother proud. He can finally rewrite his last memories of his mother. Into something happy, and he can know he won't lose her again, and everything will be alright.

[cakypa120]

Now I'll have to try my damnedest to top this🥺

[harveylikestoart]

Growning up sucks butt

[cakypa120]

bro wtf

[cakypa120]

I had an idea for a soulmate au Damibilly.

Everyone knows about the words that appear on your skin at thirteen, because they're the first words your soulmate will say when you first meet.

But!

What if you met your soulmate before the words appear on your skin? Imagine the confusion that would ensue.

So, Damibilly.

The words on Damian's arm read, "Nice to meet you."

Billy's words on his chest, right above his heart, read, "I find your company unpleasant."

Damian is panicking. It's a very common phrase. How will he ever find his soulmate? It's impossible!

Billy, meanwhile, was lamenting that his soulmate would be rude, so rude, just like Robin was the first time they met.

Captain Marvel and Robin's first meeting was a nightmare.

Marvel: Nice to meet you!

Robin: I find your company unpleasant.

Nightwing: Robin, don't be rude to Marvel! Cap, forgive him!

Marvel: It's okay!

Robin: Your smile irritates me.

Marvel: Well, then I'll smile even more often!

So, by the end of the day, Robin was attacking Marvel with passionate rage. The captain simply took the blows, playfully mocking the boy. Nightwing barely managed to drag Robin away from the Watchtower.

Damian panicked, Billy resigned himself, the moirae laughed as they tied their destinies together, the Gods watched this train wreck with interest.

[cakypa120]

I recently stumbled upon the concept of a Reverse Robin AU. I really want to know more about it. What is it even like? What canon is this AU? What's going on there? What the hell happened to Tim? Someone explain it to me!

[haljordangetpregnant]

Another Billy from where?

DamiBilly are already dating in this world, only the Bats know Billy is Captain Marvel because he drops by regularly to have a date with Damian. But if it's for a mission, they are still relatively professional, as in no PDA until the mission's over.

Damian is 17, Billy is 15, Jason is 26.

One day, like usual, Billy is in his Captain Marvel form, the Bats are all gathering around for some magic-related mission in Gotham that needs the Captain's consult. Things got dealt with. Things are going well. It's time to go home.

Jason picks up his helmet, ready to go back to his safe house to take a nap and the Captain suddenly hovers towards him, his face is still annoyingly cute, and bright, and free of all the misery in this world.

Jason: What do you want, Thunder?

Captain Marvel: Going home? Aren't you going to drive me home?

Jason: What? Why are you talking to me? Go talk to Damian?

Captain Marvel, confused: Why would I talk to your brother?

Jason, even more confused: "Your brother"? What? Are you two fighting?

Captain Marvel: Is this another prank? Are you pranking me, Jason? That's not nice. Is this why you have been so cold to me today?

Jason:... Alright, this is weird as fuck. How have I been weird? What you want from me, spit it out.

Captain Marvel: You haven't kissed me at all today...

The whole room finally notices the little conversation on the side, and everything just stops. Everything. All the Robins turn their head towards those two, with horror on their face. Except Damian, whose face has skipped from shock to straight up murder.

Damian: What is the meaning of this? I demand an explanation, immediately.

Jason, disturbed: Billy, what- I- I have never- OUCH! DAMIAN! STOP THAT! INNOCENT TIL PROVEN GUILTY! INNOCENT TIL PROVEN GUILTY!

Captain Marvel: Damian stop that! Bad Damian! Stop attacking your brother!

Damian: Step aside, Billy. I can forgive you for falling for Todd's seduction, but I cannot forgive a man who would commit the most treacherous and unforgivable crime known to man! He dies tonight.

Captain Marvel: What? Why? What crime?

Damian: Seducing a happily married person.

Captain Marvel: I am so confused right now? What happened, even? I am happily married? To whom??? Damian, I am dating Jason! There's no one else.

Jason, screaming from behind the couch: NO! WE'RE NOT!

And by that time, all the Bats have figured out that it's probably an interdimensional problem, and this Billy is probably not their Billy. All except Damian, who is going insane from jealousy right now. But are they going to do anything about it? Nah, let's just tape funsies- for evidence, first.

Damian, vibrating from fury alone: Jason? You? Dating Jason? What kind of blasphemous claim is this? Billy, you're dating me! I am your boyfriend! I am.

Captain Marvel: WHAT? BUT YOU'RE, LIKE, A KID?

Damian, with the coldest voice no one has heard for a while: That's it. I'm killing Todd first. And then you and I shall die together. Father, honor my last wish and have us buried in one grave.

Yup, and that's where Batman finally finally decides to step in.

