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writing poetry is my only way out. - Maria Alejandra Gondola

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“How broken-hearted do you have to be to write poetry?” -Someone asked me while interrupting my deep thoughts.

“Very”, I responded.

M.G.

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La Amortajada

He encontrado la paz, en donde nadie pensaría.  Estuvo escondida de mi, por largos años. Y pensé que eran historias de antaño, que encontraría resolución al final del camino.

Mi infancia fue dura,  crecí con pocos amigos, uno que de ellos se convirtió el primer amor de mi vida. No diría que nuestros juegos, y nuestros vacilones reflejaban  ese cariño,  pero fue autentico ese niño, que hizo mi tierra sacudir. Pero te fuiste, te fuiste, sin decir mas, al irtete diste cuenta lo que habías dejado atrás. 

Soy el producto de mi época, no hay muchas opciones a las que podía recurrir.  Dios mismo no me iba a salvar, es más si. Él hubiera existido en mi vida, como la estuvo en la de los demás no hubiera permitido que me quedara en esta choza.

Quedaba muy poco de mí cuando me case No le di tanto amor como el hubiera querido.  No fue un buen esposo para mi, me aterraban las noches que lo oía volver a la casa.  Me recordaba a mi papá, pero prefiero no hablar de eso.

Estaba cansada, como madre no fui tan grata. Mis hijos, solo son una extensión vacía de mi, acostada en mi ataúd, en paz. Deja de llorar Anita, que tus lagrimas son hipócritas.  Nunca me demostraste tu amor, porque tan desconsolada lloras ahora?

Me pesa,  me pesa corazón,  como no deje marcas en la piel de nadie, Fernando, estuviste para ser paño de lagrimas, si no fuera por ti me sentiría en un abismo Fred, ven a mi y dime que no deje un oscuro vacío en ti, dime que si como madre no fallé. 

Déjenme descansar,  por fin tengo mi paz. Velen me ahora, Que por fin tengo paz.

Inspirado y basado en el reconocido libro de María Luisa Bombal, La Amortajada (1938).

M.G.

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The grandiosity of my acting

I'm just a good actor,  I can paint you the idea that I'm fine, that my hair is perfectly as I want it to be, that my life is in order, that I have my life sorted out  and that I have the love of my life next to me. But there's so much beyond what you see,  I'm more complex than that.  Gain my trust, and maybe, just maybe… I'll end away my act.

October 5th 2015

M.G.

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La Lucha Interior

Me hago miserable con cualquier cosa, termino deprimiendo me fácil. Por negar una estupidez, arrepentirme de haber negado algo, por los comentarios de los otros, porque las cosas no me salen a mi manera, por lograr ser independiente pero terminar dependiendo de todo el mundo, por no tener carácter fuerte y defenderme cuando debo, por perdonar tan facil, por olvidarme de aquellos que me hieren, por odiarme a mi misma, por no ir a fiestas que tanto quiero ir, para no causar problemas, por tratar de complacer a todo el mundo, por ser muy sentimental, por sentir que a nadie le importo lo suficiente, por sentir como si doy siempre lo mejor de mi pero nadie lo aprecia, y finalmente por ser quien soy y sentir que soy una incomprendida. Todos los días vivo como lamentándome, deseando que la gente me comprenda y me alaben como alaban a otras personas. Yo se que cuando me vuelvo así de sentimental dejo que todo me afecte y me duela. No puedo vivir así siempre, pero es algo que no se como voy a manejar. Mi trabajo es miserable, es algo que hago a diario, pero no tengo ni la quincena. Es hundirme pensando en mis defectos sin alguien que me comprenda. Es difícil ser tan deprimida cuando todo lo que trato de hacer es feliz, no quiero ser una romántica pero me siento así.

April 25th 2015

M.G.

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Appreciating Happiness

Don't tell me to cheer up, let me be sad, let me cry, let me feel this pain in my chest. No I'm not a masochist, I just like how it feels because the day I'm actually happy,I learn how to appreciate my happiness. So let me be sad, let me be blue, let my mellow heart be just a little dejected. But if you ever see me glum, see me cry over the little things, help me get through it, making my heart feel warmer with little actions every day

That’s when you tell if I’m depressed. 

April 25th 2015

M.G.

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My ADHD

I want to have that ability, to type endlessly, have my concentration focused on one.single.thing. Having ADHD is like wrestling. I want to be able to devote myself to a single task. not multiple at the same time. Having ADHD isn’t a crime. I want to have my brain be able to read words ceaselessly. Point my eyes at a single thing, and give it my full attention. Having ADHD isn’t the nicest frustration. Instead, I imagine a world beyond the one I’m living in, beyond to what’s in front of me I spend my life thinking about tomorrow and not about today. Having ADHD isn’t cliché. I have missed today, thinking of yesterday, the things I gotta do, the papers I have due soon Having ADHD isn’t opportune. I have missed today, spacing off and day dreaming, I have forgotten the now picturing a world of my own, Having ADHD isn’t known. Why does nobody else do this too? why am I the only one, not sitting still? Having ADHD isn’t chill. The only thing I know, is that my creativity is a blessing. Having ADHD isn’t depressing.

June 6, 2015

M.G.

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I was silenced by society

Becoming so silent, not only gives you time to listen but time to watch.

