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COLLEGE STUDENT DAZAI HEADCANON - NSFW
This will be a full fic! It’s my first priority once i finish Agent of the Shadows
EVERYWHERE BUT THE BED - NSFW
Mafia Era Dazai x Fem Mafia Reader fuck wherever you can, but never in a bed... until you do!
PART ONE | PART TWO
PUNISH ME - NSFW
Mafia Era Dazai x Fem Mafia Reader have rough sex in an alleyway after a mission.
WHERE TIME STOPS - NSFW, Angst
ADA Era Dazai x Fem Mafia Reader meet up once a month after Dazai's defection. You swear this is the last time, and Dazai will take whatever you'll give him.
DON’T RUN FROM ME - NSFW, Angst with a happy ending
Mafia Era Dazai x Fem Mafia Reader
You decide to leave the mafia, but Dazai won’t let you go without a fight.
THE CRUELEST DRABBLE - NSFW, Angst
Mafia Era Dazai x Fem Mafia Reader hook up in 542 words as Dazai thinks about what you are to each other.
DAZAI OSAMU PLAYLIST
If you’re looking for more Dazai content. Please check out my Dazai x OC ongoing fic, Agent of the Shadows on Ao3. It’s Dark Era Dazai paired with Mori’s niece and it’s super plotty and fun but i’m biased 💋
REVISITING YOU - NSFW, ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING, HURT WITH COMFORT
Levi x Ex Girlfriend Reader never really let each other go after their break up. Recently, they've come to a crossroads.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three is Coming
GOJO CLAUS - FLUFF
Gojo x Wife Reader prepare for Christmas morning. Gojo turns into absolute mush when it comes to your four year old.
THE GOJO'S MARITAL BED SERIES - NSFW, FLUFF
Gojo x Wife Reader love to have threesomes. This is a kinky marriage fic, though I have been adding fluff only fics to the series thanks to reader interest!
Two Sorcerer's Under Your Thumb - NSFW threesome fic
Gojo x Wife Reader x Utahime
The First Time - NSFW threesome fic with fluffy Gojo
Gojo x Wife Reader x OC Fem
Even Gojo Pines - FLUFF prequel fic
Gojo x Future Wife Reader. Gojo falls in love!
Rising Tides - NFSW, Slow Burn (7k)
College Tutor Sanemi x Fem Reader - Sanemi’s crush (you, of course) walk into the Learning Center looking for help with your earth science class. You leave with more than you’d bargained for… It just takes a few visits.
Rising Tides DRABBLE/TEASER- NSFW
SOBRIETY HEADCANONS - FLUFF
Sanemi x Reader, Hawks x Reader, Gojo x Reader, Dazai x Reader
The above men comfort you when you need them as you navigate being sober!
it's been decades since you've last seen dazai; your lover & your maker. now that you're finally happy, he's haunting you again with a thousand buried memories.
overall contents. fem!reader, nsfw minors dni, exes to lover, gothic romance, blood drinking, vampire!reader, vampire!dazai, smut, cheating reader, complicated relationships, blood, gore, jealousy, manipulation, religious symbolism, betrayal, reunions — currently at 21k words
PART I ♰ MASTERLIST
As another careful conversation progressed, you poured the tasteless champagne down your throat, the liquid far too much like sandy water.
It was the same, over, and over. The sentence structures were unchanged, never deviating from saying too much without saying anything at all. A practiced smile would follow, where lips perfectly curled upwards. Copied faces plastered onto the next, making it difficult to determine where one individual personality ended and the next began.
These were repeated games, you knew, and you maintained the politeness required of you, even as each curtsy felt stiff and robotic, each refined handshake felt dishonest and meaningless.
Still, you’d grown used to the monotony of this dull life. You tolerated it gladly, ignoring the continuous throb in the back of your mind that grated at you, reminding you that things hadn’t always been this way.
Quietly, you shoved that small voice away. If all of the pomp and circumstance meant you’d feel normal, you’d gladly put on a show and pretend you belonged there.
The woman that stood before you continued her monologue, her dark eyes bright enough to match her elated smile. Her lips were a red, distracting and perfectly lined with the kind of makeup you were certain was far outside her budget. Though her cheeks were powdered and bright, you noticed the beginnings of lines on her young skin, the signs of a life more taxing than she let on.
You’d forgotten her name already. Too many people had introduced themselves to you this evening, and you hadn’t had the patience or interest to remember them. It was unlikely you’d see most of the guests again, after all.
“Congratulations,” the woman said, squeezing your wrist like you’d once played together on the playground. You cringed, wondering if she’d say anything about the iciness of your skin, though it was almost indiscernible with your satin glove as a cover. “I had a feeling you two were going to get engaged soon, but I had no idea when he would pop the question.”
You traded her an indulgent smile, nodding along as you tried not to let all of the conversation float right over your head. Somewhere in the past few decades, you’d lost interest in the faux interactions that events of this grandeur yielded. Everyone was merely putting on their best act, fitting in with those that they deemed superior to them in every way.
In truth, your engagement party was never supposed to reach this scale. Somewhere in between a few close friends, half the city had been invited. It was alarming to see so many unfamiliar faces in a celebration that was supposed to be entirely for you and your new fiancée.
“Thank you,” you said smoothly as Atsushi nudged you gracefully, probably wondering if you’d been ignoring all his friends that evening.
You had… but you felt bad telling him that and would never admit to it. The engagement ball had been his idea, and while you were vehemently against it, you’d indulged him in his innocent excitement. After a life that you’d lived to the fullest, Atsushi seemed to think he had something to prove when it came to loving you.
You just wanted to be with him, plain and simple. There was no need for all the theatrics.
“I’m surprised you invited so many people, Atsushi,” the woman continued, and you’d wished you’d paid attention when she told you her name. She was one of Atsushi’s co-workers, after all. He’d be upset with you if you forgot everyone that he introduced you to. “You’re not usually that type of person.”
Atsushi flushed, and he darted his eyes away bashfully. “It wasn’t my intention for so many guests to be here. Someone got a bit carried away with the invitations.” His thought trailed off, and he diverted to the story of how the elaborate affair had been conceived. Atsushi was the friend of a wealthy agency president’s son, who had offered to organize the event for you. Predictably, he went completely overboard, and now appeared to be having more fun than either you or Atsushi.
Atsushi spun that particular tale with passionate amusement, and you let your eyes wander, hoping to spot a singular face that you were familiar with. If you stood by your fiancée with nothing to say any longer, you weren’t sure you’d make it to the end of the night.
Across the room, a couple of your neighbors huddled in a circle of gossip. You considered speaking to them, if only to entertain yourself, but their husbands were horrendously awful, you didn’t think you could stomach it.
The rest of Atsushi’s co-workers shared hors d'oeuvres and a polite conversation away from the societal elites. On the left side of the floor, the woman who tailored your clothes spoke with another young girl you’d never seen before. A baker from down the street drowned himself in a glass of champagne, looking so dreadfully lonely that you weren’t sure how he’d gotten into the party at all.
You frowned inwards, realizing that while you recognized many of these people, they were more Atsushi’s friends than your own. These were people who greeted him every night on the street, passing their eyes over you like you were just another midnight fling, not the woman he’d been with for nearly two years.
There were too many strangers here to celebrate a marriage they felt nothing about. The superficiality of the situation left a bitter taste in your mouth, and you, very quickly, felt like an outcast at your own party.
You played with the chain around your neck, glancing from person to person. Atsushi, beside you, carried on his conversation, every so often throwing in a word about his work. You were listening half-heartedly, still trying to decide if this was worth all the trouble, or if you should give up on the niceties and head home early.
Someone behind you laughed.
The noise caught your notice because of how achingly familiar it was, how eerie, even. It was cynical and sharp, almost a snort of air that had been released on an accidental exhale. Still, you could hear the genuine amusement in it, a gratitude that came with being able to have something to laugh about.
You shuddered, your body unwillingly reacting as you turned to see who had been loud enough to draw your attention, to stand out amongst a sea of disinteresting people and intolerable voices.
In the corner, the man stood with an aligned spine, every muscle taut to hold himself up. His dark hair was grown out, but every strand remained smooth and healthy, falling over his forehead in loose waves that were glossy in the candlelight. He was caught in a conversation with another, twirling a glass of wine between his fingers, disgustingly captivated by the individual before him.
There was something too recognizable about him for comfort. The shadowed outline of his silhouette was the ghost of a memory, and you were left gawking at a person that you might not even recognize once he turned.
Swallowing, you tried to avert your gaze more subtly as he began to shift his position. He’d noticed you watching him, and he peered over his shoulder, in the fraction of a moment, to catch your eye.
His features were unmistakable.
Your glass slipped from your hands, shattering into a hundred tiny shards on the marble floor. It shushed the room as you maneuvered clumsily to hide away behind Atsushi. From head to foot, you had gone stiff, your body colder than it ever had been, even when you were on the brink of death, before the bliss of sweet blood had ventured down your throat, a memory you’d tucked far away.
You’d long since given up on praying, but you thought about it, just this once, in the hopes he hadn’t recognized you.
Which was a ridiculous concept, really. The memory of him was as fresh in your mind as every bit of yesterday was. He was as likely to forget the image of you as he was his own name, even if you did your makeup differently, if your clothes had changed from how they’d once been.
He’d come here with a purpose—that was the only thing that made sense—and it certainly would have something to do with you. The undeniable acknowledgement sent another wave of nausea through your gut, and you tried to remember what it was like to breathe.
“Honey?” Atsushi asked, concerned, his voice bringing you back to the present. His hand was on your lower back, wide eyes full of an anxiety you often saw reflected back at you. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine,” you said, clutching your hands to your sides to calm yourself. If you didn’t turn around, maybe he’d go away. Maybe he was just an illusion. One way or another, you needed to be free of him. “I just need to get some fresh air. I’ll be alright.”
It was then that you realized that almost everyone’s eyes were on you, and while some stared back at you with pity, some began snickering under their breaths at the darkened stains on the bottom of your gown. You ignored them, trying not to feel the burning observation against your back, trapping you.
If you left, he was certain to follow.
You stepped away from Atsushi, and his hand reached out to you, before retracting, falling. “Are you sure?” He followed your every movement. “You seem—”
“Yes.” You smiled at him placatingly, hoping no one else could hear you. You didn’t want them to be concerned—least of all, Atsushi. It had nothing to do with your engagement, and you were afraid it appeared that way. “I’ll be right back.”
Atsushi seemed to understand after that, shifting his attention to his friends warmly, as he attempted to diffuse the tension. If anything, he knew that you had no desire to cause a scene and relented to your wishes, drawing everyone’s focus off of you. “Alright. I’ll wait here.”
He’d always been steadfast in his understanding. It was one of the reasons that you had fallen for him in the first place.
You nodded and said goodbye to the dark-haired woman before escaping from the ballroom, hoping you could find a room to hide in. Once your feet started moving, they didn’t stop, carrying you throughout the manor in a desperate search for the closest escape route. There were too many doors in the house, a multitude of bedrooms that weren’t needed at all.
As you weaved your way through the halls, you ran into a few couples caught in a salacious embrace, blocking each of the rooms that had once been private. They shouted at you, and you slammed the door uncomfortably, having no desire to intrude on their secretive affairs.
You couldn’t remember what it was like to be sick, to expel every last fluid from your stomach, but you were certain it resembled whatever you were feeling now. Foreboding dread had come to cripple you in every sense of the word, gripping you tightly in the vice of panic.
Finally, you reached an empty bedroom, one with a balcony that overlooked nothing but the gardens. It was a beautiful night, and the dark sky calmed you, bringing you back to the present, pulling you away from memories that you had shoved deep into the pits of your soul, burying them under lock and key.
There was a dreamy hue over the garden, illuminated by the candles and lamps outside. For just a moment, you basked in the serene lighting, the calmness of the evening away from all the guests. The music inside was but a faint whisper, the orchestra stumbling their way back into a tune after you’d escaped the ball less than dramatically.
Inhaling through your nose, you stilled your mind, and waited for the peace to end.
You felt his presence behind you before you heard him, those sharp eyes on you like daggers along your back. He moved silently, gracefully, like he was floating above the floor and not even there at all.
You curled your hands into a fist, staring hard into the horizon as your nails broke the skin of your palm. He’d be the first one to speak, as he always had been, and you’d get sucked into his alluring features, letting yourself indulge as you knew you shouldn’t.
Closing your eyes, you waited for him to break the silence. To come up behind you and hover his touch over your skin. The fragrance of his skin got closer and closer, and you squeezed your eyes tighter, hating how much you’d missed him. That even when you despised him, a part of you still belonged in his possession.
“I’ve missed you, my angel.”
Five words were all it took. Your knees buckled under you, the voice you hadn’t heard in decades like a soothing lullaby from your childhood, a hymn you’d used to worship a god that had left you behind. Your knuckles turned pale as you squeezed the stone of the balcony barrier, just enough force to keep you on your feet.
His voice was never gentle, but for you, he plated his steely knife in rose-colored foil, softening the edges until it couldn’t cut too deep. The sound was exactly as it had always been; nostalgia had its teeth deep in you, before that cool wave of horror crashed over you, remembering who it was, exactly, that you were dealing with.
“Don’t call me that.” You grew stiff as you felt him drawing closer, pulling to you with every word. Within seconds, he was near enough to ghost a breath along your neck, merely a phantom sensation.
“Hm.” His fingers dipped along your shoulders, the blades between them, and you tilted your head away, refusing to gaze into those eyes. “You always did hate that, didn’t you?”
Against your better judgement, a part of you had lit on fire. You longed for him, even when it sickened you.
“Perhaps my lovely devil will suffice instead. You never could accept that you were the very killer I made you out to be.”
“I don’t care what you call me.” You stepped away until you were digging your flesh into the balcony guard, the stone cold as it pressed into your stomach. “I’m not yours anymore.”
“Can you say that while meeting my eyes?" Dazai laughed, and though the sound of it was acerbic and mocking, he stayed where he was. "Maybe I’ll believe you, then. You’ve always been so horrible at lying to me.”
You snarled, ready to slice your nails across his cheek and watch with satisfaction as the blood dripped to his chin.
