i'm probably allergic to it

...it's true

[tastefullyoffensive]

How to make Dead Chicken With Old Milk. (via jackapollo)

[tastefullyoffensive]

How to make Dead Chicken With Old Milk. (via jackapollo)

[thatdisasterauthor]

Okay, but, when we send cremated remains into space do we send an explanation with them? Because I’m just picturing some aliens cracking open a satellite and being really fucking confused.

“Human guide! Our scans indicate that this probe contains a cylinder full of ash and human bone fragments. I assume this deconstruction of form is a way for your species to travel greater distances through the stars due to your limited capacity for large spaceships and distance travel. Quite similar to the Quaxilains from the Centuri district of the galaxy, though I did not know your species had reached such advancements yet. Please instruct us in how to revive your colleague so we may interrogate him as well.”

“No, dude, whoever that was is dead. Probably some astronaut or scientist who paid to have their cremated remains shot into space once they died.”

“You told us that your species buried your dead, why did you lie to us?”

“No, I said that MY family buried our relatives. Never said the whole species did it. Sometimes we burn them, then scatter their ashes in places they loved, plant them with a tree, use them to make diamonds, shoot them into space, whatever. Lotta options.”

“I had no idea your death rituals were so…extensive.”

“Just wait until I tell you about mummification.”

[faithful-grigori]

Okay, so this gets me thinking, what if that ends up as humanity’s hat? Like, other races have one, maybe two relatively simple ways to honor their dead in all their cultures, and then humans show up, a race that seems to brim with ways to appease and mourn the fallen. Earth-style funerals become trendy and fashionable before growing into galactic norms. Alien potentates pay big bucks for human architects to design monuments or mausoleums for them or their loved ones or historical figures. Groups of highly skilled “memorialists” spring up back on earth, master morticians trained in every kind of death rites human or alien minds have imagined and willing to work for a small fee. Humans become well-known across the universe as the Death People from the Death World.

[beeftea78-deactivated20200113]

The reason I hate the “Shakespeare didn’t actually write Shakespeare” theories so much is they seem to be inherently rooted in taking his works away from ordinary people. “The son of a glovemaker could never have written these plays! Surely only an Aristocratic Intellectual, like the Earl of Oxford, could be responsible!“ 

Honestly fuck off. Shakespeare was one of us. His plays were written for the masses. He was an ordinary man who captured the voice of the people and the depths of their emotions. We credit Shakespeare with making up words and phrases, but who’s to say he wasn’t writing down what he heard on the streets? "But something as complex as Hamlet could never have been written by Shakespeare! It must have been the work of a nobleman!” Well guess what, not only did he write it, but he wrote it because that’s what his audience liked. The hordes of ordinary people consumed his deeply philosophical play about a young man musing over life and death and sin and they LOVED it. 

Shakespeare was a crowd-pleaser and an entertainer, and reason his work is so beautiful and poetic and philosophical (as well as bloody and sexual!) is because he was responding to popular demand. Most people attending the theatre were illiterate; they consumed literature by listening, and this is one of the reasons why playwrights utilised iambic pentameter and rhyming schemes. Their dialogue is poetry, and it’s beautiful to listen to. The first time Romeo and Juliet meet, their shared dialogue creates a sonnet. Imagine a commoner sitting in the crowd listening to that, and it hits him like an arrow, wow, listen to the way these characters speak, this is love at first sight. 

Shakespeare was an ordinary man, and the beauty and complexity of his works were fuelled largely by the appetite of ordinary people. Although plays could be written and performed for the aristocracy, it was the hordes at the theatres that one had to keep happy. This modern obsession with putting him on a pedestal and trying to make him high culture or inaccessible to ordinary people is just gross. This upstart crow will always be one of us, and his work will always be for us.

[vieillesoul]

Just to add on a bit, I was an English major, and I remember once in college, my linguist professor was discussing Shakespeare, and how he created new words. She said that linguists have studied the languages of the 14th, 15th, and 16th centuries, and they’ve basically come to the conclusion that Shakespeare didn’t invent these new words, at all. They theorize that he actually picked up these words from young women who would use them, as slang speech. Slang speech in these centuries can be found in letters young women wrote to each other, with the slang coming from them shortening words, in order to write faster. Of course, women’s ways of talking have constantly been looked down upon throughout society, but here’s an article from Smithsonian, discussing the fact that young women throughout history have shaped language, and continue to do so. They say that what holds men back (men trail by about a generation) is the fact that they make fun of the way in which women talk.

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/teenage-girls-have-been-revolutionizing-language-16th-century-180956216/

[ladaleda]

[writerlyn]

I unabashedly loved this scene.

[thewinterotter]

My favorite thing about this is that Dottie is getting fucking object concealment tips from these genius food-stealing women and she’s probably using that knowledge to hide idek small thermonuclear devices in her bra or something. Probably went back to the Red Room afterward like “omg girls let me teach you what I learned in America. It’s vital we teach our tiny assassins to knit, I met a woman who successfully concealed a whole chicken in her sweater, they’ll need this kind of ingenuity in the field.”

