[voiddweller77]

I am become wizard

[voiddweller77]

oh yeah i do commissions

wickedgrinner's Commissions

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[notund]

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

[tidal-chaos]

[itsmissing]

ice cream truck blasting gymnopedie no. 1 while a bunch of really forlorn children chase after it

[biocrafthero]

[swagophile]

i went to the starting village and they didnt even tell me to kill 5 dogs. they just told me that my vibe was awful and that i should probably just die all things considered. and i was like. okay but dont you need a hero to slay the demon queen. and they were likd yeah but its obviously not you. you suck so hard.and i was like ok but what about the 5 dogs and they were like honestly i hope 5 dogs kill you. well whoop dee fucki g do. wait until they realize im actually the chosen one. yeah. ill kill 5 dogs all by myself thank you bery much. and NO that isnt my pee. i would never do that

[swagophile]

i got to the second town and ive killed over 12 dogs and ive unlocked my first ability (basic fire spell) and i was like hey guys its me. yup. its your chosen hero. gonna save your realm. and rhey were like Fuck off. like Fuck you. they told me my outfit was "fucking ridiculous" and that i looked "stupid as fuck" ans that normally they would send me on a dangerous quest to defeat a goblin king in the woods so that the town elder could give me a special key that unlocks the way but they told me theyre jusy giving it to me for free so i get the fuck away from them. but jokes on them. i'm killing the goblin king anyways. im gonna show everyone

[swagophile]

ok so i won but with like 2 hp and i used all of my potions and no one will heal me because im weird. so i guess im just fucked. fuck my.life i guess. i guess they really want me to die

[swagophile]

so i ran intona group of thieves (random encounter) but when they saw how fucked up and weird i was they gave me a potion and let me go and like they didnt even take my gold which like i have a lot ofbut no one will sell to me because im weird. so i guess i just keep this fucking gold i guess. im still using the starter weapon. no one will sell me anything else. i dont fucking know what to do with all this gp. this realm fucking blows

[swagophile]

and no. i still havent peed myself. my jester suit is yellow down there for a very normal reason

[swagophile]

welp. i had to kill a fuckton of dogs and random enemies. i killed a bear. yup. i straight up killed a bear. anyways i found a cave and it had a stronger weapon but it was hidden behind a strong as fuck skeleton wizard but ws soon as they saw me the skeleton wizard was like. ew oh my god. why do you smell like that. just take the axe. get out of here. why are you dressed like that. so i just got a powerful axe i guess. now i have to kill even more random skeletons and evil animals i guess. i have no idea where the next town is cus the persom whos job it is to tell me that said mu boobs looked fake and told me to go away so what ever i guess

[swagophile]

third town and yup. you guesses it. they HATE my ass. i didnt even bother trying to tell them i'm the hero. like it would not make a difference. the town armorer and the local fair maiden grab me and put me in the stocks. people have been throwing shit at me all day. i think theyve been trying to get into my jester suit. i didnt even do anything but at least they didnt bother taking my stuff. at least. yeah. i dont know how long theyre gonna keep me here. i vaugely overhead what i think is an important questline so once i get out of here i totally know what i'm doing

[swagophile]

escaped the stocks. no i dont want to.say how. i really dont want to say how. anyways. i got my stuff back and some extra gold too. um. as a tip i guess. found out there was a whole qiestline that i think was supposed to involve me crossdressing to rescue some child and then get an important book that i have to.recite from in order to unlock a.dungeon but i straight up just went to the place i was supposed to go and let the kid out (shitty kid btw) in the middle of the night and wemt to the kids dads house and crawled through his window ajd took the book so were good. i did also gst chased out of town by angry hoard. yeah. but we did it. dungeon time i guess

[swagophile]

yknow im increasingly feeling like most of my life is just grabbing random bullshit items to grab more bullshit items

[swagophile]

ok so dungeons fucking suck when you know 3 abilities and have a single mid tier weapon i guess cus wow this rsally fucking sucks. its not like the 99 wolf hides in my bag are doing anyrhing. i think i'm supposed to be able to sell this to the guy with the fucked up fur clothes for gold to buy supplies but the dude genuinely just hides whenever i come around. like behind a barrel or something. like i can clearly see him hiding but yknow whatever. anyways. ive had to kill a shit ton of greater slimes and skeleton mages here and im really fucking struggling genuinely. ive been frozen so many times. this sucks. but ive discovered you can just eat slimes if youre hungry enough so i guess thats a new skill i learned. whatever

[drysqu1d]

this video's meant to be creepy but this part just made me laugh. go off spongebob

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sam Handwich.

[sufficientlylargen]

If Pikiwedia says it it must be true.

[zooperdoopers]

I made Pikiwedia real. Works for any Wikipedia page. Use this wisely :)‌

[sufficientlylargen]

Oh, wary dell vone

[elusive-bounder]

[aegisofworms]

So I read dreams end come true and WOW. It lives absolutely rent free in my head forever now.

[amphibianshaped]

apparatus

[contextfreepatentart]

[noelle-ism]

Dude

apparently, there's this new game coming out, called

"Undertale"

Where you can use LOVE to DESTROY THE WORLD.

[lunersoul]

??? Oh so I’m not the only one who saw this was posted in 2010? lol

[noelle-ism]

ok so have U heard of becoming "unstuck in time" cause that's basicaly what's been happening to me

[buzzingroyalty]

Upd8 to the baby picture album

[buzzingroyalty]

now with fish

[apolladay]

On what part of your body is your biggest scar?

head

torso

arms/hands

legs/feet

a different part of my body

I have 0 scars

Remaining time: 1 day 22 hours

[klaasje]

really good text from my sister in law

[thevaultoftheatomicspaceage]

[pukicho]

In this world it’s get killed or be killed

[beaniesandbells]

What’s doing the killing

[pukicho]

The Killer

[hometoursandotherstuff]