The anger steeled you, made you think you’d be prepared to face him once more; surely the hatred for him outweighed your lasting weakness.
You turned, eyes narrowed, and though you continued to exhibit your antagonism, the sight of him was poison to your resolve.
Dazai was still as hauntingly beautiful as always, those deep eyes gleaming in the moonlight, watching you with a hint of amusement. His hair was styled as it had been a century ago, transcending lifetimes while he remained eternally twenty-two. He smiled, lips curling into a grim expression, all too delighted with the loose hold he still had over you.
You averted your gaze but stood your ground. “I hate you, Dazai.” You curled your arms around your chest, keeping the distance between you. “I always will.”
For all his confidence, Dazai’s expression momentarily fell, like he’d expected you to welcome him back with loving arms, grovel at his feet with apologies you didn’t mean. Then, the insincere smile was back, drawing you in with revolting sweetness. “I’ve searched for you for decades. I thought you were dead—”
“I don’t care.”
“—Only to find out you’d been running from me this entire time.” Dazai invaded your circle once more, and his fingers pinched your jaw, studying you raptly. There was just a foot of air between you, the cool heat exchanged in your breaths. You ignored every muscle in your body that was relying on memory, wishing to do all the things that it had once done. “Did those years together mean nothing? Were you not to be my everlasting companion?”
You swatted his hand away, a million little fires starting along every point where your skin met. But no matter how beautiful he was, how calm those saccharine words of his made you feel, you knew the mercilessness that he was capable of. “I never made that choice of my own volition. You took it away from me.”
His eyes flashed before he retracted, complacent. “I gave you what you asked for. A life more than the one you had. And then I gave you everything I had left to give.”
“Your apology means nothing to me. Get the hell out of here.” Your words lacked the bite that you’d wished for, not sure you had the courage to push him into a fight. His strength outweighed yours by centuries; you had enough sense not to challenge that.
Dazai blinked, and then laughed, jeering, without any sense of real humor. “You misunderstand. I’m not apologizing.” He tucked a hand back into his coat, regarding you with serious disdain as he sunk back, the outline of his dark clothes blending with the evening. “I never regretted the decision I made that night.”
You stared at him, blinking, before retracting and matching his heartless laugh with one of your own.
It was as if you’d never been parted at all. The unpleasant decades thinned into one small period, an insignificant point in time that, now, seemed nothing more than a development to your character. “Fine. I’ve got nothing to say to you, Dazai. I wanted to be rid of you, and I was. Your insincere words don’t matter to me anymore.”
His jaw tightened, and you stared each other down, searching for any glimpse of the familiar figure you’d used to love. Undeniably, he was there. Those eyes of his were just the same. The soft words he used for you and only you had never changed.
Yet, just as those sweet parts of him were as comforting as ever, the ugly parts of him were there as well. You remembered his cruelty, his gift of manipulation, and you pushed him away, never again wanting to be strung in that web.
Dazai did nothing but blink as you withdrew, standing straight, pulled taut by a marionette cord. “Is this the life you intend to live now? This half-hearted existence where you befriend mortals that will wither without you, to be engaged to a man you will never spend eternity with? Pitiful, really.”
For just a moment, you’d been so caught up in Dazai that the man who’d loved you with all of his heart had vanished into the atmosphere. It was as if, somehow, you’d forgotten that Atsushi was there at all.
Guilt overwhelmed you.
That man, the sweet, kind man who had become your saving grace, was at risk because of your carelessness. Dazai was too smart not to have taken cautious measures, and you knew he’d learned everything there was to know about your life before intervening.
It made sense why he’d appeared now of all times. It was the perfect opportunity to ruin everything you’d loved for good, reducing you to the whimpering mess that had accepted him in the first place.
He'd made you; he’d known you; he’d loved you for decades. If anyone knew how to break you, it was Dazai Osamu, and that was the thing that scared you the most.
“I fully intend to turn him,” you said, hating the way your voice broke on a singular syllable, making you seem uncertain of the decision you’d made nearly a year ago. “Though I appreciate your concern. I’ll be perfectly happy this way.”
The comment didn’t faze Dazai, who grinned, his eyes burning with a fire you’d never forget, a sort of glee that only transpired from evil. “I should kill him before that happens, shouldn’t I?” His teeth gleamed in the candlelight, two long fangs slipping over his lips with threatening causality. The points were even more severe in the lighting. “I’ll be sure to savor in the taste as I rip his throat out.”
The image was sickening, a gruesome thought that made your old panic reignite. You schooled your lips into nothing but a line, knowing that Dazai could detect even the smallest change in your features.
“Honestly, I’m surprised you’ve managed to control yourself so well.” He went on, mocking you with every second that passed. “After three years, did I hear? I admit, I was having trouble listening over the band.” He tilted his head, studying you, searching deep into your consciousness for an answer that would satiate him. “You’ve never been able to resist your hunger before. What changed?”
You knew better than to underestimate him and stood taller.
“I’m not the same person I was when I was with you, and I never want to be her again.” You closed your eyes, looking away.
“This isn’t the life I envisioned for you a century ago.”
“My life is not yours to craft. I’m not some doll you can bend to your will.” Finally, you reached out to him, wrapping your hands around his own. His skin was cold, dead, void of any blush from the stolen blood in his veins. You were one word away from begging, pleading with him, even as you stood your ground. “Just don't kill him, Osamu. I’d never forgive you, and that’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to come back to you.”
The scowl twitched ever-so-slightly as something in his eyes flashed. His name on your lips had always been his greatest weakness, and you could see him thinking hard. “For once, my love, you’re wrong. That’s not what I came here for.”
You stared, puzzled, before dropping his hand and frowning. “Then what are you here for?”
“I was looking for you, yes,” he admitted with a one-shoulder shrug. “I’ve been looking for you for years, and it is by mere coincidence that I found you here.” A cheer sounded inside the house from a toast. You wished that you were in there, warm, where all of this was but a nightmare. “As happy as I am to see that you’re alive and well, I refuse to compete with someone who turns you into everything you are not. If you’re so much happier without me, then who am I to stand in the way?”
“I’m supposed to believe that?” you scoffed.
You’d be a fool to believe that was any more than an obvious lie, that Dazai’s motives were pure of heart. He had never been loud about his jealousy, but he’d killed every lover you’d ever dared to take, leaving you alone with no one but him for comfort.
Dazai had always refused you even one outlet of happiness, even when he’d had other lovers of his own, had brought his one-night affairs to your shared home. The place where you slept in the same bed, fucked on most every surface imaginable had been tarnished with decisions that he’d never be able to undo.
Your gaze hardened. It didn’t matter anymore. With lives that never ended, vampires weren’t known for their monogamy. You were naïve to think that a man like Dazai would give that to you.
“I mean it, Dazai.” You shoved away the vile memories from the forefront of your mind, wanting them to stay just that – memories. They would not become a repetition of the past. “If you kill him, I’ll burn you to ashes. Then, I’ll step into the flames myself.”
“Ah, but wouldn’t that be such a lovely way to go? Tossed into the flame by the very woman I care for most dearly, reunited only moments later in death.” He seemed too fascinated by the idea, his gaze faraway as if wondering what could possibly push you to that breaking point.
“Hell has a special place for you, Dazai,” you said, disgusted. “Somewhere far, far away from me.”
He laughed darkly. “Oh, how wrong you are. If I am the devil himself, as so many say that I am, then I’ll ensure we spend every moment in the flames together.”
Your lip curled, and you pushed him back in abhorrence, ignoring the tug in your heart that wanted to do everything but. You hated him, you loved him, you never wanted to see him again, you wished he’d stay by your side forever.
Nothing was more dangerous than the allure of fond memories. It seemed even those could lead you to turn a blind eye to the horrors that had been unleashed in the very city you inhabited.
You exhaled. There had to be a line in the sand, a point that you could never pass.
“Please, Dazai. Let me go.” His very presence had already put a kink in your future plans, and if he stayed any longer, you weren’t sure how much damage he’d cause. “Things can never go back to the way they were. I don’t want them to.”
“I don’t either,” he promised, nodding sincerely. “You’ll be rid of me once I make sure that this is what you really want. Who would I be if I watched you lock yourself into a marriage with a man you can never love more than you loved me? To watch you live a life reduced to hiding in the shadows, pretending you were never there at all?”
The arrogant bastard.
“I do love Atsushi more than I ever loved you,” you said with as much conviction as you could muster, your eyes full of flames, unrelenting. That man was waiting for you downstairs, probably worried out of his mind. You refused to play any more games. “Loving you was the biggest mistake I ever made. It was a mistake to let you turn me. I regret all of it.”
Dazai’s lips curled, his gums exposed as he snarled. “Ah, but mistakes are your specialty, aren’t they? You’ve made even more in my absence.”
You said nothing, tired of already falling into the same routine with him. The same old song and dance, taking you back to a time when all you had was him, a time you never wanted to go back to again. The exchange of cruel words was more familiar than your own last name.
“I should be on my way to my room. Sunrise is fast approaching, and I won’t be taking any risks, now that I know what I have to look forward to.” He bowed his head, though you could see his careless smirk, filling you with an irrepressible anger. “I’ll be around.”
With that, you watched him turn and walk out the door, ruining the rest of your evening.
Dazai’s chin was covered in blood, clots drying together around his lips as he pulled away from the lifeless doll between you, the woman that had once been on her way to becoming a well-known actress. Now, she’d be found in a pile of her own blood, the liquid creating a sticky pool beneath her.
It was a sight you’d never tire of; Dazai the very product of his own misdeeds, looking forever the gruesome killer that he made himself out to be. He was most alluring this way, his fangs protruding over his lips, teeth-stained ruby red from the drink of eternal life.
Your adoration for him was most intense in moments like these, when blood became the one thing that bound you together.
“You are beautiful,” he said, shoving aside the corpse, her deadweight toppling onto the floor. “Everyone pales in comparison to you, my darling.” His fingers were soft around your jaw, bringing you closer, reducing the space between his own lips and yours. “I am eternally yours.”
You woke in the bed that you’d chosen to share with another, the one with a squeaky spring, so unlike the coffins you’d previously spent your days in. The room was completely dark, sun-proofed to save you from your fatal weakness. It could have been the middle of the day, and you wouldn’t have known.
Atsushi was beside you, a flickering candle creating shadows on his features as he read through his reports. It’d become routine for him to be by your side as you slept, now that you didn’t fear the sun slipping through cracks on the boards.
It wasn’t as much time as you would’ve liked together, being on such different schedules, but you made it work as best you could. Atsushi often went into work with puffy eyes from sleepless nights, or you fumbled around the house, bored while the whole city slept.
“Are you alright?” he asked, eyes full of concern. His hand inched across the bed to hold your own. “You haven’t been yourself since yesterday evening.”
You hated that he’d noticed, even though it was his job to do so. It was wrong to keep secrets from the man you loved, even more when you were to be married in just a few months.
Still, you were reluctant to say anything on the matter, certain that you could deal with Dazai on your own. You’d mentioned him to Atsushi only once, and it was through vague details that gave the impression you were in too much pain to talk about it. Like the sweet man he was, Atsushi had accepted it, and he had never once forced the words from your mouth.
You owed him nothing, but it felt wrong to keep your history with Dazai a secret from him. Especially now. Especially when Dazai, who was a loose cannon on his own, had never been very rational when you were around.
“I’m fine.” You sat up in the bed, maneuvering closer to the side where Atsushi was, his legs spread out in front of him. He was wearing casual clothes and seemed scrubbed clean from a bath. It must have been later than you thought. “Just a weird dream is all.”
“I didn’t know vampires had dreams.” Atsushi went back to his reports.
That was because you’d never told him. You rarely had dreams, and when you did, they were more like memories. Or some prophetic, horrible vision that you’d learn to ignore. Nothing pleasant, like when you were human.
“What time is it?”
“About eight. Sun should be down by now, I haven’t checked. I’ve been working—there seems to be an increased amount of crime this week. I don’t know who came into town, but they’ve got an itch for trouble.”
“It’s not a vampire, is it?” you asked, instantly feeling nauseous. Dazai had no qualms about making a spectacle of killing humans. He’d leave a string of bodies like a signature, knowing you’d recognize his mark.
Atsushi snorted. “No, I think I’d see the signs. Just some regular guy.”
You weren’t convinced. Dazai knew how to hide his tracks and make it seem like anything but a vampire, but you convinced yourself to keep quiet. If Atsushi had even a suspicion about Dazai, he’d go after him, and you didn’t want to see what would happen if he did.
For both your sake and Atsushi’s, you hoped that he was right about this.
“Okay.” You threw the covers off the bed, putting yourself together with the clothes you’d strewn across the room. Atsushi’s eyes remained on the paper, ever the savior of the city he lived in. It was admirable, really, even if his work took some fraction of your time with him away. “I’m going to go out, Atsushi. I’m starving.”
“Want me to come?” he asked, finally looking up, much too eager. He was always so willing to stand by as you clamped your jaws into rodents, feeding off the unwanted pests that lingered the streets.
It was disgusting. You knew that your diet to him, and to all the other humans, was noble. It was repentance for all the horrid sins you’d committed at your lowest point.
To vampires, it meant you were rejecting your nature, trading your gift for a chance to thinly grasp at the cord of humanity you’d never truly held at all. It was abhorrent and shameful.
“No,” you said, certain that if anyone saw you feed on a rat that evening, you wouldn’t be able to recover. How Atsushi could stand to be with you after that display of events was beyond your comprehension. “I need to clear my head.”
“Okay.” Sometimes, you wondered if he’d ever doubted you at all. He was always understanding of each rejection, each carefully chosen word, no matter how harsh they were. “Will you be back quickly?”
“Of course.” With that you smiled, never wanting to waste the precious hours you had with your fiancée before the sun rose. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Atsushi kissed you before blowing out the candle and laying his head down. “I’m going to take a nap. I’ve been working on this all afternoon.”
“See you later.” You watched as he tucked himself into the bed you’d just left, waving at you lazily from the covers.
You swallowed down the sharp pang in your chest, looking away from him as you left the room, into another that was bathed in moonlight.
Really, you were content with your, but the arrangement between you and Atsushi was growing dismal. While you made it work, you always had, you couldn’t help but feel guilty that you’d never be able to accompany him on daylight ventures, confined to your midnight prison.