It turns out there has been a mixed up between Billys from different dimensions. Apparently, nothing else really changes much, so both of them don't realize it. The only major difference is the other dimension's Billy is a little older than Jason, instead of being the youngest here. Those two have known each other since Jason's Robin days, and they have been dating after Jason decided to turn his life around for the better.

You can imagine the same situation happening in the other dimension where Billy tried to kiss Damian, as Captain Marvel, and Jason almost blew up the Batcave with everyone else inside in his moment of weakness.

When the Billys return to their dimension, they are faced with their extremely grumpy boyfriend.

The other dimension:

Jason: So you are dating Damian in another timeline.

Billy: Not me. The other Billy.

Jason: Yea, yea, sure. Hmm. I've never knew you two would be a match. Hmmm.

Billy: Jason, please, I literally see him as a little brother! And my co-workers' son! He was barely a pea when I first met him!

Jason: Hmm, sure. He's almost 18. Next year, to be exact. I think he's going to be tall. Maybe taller than me. Do you like tall guys? You liked me because of it, right? Damian's going to be tall. Hmm, should I go shoot him in the knees?

Billy: Jason stop being paranoid, would you? When I started liking you, you were literally smaller than me. And ugly. Too. You kicked me in the knees and stole my bread!

Jason: But still.

Our main world.

Damian: I'm going to strangle Todd in his sleep.

Billy: Damian, no.

The whole family gets a good 3 weeks of jokes and laughter, and shit and giggles, except Jason. UNTIL another mix-up happen, and of course, the same situation happens again. The only difference this time is the other dimension's Billy is dating Tim.

And then, something clicks in those geniuses' head.

There's a pattern there.

Billy always ends up dating a Robin of his age.

And they don't even know what is more disturbing:

They all having the same type, and that type is Billy Batson, either as the powerful Captain Marvel, or the stubborn but kind orphan from Fawcett.

Or the a paranoid Damian with a sword randomly appearing in their room at night.

[cakypa120]

Imagine their horror when the version of Billy that is Bruce's husband, of all people. Unlike the other Billys, the adult Billy immediately realizes that he is not in his own world. He laughs loudly as everyone goes crazy. Especially Bruce and Damian.

Jason: Why Bruce?! Why not Clark?!?

Adult Billy: You know, this is not the first time you've asked this question. And my answer is that Bruce has a fantastic ass.

Bruce and Damian : * choke on saliva*

Tim: I don't want to know anything more! Go back to your universe!!

Adult Billy: I would, but I'm afraid my version was forced to transform into a mortal form.

DICK: Then you do it too. I want to see what Billy will look like in the future.

Adult Billy: Your father doesn't complain.

Batkids: Please be quiet!!

Meanwhile, in another universe:

Dick, holding Billy in his arms: You're so small!!

Jason: Your version better fatten him up, Dami.

Damian: Tt, who do you think I am? I'm sure I've already made a list of gifts for the upcoming wedding. Is my version treating you well, Dad?

Billy: *embarrassed by all the attention and shocked that he's Batman's husband in this universe. Why Batman?!? Why?!*

Bruce: Let him transform so he can return to his home universe.

Batkids: *turn their heads towards Bruce and hiss angrily, hiding little Billy in a tight circle.*

Another situation:

Duke: If we have a version of Billy dating Bruce, then is there a version of Billy dating Alfred?

Adult Billy: *silence and stares far ahead*

All: ANSWER!!

[numbersq-blog]

Fake it till you make it

Inspired by True North

Damian (16) was sneaking through the watchtower, Bruce had grounded him for replacing Tim’s energy drinks with cement (it’s not his fault it took Tim three cans to notice) but regardless, Damian was on a mission.

It was a robin tradition to at least hack the main base of the Justice League at least once (even Steph managed to do it with the help of Babs).

Maybe it was because of mission, Damian didn’t notice his soulmate mark distance lower.

————————————————————————

Billy (15) was turning in a mission report, Billy had just gotten his soulmate mark a few weeks prior, but lucky the mark didn’t show up in his Captain Marvel form, so he didn’t have to worry about meeting his soulmate in Captain Marvel form, (Billy didn’t even want to imagine how he would explain that)

But Billy had yet to realize that his soulmate’s mark would still glow even if Billy himself was in his Captain Marvel form.

————————————————————————

*Wailing Wailing Wailing*

Damian was now making his escape before he was caught, he could probably escape most of his father’s coworkers (Flash, Wonder Women, Superman could catch him easily so that’s why he chose today when the three would be out) but his father would be difficult to deal with.

“OVER THERE!”

“Damn”

He was almost to the Zeta-Tube

“Almost there”

But Damian had made the mistake of looking back, none of leaguers were close to catching him till

*BAM*

————————————————————————

The blaring of the alarms shot through the watchtower

Captain Marvel: “what’s going on!”

