panplatonic demisexual cishet weirdo

wow that's so queer.

[lesbanon-deactivated20181217]

Anyone who ships lesbians with men: I officially hate you and I hope your wifi is shitty 4 the rest of your life

[nitashinori]

A curious asexual here: if you platonically ship lesbians with men is it okay?

[lesbanon-deactivated20181217]

Are you??? Asking me if lesbians can have friends,,?

[elvishadventures]

No I think they are asking if it’s okay if a canon lesbian can have romantic, but not sexual, feelings for a man.

In which case I’d personally say yeah…

[armandyke]

Lesbians will not experience romantic attraction to men because they are?? Lesbians??

[ppamelaisley]

Platonic doesn’t mean romantic though. 

[translesbianlanwangji-deactivat]

Actual asexual here. I’m pretty sure what they’re getting at is a queerplatonic relationship

“A queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic) relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship”

[grassfire]

hope this helps

[lilacbreastedroller]

i hate sex positivity so i’m biased but, i have to wonder what role it played in creating so many asexual micro-identities. i can’t relate to sex positivity’s image of the liberated woman having Super Sexy Sex with tons of dudes every day and enjoying wild (patriarchy-approved) kinks that are Totally Empowering, so i must be demiromantic gray ace right? if sex positivity framed what you think “allosexuality” must look like, small wonder people (especially women) felt the need to splice attraction and carefully categorize themselves by how and when they felt attraction.

sex positivity offers one relationship to sex and attraction, and asserts that this is the one relationship that will liberate you (from patriarchy i guess?). and if you’re like um, no, not for me (which is very valid and probably applies to a lot of women)? that can be pretty alienating! i felt that way too, and because of it, i was considering calling myself demiheteroromantic greypansexual or somesuch thing for a time. i moved away from that identity at the same time i started to see sex positivity as very harmful to women.

sex positivity is super flawed but its pervasiveness has made it feel like that’s the norm, and if you’re not that norm you must be Something Else. when in reality that’s just a bad lens. each and every one of us has a different relationship to sex and attraction and neither sex positivity nor mogai micro-identities can of account for all that nuance.

[lilacbreastedroller]

tell me the proliferation of an “ace spectrum” has absolutely no connection to rape culture and liberal sex positivity when in a survey of over 3000 ace people, only 9% of self identifying aces are men. why? why wouldn’t more men identify as being on the ace spectrum? this is absolutely a reaction to violent sexualization against our will.

[rubyfruitnb]

Lets get real about the plethora of articles abt whether straight women belong in gay bars. First of all, there’s not like..a bouncer outside of every gay bar checking your ID to see if you’re straight or cis and then throwing you to the curb lmao. So if you feel the need to write an article arguing that you belong in a gay bar then you are not arguing for the right to enter a gay bar, to buy drinks there, to go dancing, to watch a drag show. You can do those things without anyone paying you any mind. What you are criticizing isn’t that you face any actual discrimination in LGBT spaces but that these spaces were never built to cater you. The cishet experience is being so used to a world built around you that people who experience homophobia & transphobia building their own spaces feels like a slight. You aren’t entitled to feeling like you belong in a space that was built for us to hide from people like you. Write a new think piece. 

[loismacgiver-deactivated2018061]

another thing is that when you, as a straight woman, walk into a gay bar? you can’t start bitching and whining about the gross ugly dykes who ask you to dance or try to buy you drinks. it’s a gay bar. it’s for us. it’s not for you to gawk at us like it’s a fucking petting zoo, and in a space for men to meet men and women to meet women, don’t be surprised if a woman tries to interact with you romantically. that’s the whole fucking point of a gay bar.

[survivablyso]

the op is an aphobe. they’re not talking about straight girls, they’re saying aces and aros have no place in a gay bar, in lgbt+/queer spaces.

[loismacgiver-deactivated2018061]

What would any of you geeks even want to do in a gay bar you’re the ones who are always fucking whining about how they’re oversexed dens of sin like you’re Baptist pastors in 1954

[keynoi]

I’d want to get drunk and scream “you’re so gaaaaay!” at my friends;

I’d want to get drunk and lovingly stare at girls and say to them how pretty they are;

I’d want to get drunk and boo at two guys kissing and then ask them to repeat;

I’d want to get drunk and sing “I want to take you to the gay bar” very loudly just so someone would scream at me “you ARE at the gay bar, shut up!”