You lost your head as you traveled through the dark streets, the city busy with nightlife now that the sun was far beyond the horizon. As usual, there were all kind of people out and about, the rich and poor, the young and old, the good and the bad. And you, the worst of all, the one pretending to fit right in with the rest of them.
After a young couple, not much older than Atsushi, crossed the road, you slunk down into an abandoned alley, bending yourselves into the shadows like the nightly creature you were. You heard the rats scurrying about before you could even spot them, your supernatural hearing so much more attuned to subtle sounds.
With a face, you walked to the hub of rats, your speed much quicker than any of their tiny legs. One particular animal looked back at you, intrigued against its very nature, holding a piece of garbage between its small human-like hands.
You took the rat by the neck, staring into its beady eyes as you plucked it from the ground like a dandelion. The creature looked back at you so helplessly that you almost felt guilty for freeing it from its meaningless existence. Without thinking, you bit into its flesh, draining the rodent dry. The fur was rough against your tongue, disgusting as always as the strands got caught in your teeth.
It wasn’t enough. What little blood you had gained from the animal was never enough to sustain the bloodlust that had increased tenfold since Dazai stepped back into your life.
With a sideways glimpse down the alley, you plucked another rat from the gutter, remembering why you were destroying your own dignity in such a way.
“You’ve made some concerning decisions lately, but this certainly takes the cake.”
With the rat still thrashing around your lips, you glanced up at the man lingering down the alley, his tone cruel and mocking. You continued to suck the last bit of blood from the rodent before tossing the body aside, meeting Dazai’s eyes.
“Why do you care?” you asked, and though you were still starved and lightheaded, you would draw your hunt to a conclusion. You would only embarrass yourself further with Dazai’s keen stare watching your every move.
“I’d wondered why you seemed so weak.” He tossed a disgusted look towards the rats scurrying through the trash, their plump bodies dragging thick tails behind them. “I see, now.”
“Spare me the lecture. I swore I’d never feed from another human, and I’ve never broken my vow.” A rat ran past you, unafraid, even after you’d just killed another member of its clan. The long tail hit your ankle, and you cringed, to Dazai’s satisfaction.
“You’ll get yourself killed. For a vampire of your age, you should be much stronger than this.” He took a step towards you, cornering you in the alley. “Now, you’re a threat to no one.”
“Then, I will die. Something I’m surprised you haven’t done already.”
Dazai was silent, his eyes hard. For all of his promises of the threats that lie out there, you couldn’t spot another but him. There were dangerous vampires in the world, you knew that better than anyone, but he’d always be the one you feared the most.
“Will you continue to torment me for another night?” you sighed wearily, wiping the blood from your chin with a handkerchief. “Your very presence exhausts me.”
Dazai, irritatingly, lit a fire deep in your gut, increasing your hunger to lengths you hadn’t felt in years. You could smell his blood from where you stood, the ambrosia that you’d never tire of. It was a dessert so unlike anything you’d tasted as a human, and you hated that he was tempting you with it now.
Your vision flashed with images of you sinking your fangs into his shoulder, draining him of every last drop as you lost yourself into the man that was Dazai Osamu.
Dazai eyed you carefully, dragging his gaze down to your chest, across your body, back to the blood-stained mouth that remembered too fondly what it was like to taste him. “You still wear the ring I gave you, hovering delicately over your heart.”
You’d forgotten; or you just thought he’d never notice. You’d hidden it under layers of clothing, but still, it had broken free. “A reminder of my past mistakes. It has nothing to do with sentimental value.”
He hummed, considering twirling it around his index finger before he thought better of it. “If that’s the case, why haven’t you turned another companion? Is it not for the hope that we might return to another one day?”
You hadn’t noticed when he’d gotten so close, close enough to touch you. It became hard to focus, even as he kept a respectable distance, letting you retain a semblance of control.
“Atsushi clings to his human life as I did. I will never turn him against his will.” You stood taller, even as you refused to look into his brown irises, to see the mockery that was pushed back at you. “When the moment is right, only then will I do so. That’s something you’d never understand.”
He laughed. “You’ll continue with this narrative, will you?”
You said nothing, staring at the bodies of dead rats that would soon begin to decay. Let him find amusement in the choices you’ve made.
“Sweetheart,” Dazai said, his voice softening with the tone you’d never been able to resist. Your heart twisted, your forehead wrinkling as you kept your eyes firmly on the ground. “Don’t hurt yourself in this way. These vermin will not sustain you.”
“I won’t hunt with you, Dazai. I won’t kill anyone. Don’t try to deceive me into coming back to you.”
“That’s not what I was suggesting.” Before you could discern his actions, Dazai had bit into his wrist, opening a vein as blood poured down his forearm.
You froze.
Fangs had dropped over your bottom lip without a thought, your pupils dilating with the desire of blood. The scent was hard to resist, a sweetness that had been placed on this Earth only for you, handed over from the Devil in an attempt to bring you furthest from God. Though, that might have been all wrong... maybe your god was standing right before you.
Your eyes glued to the fountain of life, and you began to doubt your restraint. It’d been so long.
“Dazai—” you tried to step away, but your feet were cemented, buried under the cobblestones of the dimly lit street. You were a stronger woman than this, and certainly a vampire of your age would not collapse at the sight of blood in the way you were. “Stop it.”
“I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t want your help. This isn’t what I want at all.”
You finally tore your gaze away, taking a few more steps back into the alley as you regained control of yourself, sick with a yearning for him. Dazai was playing a torturous game, and you refused to be the victim.
The vein closed, and Dazai watched you curiously, but he made no move to reopen the wound. Your irrational thoughts began to calm, and though you could still smell the blood that circled through his body, warm from a recent kill, your resolve was now stronger.
“I can’t stand to see you like this.” His words were hard, disappointed. “I won’t leave until I know you’re safe from harm. Even a mortal could end you with the weakened state you’re in.”
“Safe from harm?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest protectively. “I’m in no danger here. I’ve been fine without you for fifty years, and I will continue to be fine without you for the rest of eternity.”
His voice deepened, eyes narrowing into a glare as he watched you retreat. “Don’t pretend to be a fool. Your very position with me put you at risk. You betrayed vampires even older than me, and they won’t stop until you’re dead.”
You exhaled, looking up at the stars before dropping your attention back to Dazai. “I don’t think you actually care. You told me that you loved me, and time and time again, you failed me. You left me there, Dazai. I had no choice but to betray them; they were going to kill me.”
“I thought they already had.” He reached out to you, curling his hands around your chin, desperate and wanting and so many things that you had never seen him. “Don’t you understand? I thought you were already dead. I never would have left if I’d known the truth. I’d never think of escaping without you.”
Your breath caught, and while you couldn’t stand to believe him, you felt yourself giving in a little more, succumbing to Dazai each time you crossed his path. Still, you removed his hands from your face, forcing yourself to be a little stronger, to put up those steely walls until he left your life once and for all. “I don’t trust you, Osamu, and you don’t trust anyone but yourself. There’s no reason for us to be speaking at all.”
His jaw tightened, but he let you go, straightening with a frustration he didn’t deserve.
“I’m going home to my fiancée—the man who has never put conditions on his affection. Please, stay as far away from me as you can.”
You shoved past him, shaking with nerves. Though he was stronger, he stumbled back, watching you go with an emotion you couldn’t discern.
PART II
tag list: @cerberels @thateldribitch @hauntedsol @hannzai @cha0thicpisces @kissesmellow21 @sukiischaotic @hinata7346
nah cause listen he’s the epitome of “she could ride my face i don’t want nothing in return.” he’s eatin you for hours. he’s eatin it from the front the back the side the ceiling the window to the wall. in all seriousness. he’s gonna slap your ass, spread your cheeks, dig his nails into your hips and moan against you all muffled like he’s the one getting pleasure out of it because he is. he wants you pulling his hair, grinding on his nose and tongue, and as much as i hate to pin the stereotypical ride-his-face-til-he-suffocates-and-dies on our beloved suicidal maniac i really don’t hate it enough not to do it. he really thinks it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go out, just buried in your wet cunt and pretty thighs until he loses consciousness. revive him or don’t, he either dies or gets to do it again. win win.
i think that dazai osamu would be an absolute baby about being sick. i think you’d get either one million texts saying he’s dying or one cryptic one that has you running to his place in fear that he’s in danger only to find him cuddled up in his bed with a runny nose.
college tutor sanemi has been plaguing my mind for weeks now... 💓mdni💓
“How long have you been thinking about this? Your skirts just got shorter every week. When did you decide you wanted me to fuck you on this desk?” He asked in a breathy whisper against your ear, smirking when he felt you shudder. You moaned when he started teasing your clit through the lavender thong you’d worn just for him.
“Answer me,” he growled as he gripped your hair. All his professionalism had gone out of the window now. “Or I’m gonna leave you right here all needy for me.”
“Since the first day!” You gasped out, spreading your thighs until you were practically split across the chair, hoping he'd take the invitation.
He chuckled darkly, voice oozing with confidence when he said, “The first day? You’re filthy.” He finally slipped your thong to the side and felt your slick folds. “And you’re soaking wet," he groaned. "Would you have thrown yourself at any tutor? Is that how desperate you are?”
“No!” You squealed as he continued to tease you. “Only you! Wanted you so bad when I first saw you in class. All my friends teased me for it.” Sanemi’s eyes widened. You’ve wanted him that long?
“Did you ever think about me when you touched yourself?” He asked before you'd even had the chance to register his reaction to your admission.
“Yes!"
“Yeah? Tell me what you want from me now that you’re dripping wet for me.” He punctuated the demand with a wet kiss to your neck as his fingers returned to your clit.
“Want you to fuck me. Need it so fucking bad," you whined out, hips grinding onto his fingers.
“I thought you were a good girl, but I guess I was wrong," he hummed as he continued toying with your clit, fingers brushing circles as your hips begged for more.
He nearly moaned at the sight of your wide eyes when you insisted, “I am!” He chuckled as he finally pushed a finger inside you, finding your g-spot immediately. You gasped your back and arched your back as his experienced hands made you come undone as if he'd done it a million times before. You felt a second finger tease against your entrance, and your eyes begged him to fill you.
“How has the earth’s surface changed over time?”
“W-what?” You squeaked.
Sanemi responded with a disappointed sigh, and gently withdrew his hand from your pussy.
“You told me you were a good girl, right? I’ll give you what you want if you answer the question," he said it so sweetly you knew it was meant to mock you. You whimpered, unable to think of the answer with your clit aching and the memory of his finger stroking against your walls.
“Come on, I know you can do it. Answer me,” he taunted, licking a stripe along the side of your neck.
You know that chuuya fem reader oral thing u did? can you write one but with dazai pls ? thank you :)
everyone who uses this gif is correct and valid because he absolutely does smirk and smile at you as he slowly lowers his mouth to your cunt.
when he first lays you in bed, he's so gentle and sweet, caressing your skin and slowly taking off your clothes, kissing every inch of new skin that is exposed. he whispers sweet things to you, calling you so pretty and beautiful and such a sweet and good girl. "i want to make you feel good," he whispers against your ear, letting his fingers graze your skin sooooo lightly down your arm and onto your hip, making goosebumps raise on your skin. you give him permission to do whatever he wants, and he smiles, gives you a big, sweet kiss, and then slowly sinks down down down.
"eyes on me," he whispers. "no looking away."
he spreads your thighs apart as he gets closer, making room to lay between them. finally his mouth is right above your pussy and you can feel the soft breeze of his breath as he sighs happily. without breaking eye contact with you, he traces the tip of his middle finger languidly up the slit between your labia, gently, ohhh so veeery gently pushing further until his finger is between your lips, sitting right at your entrance.
he uses two fingers to spread you open, and you just catch the corners of his mouth tugging up into a larger smile as his tongue lolls out and draaaags across your clit and its hood.
you make a little whine and shift, trying to open your legs wider, trying to get closer to him, and he coos softly, shushing you and simultaneously blowing cold air over the spit trail he just left on your increasingly sensitive clit.
"dazai..." you say quietly, reaching down to him, and he silently uses his free hand to take yours, interlocking your fingers as his tongue reaches out again, drawing small circles around your clit.
he works you up tortuously slow, using only the tip of his tongue and his breath to tease you for what feels like forever. when you finally break and tell him you want more--you need more--he presses his open mouth fully against you, using his wet tongue to swipe up from your perineum all the way to your clit again. he licks down again, lapping up your wetness and sucking it into his mouth.
you squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back. then he looks away only for a second to spit on your clit. the hand he was holding you open with before now starts rubbing you, tracing all your lines and folds and bumps. you flutter your eyes closed for a second, and he freezes, squeezes your hand, and waits.
he starts again only when you're making eye contract again.
he says nothing. in a way, it makes the experience all the more sensual.
he starts making out with your clit, using his soft lips just as much as his tongue to work the nub up to its full hardness and sensitivity. meanwhile one finger slowly presses into you, and he uses it to to rub against the ridges inside your walls, sending waves and peaks of pleasure through your system.
"dazai," you moan softly, and you could swear his eyes sparkle.
tonight no matter how much you beg him or plea for him to hurry up or go faster or add more, he won't. he eats you out slowly, lazily, stopping every time your eyes aren't on him.
eventually-- once he of his own accord has added a second finger into you, slowly twisting them as he pulls them out and pushes forward as slow as he feels right-- you feel the familiar climbing warmth of your orgasm. it doesn't rush toward the surface like usual. today it follows dazai's pace, taking two steps forward, one step back, until finally you can't take it anymore and you try to grind down onto his tongue.
