Shit I’ve Said in a Haunted House Starters
I went to a haunted house tonight, and I’m not phased by them because I play an obscene amount of horror games. Here are some of my best reactions from tonight’s Haunted Graveyard. They’re totally out of context.
“Lady, I’m pretty sure that religion is the scariest thing in this place.”
“This bitch is coming out of the walls.”
“Wow. You look like you’re on fire. That’s hot.”
“I’m sorry, Satan already owns my soul.”
“Well that guy doesn’t look like he’s having a swell time.”
“Does this portal lead to the reality where Donald Trump isn’t president? Can I go there?”
“I don’t know about you, but that sounded like she was into bestiality to me.”
“See ya later Lara Croft rip off. Sorry you’re trapped.”
“Is that blood or barbecue sauce? ‘Cause it smells like barbecue sauce. Are we feeding Satan chicken?”
“No, I’m not scared of the lights. I just think you have a electrical problem.”
“Yes, I have a complaint. Why does it smell like old people in here?”
“Oh shit. Do you have free samples of that? I’m kinda hungry.”
“Satan’s dick is just. Hanging out right there.”
“Well this is seizure inducing.”
“Oh no I feel like we’re about to walk into a sex dungeon.”
“Okay yeah this is totally a sex dungeon. Totally some good ‘ol BDSM going on in here. Look at that table right there. So many whips.”
“Oh no... They’ve died. They took the BDSM too far.”
“Holy shit look, they’re behind the fucking vines.”
“Oh my god did you just dab at Satan?”
“The scariest thing I’ve encountered in here is this hill. I can’t walk up hills, and my lack of physical fitness scares me.”
“Don’t look at me. I’m not the one jumping on this bitch. I’m fat, I’d make us fall through. I may be nervous, but I don’t have a death wish.”
“OH FUCK NO THE MAYAN CALENDAR IS GLOWING RED. I’M NOT DEALING WITH THIS SHIT. NOT TODAY!” *naruto runs out of room*
“You with the chainsaw. Yeah come closer, I like the smell of gasoline.”
“This spider arm looking child needs to stop.”
“These tentacles are trippy as hell dude.”
“Oh holy shit these legs are squishy.”
“Thank you for opening the door, kind sir. You have some blood on your face.”
“Ah yes, hello. Thank you for whispering sweet nothings into my ear.”
“Okay. Listen, I know you’re suppose to be scary. But holy shit you’re really cute.”
“Guys, listen. I know she was suppose to be scary but I was being too gay to notice. Did you see her? She was really fucking cute.”
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