Mostly I just want to get drunk in the friendly and safe and queer environment and like to be safe and friendly and queer and drunk.

Imagine that.

[loismacgiver-deactivated2018061]

All of these things are intensely and extremely annoying so like my point stands

[larkandkatydid]

These are…incredibly shitty things to do and like, at least ¾ of them are things that would make the space no longer quite so friendly and safe to actual LGBT people? 

[von--gelmini-deactivated2020021]

You want to BOO at two gay men kissing??? And then laughingly tell them to do it again??????? You want to harass and catcall gay men in one of the only places where they can express their affection and be (relatively) safe? FUCK YOU! Fuck you very much. @keynoi Please remove yourself from the proximity of any gay man immediately. We’re not your IRL fetish wank material. Keep that shit to slash fandom. Plus, as far as staring lovingly at women and telling them how pretty they are? With you as an ace strident enough to use “op is an aphobe” as an argument, you’re probably also going to get your knickers in a twist when she thinks you’re flirting in a sexual manner. Then you can play your lesbophobic oppression fantasies out and say how awful lesbians are for wanting to have sex with you and making a gay bar an unsafe place for all the poor “queers” out there with their overt sexuality and “homonormativity” or some such bullshit. Please do the LGBT community a favor and fuck right the hell off.

[straightboyfriend]

cis gay men & lesbians have privilege over trans people because they are cis, not because theyre gay. cis bi people oppress trans people the exact same way. bi people arent “”””more accepting”””” of trans people & acting like thats true is homophobic. acting like gay men & lesbians are privileged for being gay is homophobic. hypervisibility isnt a privilege. bi people dont have privilege over gay men & lesbians either, because if youre oppressed for your sexuality then you dont have the power to oppress someone for the exact same thing. i wish you dumbass mogai idiots would leave this discourse in 2014 lmfao.

[blightxrot]

so, please tell me, exclusionists

Why DON’T ace/aro people belong within the LGBTQ community? Normally I’d have a snarky remark here, but I’m trying to foster an actual discussion here so I’ll leave it at that.

[cats-discourse]

We’ve said this a lot but it’s a lot of complicated reasons:

- The LGBT community is not solely a community that revolves around gender and sexuality; it’s a safe haven for those oppressed by violent homophobia - and the extensions of it - and violent transphobia. Aces and aros do not inherently experience either one of those.

- Aces and aros aren’t oppressed for being ace / aro. There’s no laws that prohibit you from marrying. Courts will not refuse to let you adopt. You will not be violently murdered because you are ace / aro. Aces and aros can use the bathroom safely. They can be open without fear of being murdered for their status as an ace / aro individual. They aren’t at risk for being evicted, disowned, kicked out by their parents, fired, or to experience workplace discrimination or harassment.

- Aces and aros can still be cishet because being cishet just means being cisgender and straight. If you are cisgender and only attracted to the opposite binary gender, you are straight. It doesn’t matter if you are sexually attracted to them or not, you’re still straight.

- Asexuality / aromanticism has become a “spectrum” of sorts and if you can experience sexual attraction some of the time and romantic attraction all of the time, and are a cishet, what makes you any different from any other cishet?

- Not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction all of the time is 100% normal and happens with… everyone, depending on how you define it. Nobody is attracted to literally everyone of the gender(s) they are attracted to. In addition it’s totally normal to not be attracted to someone until after you’ve formed a close bond with them.

- People are also arguing that aces can have sex and aros can date, so what makes them literally any different from non ace / aro people??

- Anything negative ace / aro people experience as a result of being ace / aro is the result of misogyny or toxic masculinity, not “aphobia”

- Ace / aro people have literally no history with the LGBT community. 0. none. They weren’t here when we were dying of AIDs and being murdered by police and our own government. They’ve only showed up because they think it’s a party and don’t care to help our community with what it needs.