"please," you whine, shuddering, desperate tears pricking at the corner of your eye. "it burns. i need it, dazai. i need it so bad, please let me cum."
he hums softly against your pussy, once again attaching his whole mouth over as much as he's able, sucking the wetness and spit off of as much as he can reach, making you jerk as the pressure of his sucking affects your swollen clit.
he squeezes your hand in three pulses, and your first thought was a silent "i love you" but given what happens next, you think the three squeezes were for "ready, set, go."
he suddenly starts flicking his tongue as fast as he's able over your teased clit. his two fingers pick up the pace and instead of just dragging in and out of you, he specifically presses up against your inner walls, probing for your g spot and dragging far enough back to also find another spot that gives you flashes of pleasure.
your body reacts without you consciously moving it. your hips buck up against his face, your free hand digs into his hair and pulls and shoves and scratches his scalp. you moan increasingly loudly, stammering his name and curse words and chants of "i love you" and finally you cum hard and for a while. the orgasm dazai gives you is so unlike anything you've had before. you're light headed, you're winded, your whole body feels weak like you've been drained of everything you have as your cum and a fair amout of squirt fluid spews out and into dazai's waiting mouth. the slurping sounds of him collecting it--drinking it--are somehow not the most obscene sounds that have been made tonight.
DESCRIPTION: Sanemi's crush walks into the learning center needing help with her earth science class. You walk out with a lot more than just his help, though it takes a few sessions
CW: oral sex fem receiving, vaginal sex, fluffy/pining sanemi, oblivious sanemi & reader, reader is a go getter - 7k
Sanemi glanced at the clock and groaned. Today was going by insufferably slowly. When he’d agreed to work at the university’s Learning Center this semester, he hadn’t accounted for how boring it’d be to work Friday afternoons. No one came in on Fridays after 4:00, and he really couldn’t blame them. At least he only had to do it once a month. The four lead tutors took turns working Fridays since no one actually wanted to work them.
It was just past 6:00 now, meaning he only had to sit here for another hour. He was passing the time by aimlessly scrolling through his phone when he heard the door open. He had low expectations when he turned his attention to the person walking up to his desk, but that was because he certainly hadn’t been expecting you.
You walked in wearing the smile he’d only just managed to put out of his mind and said, “Oh, Shinazugawa, right?”
“You can just call me Sanemi,” he did his best to sound lazy, bored, and not at all as if the crush he never should have had was standing in front of him wearing a skirt that left little to the imagination.
“I think you were my TA last year for Statistics?” you asked sweetly with a little hesitance. He nodded in return, the familiar dread he’d felt that semester returning. For some reason, Sanemi had been smitten by you. You were sweet, a little shy, and absolutely gorgeous. He wasn’t the only one in the lecture hall who noticed, but it had been highly inappropriate. He did his best to keep his glances discreet, and act as though your saccharine voice didn’t melt something inside of him the few times you asked him questions as your classmates shuffled out into the hallway.
Realizing you’d likely come here for a reason that didn’t involve making his mouth go dry, he finally asked, “What can I do for you today?”
“Right!” You chirped. Cute. “I’m actually here for help with my Earth Science class.” He watched as you took a glance around the room. “Are you the only one in? I know your speciality is math.”
“Math and science,” he corrected you. “And, it’s just me from 4:00 - 7:00 on Fridays. There are usually more tutors during the day, but Friday’s always been slow. I should be able to help you, though.”
“Okay, that would be great!”
He watched as you took the seat across from him and started pulling your work out of your backpack. He realized you looked nervous. Was he making you nervous? Fuck, he hoped he hadn’t made you uncomfortable. He’d thought he’d done a good job acting entirely unaffected by you last semester but maybe you’d caught on.
Well, acting like a creep now certainly wouldn’t help. You were only two years behind Sanemi, so it’s not as if having a crush on you was horrible, it had just felt inappropriate when he was your TA. He groaned internally that you’d met under similar circumstances again instead of casually at the cafeteria or somewhere on campus where he wasn’t expected to teach you information.
Oh well, he thought to himself. He could keep his thoughts in line while he taught you the basics of earth science.
Sanemi could not keep his thoughts in line. He was barely hiding his leering as you began tackling your worksheet. Your head was propped up on your hand as you stared at the words in front of you. Your brows scrunched together and you were pursing your lips in concentration. He wondered if you had any idea how fucking cute you were. He watched as a strand of your hair fell from behind your ears and felt his hand twitch. What the fuck was wrong with him? This wasn’t some romantic comedy. If he touched your hair right now you would think he was a freak.
He sighed a little too loudly and your head jerked up.
“Oh, I’m sorry Sanemi.” He took a sharp breath hearing his first name from your lips. Your lips that he couldn’t stop staring at. “This is probably the last thing you want to do on a Friday.” Your smile was self-deprecating, and he could tell you really did feel bad which had not been his intention at all.
“It’s fine,” he said, much more gruff than he’d meant to. “You’re a slow worker,” he noted out loud.
He watched as a blush rose to your cheeks, and realized he’d said the wrong thing.
“I really can go,” you stumbled through the sentence and Sanemi’s gaze flicked back to your lips again when you bit your bottom lip anxiously.
“No!” Even Sanemi was alarmed by the volume of his own voice. Could he fuck this up any harder?
“I mean - “ He swallowed, willing himself to look into your eyes instead of staring at your lips. “I wasn’t trying to offend you. I have to be here until 7:00 no matter what, and it’s boring alone.”
Your smile was a little brighter now, and Sanemi found himself smiling in return.
“You’re overthinking your answers,” he commented as he looked over your work. “You did well in Stats, didn’t you?” He asked, looking from the page to you.
You nodded and huffed out a strained laugh. “My performance in the class you TA’d was not indicative of how I usually do in math and science classes.” Sanemi raised a brow, waiting for you to continue. “I’m an English major,” you rushed to explain. “I only take these classes when they’re required and I don’t usually do too well in them.”
“Did you just get a burst of inspiration for Statistics or something?” Sanemi asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
You swallowed, and he wondered why you looked so nervous all of a sudden. “Something like that.” You responded as you began tapping your pencil on the desk. Normally, Sanemi would’ve gotten irritated at the action but he found everything about you adorable. “I hope you don’t think less of me. I know you’re sort of a prodigy.”
Sanemi shook his head. “I’m not a prodigy, I’ve struggled a lot in school. I just didn’t have a choice but to work really hard because I needed the scholarship money.”
You nodded your head, eyes widening a little. You both went to a private university, most people here, yourself included, had plenty of money. Sanemi was one of the few students here not paying the full $50K tuition.
“I don’t think less of you,” he continued. “I needed tutoring for English classes. It’s the only reason I even found this place.”
“Oh, that’s really reassuring,” you responded. “Thanks.” Your smile this time was blinding, and Sanemi brought a hand to the back of his neck just to do something with them before he exploded.
You went through your worksheet question by question. He hit a stride when he spoke about the material, thankful for the distraction. By the time the clock on the wall read 7:00 PM, Sanemi realized it was the fastest a shift had ever gone by.
“Well, I better get out of your hair. Thank you so much for your help.”
Sanemi nodded his head as you began collecting your things, willing himself to ignore the pit in his stomach. He wondered if he’d see you again after you walked out of the door tonight. Before he could dwell too much on the emptiness that line of thinking induced, you were standing.
He expected you to walk away, but instead you shifted from one foot to the other, doing that adorable scrunched brows thinking thing again.
“Um, my schedule’s kind of weird. This is really the only time that works for me,” you began, and Sanemi swallowed when you bit your lip again. “Do you always work Fridays at this time?”
Your lips were parted as you waited for him to respond, and your eyes looked hopeful. So, without thinking, Sanemi lied.
“Yeah, my schedule’s weird too. I always work Fridays.”
Your eyes lit up at his response. “Great! So, I’ll see you next Friday?”
Sanemi nodded. “Yeah. See you next Friday, Y/N.”
Your name rolled off his lips so easily, and he wanted to say it over and over again. He grit his teeth instead.
Once you’d disappeared from his vision, he whipped out his phone to text Shinobu, the lead tutor in charge of scheduling.
I’ll work all Friday evening shifts from now on.
You and Sanemi fell into a groove over the next few weeks. You started showing up earlier and earlier, explaining that you’d been able to move some things around. For the last two weeks, you’d been here right when his shift began at 4:00. Except for one time when another student had come in during the middle of your session, the two of you were entirely alone. The fraternity member genuinely struggling with Environmental Science had walked out wounded after Sanemi snapped at him, saying he couldn’t teach someone with rocks for brains.
You’d seen Sanemi blow up like that a few times when someone asked him something stupid before or after class, but he never acted that way towards you. The realization made warmth bloom in your chest.
“The simplest way to explain it would be erosion," Sanemi explained tonight, his voice smooth and confident. "It's like nature's sculptor. It slowly shapes land over time.”
You nodded, your gaze fixed on Sanemi’s hands as they sketched out the concept on the sheet of paper placed on the desk between you.
You forced yourself to look at his eyes instead of his hands when you inserted, “Kind of like how time can smooth out rough edges?"
"Exactly," he said, his voice strained as his eyes lingered on yours for a moment longer than necessary. "It's all about change and adaptation."
The air in the room was thick with tension, and you wondered if Sanemi had any clue how sexy he looked even under the unforgiving fluorescent lights. Your eyes remained locked onto his until he cleared his throat and said, “Well, that’s all we have time for today. I’m sure you’ve got plans for the weekend. You should get going.”
“I don’t,” you responded way too quickly before adding on, “have plans, I mean.”
Sanemi quirked a brow. “Really? You’re just spending the weekend studying, then?”
You nodded, though it wasn’t true and you had no clue why you were lying to him. What did you expect? For your tutor to say, ‘Want to come over and ride my face?’
You were sure he’d noticed you flirting with him. Sometimes it seemed like he was flirting back as you grew bolder over the past few of weeks, but he always retained an air of professionalism. You wished he would let loose and fuck you on top of this table.
Your inappropriate musings were interrupted as Sanemi began to stand. “Well, then I expect you to be an expert next week.” He smirked at you, and you would never admit to anyone that that action alone had made you wet. “If you’re coming in again,” he added. As if you hadn’t made yourself available every Friday for two months now.
You nodded, sure your cheeks were flushed.
“Yes, I’ll be here.”
As you scurried out of the room, Sanemi took his time turning off the lights and locking up the Learning Center.
He knew you were flirting with him, he wasn’t an idiot. Your eyes had started lingering on his hands and lips. Sometimes you zoned out fully and it always seemed like something dirty was at play. But Sanemi couldn’t make the first move. He would love to fuck you. To be honest, he wanted to take you on a date, but he’d settle for a one time hook up. Still, he didn’t want to misread things or abuse the power he had. You really were doing better in your class, and he’d hate to interfere with that by scaring you away from the Learning Center.
He really needed to get you off his mind. Today he actually felt himself get a bit hard when you leaned over the desk to look at his sketch and saw the top of your breasts. What was he, fifteen years old? He shook his head as he walked down the dimly lit hallway, and decided to actually show up to Shinobu’s party tonight to find a distraction.
With spring in high gear, you were comfortable roaming around Shinobu’s backyard party in one of your most revealing outfits to date. You were wearing what could only be described as a bra for a top with a high waisted white skirt that got scandalous when you bent over.
If you couldn’t have your sexy tutor, you could at least find someone else to take your mind off of him tonight. You searched for a familiar face in the crowd. Kanao, your roommate, had gotten here early to help her sister set up. Being a couple years younger than nearly all of Shinobu’s friends, you struggled to find a familiar face.
You waded through the crowd, relishing in the attention you received from a few people passing by, and breathed a sigh of relief when you spotted a familiar black ponytail.
“Kanao!” The volume of your voice clearly startled the girl, but she still smiled as you rushed over towards her. The two of you were about as different as you could be. Your eyes nearly bulged out of your head last year when you’d learned she used to be much shyer before college, not thinking it was possible. Still, randomly assigned roommates with nothing in common had changed to close friends, and you’d chosen to live together again your sophomore year.
“I’m glad you found the place,” she said with a smile as she handed you a red cup filled with pale brown liquid that smelled strongly of cheap beer. You took a swig and your suspicions were confirmed, not that you could complain.
“You’re the only person I know here, so you can’t leave me!” You shouted over the music filling the yard.
“You know Shinobu,” Kanao corrected you. That was true. You’d met Shinobu several times through Kanao, though you’d never been to one of her parties.
“Not well enough to bother her during her own party,” you scoffed. You scanned the crowd, looking again to see if you recognized any other faces.
You nearly choked on your beer when you spotted a familiar head of white hair.
You were still in shock when you heard Kanao call your name.
“Are you okay?” She asked you gently as she wrapped her hand around your arm.
“Yeah, I just saw my tutor here.”
“The one you have that massive crush on?” She giggled as she continued, “Which one is he?”
You nodded your head towards Sanemi’s direction. “The guy with the white hair.”
Kanao gasped. “You mean Sanemi Shinazugawa?” she asked.
“Yeah,” you nodded, still in a daze.
“He’s friends with Shinobu. I could’ve told you he’d be here, though he doesn’t always come out.”
“I didn’t want to tell you the name in case you knew him through Shinobu!” You reminded her.
“It’s too late for that now,” Kanao said, her characteristically soft voice a bit teasing.
You groaned. “God, this is so mortifying. I didn’t expect to see him in the wild!”
Kanao giggled again. Well, you were glad your mortification could at least entertain the sweetest person alive. She certainly deserved a laugh.
“God, just distract me so I don’t look at him.”
You and Kanao kept to yourselves, catching up after both being bogged down with school work all week. By the time you finished your second cup, you were feeling much looser and less likely to have a meltdown.
“I’m ready to make some rounds,” you announced.
Kanao raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I thought we were hiding.”
You shook your head. “I look way too good not to be seen.”
Kanao took your newfound confidence as an opportunity to check on her sister as you made your way through the crowd. You recognized some girls from a class you’d had last semester, and made your way towards them. You were halfway across the lawn when you felt a gentle, strong hand on your shoulder.
“Thought you didn’t have plans for the weekend?” You heard the sexy voice that had been plaguing your daydreams taunt from behind.
You turned around and swallowed as you took him in. He looked good. He was wearing a tight fitting olive green shirt and black jeans. His hair was messier than it had been earlier this evening, and you had to resist the desire to run your hands through it.
“I decided to come last minute. Kanao, Shinobu’s sister, is my roommate,” you said once you were certain your voice would sound like your own.
He nodded as his eyes drifted to your boobs which were very much out on display, and you let yourself enjoy the attention. You’d been terrified to face him but now that you had, you never wanted him to take his eyes off of you.
“Well, I hope you don’t fall behind on your studies,” he said before he leaned down until his face was parallel with your ear so he could whisper, “I’d hate for you to disappoint me next week.”
