Acne: A Continuous Battle
This post is somewhat different from what I usually share in here, and it’s something so close to my heart, since this is the first time I will be talking about my struggle with acne. (Also, I won’t be talking about my skincare routine, but feel free to send me a message if you’re interested.)
As you can see above, I’m not blessed with a poreless glass skin. I have oily skin, which is probably obvious. My friends can attest to that hahaha. The photo on the left was taken 2 years ago - during my first few weeks in med school - and on the right was taken just awhile ago for the purpose of this post.
You do know that constant in your life? Normally, it’s a person, but mine are clusters of angry zits inhabiting my skin since I was 16. Puberty hit me hard in a bad way, and it isn’t really the best part of my life.
It started appearing on my forehead. As expected, I changed the soap I was using and tried almost every product I’ve seen on TV commercials with its claims in treating acne. Instead of clearing my skin, it actually got worse over the years. They started appearing on my cheeks, chin -- pretty much covering my face with blemishes. At that time, it seemed hormonal since they coincide with my cycle.
I lost count of the times I have changed my skincare products. Every purchase felt like new hope (but no sooner dies). I give it weeks or months before I try another product. Later on, I started feeling desperate. Who wouldn’t be? I was slowly crumbling inside, feeling ashamed of myself. Not a day goes by that I have not looked in the mirror and asked myself “Why me? Why do I have this? Why am I not blessed with good skin? Even my mom didn’t experience this back then.” It was an everyday battle that I try to win, even until now.
A friend of mine recommended a spot treatment that he’s been using for years, which seemed effective because it was evident on his face. I didn’t have any second thoughts, and tried it immediately. Just weeks after, my friends noticed the changes on my face. I thought they were just bluffing because it was too soon to see the results, right? But I saw that my skin was indeed starting to clear. I continued using it and switched on a mild facial cleanser. I was able to establish a skincare routine that really suits me. My face was cleared with acne, at least for awhile. Thanks to my friend’s spot treatment.
I thought my struggle with acne was finally over. But 2 years later, my acne came back, and was waaaay worse - they were already cystic and really painful. Despite being consistent with my routine, I really didn’t know what went wrong. Why are they back? Fck this. I learned to put on make up to cover those zits, but as expected, it was just a temporary fix. It even got worse! I was back to zero - I was back to the time not so long ago of feeling desperate to look for a solution. I cried, because I didn’t like the person I’m seeing in front of the mirror anymore, heck there were plenty of times I preferred not looking at it. I tried to console myself, keeping in mind that I am not defined by this. I keep on telling myself that I am still beautiful no matter what, but even how much optimism I try to feed myself, my insecurities overpowered.
This persisted until I entered med school - so if you’re thinking that med school caused all of these, you’re mistaken. Since my acne came back, I was tempted and switched to organic products. It’s really hard to resist change when you know the current one isn’t working anymore. I’ve been consistently using it for almost a year, and just got tired of giving a fck about how I look. I already came to a point of accepting that acne is my constant struggle. I no longer used make up to cover my blemishes, I no longer care if people stare at me, I was not affected of what people say behind my back anymore, even though I know that some of them really was concerned about me. I just got tired of thinking about it.
If you’re wondering why I didn’t seek professional help, it’s because I was afraid. I was afraid of spending too much that I won’t be getting the results I’m expecting. Besides, I’m not making my own money yet, and I didn’t want to ask my parents to set another budget for this. That’s why I kept it as my last option.
Until months later, I discovered this Korean product that always appeared on my social media accounts. It claims to heal acne in just 30 days, and I thought it was too good to be true to see results in that short period of time. I researched about the product and its active ingredients. I purchased the toner since it has good reviews. I applied it religiously and didn’t expect anything from it, until my friends (again) noticed the changes. Well, I was already hopeless with my case, but as I compared my previous photos to the recent ones, there really was a difference. It’s true to its claim of healing acne in 30 days, which I really didn’t expect to see.
As you can see on the right photo, I still have acne scars. I may not have achieved the perfect skin yet, but I’ll take this moment as another win in my battle with acne. I’m 23, and I’ve been using the toner for more than a year now. It’s a long way to go in achieving clear skin, but I’m already happy with the results’ I’ve got. I’m happy that my acne is more controlled than it has ever been, and the it has been consistent since I used the product. Now, I’m already using other products from the same brand, and so far so good.
I know there’s still a lot out there experiencing the same struggle as mine, and if you’re one of us, just remember that this battle is not yours alone. It’s okay to be angry and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. Acne is not just physically disturbing, but it’s actually emotionally exhausting as well. It’s embedded down to what we see in front of the mirror and slowly losing our self-confidence. It can be depressing, yes. Just remember that you are more than this, way more. And as hopeless as it may seem, you can actually do something about it. We may not be blessed with a clear skin that we all wish to have, but embrace the beauty behind all those imperfections, even how hard it is. It’s a process. Continue discovering the product that suits perfectly on your skin. Even as I overcome my cystic acne, my journey towards clear skin still continues, and it’s probably a never-ending one.
