i'm blinded by heaven

currently in water

[voronwa]

this blog isn’t gonna be active anymore. not that it has been in like two years but felt like i needed to update on stuff and leave contact info. i don’t actively use a ton of social media, but my instagram is akeldamas. i prob use that one the most. mutuals feel free to ask for my facebook/number/snapchat/etc i just don’t wanna put that on this post.

rambles below.

i’ve essentially had a crisis of faith that took too long to come to terms with. it’s more or less over now, i’ve come to the conclusion that catholicism never aligned with my world views and i used it as a tool to suffer. it’s pretty scary to feel that way and it fucked me up for a long time to have that emptiness where my faith would be, but i’m better off without it. i think i realize now what my psychotic episode was based on and it’s becoming less and less horrifying over time. but i didn’t have the ability to recognize these things when i was wrapped up in delusions and hallucinations.

focusing on religion and the occult too much, for me, leaves me in another world and i can’t get myself out of it. i hate that because i’ve always been a very devout person when it comes to religion, and i crave that rigidity and easy access to what i thought were answers but it’s too easy to delude myself by thinking that’s enough. it’s very painful to accept that but i think i’m in the final stages of doing so.

i hope in the future when i’m more stable i can navigate my way back into something else. not catholicism, that’s done and gone for me. i dived deep into lots of occult schools of thought for a while but also noticed myself slipping out of the present when i became too absorbed in it to try and find a “replacement”. unfortunately that shit can clash with my OCD and i also can’t risk the other things that could lead to, at least not for right now.

i’ve landed into some eastern philosophies, mostly zen buddhism and taoism and i’ve been exploring that. it’s better and more helpful and doesn’t leave much room for me to get caught up somewhere else. hopefully i can stick with that.

goodbye y’all

[voronwa]

i had a dream that i was at a bookstore while ann coulter was trying to sell her book demonic: subtitle that insults liberals and i went up to her and was like “you wanna see demons, bitch?” and then a bunch of demons spewed out of my mouth and i woke up

anyway that’s my contribution to this blog for the month

[aichihuahua]

[strangesigils]

I don’t really know what people generally call this method of sigil making, so I’m just calling it “Letter Shaping” because you’re using the basic shapes from certain letters. This is the most common form of sigil making, and it allows the most creative influence. As you see above the sigils are for nearly the same thing, yet the sigils came out completely different. Not because the purpose was different, but because I approached them both a different creative way, and that’s what I like so much about this method. There’s a lot of freedom and personalization involved.

(UPDATE: Here’s a link to a guide on how to deconstruct letters down to basic shapes)

[randomcartoonbro]

@egyptian-pearl-witch

[chongoblog]

[g-4f-te4-zv6-r-g0-e1il-h-eg-jf2]

I am going to break you into four pieces like a fucking kit kat

[voronwa]

I’m considering coming back to this blog, if just briefly, or checking in occasionally. 

It’s been almost a year since my psychotic episode which almost exclusively revolved around God and the Abyss. I’m hardly recovered. I mean, I can function well enough in general, but the things it directly impacted are more or less the same, if just they don’t make me as anxious when I think about it.

I actively try to force away any thoughts about the episode, regarding what it was about in detail because I’m afraid of triggering something, anything that could lead back to the absolute horror I felt, and all the things I thought I was witnessing in my delusions. They left me fragmented and it feels as though if I try to pick up the pieces, they will only cut my hands.

After the episode I spiraled really hard and came very, very close to suicide. I was put in a 72 hour hold in a psychiatric unit and I remember feeling utterly alone. Not that people in my life had abandoned me, but the ‘radio silence’ from God was as terrifying as the psychotic episode. And I haven’t heard anything since. It’s left me on guard, always, I can’t find comfort anywhere, and before in my worst moments the only thing that comforted me was my faith.

I rewatched Penny Dreadful a few weeks ago and it was refreshing and helped me understand my faith a bit more. At the end of season 2 Vanessa willingly burns the cross in her room. “I have left my faith, or it has left me. Thus my prospects seemed only a long, dark corridor without an end.” That resonates with me and what I experienced last year. I first watched it back in 2016 when I was also suicidal and seeing it from a different perspective this year gave me some sort of hope, I think. Seeing it from a positive perspective, even though the show is incredibly emotional and heartbreaking, was good for me.

Anyway, I moved this year and two nights ago I attempted to set up my altar. I spent a few hours putting it together and I hoped maybe that would repair the things that are broken relating to my faith. But it didn’t give me comfort. It made me scared and I put everything away again. But it’s what made me log onto this blog and think about dipping my toes back into these things I made the blog for. So I guess I’ll see how that goes.

[gruntsandpoetry]

Every sin can be forgiven.

[determinate-negation]

people who think theyre oppressed for being witches vs people who think theyre oppressed for being vegans vs people who think theyre oppressed for being into ddlg

[thecybersmlth]

Vs people oppressed for wanting a simple human pet

[transchainchomp]

“people who think they’re oppressed for being witches” listen, have u not… ever heard of the crusades

[abermetta]

ever heard of the ah… salem witch trials my bud

[determinate-negation]

none of the women accused of being witches during the salem witch trials were actually witches please read a history book im begging you

[determinate-negation]

the notes on this are really bad so instead look at this image i made that describes the notes for u

[signorformica]

The Hanged man. Bonifacio Bembo for Visconti-Sforza Family. ca.1450  Bibliothèque Infernale on FB

[queerkeitcoven]

contemporary brooch framing a copy of a historical birth amulet for protection against Lilith (Susan Skinner / Fibula Studio)

[voronwa]

few things beat the feeling of watching a show or movie and then finding out it has a book

just watched the ritual and ordered the book. im pumped

[art-of-eons]

tfw you see a blog that only posts runes, magic, forests, and naked white girls and can’t tell if they are lesbian wiccan or a male neo-nazi

[hussainthemvp]

the tumblr experience 

[je-sais]

[magicisvitam]

Louis Icart (1890-1950), Illustration for Goethe’s Faust, 1928

[howieabel]

Gentleness, Virtue, Wisdom, and Endurance– These are the seals of that most firm assurance Which bars the pit over Destruction’s strength; And if, with infirm hand, Eternity, Mother of many acts and hours, should free The serpent that would clasp her with his length, These are the spells by which to reassume An empire o'er the disentangled doom. To suffer woes which Hope thinks infinite; To forgive wrongs darker than death or night; To defy Power, which seems omnipotent; To love, and bear; to hope till Hope creates From its own wreck the thing it contemplates; Neither to change, nor falter, nor repent; This, like thy glory, Titan, is to be Good, great and joyous, beautiful and free; This is alone Life; Joy, Empire, and Victory.

Percy Shelley,Prometheus Unbound (IV. 562-578)

[classic-hollywood-glam]

[outofcontextkingofthehill]

[nox-bedlam]