- The ace / aro inclusionism movement started with a cishet, David Jay, back in 2003 who was also a raging homophobe

- LGBT people desperately need the very few resources we have and we can’t just give them away to cishet people just because they aren’t sexually attracted to their partner

- Anyway people aren’t oppressed for their lack of sexual or romantic attraction

- They have literally nothing to benefit from being in the LGBT community; they would literally only make whatever situation they might be in worse because anyone who is aligned with our community is targeted due to homophobia and transphobia

There’s more I can write but I’m tired and I seriously doubt you’d be willing to hear out even half of just what I have here.

[disclaymore-deactivated20230920]

Unpopular opinion but aros and aces deserve to be in the LGBT community more than trans people

Edit since apparently its too ambiguously worded: Its not that trans people dont deserve a community, its just that a group based on gender shouldn’t be with a group based on sexaulity.

[bugcourse]

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fu

[borzboy-deactivated20180510]

[fdeswqasdfgvrfedwsdfr3-deactiva]

i know people dont take ace discourse very seriously at times (including myself) mostly bc mogai tumblr can be so ridiculous but ace tumblr really doesnt seem to know what consent is and that scares me a lot because i know really young teenagers are going to read “”“"positivity”“”“ posts like “Its okay if feel uncomfortable during sex! ITS VALID if u have sex just to appease the person ur dating!!!! uwu” and think its okay edit: this post isnt for twerfs. fuck off

[queengloryrain]

[bewareofdyke]

Bechdel’s Coming Out Story is the most relatable gay shit I’ve Ever read

“Since earliest childhood, I knew I was different from other girls… For a long time, I thought it was just because I was smarter.”

refers to her pre-gay-awakening self as “entirely asexual”

“I was trying desperately to distract myself from a truth that was slowly but surely struggling to the surface of my solitary, sex-starved soul.”

So distracted by her internal reverie when she realizes she’s gay that she almost gets fucking hit by a car

“Too nervous to read something so blatant [Lesbian/Woman] in public, I bought it. I read the whole book voraciously … When I was done, I tore the cover off, stuffed the rest of it in a brown paper bag, and hid it under my mattress.”

“I prayed for a kindly, experienced lesbian to come rescue me from my lonely agonies.”

After coming out to her first person: “What have I done? What has possessed me? You can’t just go around telling people you’re a lesbian unless you know you are one! Do I actually think I have the nerve to be a lesbian?!!”

Spends an entire day “psyching [her]self up” to attend a gay student org, calls it “probably the bravest thing [she’s] ever done”

“My people! I had found them!”

Still remembers the first other lesbian she ever met

At first feels like she “couldn’t really relate” to other lesbians, is “plagued with doubt”; “These people are weird. Maybe I’m not a homo after all.”

Begins to “shiver uncontrollably” the first time she’s vaguely intimate with another woman

“My own humble contribution to that epic tale of collective self-revelation that my sisters and brothers have been telling for generations. It’s an honor, it really is. Thanks for dropping by. Come out again. Ciao.”

I’m crying now lmao thanks momma Bechdel

[like-the-midnight-sun-deactivat]

“refers to her pre-gay-awakening self as ‘entirely asexual’”

*actually asexual sighing*

[bewareofdyke]

Yes, it’s extremely common for lesbians & other wlw to be repressed, in denial of, or alienated from their sexual feelings, and even (if less commonly) to actively identify as asexual. In the notes & tags of this post MANY other lesbians relate to that bullet point specifically. This is not (as your tags assert) “shitting on” asexuals or asexuality; it’s describing a facet of the lesbian experience.

It’s also very common for lesbians to first identify as or come out as bisexual. In my circles this commonality of experience has become a point of bonding between lesbian & bisexual women, not a point of contention. Perhaps your interpreting Bechdel’s words as hostile betrays a desire or inclination to view lesbians as hostile in general.

This is an opportunity to expand your horizons and learn something new about lesbians in order to be better allies to us. Please take that route.

[miloswanders]

It really is quite common, especially in contexts where homosexuality is heavily stigmatized or denied by public opinion, and all discussion on the matter is systematically silenced. Young women who have never considered that there may be alternatives to a sexuality involving attraction towards men, upon realizing that nothing ever “clicks” with them romantically-wise, are sooner led to believe that sex simply isn’t their cup of tea than to view other women as possible partners. 