You weren’t able to stop the gasp before it left your throat. Had he just flirted with you? That was more than flirting, that was practically foreplay.
Later that night you’d lie awake wishing you’d said something sexy in return or teased him, asking if that meant he’d punish you, but all you could do was stare ahead entirely frozen as he walked away. You spent the rest of the night lightheaded and blushing like an idiot whenever your eyes caught his. There was something knowing in his gaze, and you felt a bit like prey, anxiously waiting for him to make good on whatever promise was glinting in his eyes.
The following week went by obnoxiously quickly. You needed more time before seeing Sanemi. The time away from him had made you absolutely certain that he wanted you as much as you wanted him, and you didn’t intend on spending another night masturbating while you imagined how his gorgeous, thick fingers would feel inside of you.
You skipped your last class of the day in preparation. You wore a lavender set underneath your favorite skirt paired with a flowy blouse that would unbutton easily should he take the bait.
Almost all of your confidence had vanished after just a few minutes in the Learning Center. Sanemi was acting infuriatingly normal. Sure, he was being playful, but that had been your dynamic for weeks now. After the party last weekend, you’d expected something to change. He’d practically promised sex. Okay, maybe that was a stretch, but he had definitely flirted and he had definitely stared at your boobs.
“Explain continental drift to me.”
“What?” You asked dumbly, having not paid any attention to the man across from you because you were too busy wondering why he wasn’t making you scream his name in the desolate Learning Center.
“Continental drift,” he repeated. “You can do it.” There was something different about his tone. Your eyes widened when he stood up from his seat and began walking towards you. You were entirely silent when he propped himself on the table just inches away from where you’d been pretending to listen to him. He’d just moved from sitting across from you to nearly on top of you, and the only indication you had that he was acting purposefully instead of having a breakdown and forgetting how sitting works was the playful glint in his eyes.
Sanemi’s chuckle cut through your racing thoughts. “I’ll give you a reward if you answer. Sound good?”
Your eyes grew even wider as you finally understood his intentions.
“Okay,” you heard yourself whisper, your chest rising and falling as if you were recovering from running a marathon. All you could think about was how close his lips were to yours.
He leaned forward, so close you could feel his breath on your lips. “Any day now,” he taunted you.
“Tectonic plates,” you finally breathed out, unable to look away from him. He looked hungry.
“That's all? Your answer was shorter than my question,” he drawled.
“Tectonic plates drifted and broke off, forming continents,” you answered, voice coming out more like a squeak.
“Good girl,” he murmured. His gaze was primal, and you felt yourself gush at his words. Instead of taking you against the table like you’d imagined, he cupped your cheek and slowly started stroking your skin, smiling when you relaxed into him. He seemed to be deciding something, and you hoped that whatever it was resulted in you getting to hear what he sounded like coming undone.
His eyes cleared, and something must have won out because he leaned in and kissed you. His lips felt incredible. They were so soft. People always talk about pillowy lips, but this was the first time you’d truly experienced them. You threw your arms around his neck, desperate to get closer to him. When he slipped his tongue into your mouth, you moaned. You kissed him eagerly now, desperate to feel all of him. You’d wanted this for so long, and nearly given up on it happening. You felt feral, close to just climbing on top of him and laying him across the desk, though you’d need his help because he was definitely much heavier than what you could bench, if you even knew how to bench or all that it entailed.
Before you could work out the details in your head, he pulled away, leaving you panting.
You leaned in again, but he stopped you short. You were scared you’d done something wrong, but when you looked into his eyes he looked devious, excited.
He wrapped his hands around your waist and you realized that you really must have been ready to lay him out on the table, because at some point you’d stood from your chair.
“I’ll see you next week?” He asked, and all you could do was squeak out a confused noise.
“Next week, Y/N. Will I see you?”
You nodded dumbly. “Yeah.” You packed your things in a daze, the ghost of his lips still clinging to yours. You were about to walk out of the door when you felt a burst of confidence.
“Sanemi?”
He hummed in response, pausing his closing duties.
“Did I do something wrong?” You asked.
“Fuck no,” he responded. “I just want to give you time to think about it.”
“Oh. Okay,” you responded as you breathed a sigh of relief. “You realize that was a crazy way to go about that, right?”
Sanemi’s cheeks reddened and you watched as he swallowed.
“Sorry. I’ve never done anything like this before,” he explained, and you knew he must be referring to hooking up with a tutoring student because that was one of the best kisses you’d ever had.
“Look,” he continued. “I think you’re really improving in your class, and there’s only a few weeks left of the semester. I don’t want to fuck things up for you. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, but I want you to be in control here.”
You nodded your head, hoping you’d remember everything he said later when you weren’t in a daze so you could process it, and walked out the door.
You experienced several different emotions over the course of the next few days. The strongest being anger, because what the fuck was that? Did Sanemi think you were incapable of handling a casual hookup? Did he think you’d go crazy if he only wanted to fuck you once? Did he think you’d burn down the Learning Center or avoid it to the detriment of your GPA?
Sure, you had a crush on him. Okay fine, you’d love to do more than fuck him once but you’d doubted he’d be interested in that. Would you be sad when it was over? Yes. But, you’d handle it like any grown, confident woman. You’d act like it didn’t bother you, look hotter than ever at your remaining tutoring sessions, and cry about it three months later drunk at 2:00 AM.
With that mentality, you marched into the Learning Center when Friday rolled around, wearing a different set this time. This one was white, brand new and gorgeous.
You could tell Sanemi was completely unprepared for the emotions roaring through you when you saw him casually reorganizing files in the cabinets adorning the walls, but hell hath no fury like a woman wanting to get fucked, so you cleared your throat.
Sanemi whipped his head towards you, eyes widening just like you’d imagined when you’d picked out this outfit.
He scanned your form slowly. Today, you were wearing a sheer white shirt paired with a baby blue leather skirt. Your strappy white platform heels made your legs look incredibly defined, and your lacy bra was on display through the mesh fabric.
You’d garnered several looks as you waltzed across campus wearing this at 3:45 PM, but again, hell hath no fury like a woman wanting to get fucked.
“Hi,” Sanemi finally said after he’d fully taken you in.
“Hello, Sanemi.”
You waltzed over to the table you always chose, and began unpacking your bag. You’d only just placed your textbook on the desk by the time Sanemi joined you from across the table.
You watched him squirm in your periphery and attempted to keep your triumphant grin at bay.
You only looked at him once you’d straightened out all three of the pencils you’d taken out of your pouch for no reason.
“I’ve thought about what you said,” you told him, wanting to get right down to business.
“You have?” Sanemi asked, his voice strained and you could see how difficult it was for him to keep his eyes on your face.
“I have.”
“And?” He’d given up an internal battle, and was gawking openly at your sheer shirt now.
“And, I want you to fuck me on this table.”
Sanemi swallowed once. And then again. Finally, he brought his eyes back to yours.
“I’ll go lock the door.”
With his back facing you, you finally allowed yourself to grin in victory.
You heard him take a deep breath as he locked the door, and then everything happened quickly.
You willingly gave up what little power you’d just lorded over him with your outfit and the scene you’d made when his lips pressed against the most sensitive part of your neck.
Strong arms lifted you from your seat and sat you on the table, casting your props aside. You whimpered as he pressed into you, lips still attached to your neck.
“Is this what you wanted?” He asked right after he licked your jaw.
You nodded furiously.
“Need to hear you say it.”
“Yes! Fuck yes.”
He chuckled before his lips finally found yours. This kiss was so much hungrier than your last, and you melted into him.
You shivered when his hand made its way underneath your skirt, and your breath hitched in your throat when his fingers started dancing along the lace standing between his hand and your pussy.
“How long have you been thinking about this? Your skirts just got shorter every week,” he taunted you, fingers running circles around your clothed clit. “When did you decide you wanted me to fuck you on this desk?” He asked in a breathy whisper against your ear, smirking when he felt you shudder.
You moaned when he started fully teasing your clit through the white thong you’d worn just for him.
“Answer me,” he growled as he gripped your hair. All his professionalism had gone out of the window now. “Or I’m gonna leave you right here all needy for me.”
“Since the first day!” You gasped out, clenching your thighs together, desperate for some friction.
He chuckled darkly, oozing confidence when he said, “The first day? You’re filthy.” He finally slipped your thong to the side and felt your slick folds. “And you’re soaking wet. Would you have thrown yourself at any tutor? Is that how desperate you are?”
“No!” You squealed as he continued to tease you, stroking your folds but still not granting you the pressure you needed on your clit. “Only you! Wanted you so badly when I first saw you in class. All my friends teased me for it.”
Sanemi’s eyes widened. You’ve wanted him that long?
“Did you ever think about me when you touched yourself?”
“Yes!”
Sanemi shuddered, not that you could see. Your eyes were clenched shut, your lips were parted and your mind was mush.
“Yeah? Tell me what you want from me now that you’re dripping wet for me.”
“Want you to fuck me. Need it so fucking bad,” you whined as you grinded into his hand.
“I thought you were a good girl,” he tsked, fingers still teasing you. “But I guess I was wrong.”
He nearly moaned at the sight of your wide eyes when they shot open as you insisted, “I am!”
He chuckled as he started lazily playing with your clit. You gasped and arched your back as his experienced hands made you clench around nothing.
“How has the earth’s surface changed over time?”
“W-what?”
Sanemi responded with a disappointed sigh. “You told me you were a good girl, right? I’ll give you what you want if you answer the question.”
You desperately wanted to respond and be good for him, but you couldn’t focus with his hot breath against your neck. You wanted him to kiss you so badly.
“Come on, I know you can do it. Answer me,” he taunted, licking a stripe along your neck.
“It’s been reshaped over time!”
“Mhmm, and why is that?”
He picked up the pace on your clit. He was so cruel.
“Weather patterns and erosion!”
You shuddered, embarrassingly close to orgasm from just his fingers, not even one inside of you yet.
He let himself bathe in the sight of you. Lips parted and panting for him for a moment before he slipped one finger inside of you.
“Oh my god, fuck!” You shouted, and he used his other hand to cover your mouth.
“You’ve gotta be quiet in here,” he chuckled. “I don’t want to lose my job, but I really do want to hear those pretty sounds. Do you think you can be quieter for me?”
You nodded, hips still grinding into his hand, silently begging for him to keep fingering you. He kissed your forehead as he pulled his hand away, and you felt demised by him, and how he was the perfect combination of rough and sweet. He gave you even more to rave about when he added a second finger.
With two fingers inside you now, you couldn’t help the moan that escaped just after you’d promised to be quiet. Lucky for you, he swallowed your moans with his mouth as soon as he saw your struggle.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he announced. “But first you’re going to answer one more question, and then you’re going cum for me.”
Before you could protest his insistence to incorporate science, Sanemi got down on his knees, fingers still inside you.
He used one hand to bunch up your skirt and moaned at the sight. Your thong to the side, your pussy swallowing his fingers. You really were a beautiful sight.
He licked a long, slow stripe from where his fingers were inside you to your clit, and all you could do was throw your head back and silently pray he wouldn’t stop.
“Tell me how tides work,” he whispered against your clit, his hot breath making you shake.
You couldn’t think, you could barely even fucking breathe. All your thoughts consisted of him, and there wasn’t any room for science. Still, you really wanted to be good for him, so you did your best to ignore the fingers pressing against your g-spot.
“The moon!” You all but gasped out when he licked you again.
Sanemi halted all movement for a moment, and you wondered whether he really wouldn’t fuck you if you couldn’t answer his questions. Just before you resorted to begging for him, you heard him mumble, “Good enough for me,” before he dove for your clit.
His tongue was incredible. No one had brought you to the edge so fast before. You would’ve attributed it to the sexy scenario you’d found yourself in, but there was no denying the expertise of Sanemi’s tongue. He licked circles around your clit before licking it directly, changing up his movements until you started convulsing, and then he doubled down. You writhed against the table, biting your lip hard to keep yourself from screaming his name as you came for him.
He licked you slowly as you came down, chuckling as it made your sensitive body spasm.
You’d closed your eyes at some point, but heard Sanemi shuffling and soon enough felt his fingers slowly leave you. Before you could complain you felt them pressing against your mouth.
“Lick,” he instructed. And, well, you’d do just about anything he asked.
Realizing you’d yet to do a thing for him, you made a real show of it. Sucking his fingers methodically, opening your eyes so he could see the desire in them. You swirled your tongue around his fingertips after you’d sucked them clean, and he removed them slowly.
“Fuck,” he grunted. “Can’t wait to feel more of that some other time.”
You furrowed your brows.
“Some other time?”
Sanemi smiled and brushed the hair out of your face, just like he’d wanted to do all those weeks ago.
“Don’t worry, I’m going to fuck you tonight. I don’t think I can wait any longer.” His eyes looked so soft and earnest as he spoke to you. It was almost as if you hadn’t just ridden his tongue to a desperate climax. “But,” he continued, looking a bit nervous. “If you have fun and want to do this again, I’d love to see what you can do with your tongue.”
You nodded your head in a daze, and his answering smirk was sinful. You wondered if he had any idea just how much you wanted to do this again, despite the fact that you hadn’t even felt him. But, that could be changed quickly.
“Take off your pants,” you instructed, and you did your best to sit up.
“After you take off your shirt,” he said as he swallowed, eyes darting back down to the bra peeking through your shirt. “I’ve been wanting to see your tits for a very long time.”
You grinned at him. “Glad to know I’ve made an impression.”
Sanemi looked at you in disbelief. “You’ve made a huge fucking impression, now take off your shirt if you don’t want me to rip it.”
That had you moving quickly to pull off the flimsy material. Your fingers found the clasp of your bra and you were about to remove it when you heard Sanemi say, “Wait.”
You looked up at him in surprise, and your eyes widened as you realized he was entirely naked. You felt hot as your eyes raked over his form and you wondered if you were drooling.
“Fuck,” you whispered, eyes zeroed in on all seven inches of him.
He chuckled. “Like what you see?” He teased you, your eyes still not leaving his cock.
“Yeah,” you breathed out.
When your eyes finally made their way back to his face, you realized he was smirking again, not that you could blame him. You’d walked in here with the confidence of a seasoned dominatrix only to drool as soon as he got undressed.
