Jesse's Hot Takes Live Here

its a dangerous thing to have an opinion on this hellscape. luckily i do not giveth a shit any longer. yall have been talking shit for too long, its my turn now.

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[striving-artist]

At time of posting, this is at 711.6k notes

29 Days Remain

[illinicoise]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[spn-fandom-breathing-heavily]

not even risking that shit

[codyslipring-deactivated2015060]

scrolled past this, re-evaluated my life, then SCROOOLLLED back up and hit the damn reblog button. 

[tumblgang]

She ain’t no games in real life so I take her serious all the time

Anyone with a name that starts with a “Z”, ends with an “i”, and isn’t some kind of Italian pasta, IS SERIOUS

I’m not climbing no mountain with a pig on my back, 🙅🏽🙅🏾🙅🏿 Negative.

[skuubasally]

Nope. I know better, have your reblog Madame Zeroni.

[luckytaters]

who the fuck is Madame Zeroni

[saudadesinfinitas-deactivated20]

Look at these stupid children who don’t know who Madame Zeroni is

[drayaintshit-deactivated2019030]

☝🏾😂

[callmedeku24]

Man lissen if you don’t know you better ask somebody AFTER you hit the reblog button

[emeraldmercury]

Idk who she is but I have an exam today so I’ll reblog her

[haiku-robot]

idk who she is but i have an exam today so i’ll reblog her

^Haiku^bot^0.4. Sometimes I do stupid things (but I have improved with syllables!). Beep-boop!

[jacobmick]

Because wise, I am.

[seymonecristina]

Oh fucks no she’s back lmao must reblog. I’m sorry guys

[silverslipstream]

Reblogging Madame Zeroni because I would hate for my great-great grandson to get hit in the head by running shoes

[ceann-cinnidh]

chocolate doesn't taste like chocolate,, flowers don't smell like flowers,, you can't see the stars. The clothes you can afford are made by slaves and the ones you can't afford are also covered in blood - and they'll both fall apart at the same speed so that you keep buying more. Rent a car! You'll never own a new one anyway! It costs the same as the mortgage you'll never get, and in the end you have to give it back to us and then give us even more money about it. You want a screen in your car?? You're getting a screen in your car. Sorry, you need to subscribe to use your fridge. There's a camera in it. We're going to remotely disable your tech if you don't keep paying to use it, including stuff you already bought years ago. Every government body is corrupt, the tv is pumping propaganda into your house and the internet is beaming adverts into you brain. Everyone is a paedophile, btw. But you actually can't say that word, because it's a bad word! Sh! Also, better check all those ingredients for that salad you just bought don't come from problematic countries. It's cheaper to you if they do - you, who lives in poverty in the country you were born in so that the generational overlords can expand their sprawling fortune - but you know what the cost on your soul will be. Fuck. It's never been so important to touch grass, cause soon enough they'll find a way to paywall that too.

[lovefromilya]

you think i’m pretty you think i’m pretty cool you wanna fuck me i know most people do here take this packet you read it it says mangetout i gave you magic beans i hope you're gonna get out soon

[ceann-cinnidh]

I'll be so honest, I put off watching this show because I figured it would just be crunchy Wattpad fodder (have never read the book) but I finally buckled, and then I watched the whole thing in two days and... Fuck. I don't know why this show has effected me so much, but I'm feeling all kinds of ways now. Like it really caught me off guard. I want to run away and change my life, and I want to stand still and fix everything, and fuck I NEED to fall in love, because I'm suffocating without it, but maybe it's already too late cause I feel my whole life slipping through my fingers. Idk why but this show has really done a number on me... I think I've just been repressing a lot of feelings for so long that getting smacked in the face with that much earnestness has broken the dam on everything. Like I've just been intermittently sobbing since I saw it, but not even in a sad way. Idk maybe soft porn and ice hockey just do it for me

[rowlfthedog]

[ceann-cinnidh]

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT DOES IT ALL FUCKING MEAN other than the fact that gay love can pierce the veil and save the day WHAT DOES IT ALL FUCKING MEANNNN

[tiktoksgay]

[kinggryptid]

This brings me so much fucking joy :)

[ceann-cinnidh]

thinkin about dean winchesters big naturals

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[chaifootsteps]

#Please little bird

[meriwetherwrites]

I love that the modern-day tumblr post equivalent of chain emails only requires me to reblog a relatively pleasant image instead of forward an email to a bunch of my friends and family members to quell my raging anxiety.

[queerautism]

It's obviously awful and infuriating that they're using this against trans people, but on the other hand this is just really fucking funny. Imagine getting assassinated with the furry meme bullet

[ventingmyopinions]

finally lived long enough to see *glomps you* rawr xD used in a political assassination,,,, the world is so beautiful

[ventingmyopinions]

is it finally safe for me to say I HATE jaskiers bob?? It’s not cunty, Joey is SO beautiful and they did him so dirty I hate it

[ventingmyopinions]

Remember when the teachers would tell us not to use Wikipedia because it wasn’t reliable as a source? And then you’d say ‘but they cite sources at the bottom’? So then they’d say ‘well then read the sources’? But now the teachers are using ai. And even when they Google something, they read the ai overview. And even if they decide not to, Google has become so ai-focused and click-driven, that it’s no longer useable as a search tool so you can’t find out anything they don’t want to give you anyway. I feel like the snake has started to eat itself, and we’re already beginning to choke.

I just feel like after the internet falls, I’ll be in my rocking chair in the nuclear wasteland telling children about how it used to be good for something once. About how I miss when it was like that. And I will feel like our great-grandmothers waxing poetically about how arsenic really did clear up their skin, and our grandfathers telling us they actually liked the lead paint because it was bright, and our parents telling us they miss the asbestos because it was warm. And that they know it’s all for the best, and it’s terrible that it turned out to be bad, but god, it sounded so good at the time and they want to live in that bubble of hope and confidence for just a little longer. I hope the kids will pity us, if they can ever come to forgive us.

I just wish the world had never gone this way.

[ceann-cinnidh]

I was never into the superbat ship until now. This Clark FUCKS and this Bruce CRIES DURING SEX.

[sorrowsofwerthertheyoung-deacti]

“They’re trying to convince people they can’t do the things they’ve been doing easily for years – to write emails, to write a presentation. Your daughter wants you to make up a bedtime story about puppies – to write that for you.” We will get to the point, she says with a grim laugh, “that you will essentially become just a skin bag of organs and bones, nothing else. You won’t know anything and you will be told repeatedly that you can’t do it, which is the opposite of what life has to offer. Capitulating all kinds of decisions like where to go on vacation, what to wear today, who to date, what to eat. People are already doing this. You won’t have to process grief, because you’ll have uploaded photos and voice messages from your mother who just died, and then she can talk to you via AI video call every day. One of the ways it’s going to destroy humans, long before there’s a nuclear disaster, is going to be the emotional hollowing-out of people.”

Justine Bateman on AI in this article from The Guardian

[syn4k]

ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself

[syn4k]

So as it turns out your sense of self doesnt exist in a vacuum. You gotta actually use it and bounce it off of other people like echolocation to see where you are as a person and shit. So if you dont regularly interact with other people the echoes just get weaker and weaker and before you know it your personality is a blurry fucked up fog clone of its former self. which it sucks because this makes it really hard to interact with people again but yknow

[roberttingle]

yaoi is all men are good for