Pairing: Zhongli x fem!Reader (she/her pronouns)
Summary: After discovering his endeavours with the Fatui, she asked a question one that doomed them both. Now, months after his disappearance she finally finds him.
A/n: I live for Zhongli angst to fluff. He is just so easy to write angst for, same goes for Diluc haha. I love my boys. There will be a part 2 to this maybe just maybe a part 3. We will see. SPOILERS: Zhongli's identity
Contracts were the expertise of Rex Lapis, his source of power, loyalty, control and ultimately, his demise. Or rather their demise since he wasn’t the only one who suffered. Rex Lapis, finally in his real form, was sitting alone under the grand tree of Nantianmen, head leaned back a sigh escaping his lips. For the first time in his long lasting life, he questions his actions, the existence of one contract in particular, a contract that caused his new life as a human to collapse. When he first decided to create said contract he merely wanted to protect his identity from becoming exposed. Now he pounders if his secrecy was worth losing her. In the far end of his mind, hope flickered like a dying candle flame; hope that she would come find him, search for him. The pain he caused and the wound he created in her heart was too deep, too fresh for her to push it aside and look. Tears threatened to escape his eyes again, but he refused to allow them. Gods don’t cry.
Too preoccupied drowning in his own sorrow, the god of contacts failed to hear the footsteps slowly approaching. They slowed to a stop in front of him. He raised his eyes to meet the ones he fell in love with, bloodshot and angry filled with fury and sadness, He had caused that. She always looked at him with such a tender gaze, eyes soft with love.
“You have some nerve.” Her voice trembled as she spoke, this time not from keeping back tears. She was furious. “You have some nerve disappearing to this place after everything we’ve been through.” She took a small step forward, eyes never wavering from his. “Coming here with no explanation, leaving me to pick up the pieces back at the Harbor, make excuses for your absence all these months, watch so many people look at me in pity when I waited for you to come home.” She took another calming sigh. “I despise pity. If you were planning on leaving then you should’ve cleared things up with the people around you and not let all that burden fall onto my shoulders!”
“I sincerely apologize for the harm I’ve caused but I couldn’t-”
“Don’t make excuses and don’t apologize for something you feel no remorse for!” Her hands fell limb to her sides; she was utterly exhausted. “You knew what you were doing…”
He knew all too well what he had done and she was right; as much as it pained him to see her in this state, to know what she had gone through because of him, he was not remorseful. The contract he had struck with himself was clear: Leave the moment someone suspects your identity. He was at a loss for words, for the first time in centuries.
“When I saw you with the Fatui Harbinger I knew it was bad news.” She had turned her back to him, arms wrapped around her waist in comfort. Comfort he wished to provide. “I thought that it was just a coincidence that you weren’t truly scheming with her.” Her shoulders trembled for only a moment before she composed herself again, straightening her back and turning to face him again a new spark in her eyes. “But then I heard you talking and making an agreement, a contract if you must, that I had no knowledge of.”
“Three months! The Fatui said that it had taken her three months to convince you to hand the gnosis over! Did something so big slip your mind for three months, Morax?” The atmosphere worsened at the sound of his true name. A chill ran down his spine at the emotionless mention of his name on her lips. Before, when he imagined telling her the truth, she would call out to him the same way she used to before, the word Morax sweet like honey from her lips. Now it was merely full of venom. “You lied to me for years. You have been lying all this time and when I ask for an explanation you vanish.”
“The contract I struck was destroyed, this is my divine punishment.” He tried reaching out to her, in a moment of human desire, but she flinched away from him, closing more into herself. “I truly apologize for hurting you, I never wanted to come to this but you must understand that my identity came first in every endeavour I had once I became a human.” He reverts back to when she dropped the question, back to the moment his heart sank to his stomach in realisation of what must follow. “When you asked about my gnosis, wanting to know what it was, I had no choice but to leave. If I were to reveal to you who I was then not only would you be in great danger but you would also become a liability. I can not afford that.” He watched as a new emotion shone on her features. Betrayal.
“You thought I would expose you?” Hurt colored her whole face, causing him to panic and grasp her elbows this time pulling her to his chest, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Why does he keep saying the wrong things? “You trust me so little?”
“Heavens no! I trust you with my life, my love. I just didn’t know- didn’t think that I would ever meet someone like you, someone I could truly entrust with something of such importance. That’s why I made the contract.” He tightened his grip, rocking them slowly back and forth. “I’m sorry I left. I shouldn’t have, I know that now. I made you suffer and hurt you deeply, I’m so sorry my love.”
Slowly she reached up behind his back, grasping his tunic and hugging back. He could feel droplets hitting his skin as a slight tremble took over her form. But she didn’t let go.
“I want to go home.” She sniffled, holding on impossibly tight as if he would simply slip through her fingertips, off to another hiding place of his. “Please.”
Slowly, his golden veins started to revert back to their normal state, the skin on his arms taking a beige shade and his eyes losing their goldy glow. In a matter of a few seconds he was once again Zhongli, the funeral parlor employee. Zhongli, the person who would walk through the market tailing his love as she bought necessities for their small home. Zhongli, the one who would take her to a different tea shop every Friday night so they could listen to the different story tellers; only to constantly correct them by whispering the true events in her ear. The Zhongli who fell in love with a human woman. The Zhongli who wanted to give up godhood so he could live the rest of his days by her side. The Zhongli who was just a man. Kissing the top of her head he pushed her off his chest, cupping her cheeks and wiping her tears away gently with his thumb.
“Anything for you, my love.” For the first time, the god of contracts cried.
