austin ^^

They/Them I like to draw, make cool outfits, and go shopping :3

[vamp-hendo]

Heyoo ^ ,^

💤I'm an arospec 18 y.o. trans man ^_^ I'm from New England, I'm a cartoonist, and a major in agroecology!𖧧

💿Fav Musicians • M1V, Cooked, Bad Religion, A Day to Remember

🦇Actually a vampire

[vamp-hendo]

Blehh

[vamp-hendo]

<:v

[vamp-hendo]

:p

[vamp-hendo]

₊ ‧ . ° . ⋆ ✮ ⋆ . ° . ‧ ₊

I've been having all sorts of weird dreams as of late, but the one i had last night is sticking with me.

I don't remember what happened to me, but i was in the hospital. Maybe i got pneumonia again really bad or something, i was having a hard time breathing on my own. I was going around talking to different people, and one of the many patients told me to "beware of the horse who wears a heart on his sleeve" because if he came to me, it meant i was gonna die.

I guess i was doing too much walking around because i collapsed and woke up back in my room, hooked up to all sorts of machinery. Heart monitor, the tubes hooked to someones nose, nasal cannula, but more,,, hardcore. Like in my lungs n shit. Stuff like that. Family came to visit me and all that jazz, but after they left, there was someone standing by my door. It was the horse. And his heart was literally exposed, although it wasn't on his arm. I called him over.

"I don't know if this is true" i started. "but i heard that there was a horse with an open heart that would come to take patients to the afterlife. I wouldn't want to make any assumptions-" and then he cut me off. "It's true. That would be me." A brief moment of silence draped over the room, minus the rhythmic beeping from the heart monitor... "Oh." I broke his gaze and stared through the walls of the room. He took my hand in his. "So are you ready?"

To preface, i've struggled with pretty severe suicidal ideation and tendencies for most of my life now. Without much hesitation i answered him. "yes." His grip on my hand tightened, and the monitor flat-lined. I bathed in a newfound sense of relief and peace. In a dreamlike fashion, all the equipment i was hooked up to washed out and off of me. He scooped me up as if i weighed nothing. He brought me over to this casket, but it was also like a music box... i'm not sure. But he took me away from the commotion going on in my room, and reassured me that wasn't my problem anymore. It was quiet, and tranquil.

Maybe this was all one big metaphor i'm yet to understand. I've been sitting on it all day.

[vamp-hendo]

oh i forgot to post sum new selfies ^_^ blehhh

[vamp-hendo]

hormones would fix me T~T

[vamp-hendo]

O ,O

[vamp-hendo]

Heyo everyone! Just wanted to get on my little soapbox and speak my mind about leaving my smartphone without really targeting any audience. So to the 2 peeps who are gonna read, hi! I ditched my smartphone about 6 months ago? And i genuinely think it was one of my best decisions in recent years and absolutely recommend it to anyone thinking about it.. If you're gonna do it, don't do it for the trend. Do it for a reason. Mine was to be more in touch with my life, and to try to sway some of the intensity from my pretty severe depressive episodes. I found it made me far less anxious, and made me actually value the time i spent online as i could only access the internet at my desktop. As soon as i leave my room, i can be in touch and less anxious without my phone. I currently use a $20 flip phone that i pay $15 a month for a cell plan. It was cheap and super affordable, and does everything i need (music and contact with people :p) I see everyone starting to call the "going analogue" movement a trend and another instance of consumerism, when what i did was to do the complete opposite. Ditching the smartphone for the aesthetic is a huge part of the problem. Switch off to enjoy your life more, with less. I see a lot of people over-buying for their "analogue bags" when the whole movement started to make more out of less in the first place. Finding that purpose to make the change is what will motivate and make your experience. I found it was the perfect decision for me, and maybe it isn't for you, and that's ok!! Less screen time should be a side affect of trying to live your life more freely, not the goal. Thank you for listening if u read all this, those r my twopence! Read more books and try to love living ur life <:3

[vamp-hendo]

omg i never changed my pronouns on my Meet the Artist o_O" !!!

[vamp-hendo]

=_=

[vamp-hendo]

errr

[vamp-hendo]

Pretty in a casket >_<

[vamp-hendo]

I made a Menhera Chan s/i :3 I'm not japanese so i don't feel comfortable giving myself a japanese name, even if it'd be more accurate pgjfjdg

[vamp-hendo]

In the shadows, no one sees me cry

[vamp-hendo]

I'm feeling very inspired by Blitzkid's Making a Monster, might be my favorite song right now

[vamp-hendo]

I didn't walk, i ran here to talk abt this bcz omg,,,

So i've been feeling pretty detached from my vampire identity as of late, which is a little weird because i've been pretty firm on knowing that's what i am for YEARS now. But last night, i guess i forgot to take my meds before bed and i actually had a dream again last night! I guess my antidepressants don't let me dream vividly like i've always been able to. But last night, i dreamt i was a vampire in this huuge cobblestone castle, and i had like,, these people after me. It actually wasn't a very happy dream i think i got staked and died. Not cool. But i woke up this morning and was like "woah,,,"

It was a very affirming dream despite the bad ending and i'm feeling super attached to my identity again :)

As for the deer side of my blog, i guess i'm not feeling very attached to that part anymore. I guess you gotta try to know? And i tried, and now i know. So i think this blog is going back to being vampire themed LOL