Listen.
Hashirama attracted two of the strongest people of his era, he had game
Obito failed so hard he couldn't kiss a photo with two of his crushes and the only chance he got with one of them was after they both died
Might Guy can work gay miracles. He made Madara, a known Hashiramasexual, hard for a hot second and became Kakashi’s husband through a positive attitude and spandex
Madara had to lose his brother and will to live to move in proximity of his crush, and that’s just the start. He spent like 80 years or something in a cave with a lifeless wooden copy of Hashirama, was thirsting for him even after death, and when he got resurrected the only move he managed to pull on him was to steal his senjutsu How can you fumble so badly with the guy who already was into you?!
Naruto ended up with a girl but not the girl he wanted and both his crushes ended up marrying each other which is not a win but I can’t really call it a complete fail either
