hiram is hiram forever @vampireveronica - Tumblr Blog

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if archie andrews ever had to solve the trolley problem he would ignore the lever and jump directly in front of the trolley.

#archie andrews #riverdale #season 3 of riverdlae. greatest season of tv possibly ever

eyeslashes

every friend group (*cough*polycule) of four is the same

what are their satc designations do you think. Jughead is lowkey a carrie

cheaphalloweencostume

have you watched any of riverdale at all

i really really should because i’ve watched bits and pieces and everything i learn about it adds to my theory that Riverdale is happening in the Saw universe where Twin Peaks is also happening but none of them overlap

baldgonia

the other day i hit my pen too hard and betty cooper mad world became the funniest thing in the universe to me for 3 solid hours and during that 3 hours i opened capcut

baldgonia

happy pride month

parkayquarts

guys i think its working i can feel it working

#SO TRUEE

parkayquarts

i love my this

baldgonia

finding out people who really did not care for betty while riverdale was airing were upset that betty usurps archie as defacto main character almost immediately. And it’s like on one level I get it but if you watch the show with your eyes and ears you will see that lili reinhart can act and kj apa can’t. So is it really any wonder why the writers wanted to throw all their most exciting plotlines at Betty.

gaymattsharp

doctorcurdlejr

In caveman times Jughead painted on the cave walls and Betty (hunter) would turn to Veronica (invented fire) like woww bowlhead (caveman for Jughead) is always just over there drawing his pictures... Don't get me wrong they're nice or whatever but really wish he like contributed... Maybe we should use him as bait next week. Meanwhile Archie (healing after Betty used him as bait for a dire wolf) is like Betty just let him draw his pictures they're really nice...

persephoneme

you can't say "hey has anyone noticed that M/M fic outnumbers F/F like 100:1” or “it feels racist that only 3/202 characters on the ao3 top 100 ships list are Black and two of them are Alastor HazbinHotel” bc some ppl will start going like “oh so you think we should FORCE people to write about things they DON’T CARE ABOUT for WOKE????” and you’ll be like “no, i’m pointing out that the conditions that created this disparity are informed by racism & misogyny” and ppl will say “it’s not BIGOTED to only care about WHITE MEN” and then the gargoyle king appears

philcollinsenjoyer

and then you dumped me via archie which by the way? WAY worse than via text

moistvonlipwig

they should've done a riverdale episode where cheryl hosts a party to show off her outfit and then veronica walks in with even fancier clothes + jewelry that she got from her friend katy keene and upstages cheryl making cheryl hopping mad and then cheryl gets a delivery from christine bior labeled 'almglocken' and she's like How delightsome! My very own almglocken! and starts wearing it around and everyone is like Cheryl that's a cowbell and she's like No you heathens this is an authentic christine bior almglocken. and everyone's like okay i guess but betty confronts her and says Cheryl that is a cowbell and you look stupid please take it off and cheryl says Well cousin since we're on the subject i've always thought your ponytail makes you look like a repressed serial killer. which is the thing betty is insecure about so she goes off to brood. meanwhile cheryl is starting to make cow puns every time she speaks she's like Hello veronica you're auditioning for the lead in moo-lin rouge i see and veronica is like Cheryl are you making cow puns because you're wearing a cowbell and cheryl is like How udderly ridiculous how many times do i have to tell you people it's not a cowbell it's an almglocken. then cheryl has a dream where she gets locked in the barn and taken to the market by her mother and slaughtered and turned into steak and served up to jason while we intercut with veronica singing dona dona at some sort of entertainment venue for reasons known only to veronica. then later that night jughead and tabitha hear a mysterious noise outside pop's and find cheryl eating grass and jughead is like Uhh cheryl why are you eating grass and she's like Jughead you are so STUPID i am returning to the ancestral blossom ways. Now mooo-ve out of my way. and then she turns into a cow.

and the next day tabitha is like Did cheryl actually turn into a cow last night or did i dream that and jughead is like Yeah or is that a movie we watched and then they get a call from betty who's like Guys i think cheryl is a cow now and she's on a rampage. and they rush to find cheryl who is eating all the grass in town and they're like We have to stop her or riverdale will lose its precious rivergrass. so they call archie and jughead makes him dress up as a toreador and wave a red cape at her which enrages cow!cheryl because she owns the color red and she merely loans it to archie's hair out of the goodness of her heart but now he is flaunting it so she charges at him and he uses a pitchfork to knock the cowbell off of her and she turns back into a human. and she tearfully awakens and hugs archie and says Thank you archiekins you saved me from my bovine fate just like my jj would have done. and veronica says I don't understand why did christine bior send you a cowbell that makes you turn into a cow. and betty says Actually it turns out the package wasn't from christine bior it was from cowstine bior. and everyone's like Cowstine bior?! and just then nana rose enters the room and says Oh is that the cowstine bior cowbell i ordered? I was wondering where that got to and cheryl says Nana rose you ordered this? For why? and nana rose says For the maple syrup cow of course and archie says The maple syrup cow? and nana rose says Yes child did you really think our special blossom maple syrup came just from trees? We infuse the sap with the maple milk from the maple syrup cow. I ordered that cowbell just for her and cheryl says But the package said it was for cheryl blossom and nana rose says That's because the maple syrup cow's name is cheryl blossom. and toni says Why is the cow named cheryl blossom and cheryl says Dearest tt don't ask silly questions.....for what other name could the cow that enhances our maple syrup so be blessed with? and everyone is like True enough. and then there's a knock at the door and it's the mailman and the mailman says Delivery for cheryl blossom and it's the same packaging as before and cheryl looks inside and says How delightsome! My very own christine bior nose ring! and everyone says Cheryl NO and lunges to stop her from putting it on.

and then jughead steps out of the narrative and turns to the camera and says Well i think we all learned a valuable lesson today didn't we? Be careful what you put around your neck...you never know what you'll become. I'll see you next week, but for now, good night. and then he drinks from a glass of milk and it gives him a milk mustache and he winks at the camera. end of episode

livelaughlothcat

anyone remember riverdale?

moistvonlipwig

here is what i like about the performances of each of the five main actors on riverdale. i like that kj is trying very visibly hard to act and can't quite do it because that is so archie of him. i like that camila delivers all of her lines completely earnestly and without a trace of ironic self-awareness. i like that cole either can't act or is doing an elaborate bit and it's impossible to tell either way which is so juggy of him. i like that lili plays betty like a real person and not a tv character which gets increasingly funny the more outlandish betty's life gets. and i like that madelaine delivers all of her lines as if she is being possessed by the riverdale writers to enact their strange divine vision