Vague Silence

This blog is about the beauty of the world, of life, and of people. This blog is made to express another side of me. I want to express more of my "deep" side with this blog.

[votedami]

How many scars did we justify because we loved the person holding the knife?

[vaguesilencee]

I don't know what to think. I don't know how to go about this.

[mastrshifu]

(when homeboy thinks it’s okay to break up with me through text a week before our 1 year 🙄)

how to get over a toxic person 101 with yours truly:

step 1: go on a mini hiking trip with good friends step 2: stop by a bridge that looks over a huge ass waterfall step 3: remember that you have some of his shit in your car/trunk step 4: stuff all of the memory tokens into the wine bottle you had together for the first time and secure it with his picture at the top so when people find it, they’ll know he fucked up step 5: make sure someone is recording, state his full name and where he lives, and how poorly he treated you step 6: THROW THAT SHIT OVER THE BRIDGE step 7: feel better

[vaguesilencee]

Love.

What is love?

What is this thing that makes people feel like they’re soaring up above?

From what I’ve heard, it’s just some sort of infatuation. 

Some sort of addiction.

Love is not something physical, it’s something more special

It’s something that is undescribable.

It’s not something that can be described by words

but something that is felt rather than heard.

For awhile, I’ve always thought that it’s just temporary bliss

and that sooner or later the feeling won’t be there after every kiss.

But then I met you. The one that will prove all of this love craze true.

Love is life-changing, it gives you this feeling that is just so amazing.

It’s crazy how one person can mean so much to you.

It’s as if life feels complete but you have no clue.

Because love is hard to define, it’s hard to explain.

but know that you are the one who keeps me sane.

To this day, my love for you still remains undefined.

But I know that the true definition of it comes from inside.

If I can describe my love for you in one word it would be beautiful

because everything about you is beautiful and that’s why my love for you is indisputable.

[vaguesilencee]

Fake Smiles.

Everybody goes about their day fine and dandy

but what people don’t know is that I got this baggage behind my back that I can barely carry

Stories from my past will never be at rest because it’s just a huge mess

Mom and dad divorced and I still don’t know the source

but I keep on going in this life not knowing that this is a horrible course

I’m going crazy and I don’t even know who to blame

all these thoughts in my brain is slowly creating a monster that can’t be tamed

It’s going wild, it’s going crazy

I just want to let it loose but I still couldn’t let it play me

I need someone to be here with me so I can show them the real me

not this beast that I have been becoming lately

But there’s no one, not even mom and dad

this is why every sign of life in me has nearly died

There’s no hope and this is why I question my existence

because no one is out there to give me some assistance

People walk smiling and I tend to do the same 

I even take a few pictures and put it in a frame

What people don’t know is that it’s not the real me

they will never see me because they only pay attention to what they see

That same joyful smile is filled with horrible lies but is very well hidden in disguise from your very eyes

This is why I’m still here but I’m filled with fear

because the future is near and that kid in the picture will no longer be there.

[vaguesilencee]

Thoughts.

All these thoughts, all these things in my head are slowly killing me. Why do you still come up? Why? I know I've moved on but you still manage to creep in the deepest crevice of my thoughts. I can't make it stop and it is eating me away. Please make it stop.

[vaguesilencee]

Lonely.

Sometimes I just feel really lonely. I might be hanging out with friends and having a good time but sometimes I just feel like I need that special someone in my life. I talk to girls but I just can't seem to get the right connection. I feel lonely deep inside. My friends look so happy with their significant other while I'm here still searching for mine. I know it's not a big deal but sometimes I think about it and I feel lonely. Where are you?

[vaguesilencee]

Visit Original Link

I love you forever,

forever and always

Please just remember, 

even if I'm not there

I'll always love you

forever and always.

[vaguesilencee]

Satisfaction.

I look back at my life. I look back at all the things that I’ve done and I can honestly say that I’m happy with how my life is. Of course, I’ve dealt with tough situations and I’ve made many mistakes but those are what defines me. I have grown because of my mistakes. Those mistakes have taught me lessons about the world, about people, and about life. I have failed over and over again but I always get back up on my feet because I have met people that has helped me the most, and I now call these people my best friends and my family. These people know me the best. They have helped me through everything. They have helped me grow into what I am now and that is what makes my life so worth it. I entered high school without any friends. I was always alone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I hated high school. I hated waking up every morning just to go to school. Until one day, I met a guy named Jason. This guy invited me to dance with him and his cousin, so I did and from that point on him and his cousins have been my best friends along with three other people named Sunny, Sergio, and Abigail that I met along the way. These people have helped me so much. I was going through a really tough time before entering high school but with everything that has happened with my life, I’m happy to say that I now wake up every morning with the purpose of living a great life. A life without any regrets. A life filled with happiness. I have wonderful friends that helps me through everything and gets the best out of me. I have a great family that cares about me so much and gives me so much which gives me a reason to keep on going, to be successful, to be happy and to make them proud. As the school year comes closer to ending and most of my friends go off to college, I am now prepared for whatever the future has to bring. I am ready for my senior year of high school and I know I will do good. I am not satisfied because of this reason, I am satisfied because of what I have grown into. I have discovered myself, I have discovered what I am as a person. I’m not yet done growing, I still have many years to go but as I look back through all these years, I couldn’t be more satisfied with my life.

“There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you’ve grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness.” 

                                                                                  -Ella Wheeler Wilcox

[vaguesilencee]

Summer Romance.

I thought about you last night. I thought about us. I thought about those countless hours we spent talking on the phone, not caring that we were sleepy because we wanted to keep talking to each other. We wanted to keep hearing each other’s voices. We wanted to feel each other’s presence, I wanted to feel your presence. I was in search of something. Maybe I was in search of love, of you. Maybe I was in search of happiness. Whatever it was I know I wanted it. Why? Because it felt great, it felt right. Was I in love? No, but man was I falling fast.You were the main source of my happiness that summer. Every message, every phone call made me feel so happy. You made me feel something I’ve never felt before. It was amazing. You are amazing. Now I ask myself, was I in search of a hopeless love? We both knew what was going to happen. We kept denying it. I kept denying it. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to lose what we had, what you made feel. When something that great came to me, I didn’t want to just give it up but maybe it was for the best. When it happened I was devastated. I never got to find what I was searching for. Is there still hope for us in the future? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. It was all just a summer romance.

[vaguesilencee]

Bboy Thesis & Bboy MN Joe at R-16 North America.

[vaguesilencee]

Santa Barbara beach.