“I want to be the one to unwrap you,” he murmured as he pulled your body towards him by your waist, your ass sliding on cool surface of the table.
“Please,” you whispered.
Sanemi trailed his fingers across the lace of your bra, and you took a sharp breath when he pinched both your nipples at once.
“Do you like that?” He asked, his eyes glossing over as your nipples hardened beneath the lace.
“Yes,” you moaned, tilting your head back when you felt his cock against you. He slid off your thong first, one hand still playing with your tits. He brought his lips to yours again and you kissed him eagerly, each kiss better than the last as his tongue invaded your mouth.
He pulled away slowly, his lips lingering on yours before he pulled back just enough to see you as he finally unclamped your bra.
“Fuck,” he murmured as he stared at your bare tits. “You’re fucking perfect,” His eyes were hazy, and he looked like he was in a trance as he ran his fingers over you, his warm skin more than welcome as the cool air tickled your skin.
“Sanemi,” you whimpered. “Please, please fuck me.”
That seemed to wake him up. “So needy,” he teased you. All you could do was nod your head. There was no use in denying it.
“Only for you,” you whispered, looking into his eyes.
Sanemi’s breath hitched in his throat at your sincerity. Your voice sounded so raw, so earnest. You really were laid out here just for him.
The realization spurred him into action. “Turn around,” he demanded, and you jumped up to oblige him. You slid off the desk just enough to turn around, and let him press you down onto the cool surface. You shook your ass for him when you heard him unzip your skirt, and he spanked you once he’d pulled the material down.
“I believe you said something about wanting me to fuck you on top of this table,” he leaned down to whisper into your ear from behind, his hair tickling your nape.
“Please,” you begged him.
His weight lifted off of you and you felt the tip of his cock pressing against your entrance. “Hold still,” he grunted when you grinded against him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
You sighed against the desk, but didn’t even have time to pout before you felt his length slowly sliding into you.
“Fuck,” he groaned as he felt your walls wrap around him. “You’re so fucking wet.”
“For you, it’s all for you,” you gasped as he bottomed out inside you.
He moved slowly at first, giving you time to get used to his cock, and you mewled when he ran a slow stroke against your g-spot.
“Does that feel good?” He asked, surely knowing the answer from the way your pussy clenched around him, but you nodded your head anyway.
“Feels so good. Faster, please.”
Sanemi obliged, pulling almost all the way out of you before slamming himself back in. He repeated the actions until you were moaning nonsensically, drooling onto the table and too fucked out to care.
“Your pussy is so perfect,” he praised you as his hand wrapped around your waist and found your clit.
“Oh my god don’t stop,” you whined when his fingers started circling your bud as he began fucking you faster now.
“Not gonna stop, feels too fucking good, fuck.” He grunted as your walls clenched again as he hit your g-spot.
The pace of his fingers increased on your clit as he pumped himself into you, and your soft walls went from clenching to spasming around his cock.
“Where can I cum, Y/N?”
“Inside! I have an IUD,” you whined. “Please, please cum inside. Want to feel you.”
“Fuck,” he moaned. Sanemi used the hand that wasn’t on your clit to pull you off the table and truly impale you with his cock. You gasped at how deep he was able to reach in this position, and he held you up as he continued rubbing your clit.
“I’m gonna cum, Sanemi. Gonna cum for you,” you whined as you arched your back, walls tightening around his cock, only able to stay upright thanks to his strength.
“Cum for me,” he whispered into your ear as he pinched your clit with the perfect amount of pressure until you saw white.
Your moans were embarrassing and guttural. You felt feral as you came undone in a way you never had before, only brought back to life as you felt his cum flood your walls with a sharp grunt.
He pulled out of you slowly and laid you down on the table gently. You closed your eyes and willed yourself to fill your lungs with the air his cock had seemingly punched out of you.
When you came to, Sanemi was kissing you everywhere. He kissed your cheeks, then your neck, followed by your shoulders and chest. When his lips made his way to your stomach he got on his knees and continued to worship you.
“Thank you so much,” you heard him whisper as he kissed your thighs. “That was incredible.”
You sighed sleepily and smiled at the mop of white hair in your vision as you opened your eyes.
“Pretty sure I should be thanking you.”
Sanemi’s head popped back up and you pulled him in to kiss you.
“That was fucking amazing, Sanemi,” you whispered into his mouth.
Sanemi let you hold his face like that for a few seconds, smiling at you, before he looked at the clock on the wall.
“Y/N?” He whispered your name in question as he turned back to you.
“Yes?” You asked, running your fingers through his hair.
“Want to go grab dinner?”
“But it’s only 6:00. Don’t you have an hour left here?” You asked, eyes wandering towards the same clock.
Sanemi chuckled as he stood up slowly, searching for the clothes he’d thrown to the floor. He passed you yours first before shrugging on his boxers.
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re the only ones lame enough to spend Friday evening in the Learning Center.”
You giggled as you slid your underwear back on. “Sure,” you replied. “Dinner would be nice.”
its me again! thank you for tagging your works as fem reader you are a really sweet person! while that kind of reader is not my cup of tea, your style of writing is really lovely. have a great day :)
hi hi! thank u again for reaching out to me about tagging - and i am sorry again for the impact it had! thank u sm for the compliments :) i hope u have a great day too!!
omg thank u so much!! honestly very nice to hear because getting on tumblr for the first time at 25 has been terrifying lol i only just started writing fan fic on ao3 in october so i am very glad some people are enjoying this!!
idk how you usually tag your blog or if its common knowledge to your followers but,,, could you please tag your fics if they have a fem reader or something... i was really enjoying one of your fics that i stumbled on in my fyp but then i got jumpscared by afab content 😔 im sorry for the bother,,
this is not a bother at all! i am extremely new to tumblr from ao3 where this is less common and had not fully picked up on it yet! thank you for letting me know - i will go through after work today and update all my fics and i am very sorry to have caused that experience.
Description: You try leaving the mafia, but Dazai won’t let you escape him.
CW: Angst with comfort, hurt/comfort, fear of death, mention of offscreen death of unnamed ocs, emotional sex, oral sex
thank you to the anon who inspired this fic by asking for more angsty dialogue and for suggesting that reader leaves the mafia!
Your chest felt hollow, and it felt like you were choking on air as you walked the uneven path before you. Both physically dark and metaphorically isolating. You’d made a choice tonight, and you weren’t sure if it had been the right one, but you were sure that it might have been, and really, that’s all we can hope for. Isn’t it?
You were materialistic to a fault - a fact you were not ashamed of. You liked nice things; clothes, shoes, skincare products. And yet, as you walked towards the cottage you’d gone through great lengths to keep secret, you had nothing but a small duffle bag slung over your shoulder. The kind of bag someone like you might carry weapons in before a long night.
Someone like you used to be, you corrected yourself. It was time to be someone different.
Relief washed over you when you ceased to feel nothing but uneven dirt and brush under your feet. You were walking on stones now, which meant you were close. This place nestled within the forest outside of Yokohama was only the first stop. You couldn’t afford risking anything longer than a couple days stay.
Leaving the Port Mafia wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t impossible.
Finally, when your feet ached you saw the tin roof shining underneath the moonlight’s gaze. Relief washed over you again.
But it was short lived.
There was a figure standing on your porch, and though you remained several yards away with only the moon serving as a flashlight, you could’ve recognized that frame in the depths of hell. Though fear gripped your heart, you found humor in the fact that one day you likely would come across his frame in the depths of hell. There was no more fitting place for either of you.
You stood staring at each other when you stopped short of the cottage’s wooden steps. Dazai looked out of place here, standing tall in his dark coat with his hands in his pockets. His calmness did not soothe you. You knew the neutral gaze he held was a facade. There was a storm brewing in his amber eyes. Betrayal, they accused you.
“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up,” he said, voice disturbingly calm. “You walk slowly in the dark, a poor quality in a mafia member, but I suppose that might be just as well since you’re leaving.”
You realized, then, that you weren’t breathing. You must’ve stopped a while ago since your lungs had begun to burn. You opened your mouth and took in what you could.
He let you stand there, catching your breath. You’d been cornered like a wild animal, and now you stood frozen like a deer in headlights. You wondered if letting you breathe now was his last act of mercy. His features were so stoic that it was terrifying. He looked like every bit of the mafia executive he was. You willed yourself not to think of it until oxygen flowed through you again. You would never catch your breath if you thought of how the man you loved might kill you tonight. Though it was unrequited and hopeless, you certainly loved him, even as you ran away. Even as you hated him.
You didn’t know if he felt the same, or if he was even capable of it. You’d only just progressed past fucking exclusively in alleyways and filthy corners of headquarters.
“You knew I’d come,” you said, once you recovered. There was no sense in asking how he’d come to know of this place’s existence. You’d always known it had been a risk.
“I did.”
You swallowed, your mouth so dry that the action was physically difficult. It would be unbecoming to beg for your life, and yet you didn’t want to die.
“Are you here to kill me?” You asked.
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“How about you come on in, I’ve taken the liberty of unlocking your hideaway for you.”
The words smelled sour, and you wondered how bitter they’d tasted on his lips. It was the first time you’d witnessed emotion from him since you’d arrived.
You followed him in slowly, knowing you could be marching to your death. Death would be standard for sneaking away from the mafia in the dead of night after promising to devote your life to the organization. You wondered how he’d do it. Would he choke you with the elegant, nimble fingers that had been your undoing so many times in the past? Would it start as it usually did, his hard cock against your waist? Only, instead of choking leading to fucking, would he continue to squeeze your throat, eyes on yours until you collapsed?
This cottage had once been a refuge for you, but it felt stifling as you stood feet away from Dazai, both waiting for the other to begin.
“I had to leave, Dazai.” The words sounded weak as they left your mouth, but it was the truth. Wasn’t it?
Dazai chuckled darkly. “You did not. You didn’t have to do anything but your job.”
“And what is my job, Dazai?” You spit out. Remembering why you were both here. Remembering how you’d been betrayed. “You’re the reason I joined the mafia in the first place,” you accused him angrily. “You appeared in the dead of night like a demon, and told me I might as well put my skills to better use, right?”
At his silence, you dared to continue, stepping towards him. “And how is this better, exactly? Is the money supposed to make everything worth it? Is it the camaraderie? I had that before. I had people before.”
Dazai scoffed. “You had a small time group of rag tag criminals who leeched off of your ability.”
Tears welled in your eyes as you thought of their faces, the youngest of them only sixteen. “They cared about me,” you insisted, your voice sounding strangled.
Dazai scoffed.
‘They didn’t care about you, not like I do,’ were the words you could see in his eyes if you looked past the anger that clouded them.
Instead of revealing himself, he glared at you. “If they cared about you, why did they stop speaking to you once you joined us?” He asked. “We never monitored your communications. We don’t do that to members we trust,” he spat.
‘We don’t do that to members I vouch for. To people I trust.’
You shifted uncomfortably, body feeling too heavy for your feet. “How would you know that if you weren’t spying on me?” You bit back. It’s not as if you told each other everything. It’s not as if you were dating. You couldn’t even call yourself his lover.
The smirk forming on his face was menacing. “Because it took you months to even find out they were dead.” He laughed. He was being mean now, but he was right. You’d only found out by chance that your old gang was dead. You’d been in one of the storage rooms, doing research for an upcoming mission that Mori assigned you when you came across the file which held their names, “Deceased,” scrawled next to each one.
Dazai was uncharacteristically patient as he waited for you to choose your next words. His hands remained in his pockets as he leaned against the wooden wall of your cottage’s tiny living room. To an outsider, he might look casual. But you knew he could kill you at a moment’s notice.
“I cared about them,” you finally whispered as tears formed in your eyes. You willed yourself not to look away from him as you blinked away the wet heat threatening to spill. Dazai had never seen you look weak before. You wondered, briefly, if it disgusted him. But he surprised you, as he so often did. He didn’t comfort you by coming closer and putting an arm around you, but there was a softness in his eyes that had not been there before. It was something you’d never seen, and you felt your heart learch, threatening to break even further at the sight.
“It wasn’t planned,” he finally said. “Mori didn’t plan it. I didn’t plan it.” You could tell he wanted you to believe him, was desperate for you to, but you couldn’t.
You furrowed your brows in confusion as you thought about the bits of information you’d learned yesterday when you’d come across the file which named the six people you’d once loved like family as dead. You thought of their faces and heard their laughs as you let the information sink in. They’d been killed by the Black Lizard two months prior at one of the warehouses you’d never been to. You wondered how long they’d been tortured there. You wondered why it happened at all. You’d been a small time group when Dazai found you and promised you the world. You’d left them, and let them hate you for it all because you’d been greedy. All because you wanted to follow Dazai whose eyes sparkled. He’d challenged you. He was better than you. At the time, it had been so rare to meet someone better than you.
“They were killed at one of the warehouses. I’ve seen it countless times now, Dazai. They were tortured and then killed. They were small time. It was cruel,” you insisted, voice growing firm again.
“It was an inventory warehouse,” he explained, though he still leaned against the wall and made no move to close the distance, you would’ve seen his fingers twitch had they not been stuffed into the pockets of his trench coat. “It had been an attempted raid.”
Your lips parted as your entire body went stiff. A raid? A direct hit to the Port Mafia? They wouldn’t have been so stupid.
“You’re lying to me,” you accused him. “You’re lying to me because you don’t want me to leave.” You were furious now. How pathetic could he get, lying to you like this? “Did you order the hit? What, were you scared I’d go back?”
It was you closing in on him now, stepping out from the shadows of the darkened living room, stalking towards the wall he leaned against lazily. You didn’t want to die, but you’d rather him kill you then lie to you.
He made no indication that he feared you as you closed in on him, you felt your ability rising within you. The power humming as it extended from the pores of your body. You had the ability to release a toxic gas which put people to sleep. You’d been indispensable to your gang of ungifted misfits. You’d abandoned them.
You’d known the gas would stop before it reached him. Even if he wanted to die by your hands, even if he felt he deserved it as he was forced to soak in the sheer pain in your gaze, No Longer Human was automatic, always protecting him.
You felt useless, tears finally breaking free. You wanted to strangle him, but the thought of losing another person you loved made your chest ache and weigh heavy on your body.