[pastimperfection]

See also: thinking you might want to become a nun or a priest, and the Catholic Church’s implicit encouragement of gay and lesbian young people to join holy orders! 

[junomacguff-deactivated20180827]

in the musical adaptation of fun home (aka the eisner award-winning text by aforementioned Notable Aphobe alison bechdel), alison’s teenage self is literally scripted to quote that specific bullet point. that happens right before a musical number where she sings the line, “i thought all my life i’d be all alone.” i know it’s like a requisite part of tumblr ace culture to be self-involved but maybe consider an experience outside your own for ten seconds and think about what it means that countless young lesbians feels so alienated from their own attraction that society would prefer it if they just never expressed that attraction/had sex at all. that’s also where the lesbian bed death myth comes from lmao.

lots of lesbians (including younger me!!!!!! lmao) use asexuality as a way to closet themselves, because false versions of lesbian sexuality (i.e. p*rn) hypersexualize us so much that the idea of having sex as a lesbian is immediately terrifying. add that to the fact that society doesn’t even touch the idea of two actual lesbian women having intimate and realistic sex because that would threaten men, and of course the easiest option for many lesbians is to write off the possibility of sexuality altogether.

anywhich, if i never see *ce d*sc**rse on an alison bechdel post again it will be too soon, she’s just trying to draw deeply important and relatable cartoons in vermont and doesn’t deserve to have her name exit you freaks’ mouths. :/

[unapologeticbiroace-archived]

Y'all, it’s an app specifically for ace people.

They have so many choices in terms of romantic orientation, too!

It’s available on android (and probably iOS too) under the name ACEapp.

[dogsanddiscourse]

ruined a good concept :(

[foulserpent]

god not to beat a dead  horse but peak MOGAI tumblr is taking a Serious symptom of sexual trauma that is Absolutely Not a part of a healthy sex life and should be a sign that you should seek help. and calling it a sexuality

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

this is like…a major symptom of abuse jeez

[anotherpapercut]

any other Gays have a really hard time differentiating like platonic feelings and romantic ones due to years of trying to convince yourself your romantic crushes were just intense platonic feelings

[yarking]

http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Wtfromantic

Quoiromantic is more generally described as:

-Being unsure if you experience attraction or not -Being unable to understand attraction as a concept or feeling -Finding the concept of attraction to be inaccessible, inapplicable, nonsensical -Being unable to define romantic attraction so unable to say whether or not you experience it -Having a hard time distinguishing romantic attraction from other types of attractions, or being unable to distinguish them at all (For example, you can’t distinguish romantic feelings from platonic, or you have a hard time distinguishing romantic from sensual feelings) -Struggling to find a better term because it is too complicated or because they just don’t fit any other term -Not experiencing romanticism in a traditional manner

y’know… if you want a word for it, but obvs it doesn’t have to be a orientation for you if you don’t feel like it fits. I know some(most?) folk don’t like the idea of external factors influencing their orientation but if it helps…

[discourseful]

this is deadass an orientation that describes internalized homophobia, please stop encouraging the use of it

[ike-loves-men]

Gay people: *commenting about struggling with internalized homophobia*

Mogai Demonic Hellsite, crawling from AVEN’s shit-cacked asscrack:

[childhoodgrave]

BAD trope: girl is cold to all men, has no interest in dating, meets a sunshine boy who makes her realize she DOES want to date and falls in love GOOD trope: girl is cold to all men, has no interest in dating, turns out shes a lesbian!!! meets a sunshine girl who makes her realize she is gay and falls in love

[schuylerblue]

ANOTHER GOOD trope: girl is cold to all men, has no interest in dating, meets a sunshine boy who makes her realise after getting to know him that she is demisexual

[schuylerblue]

TO CLARIFY, I AM NOT TRYING TO ERASE THE WLW ASPECT OF THIS POST, I AM TRYING TO INCLUDE THE ACE SPECTRUM!!!

[lesbeans-on-toast]

its a personal post by a LESBIAN about their personal LESBIAN experiences so stop demanding that everything be made about you.

 its someones personal post and its shit like this that makes it hard for lesbians to find out their lesbians, bc anytime its suggested someone might be one 65 different ppl jump in screaming “BUT WHAT IF SHES ACE!!!!!!!!” like no. make your own damn post, stop talking over lesbians. unacceptable.

