[vvanderingsoul]

Hello? Is anyone there? I haven’t logged into my account in years and don’t know who’s still out there LOL. I missed writing and I need my outlet back for venting.

[vvanderingsoul]

hello tumblr it’s been years lol 

[vvanderingsoul]

Desperate times call for a serious change

I don’t know why initiating change has been so hard for me. The past year I’ve been experiencing a bad flare-up and over the past couple of months it has gotten worse. I know what I need to do, I have the support and resources but I haven’t changed my ways. I’ve been lazy and unmotivated. It’s embarrassing yet I just continue on, letting myself down. For whatever reason I thought of an old friend who had Crohn’s and decided to text him. I haven’t talked to this kid in over 8 years, but I remember he had it worse than me. He took a year off from college and was hospitalized often because his flare-ups were so bad. Anyways, he told me he’s been medication free for over a year. I asked what helped him and he mentioned the specific carbohydrate diet (SCD) and vitamins such as probiotics, turmeric, high dose omega 3’s, L-Glutamine and raw garlic. I have heard of all these things myself but never took action. Except I think I’ll pass on the raw garlic for now. Anyways, I went back and looked into the SCD diet and basically it’s gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, processed foods free diet. I’ve been gluten-free but clearly it’s not enough for me. The main principle of the diet is that carbohydrates are classified by their chemical structure; they are monosaccharide, disaccharide, or polysaccharide. The diet consists only of monosaccharides because the other carbs require extra digestion steps to break down the chemical bonds. Clearly my stomach hasn’t been able to do that hence the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. Any food that is not properly digested causes bacterial and yeast overgrowth. Undigested carbs are fed on by bacteria and yeast in the GI tract creating excess toxins and acids which cause irritation and inflammation. I KNOW all of this and sadly it took me a year to change my ways. It’s not an easy change but when you feel the pain I feel and think about how bad things can get, you scare yourself and you push yourself. A year later I’m willing to change my diet but hey it’s better late than never. Anyways, today is the day. I start my SCD lifestyle change NOW.

[vvanderingsoul]

Hey guys, I know I don’t use this anymore but I’m trying to get back into writing. Thinking of using wordpress. Anyone else on there?

[vvanderingsoul]

I'm fine but rare moments of sadness creep up on me sometimes. I think my heart would feel less heavy if he sent me an apology. I would feel ten times better if I knew he felt awful for how he treated me and accepted that he made a mistake. Meanwhile I'm trying to accept the fact you won't always get an apology and the only reassurance you can get is the one you give yourself. *sigh*

[vvanderingsoul]

I remember a while back when I was asked, “would you rather have someone break your heart or you break their heart?” I said I would, without a doubt, have mine broken. No matter what heartbreak I go through, my answer will always be “I rather they break my heart”.

The emotions I’ve been having the past two days are sickening and I would never want to be the reason someones feeling that way. I would rather bear the heavy weight then lay that on someone else. P.S. He could never fathom how much this sickens me, but If I knew him at all, I know he feels awful and I hope he learns his lesson. 

[vvanderingsoul]

I’m not crying because my feelings were hurt. I’m not crying because I was disrespected. I’m not crying because someone mistreated me. I am crying because I am grateful for all the love and support I have in my life. Any time I think about how much I love my friends and family, I cry because the amount of love is overpowering, overwhelming. Thank you for helping me carry on when I feel the weakest.

[vvanderingsoul]

reminders: Thankful for my friends and family who restore my faith in humanity and who give me so much love and happiness in my life. I don’t know what I would do without them.

[vvanderingsoul]

I know I’ve been away from tumblr for many months but recently I deleted all social media apps on my phone and I’m trying to focus on myself. Teaching myself to focus on the present moment. I’m mad I havent written anything in a long time because writing is my only way I can express creativity (since I suck at drawing). I’ll be back later after my errands. hehe

[vvanderingsoul]

free time does not exist. 

[vvanderingsoul]

I’ve been meaning to write on tumblr for the longest time, but can never catch a break to sit down and collect my thoughts into words.

Soon, I promise.

[vvanderingsoul]

so much to update on lol but so little free time in my life. 

[vvanderingsoul]

I've been meaning to write on tumblr for the longest time, but can never catch a break to sit down and collect my thoughts into words. Soon, I promise.

[caitlinjapa]

I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all.

(via dirtyberd)

[gabellls]

[kathyt]

[reifaun-deactivated20150704]

whatever at least I give good head

[wnq-writers]

No matter how much of your heart you give, it still won’t be enough for the wrong person.

darencolbert  (via wnq-writers)