Vanta’s

stacking thoughts

[vantacolouredwords]

“I see you. All the things you hate about yourself and the battles you’re fighting inside. I see you and I hear you. And you know what?

I still believe you’ll achieve great things.”

[vantacolouredwords]

Some people make Corpse giggle and feel all bubbly inside and not being one of them makes me feel so ‘AARGH’

Anyway.

[arizonanalie]

I don’t know whether I’m bothered or uncomfortable that you care about me and the things I do.

[vantacolouredwords]

Feeling appreciated and cared for.

[vantacolouredwords]

No matter how hard you disagree, your existence is valuable and makes a difference.

[vantacolouredwords]

Honey, I can love you so good just like I can leave you for good.

[vantacolouredwords]

Yeah sure, go ahead and use that smart mouth of yours. See where it gets you.

[vantacolouredwords]

I hate that people who have inherent authority over you can literally ruin your life in so many hallucinating ways.

[vantacolouredwords]

No, I do give a fuck. I’ll always have a big heart. But do you deserve to know? Do I want to show you that I do?

That’s what you should worry about.

[vantacolouredwords]

I only have one weakness and it's the following sentence..

"Oh, what I'd do to you.."

I mean, please ?

[vantacolouredwords]

Corpse's love hits different.

[vantacolouredwords]

He's zoned out, drawing patterns on my thigh while humming whatever song stuck in his mind. And I wish I knew how to love him more without literally passing out.

[vantacolouredwords]

People’s actions or lack of action help me determine whether they should be a priority in my life or not.

Do yourself a favour and just let them show you.

[vantacolouredwords]

[...]

"Hum.. you look like you're either about to tie your shoe or propose to me.. either way, go about it quickly I can't take the anxiety."

"I love you but I have no ring on me."

"Oh, right. Great, thanks I can breathe again."

"But my friend right behind you does so will you marry me?"

"Wait what?! There's literally no one behind me."

"Kidding, you want me to redo your shoelaces too while I'm down here?"

[vantacolouredwords]

"Babe? Yeah sorry, how about you tone it down a little on the cuteness and perfect personality? Cause see, I'm trying to get this assignment done and I can't get you out of my mind.

No? Well, screw me."

[vantacolouredwords]

[...]

You cleared your throat, trying desperately to overpower his voice. "Okay, how about we stop now?"

He smirked and crossed his arms, well aware that your friends were more than eager to hear what he had to say. " What? Aren't we supposed to explain why you were whining in that clos-"

"I will slap you into another dimension." You muttered through your teeth, narrowing your eyes at him.

He hummed playfully and shrugged. "I guess you'll never know, guys."

No joke, your friends knew perfectly what happened inside that closet. This bottle game thing was MADE to create those kinds of situations.

[vantacolouredwords]

Conditional love is one of the most traumatising weapons. From fake friends, family member and so on.

How could you look me in the eye and snatch away all the so called love you feel for me? How is it so easy for you to not love me anymore until you deem me worthy of it again? Why is your love something that I have to restlessly fight for?

Sure, some would say it is not true, you can’t just unlove someone. But then how do I interpret the bullying, gaslighting, abuse and humiliation? What am I supposed to understand when you tell me I hate you, you’re a failure?

And I don’t need an answer to all those questions because the consequences will be the same anyway. I end up feeling worthless, uncared for, useless, undeserving and difficult to love.

And I wished the trauma you caused wouldn’t follow me around my whole life, but it most definitely will.