[barefootdramaturg]

I also really love that this is a large group of women who unabashedly like food and eating. None of them are going “oh no my diet, what if I get fat?”, they’re like “I CAN FIT A  CHICKEN IN MY SWEATER AND THEN LATER, I HAVE A WHOLE CHICKEN FOR ME.”

[grantairefanclub-remade]

yall realize that saying macbeth is only bad luck if ur in the theatre

[kodvma-archived]

All the worlds a stage

[grantairefanclub-remade]

ill fight you

[kodvma-archived]

Meet me in the pit

[grantairefanclub-remade]

no the orchestra is there

[nellyben]

I like how everybody is paired off haha

[larssonadam]

#this looks more like an awkward sixth grade slow dance than it does hockey

[itsacpsideblog]

I FINALLY FOUND OUT WHY THIS HAPPENS. You see this all the time when there’s a fight or a scrum and suddenly everyone pairs up with a member of the opposite team and they just sort of …hold each other.

Someone on reddit asked about it. And it turns out there’s a logical-ish reason:

all of the other players pair off with their man to prevent anyone else entering into the fight … so it’s a form of self policing. 

[…] The players basically want to prevent 2 on 1, etc. fights and by finding a “hugging” partner so there’s no ganging up on one guy, even on accident. They do it because it’s fair. And it’s kind of cute sometimes.

so now we know! it’s fair…and cute.

[animentality]

Aw best part is no ones left out at this dance

[castiel--for--king]

[legotheeggo]

[timothechallamet]

[prewars]

Of course, you didn’t want to burst my bubble. Pun intended.

[leupagus]

Seriously though, how did he NOT BLINK

[elljayvee]

Andre Braugher as Raymond Holt is a fucking master class. The whole show is amazing but Captain Holt is on another level. 

[orriculum]

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

[kaijuno]

I’m not like emo nihilist I’m more like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy nihilist like “life is meaningless and the universe does not care about you and it’s full of casual and callous destruction might as well have a party while I still can then”

[kaijuno]

Like the two forms of nihilism are “nothing matters so why?” and “nothing matters so why not?” and the latter is so much fun

[einsteinofcats-deactivated20140]

i used to think that a foot of parchment was a lot and feel bad when harry potter characters were assigned to write that much

but then i realized the paper i write on is 8.5 by 11 inches.

so a foot of parchment is the equivalent of like, a page and a half of paper.

they complained SO MUCH about essays that were like

a page and a half

wtf guys

get your shit together

[sweetwineandroses]

No wonder Hermione always got onto the boys for not doing their homework.

[cosmic-aria]

it’s honestly not even a foot and a half it’s just one sheet of paper. a foot is 12 inches. like dang if i had to only write one page long essays in school about cool magic shit then i would have been ecstatic.

[roachpatrol]

also 12pt times new roman— the standard assigned size and font for a lot of essay assignments— produces significantly smaller text than a muggleborn teenageer with a pen and ink quill would be able to manage on the regular, no matter how dedicated she was. ron and harry are frequently noted to be using large handwriting on unlined paper. their homework would have been about three short paragraphs if they were feeling studious. 

no wonder hermione was so fucking exasperated! muggle students their age would have strangled them. 

[space-fey]

Oh

[mogifire]

[trapcard]

it’s really annoying being a comic fan because like there are so many writers and editors and some of them are brilliant people who have given us these great, diverse characters like T'challa, Monet St Croix, Ororo, Kitty Prdye, Jubes, etc etc. then you have some other writer take these characters and just shit on them and warp them into some hot ass mess and it’s just frustrating. Cuz it’s like we get a bone, we get SOMETHING but it’s all dependent on how good the writers and editors at a certain point.

[grimdarkmatt]

I thought this had passed I thought his was dead

[libertybill]

Those scene kids grew up and work for Michael’s now.

[nattmyr]

Tattoos are so great because they can help people with bad self esteem to see their bodies as the pieces of art they always were.

[veggieburger]

JK Rowling: Suddenly, light started shining through the window!

J.R.R. Tolkien: The window, which hanged on the wall, softly letting its curtains dance around the room, suddenly brought a bright light into the house.

Douglass Adams: Quite unexpectedly, light shined through the window in the room, which was less surprising when you think about the fact that's what windows are for.

Lemony Snicket: Light shined through the window abruptly.

abruptly, usually means unexpected, or sudden. For instance, if your mother picked you up from school after telling you twice about doing that, it would not be abruptly. However, if someone were to tell you your house burned down and your parents were dead without telling you to sit down first, it would very much be called, abruptly.

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

Lin-Manuel Miranda said in an interview that he wrote the song “You’re Welcome” for Maui once he knew the character would be voiced by Dwayne the rock Johnson because he thought that Dwayne the rock Johnson would be the one person on earth who could sing something so egotistical and have us completely convinced we should be thanking him and honestly he’s not wrong.