[horreurscopes]

jessica rabbit is literally a sex symbol though she can't be asexual?

she is in romo with a rabbit because he makes her laugh and aside from using her looks to get things out of people she literally never once shows interest in anything or anyone sexually through the entire movie and is clearly appalled when anyone makes advances towards her like there is canonical evidence that jessica rabbit from the classic motion picture who framed rogger rabbit is an asexual character  

[harocat]

I am here as fuck for this. Jessica Rabbit for new asexual icon.

[drdadster]

“She can’t be asexual because she’s hot tho”

[commandertrevelyan]

“I can only see her as a sexual object so I can’t imagine her not wanting to have sex with me.”

[skottichan-deactivated20240228]

I’ve always remembered the line “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” as Jessica’s admission that while sexualized, she isn’t inherently a sexual entity.

I mean hell, literally, her line before is “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”, to which Eddie responds; “You don’t know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.”

I think that’s pretty damning evidence to her asexuality. The whole plot point with Jessica is how everyone is either convinced she’s sleeping with every human and toon around, or why does she stay faithful to Roger.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit does a great job at satirizing Hollywood/American culture and ideals when it comes to appearances. It also does a great job at hiding some really well thought out challenges to how we look at others in plain sight.

I completely believe that Jessica Rabbit is an asexual romantic (hetero/bi/pan/etc not sure, and to be honest, I don’t know if that part is important, as she’s married to the toon she loves).

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

I LOVE this headcanon <3

[pixiebutterandjelly-deactivated]

This is important!

[luxarcher]

This headcanon is just so perfect I had to draw it

#JessicaRabbitForAsexualIcon

[filledepluie]

YES

YES

YEEEESSS

[eliciaforever-deactivated201906]

I haven’t seen this post in a thousand years and it’s gotten EVEN MORE EXCELLENT.

[amthsts-remade-deactivated20191]

Y'all exhaust me so much

[amthsts-remade-deactivated20191]

Like yalls evidence is that she doesn’t wanna fuck anyone besides her husband and rebuffs unwanted sexual advances so she must be ace. Why do y'all think all us filthy allos are just sex crazed fiends that fuck anyone who glances at us I’m so fucking tired

[justonemorestep]

Honestly though since neither the LGBT+ community nor the straight community accepts aces/aria, let’s just make our own community separate from both and only allow in people who are along the lines of ace/aro. See how pissed non-aces/aros get when we do the same to them. Can we just do that instead? I think us ace/aros would feel a lot more comfortable.

Thoughts?

[goobra]

idk if you’re new to the discourse, but this is literally what exclusionists have been rallying for for ages. i know, as an asexual, i’d love an ace/aro-specific community.

i don’t think people would get pissed, exclusionists literally have been supporting this idea for as long as i’ve been in the discourse.

[threed-deactivated20181216]

sorry but “aphobia” for cishet aro/aces and cis aroaces doesn’t exist outside of misogyny and toxic masculinity.

if you’re a cis and/or het aro/ace girl and you’re called frigid or a bitch for not wanting sex or a relationship, that’s not “aphobia” that’s misogyny

if you’re a cis and/or het aro/ace boy and you’re called a pussy for not wanting sex or a relationship, that’s not “aphobia” that’s toxic masculinity.

there are literally already words for what you’re experiencing stop trying to make up new ones so you can invade LGBT safe spaces

[uwufag]

@howdoistopscrolling that's the thing though stigma against aces isn't half as bad and not oppressive. hurtful, yeah, but not oppressive. no ones been arrested, ceased marraige, systematically targeted through law, or killed in multiples for not having sex?? it makes no sense. my point was trans people are so stigmatized that the idea of being a filthy transie made my mom burst into tears, while telling people I'm ace weirds them out. and my issue is if someone spoke out saying "my mom called me a freak! my friends think I'm weird! aces are oppressed and need representation! and to be lgbt!" then you'd agree. but because I undermined it compared to trans experiences (u know... death threats and shit) you don't. anyways same rhetoric as always idk if this even has a point because we're not going to agree.