It's so powerful how the world has so many bits of details that people who are self-absorbed tend to miss. 

Just like a newborn bird, give himself time to listen to the other birds humming, he can later sing joyfully to a bright orange sun. 

It's astonishing how I've developed an introvert personality. I've come to the point where i'm starting to aspire more wisdom, sense of value. And I've started to dream more than I can afford. 

I guess that's the product of hushing, to crave things I see, picture things I could be, and want things I consider suit best for me. 

If I just grew a little wiser, grew a little more independent, maybe I could reach exactly what I want. 

Maybe if I didn't silence my aspirations, i'd be somebody by now.

January 2nd 2015

M.G. 

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The way we wrote this together

What would I do with an illusion of having you next to me,

when you are actually not. 

Being unable to hug you once more, 

being able to feel my tall self hug a skinny person like you. 

Should’ve warned earlier, 

should’ve confessed when i had the chance

You chose the easiest way out

He was the one who drove you crazy,

kept you on your knees,

but I was the one who conceited you like a queen

I was the guy for you…

he was there longer but his feelings 

were nowhere near what I felt for you.

Dreams of me taking care of you cross my head 

and the wind whispers me your name.

I swear I hear you calling me,

but I’m just the one going crazy after all.

In the end you slithered right back to his arms,

while I kept my hands in my pockets,

holding the letter i wanted to give you.

The goodbye letter I never had the time to write you, 

since you suddenly ran away,

you left with the certainty of what you wanted,

i guess…

It’s an illusion after all, that I can feel your warmth next to mine.

It’s a reality though, that he kept you for himself 

I was the one going crazy, 

crying on my knees.

October 13th 2014

M.G - G.S.

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Forlorn - January 19th 2015

I never understood how

you can be surrounded by people

yet feel so empty.

Talk to someone,

and their words have no meaning. 

Be sarcastic with your “friends”

yet they take it offensively. 

Be gathered by people,

and feel so empty.

I feel so aimless all the time,

so lonely with my troubles

Misunderstood,

under respected,

underestimated,

unworthy.

I never understood how

you can know so many people

yet matter to only two. 

I feel so empty all the time,

so full of grief,

and I try not to be sad,

but my void is to thick. 

Talk to someone,

and feel so superficial. 

I never understood how,

you care about everyone,

yet not everyone cares about you.

I guess that’s the problem about being lonely,

you feel your own loneliness

 but nobody is around to keep you company. 

M.G.

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January 26th 2014

And i recall perfectly the moment

when I showed him my scars,

that were firmly written across my thigh.

He looked straight into my eyes 

and hugged me really tight.

He whispered,

“It’s going to get better,

you’ll see, you’ll eventually be happy”.

M.G. 

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Hey There, your poems are so expressive that I can only think that you are beautiful :) What is your name anonymous? contact me @ olivertwist1024@outlook

Thank you very much, I appreciate those who like my poetry.

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January 15th 2014

I’m like a book, an old book.

People tend to judge my book

by its cover.

NO. 

I want to be read.

I want to be understood.

Identify yourself with my chapters.

I’m like an old book,

full of stories.

Comprehend me,

My pages may be wrinkled

and the words may be faded

but that doesn’t mean

my content will be boring

and my ending will be sad. 

M.G. 

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"Dream Psychology"

"The insane are no longer absurd and pitiable people, to be herded in asylums till nature either cures them or relieves them, through death, of their misery. The insane who have not been made so by actual injury to the brain or nervous system, are the victims of unconscious forces which cause them to do abnormally things which they might be helped to do normally."

-Freud, Sigmund.

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"The deep breath" - January 16th, 2014

My eyes aren't red and swollen

any longer,

my tears aren't letting my cheeks

moist,

my heart is now numb

numb from all the pain

and the anger,

I just don't know why

it holds so much pain,

and so much sadness.

Don't take me wrong,

I'm not a morbid person,

I just hope this pain and all these

these tears are worth it some day.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

M.G. 

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"Rage" - January 16th 2014

The anger that grows in me

makes my hands shake,

my heart race,

and my forehead sweat. 

This anger wants to grow

into a nervous attack,

a rage.

Wanting to breakdown,

I still stay calm on the outside.

But still afraid that this anger will 

poison my heart,

and poison my thoughts.

Keep calm i said to myself

the wise stay calm,

and the intelligent stay silent. 

My fist widened and my thoughts were passive,

but my heart still cried. 

M.G. 

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"4 am thoughts" January 3, 2014

I always wanted to tell you

that you are the reason

why i am this depressed, 

not blaming you though.

It was I who fell hopelessly in

love with you. 

Always wanted to whisper to you the

way it drove me insane knowing

that i was without you. 

Oh, i wish you could have known

that i cried every single day

hoping you’d come back.

What would you have said if you 

had seen me laying on my knees,

crying the tears my eyes

were too sore to handle.

Crap, I would have loved to seen you

cry, that way i’d know my tears

weren’t in vein.

And damn, i would have liked to

know that at least you loved me too.

M.G.

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"You lied but I gave up" - January 2, 2014

What happened to "I will never give up on you"?

When did you stop saying, "I will always try to go over the problems with you"?

Why did you say "seeing you sad breaks me apart"?

Where did "you are everything to me" go?

Who are you telling now, "I will always love you?" 

M.G.