You were face to face now, frozen as you fell apart in front of him. “They wouldn’t have been so careless,” you insisted through your tears, fighting back a hiccup. God, you must look pathetic.
“They were,” Dazai assured you. “They aimed to steal guns we’d just received. They’d been casing out the warehouse for a week. We found photographs on one of their phones.”
You took a shark breath. “How long have you known?” You asked him, as you stared at the ground, tears flowing slower. But you still couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes any longer.
“I’ve known since the day after.”
You began trembling, and stumbled backwards, overwhelmed by the need to get away from him. Your fall was broken by the old, worn down paisley couch, which had been in this living room since you’d been a child.
“You’ve known for two months and you didn’t tell me?” You asked weakly, as you sat down, staring at the wood paneled wall in front of you.
Dazai didn’t respond, and for a few moments you only heard your panting breath. Your eyes had run dry now as you processed everything. The betrayal from your former allies, and then the continuous betrayal from the only man you’d trusted since you’d abandoned your friends in search of something more. In search of him. Wherever he’d take you, you’d wanted to follow.
You felt the couch dip beside you, and you allowed yourself to look at him once more. He looked sad. You hated the way the emotions twisted his features.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” he admitted. “It weighed heavily on me.”
You swallowed, having finally produced some spit to soothe your dry, scratchy throat.
“Would it have made it better?” He asked. “If I had told you sooner?”
You thought about it for a moment. The betrayal of your friends, the ones you’d always hoped to make amends with once their anger faded like you’d thought it would, would’ve hurt just the same. But, that wasn’t the only thing breaking your heart right now.
You nodded your head. “It would’ve been better,” you supplied. “Coming from you.”
Dazai hummed in response. “Then, I’m sorry.”
You both sat in silence for what felt like hours. It might’ve been. The clock in this living room had been broken for nearly a decade.
“What does it depend on?” You asked him, finally breaking the silence you’d fallen into.
“Hmm?” Dazai asked, shifting to face you on the couch.
“My death,” you reminded him. “What does it depend on?”
“Are you coming back with me?”
You paused again, thinking. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go,” you said eventually.
“Where were you going to go before?”
“Australia, to start,” you said. “I‘ve always wanted to go.”
“You never mentioned it,” he thought out loud.
You nodded your head. “We don’t really talk much about things like that.”
You weren’t sure what you expected Dazai to say, but it certainly wasn’t, “We could try.”
You whipped your head towards him, confusion clear on your features. “What?”
“We could talk about things like that, if you wanted,” Dazai repeated. As if it wasn’t the strangest thing he’d ever said. “I wouldn’t mind talking about what you like and the places you’d like to go.”
“Would you tell me?” You asked him, feeling a pathetic gooey feeling replacing the ache in your chest. “Would you tell me about the things you liked and the places you want to go?”
He nodded and smiled. A real smile. A gorgeous smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”
Without realizing it, your body had begun leaning into his, as if you were both magnets. It was pathetic really, that you’d ever thought you could leave him behind.
When he kissed you, it was different, hesitant. He wasn’t trying to claim you like he usually did. As his tongue slipped slowly into your mouth, it felt like he was trying to remember you, savor you even. You moaned into his mouth at the thought.
His hands tightened around your waist possessively, as if he were scared you might run away. You let your hands wander to his hair, something you almost never did. It had felt too intimate, but he groaned when you tugged on his dark brown locks.
He pulled away after he sucked gently on your lips and just… stared at you. At first, you wanted to shy away from the action. This was all so unlike him. It was so unlike you, but you forced yourself to look at him as he looked at you, and his eyes looked desperate. Something they never had before.
‘Stay,’ they seemed to beg you.
“I have a bedroom here,” you told him. “It’s probably dusty.”
He smirked at you, finally looking like himself again.
“We’ve had worse,” he said.
He followed you through the narrow, short hallway of your one bedroom cottage into a room you hadn’t visited in far too long. It was, of course, covered in dust. You moved to open a window after you’d switched on the light, but his arms wrapped around you from behind.
“Take off your clothes,” he whispered into your ear as he nuzzled against you. You sighed and leaned into him, savoring intimacy you never got to share. You wondered if he’d ever show you this side of him again. You hoped he would, but even saying he would actually talk to you should be enough.
You turned around slowly, wanting him to take in the sight of you as you pulled your shirt over your head. He swallowed as you unclasped your bra, eyes not leaving your breasts as it fell to the floor.
“The rest,” he demanded, gentler than usual. You felt hypnotized by the softness of his voice as you unzipped your pants and shook off your underwear.
You stood there, naked, feeling far too exposed as he stared at you.
“Well?” You asked, voice uncharacteristically shaky.
“I can’t believe you tried taking this away from me.”
His voice sounded raw, and you drew a sharp breath at the implication. “I’m sorry,” you said, realizing it was the first time you’d said it. You began walking towards him slowly, as if he might back away.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered it this time, once your face was a breath away from his.
“Show me,” he whispered back. “Show me how sorry you are.”
You dropped to your knees and unclasped his belt. He started shaking off his jacket and his shirt as you unzipped his pants. He rarely got this naked for you, and you took the time to acknowledge him. Even bandaged, he was gorgeous. The words died on the tip of your tongue, like so many other had before. Three in particular.
You licked him slowly, from his base to the tip of his cock and kissed the head. You looked into his eyes, which were lidded with desire, but still so soft.
You took him into your mouth, slowly easing your head further until you’d taken all that you could, and he moaned as he hardened inside of you.
“That’s it,” he whispered. “You’re being so good for me.”
You felt warmth spreading in your chest at the praise. You wanted to be good for him. You never wanted to hurt him again. You couldn’t tell him that, atleast not now. So you settled for giving him the best head of his life.
You moved expertly up and down his cock, covering it in spit and licking the shaft as you moved. When you paired your mouth with your hands where your mouth couldn’t reach, you relished in the feral, guttural sound that escaped his lips.
“Fuck,” he whispered the words as he cocked his head back but restrained himself from bucking his hips, almost as if he was scared to break your trance.
You kept up your ministrations for a couple more minutes, until he gently grabbed your hair and pulled you off him. You whined, confused, and he chuckled.
“I don’t want to cum in your mouth tonight, princess,” he said as he pulled you up from the ground, your thighs feeling wobbly. He dipped his finger into your slick folds. “Always so wet for me,” he taunted you. Your mind had turned to mush, and you let him lead you to the bed like you were a zombie.
His fingertips stroked your cheek softly once he laid you out on the bed, and you nuzzled into his hand, drunk on his sweetness. Again, you felt three words die on the tip of your tongue, wondering if he’d known already. Wishing that he might feel the same. Just as quickly as his fingers had left your pussy, they returned. He started with one, circling inside of you before he paired it with another, watching you like you were his prey as you arched your back and whined for him when he began stroking against your g-spot.
“Please,” you begged. “Please kiss me.”
You watched his eyes widen in surprise, and you wondered if you’d made a mistake, begging for something so much more intimate than the spankings, and quick fucks you were used to, but his lips captured yours before you could doubt yourself too much.
This kiss was soft in a different, hungrier way than the hesitancy he’d moved with earlier. His tongue slipped into your mouth greedily, but he let you meet him halfway, still shirking his usual dominance. With your eyes closed, you melted into him fully, feeling like you were floating. When he pulled away, you were panting, lips parted and swollen.
The tip of his index finger traced circles around your collar bone, and you arched your back, hoping for some friction.
“Do you need something?” Dazai asked, because he couldn’t just give you what you wanted, even if he was being sweeter today.
You nodded your head. “You,” you whispered before you leaned up to suck his neck gently, licking your way up to his jaw. “Fuck me, Osamu.”
One hand grabbed your wrists and lifted them above your head, he held them there as he slid his cock into you slowly as you mewled for him.
“Thank you, thank you,” you moaned as your soft walls clenched around him.
He let go of your wrists to take hold of your waist, pulling your body into his until your face was tucked into his chest. You had to turn your head so you could breathe, not wanting to pull away from him.
“Fuck,” you curled your toes moaned as he started fucking you in earnest. You saw white when you closed your eyes, clenching around him as hard as you could, wanting to feel as full as possible. It wasn’t hard to accomplish with his thick, long length inside you. It was pure ecstasy, being taken like this by Dazai.
“You like that?” he asked, and you nodded your head as much as you could against him. He pulled away just enough that he could see your face. “I didn’t hear you,” he tsked. His taunting words were spoken so softly in contrast to his thrusts, which were growing harsher.
“I love it so much,” you whined before you mustered all the strength you could to kiss his shoulder. “Feels so good.”
“Lay back down for me,” he instructed. You wanted to protest, but there was no room for dissent in his eyes, so you loosed the grip your legs had around his waist and laid back down properly against the bed, whining when he pulled out of you.
“Stop whining,” he hissed as his finger went to stroke your clit.
“S-sorry,” you apologized as you willed yourself not to buck up into his hand. He slid back into you slowly, and the angle was different than he had ever done. He pulled your legs up above his hips and angled his body at a slant as he positioned himself forward until his face was parallel to yours. The position was so intimate, you wanted to turn away to escape from his gaze, but his cock inside you was paralyzing.
Slowly, he started moving his hips and his dick shifted in a circle inside of you. Your walls spasmed as you were completely filled, feeling him everywhere. The first time his pelvis rubbed your clit you jumped underneath him.
“Just relax, and take it,” he whispered. You nodded your head dumbly and let the pleasure consume you. Your legs shook as his cock continued moving in a circular motion inside of you, his pelvis stimulating your clit in a way you hadn’t known was possible. One of his hands started playing with your nipples, pinching them just how you liked while the other held you in place by your waist. Your body kept trying to move, to buck into his, but his firm grip held you down.
The tip of his cock pushed against your cervix with each circular pump, and your walls couldn’t stop tightening around him. Pleasure zipped through you from your clit to your core as you lost control of your body and gave in.
“Fuck,” he growled. “Tell me how much you like this.”
“It’s so fucking good,” you moaned. “Never - never felt so good.” And it was true, just a few seconds later you felt yourself cumming harder than you knew was possible. Your legs shook uselessly and your walls kept spasming, it was endless. Had you not been having the strongest orgasm of your life, you would’ve had the presence of mind to be embarrassed by the guttural, bordering anamalistic sounds you released. The pressure on your clit sent waves of pleasure through your entire body all while his cock hit your g-spot repeatedly. It felt like he was everywhere. You were so completely and overwhelmingly consumed by him.
He didn’t stop, even as he admired you. Your pupils were blown wide, and your face was frozen in an O so perfect he would’ve thought you were faking it had your walls not still been spasming around his entire length.
“Fuck, are you still cumming?” He teased you, knowing you were too far gone to respond to him. You weren’t sure if you’d been orgasming repeatedly or if you were experiencing one long, endless orgasm at his hands. Your entire body still shook, and your clit was aching. For more? For less? You had no idea.
“ ‘m gonna cum inside you,” Dazai growled out, as he began fucking you regularly now, thrusting in and out, giving your poor pussy a break from the endless and overwhelming pleasure the circles had brought you. Your blood started circulating again, and you were able to blink, feeling how dry your eyes had become from being paralyzed on his cock.
“Cum for me,” you breathed out, using all the energy you had left. “Please.”
That was all it took for Dazai to spill inside you. Your walls felt so good soaked in him.
He collapsed beside you, pulling you into him as you both caught your breath. His chest was sticky with sweat, and you realized how much of a workout that has been for him. After several minutes passed you were beginning to feel like a person again and you asked, “What was that?”
“Something new I wanted to try,” Dazai hummed. Fingers circling your back. “You were so sexy, it was like you were cock drunk.” He chuckled.
For once, you didn’t have the energy to scoff. Instead, you fell asleep on his chest. You knew he wouldn’t be there when you woke up, just like you knew he might not ever be this soft with you again. He’d promised you a bit more of himself tonight, and that alone was more than you’d ever thought to ask of him.
Dazai released a breath he’d been holding for ages as he stroked your hair. You looked so soft when you were sleeping. Much more innocent than the dangerous woman he’d roped into this world. He yearned to tell you how he felt about you, but knew it would be cruel for him to do so.
One thing was certain. He never wanted to be without you again.
Sanemi is such a girl dad. The perfect girl dad even!
His little daughter would be so cute with her white hair, and cute little lilac eyes. Sanemi even calls her his “Little Snowflake”, and even buys her a tiny little snowflake hairpin.
The second he held her tiny, little body in his muscular arms it felt like time had stopped completely. It took everything in him to hand her back over to you so you could feed her. And even then he didn’t leave your side.
He’s one of those “you carried her for nine months, it’s only fair that I take care of her.” type of husband. It’s a win-win situation when he takes care of her. You get time to relax and enjoy your day, and you get to watch Sanemi hold your daughter against his chest, as he pats her back and eventually puts her down for her nap.
He’s super into skin-to-skin. Both with you and the baby! He’ll have his arm just stretched out across the pillows as you and the baby use it as your own personal pillow.
He’ll have a few bruises in the morning, but he doesn’t mind. He’ll endure anything if it means staying close beside you and the baby.♡︎
(P.s. he almost cried himself when his sweet baby girl, had to get her shots.)
𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐫𝐚…
Oh boy, this is where the real problems start. This is where your sweet and innocent baby girl, turns into somewhat of a con-artist. She’s only four and a half years old, and already knows how to manipulate her way into getting a new toy!
It’s to the point where she and Sanemi can’t go to the store without you supervising them. Otherwise they’ll come home with bags full of toys, instead of groceries. She’ll purposely rub it in and say “Daddy bought me a new toy, mama! Isn’t it nice?” In the most snooty tone ever.
She has a princess room. With one of those carriage beds, and her walls are covered in princess stickers. She absolutely THRIVES in those big, puffy dresses and those gel sandals(Ikyk which ones I’m talking about). At this rate, she’ll turn into a full blown fresa…
She only responds to the nicknames that Sanemi gave her. Like sweetheart, princess, maybe even honey if Sanemi lets it slip. And she’ll give you the snarkiest smile when you complain about Sanemi calling her one of your nicknames.
Overall, Sanemi’s daughter would be spoiled rotten until she’s like eight. She did have a little tantrum about Sanemi getting you pregnant again tho.
