and i can’t, i just can’t
Jeremy’s not done talking about the kiss.
(alternate ending to 1.06)
A full week passes before Jeremy says anything about the kiss.
Which is good, Simon thinks. He’s buried it so far in the back of his mind that it seems to be the only thing he can think about, which is complicated, so not talking about it feels like the right move.
But with Lilette still working extra shifts, practices are still late, and Simon’s feeling a little more exhausted than usual. His feet are dragging and it’s taking him longer to get out of the changing room.
Simon’s mostly aware of when Maashous leaves, because Michael’s gone then too, and Robbie never lingers. But with everything going on lately Simon doesn’t realize who’s left until it’s too late.
When he turns to find Jeremy a few steps away from him Simon doesn’t even have time to think before he’s talking.
“You said you can’t,” Jeremy says. He’s talking quickly, like he’s worried someone else is going to show up any second and he’ll have to pretend they’re not having this conversation, or if he doesn’t say the words fast enough he’ll forget them. Props to Jeremy for waiting so long, really, seeing as he’s increasingly persistent on trying to spend time with Simon. He chose a good moment, at least. Quiet. Less open than a parking lot. Slowly, he inches closer. “Not that you didn’t feel the same or anything like that, but that you can’t.” He’s nearly desperate as he asks, “What does that mean, Simon?”
Simon can’t stop looking at Jeremy’s mouth.
It’s been a distraction since that afternoon. Simon will look at Jeremy’s mouth and forget what scene they’re in. Jeremy will lick his lips before he speaks and Simon’s entire rib cage burns with something Simon doesn’t want to describe as shame.
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