Cyborg: “ someone just hacked the watchtower!”

Cyborg was trying to get the systems back on online

CM: “oh no! What are they trying to do?!”

Cyborg: they’re!…?…oh”

CM: “oh?”

Cyborg lets out a long sigh

Cyborg: “it’s one of the Bat’s damn kids”

CM: “……..what?”

Cyborg: “most likely the “newest” robin, you know since he’s been here for some years I thought we were good but apparently not”

CM: “what has he done?”

Cyborg: “change the password to the medical dispensary to “you need me to call you a wambulance”, snack dispenser to say “do you really need that” for the Hal, Guy, Arthur, and Oliver, plus some other things

CM: “I have to admit that is really funny”

Batman over com: “Attention all present members at the watchtower, keep a look out of Robin and if you catch him, let me know”

CM: “Yikes”

Cyborg: “yep, I would not want to be Robin right now. Come on let’s get to Zeta-Tubs”

.

Billy felt wired as they got closer to the Zeta-Tube, he had heard Oliver yelled “OVER THERE” that snack thing must have struck a nerve since he did gain a bit of weight from his honeymoon

.

.

Billy saw Robin, who was looking behind him so Billy took chance and got in front of the Zeta-Tube blocking Robin’s only escape.

But Billy could never have predicted that Robin’s soulmate mark to shine on impact with him.

…….oh shi-

————————————————————————

Everyone was taken aback, one minute they were chasing after Robin, who was stop by Captain Marvel only to reveal that they were soulmates.

Captain Marvel’s soulmate was Robin……Robin………..Robin

Daddy Bat: “WHATS GOING ON, WHY ARE ALL YOU STANDING TH-“

Batman stood still

Robin’s soulmate mark was shining…..robin his son….his youngest child.

His child soulmate mark was shining because of Marvel.

Bat: “what the hell is going on”

————————————————————————

(Billy): “oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods! I’m dead I’m dead I’m FUCKING dead!”

Solomon: “calm down champion let’s think this through”

(Billy): “WHATS THERE TO THINK THROUGH! BATMAN IS GOING TO KILL ME”

Zeus: “oh! I have idea”

Mercury: “No!”

Hercules: “No!”

Achilles: “No!”

Atlas: “No!”

Solomon: “No!”

(Billy): “NO!”

Mercury: “I think we should run because I don’t think the Bat will have mercy upon us”

Achilles: “ we can’t just run away. There’s no honor in that”

Zeus: “besides that that has a no kill rule”

Atlas: “ judging by that look in his eye that rule may be negotiable”

He knew that Batman wouldn’t kill him, but that didn’t stop him from doing a lot worse to him.

Solomon: “let’s calm down and think of a reasonably-“

Marvel (out loud) : “I’m pregnant “

Batman: “what”

Solomon: “what!”

Atlas: “what”

Zeus: “what”

Achilles: “what”

Mercury: “what”

Hercules: “what”

JL members: “what”

Robin: “WHAT!”

(Billy): “whhhhaaaaaat”

Hercules: “ where are you planning to go with this!”

Solomon: “ WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS BILLY WHEN ITS COMES TO SITUATIONS LIKE THIS YOU HAVE TO LET ME DO THE TALKING!”

(Billy): “I KNNNNNOOOOWWW”

Zeus: “NO NO, this is good that I can work with this”

Atlas: “oh us”

Zeus: “ok Billy here’s the plan”

————————————————————————

If the justice league wasn’t already confused and shocked, Marvel confessing that he was pregnant made them all so.

Robin actually looked a bit annoyed

Batman murderous aura was turned down a bit after what Marvel blurted out.

Marvel looked awkward, his eyes starting everywhere, he backed up from Robin with his hands slightly raised

Marvel: “ so um yeah I’m pregnant”

Wonder Woman: “ so you are already romantically involved with someone?”

Marvel: “Yes!……No”

Batman: “Marvel I am gonna give you a minute to explain to me and the rest of this team why you shouldn’t be kicked off this team and continue to see the light of day”

Marvel pulled up his sleeves

M: “see no so soulmate mark”

Flash: “ OK then why did you blurred out that you were pregnant?”

Solomon: “ if you had just listened to me before you wouldn’t have explain this “PregNAncy”,so you have to dig yourself out of this whole by-“

Marvel: “ the baby is Robin’s soulmate”

.

.

.

Mercury: “ I think we should leave”

Achilles: “ couldn’t agree with more with you let’s go”

Marvel quickly left after his statement, Batman felt a headache of a lifetime, the justice league members were already spreading the gossip and theories among themselves, and Robin knew his siblings would never let him live this down, but he couldn’t help but wonder how this would work in the future.

[cakypa120]

[thewaythisis]

New trailer and poster

[cakypa120]