But hopefully baby number two won’t be as spoiled as number one…hopefully.
college tutor sanemi has been plaguing my mind for weeks now... 💓mdni💓
“How long have you been thinking about this? Your skirts just got shorter every week. When did you decide you wanted me to fuck you on this desk?” He asked in a breathy whisper against your ear, smirking when he felt you shudder. You moaned when he started teasing your clit through the lavender thong you’d worn just for him.
“Answer me,” he growled as he gripped your hair. All his professionalism had gone out of the window now. “Or I’m gonna leave you right here all needy for me.”
“Since the first day!” You gasped out, spreading your thighs until you were practically split across the chair, hoping he'd take the invitation.
He chuckled darkly, voice oozing with confidence when he said, “The first day? You’re filthy.” He finally slipped your thong to the side and felt your slick folds. “And you’re soaking wet," he groaned. "Would you have thrown yourself at any tutor? Is that how desperate you are?”
“No!” You squealed as he continued to tease you. “Only you! Wanted you so bad when I first saw you in class. All my friends teased me for it.” Sanemi’s eyes widened. You’ve wanted him that long?
“Did you ever think about me when you touched yourself?” He asked before you'd even had the chance to register his reaction to your admission.
“Yes!"
“Yeah? Tell me what you want from me now that you’re dripping wet for me.” He punctuated the demand with a wet kiss to your neck as his fingers returned to your clit.
“Want you to fuck me. Need it so fucking bad," you whined out, hips grinding onto his fingers.
“I thought you were a good girl, but I guess I was wrong," he hummed as he continued toying with your clit, fingers brushing circles as your hips begged for more.
He nearly moaned at the sight of your wide eyes when you insisted, “I am!” He chuckled as he finally pushed a finger inside you, finding your g-spot immediately. You gasped your back and arched your back as his experienced hands made you come undone as if he'd done it a million times before. You felt a second finger tease against your entrance, and your eyes begged him to fill you.
“How has the earth’s surface changed over time?”
“W-what?” You squeaked.
Sanemi responded with a disappointed sigh, and gently withdrew his hand from your pussy.
“You told me you were a good girl, right? I’ll give you what you want if you answer the question," he said it so sweetly you knew it was meant to mock you. You whimpered, unable to think of the answer with your clit aching and the memory of his finger stroking against your walls.
“Come on, I know you can do it. Answer me,” he taunted, licking a stripe along the side of your neck.
Description: You and Levi broke up over a year ago, but haven’t been able to let each other go. Now that you’re seeing someone else, you’ve reached a crossroads.
CW: angst, smut, soft levi, sad levi, jealous levi, there will be a happy ending in part 2 ***mdni***
I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO PLAY DEAD BY WILT WHILE READING PART ONE
You ran your hands down the sides of your dress, smoothing out wrinkles you knew weren’t there. You’d been ready for over an hour, timeliness always having been a habit of yours.
“You look great, stop worrying!” Jenny, your closest friend and nurse on your staff assured you.
“You don’t think it’s too much? I feel silly wearing a dress after wearing pants for so long,” you said with a sigh.
“You’re not a doctor tonight,” she reminded you. “You’re hot and single and Mark is already infatuated with you. You look perfect!”
You smiled at your friend. She’d been thrilled when she heard you’d agreed to be set up by your parents. This would be your third date with Mark, a sweet man who worked at a bar in town.
As predicted, you arrived at the agreed upon restaurant ten minutes early, only Mark was already waiting for you with a smile on his face.
“We’re both early!” He greeted you cheerfully. “I hope that means you’re just as excited as I am.”
You felt yourself blush at the attention.
“I’m looking forward to this,” you replied, feeling a weight lift from your chest when you realized it was the truth.
Mark made small talk with you as the night went on. He seemed interested in your work, and you really couldn’t blame him. The Scout Regiment might not be unanimously respected, but everyone found themselves fascinated by the stories beyond the walls.
“I have to ask you something, and it’s sort of embarrassing,” he said meekly.
“Oh?” You prompted as you raised your eyebrows in curiosity.
“Have you ever met Captain Levi? Is he as strong as they say?”
Suddenly, the stew you’d been enjoying tasted sour and you felt your stomach fill with knots.
Noticing your obvious discomfort, Mark quickly amended, “Sorry, you’re probably tired of talking about your work! I just find it so fascinating. As a doctor for the Scout Regiment, you must hear so many interesting stories.”
With great difficulty, you finally swallowed the food you’d stopped enjoying, feeling a wave of nausea pass through you.
“It’s fine,” you assured him, though your voice sounded strained. “I do know him, actually. He’s rarely injured so I’ve hardly treated him. He is as strong as they say.”
Mark beamed, and you did your best to breathe. This had been the longest you’d gone without thinking of the captain, and you found the realization surprisingly devastating. But, this had always been the goal, hadn’t it?
Your date ended without further incident, but you couldn’t shake off the painful weight festering in your chest for the rest of the night. Mark was reliable, hopeful, and clear with his intentions. You thought you could be happy with him.
But Mark wasn’t Levi.
You were doing what you always did while you waited for the Scout Regiment to return from an expedition; distracting yourself. Typically you had a patient or two to tend to, but things had been slow in that department which was objectively a good thing. Were you absolutely evil for hoping someone slipped on cobblestone and split their head open in the next 10 minutes?
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity but was probably closer to a few hours, Jenny, one of the nurses barged into your office.
“The scouts have been spotted from the wall!”
You leapt from your seat, swung your triage bag over your shoulder and made way for the wall along with the three nurses on your staff. It was a bare-bones crew. You’d argued countless times for an additional doctor and several more nurses, but the government really didn’t seem to care about the Scout Regiment.
It was always the same, but it never got easier. Your heart sank when you saw the return party. Another expedition had led to mass casualties. You found yourself searching for absent faces in the crowd. Which of your comrades died today? How did your most recent patients fare? What about the young woman you treated last month with a sprained ankle who’d just turned sixteen and couldn’t stop gushing about her mother’s cooking? You didn’t see her, and you wondered if she’d ever enjoy her mother’s roast again.
You were broken from your musings when you heard a familiar voice shouting for a medic. Him. At least you know he’ll always be fine, you thought to yourself.
Your feet carried you to the Special Operations Squad as you followed the voice you’d still be able to pick out from a crowd in thirty years. That sexy drawl used to set your skin on fire, but today it filled you with dread.
“Who needs attention?” You asked as you scanned the surrounding bodies, eyes reluctantly landing on black hair and tired blue-gray eyes. “Captain?”
“Oluo had a gear malfunction and took a pretty bad fall. He’s bleeding from the head,” Levi said as his gaze darted from you to Oluo. To anyone else, Levi would sound as reserved and emotionless as ever, but you knew him, and you knew how much he cared about his squad.
You’d already started walking towards Oluo who was seated on the ground. You crouched down so you were face-to-face with him and began cleaning his wounds, surveying him closely.
“Oluo, I want you to follow my finger. Can you do that for me?”
He nodded, immediately grimacing as he winced in pain.
“Don’t strain yourself and try to keep your head level,” you instructed.
You moved your pointer finger from side to side and watched Oluo shakily try following your actions, picking up on some abnormal eye movements.
“You’ve definitely got a concussion, and we’ll need to stitch you up, but otherwise I think you’ll be fine. I need to treat others, but I’ll send one of the nurses over here as soon as possible, okay?”
“Got it!” He managed a smile, which you returned before walking further into the crowd, surveying injuries to see who needed your attention immediately. You did your best to ignore the set of eyes you felt burning holes into your skin. You rolled your shoulders and willed yourself to put Captain Levi out of your mind. After all, you’d have plenty of time to agonize over him soon enough. He’d come around later. He always did, and tonight’s visit had to go differently. You swallowed as you thought about the conversation you’d been agonizing over for the past week. You weren’t sure why you were so anxious, it’s not as if he truly cared for you anymore, and you’d resigned to let him go long ago. Moving on eventually had always been your plan. Any hopes you may have had for reconciliation withered to dust as soon as they’d bloomed.
Levi only sought you out after seeing you on the field. It’s as if he forgot you existed until you were right in front of him, and then he just had to have you one more time. You noticed the pattern the third time you let him take you in your office after you’d broken up. You’d seen him earlier in the day when you treated Petra after she hurt her arm during training. Like always, he showed up when he knew you’d be the only person left at medical. He appeared in your doorway with a hunger in his eyes, giving you about a second to deny him before he was slamming you up against a wall, kissing you like he’d actually missed you as he ripped off your clothes.
He only wanted you when you were right in front of him, and the first time you put it together, you cried yourself to sleep with his cum still drying on your skin.
A sane, well-adjusted woman would never allow a man who’d made her feel so pathetic touch her again, but you’d never been particularly sane, especially when it came to Levi. So, instead of throwing out the clothes he’d left scattered around the apartment the Scouts had provided for you, or the tea leaves you’d never drink, you decided to win. At the time, winning meant letting him fuck you however he wanted as you worked to get him out of your system for good. You knew the concept was senseless, but you couldn’t bring yourself to admit that you’d just wanted to be with him, however he’d have you. You convinced yourself you were using him just as he was using you, and that one day when you met someone you’d let him go for good.
On the harder nights, the ones on which darkness swallowed you whole as your heart ached for the warrior you loved, it became harder to delude yourself into believing that this was anything but detrimental for your mental health. And yet, the alternative seemed worse. You couldn’t possibly bring yourself to admit that you still loved him. No, he had to believe that you were as unaffected as he was. You only hoped that one day you’d believe it too.
You weren’t surprised when Levi turned up outside your office around 8:00 PM. You’d been done with your paperwork for nearly an hour, which meant you’d been waiting for him. You told yourself it was because you had something important to say, not because you’d give anything just to have his attention one more time.
“Are you free?” His voice was casual as he leaned against the door frame, but you saw his lidded eyes. You felt like prey, shuffling backwards as he pounced on you before you had the chance to respond. He kissed you hungrily, tongue asserting dominance in no time, not that you’d ever put up a fight. You were melting into him like you always did, so boneless you didn’t even feel him push you against the wall. You whined when his lips left yours and felt like thanking the gods when they latched onto your jaw until he licked his way down your neck. You’d managed to remain at least a little lucid until he bit into your shoulder. The moan you let out was high pitched and embarrassing. It only spurred him on.
“You moan like that for anybody else?” He asked as if he didn’t know the answer. You didn’t understand why he insisted on saying things like that. It was cruel of him to make you admit that you belonged to him still.
You whimpered when you felt his fingers dance up the buttons of your shirt as he undid them flawlessly.
“Answer me,” he demanded in a breathy whisper against your ear. It made you shudder just like he knew it would.
“Only you,” it sounded like a confession. You supposed it was fitting, he’d always be your sin to commit. He groaned and grinded against you. You felt heat pooling in your core and you knew that your underwear was soaked. The familiar wave of pride rushed through you. You were making humanity’s strongest feel like this. He talked a big game, but you could feel how affected he was against your thigh. You might have been his, but under the cover of the night, he was yours too.
“That’s right,” he grunted. “No one else can make you feel this good,” He started rubbing your clothed clit before giving you a bruising kiss and whispering into your mouth, “You’re mine .
Suddenly, it was as if you’d been doused in cold water. You went entirely stiff and felt shame so heavy and staggering you thought it might knock you to the floor. How conditioned did this man have you?
He looked confused when you pushed him off, but he backed away quickly. As dominant as he could be, he’d never continue if you showed discomfort. The room was deadly silent as you both panted, working to catch your breath.
“What’s wrong?” he finally asked with furrowed brows and flushed cheeks. He really was beautiful, you thought to yourself.
It took all your strength to look him in the eyes when you told him, “I’ve begun seeing someone new.”
You couldn’t stop yourself from rubbing your arms, an old nervous habit, but you’d gotten the words out. Things weren’t serious with Mark yet. This wasn’t a betrayal, but it had been a mistake to think tonight could’ve gone any other way. Despite the control you feigned to ease your mind, Levi still owned you within these walls.
Levi looked pained, but it passed as quickly as it came, and you wondered if you’d imagined the fleeting emotions in his gaze. He looked at you with dull, lifeless eyes, and now you were sure you looked pained. His eyes used to light up when he saw you. Back when you could call him yours. Recently, when his eyes landed on you outside of your office, they betrayed none of his emotions, and when you were alone they were darkened with lust. You’d missed how bright they could be, but anything was better than the way he looked at you now. He looked at you as if you were just anyone. Not the woman he used to call his angel.
“Alright,” he said as he nodded. His voice was cold and unfeeling. It was as if he was agreeing to one of Erwin’s proposals, he spoke to you with such indifference.
You’d sworn to yourself that you’d be strong tonight. That you wouldn’t let him see the power he still held over you after all this time. You should’ve known better. You’d never been the strong one between the two of you, and you could feel the heat behind your eyes.
“Alright? That’s all you have to say?” Your voice was shaky, and you knew you sounded desperate.
“What do you want me say?” He asked, suddenly looking exhausted, but he didn’t sound cruel. Levi was a lot of things, but he’d never been cruel to you, even when he’d broken your heart.
What did you want him to say? It’s not as if you’d expected him to beg for you back. You thought Mark could make you happy. You’d only been on a few dates, but he’d done everything right. He held open doors for you and asked you about your day. He told you that he found you beautiful, and he already wanted you to meet his parents. Mark was more than safe. He was kind, honest, and open in a way Levi had never been with you. Mark let you in, and you knew he wouldn’t make earth-shattering decisions for you like Levi had when he’d chosen to leave you.
And still, as you stood in front of the man who once set your world aflame, you wondered what would happen if you begged him to stay. Judging by the blankness in his features, he might have just walked away.
Well, he wasn’t the only one who could bottle up his feelings.
“Nothing. I don’t want you to say anything,” you said with clenched fists and as much feigned conviction as you could muster.
For a moment, as you stared at each other you wondered if he’d surprise you. Would you take him back if he did? Would he do anything differently this time? Would he let you in just to push you away, or would he make good on all the promises he’d made when you were both younger and whispering confessions under the stars laid out on the roof of your quarters?
Your questions would remain unanswered. He was already walking out the door.
