Aiden and Betting

If you need any aid in assisting your actions for the plot? I'm your man. (That one guy you see in any store always sticking to the bit to high degrees with friends.)

[waidengotto]

I'll pour all my light onto you to give you the perfect lighting for everyone who views you and warmth that makes you feel whole.

Then sit in shadows not able to see any of my own features as the coldness it posseses makes my bones feel like the thinnest ice.

Thats how ghosts are made.

[waidengotto]

I know that people may think my dream is selling myself short.

I get thats a common place amoung us.

But 29 years of life and im just now being myself.

For 11 years I didnt experience life.

My mom hosted her parties and the moment real parts of me got attention-

-she gave a stare that now I know her friends knew well.

A silent order to go to my room.

I would.

Towards 20 to 21 I didnt reach out much to people on the phone.

I'd done damage past repair.

So id sit in my room.

When I was a teenager the twins would come in.

Find me either quiet anger or silent tears.

Those boys would sit with me. Comfort me. Eventually get a laugh from me then we would joke and just get to be kids.

But once they were grown and so was I?

I remember the room that I grew up in was louder in its silence.

The relationships I had ruined.

The ways id ruined myself for it.

I knew the silent treatment orders given were to make me question myself.

Hate myself enough to not think i was worthy.

'Tough love'

My entire family had and has this belief that that is what I require to exist properly and accordingly.

Now I am 29 years old.

I work. I make appointments. I go to them. I do phone calls.

I follow through with cases.

I write and I do it all again.

I have always had what others would deen a far too simple dream.

To be invited to things.

Have whatever a best friend is where I say it and they do too.

Someone that one day realized I was worth more than friendship.

A place where laughter was the only loud sound that ever touched the walls.

I cannot say its there anymore.

As a dream.

Ive become so much of a machine.

Protecting myself, my inner child and teen.

That the risk seems monumental.

And the dream was shelved.

Now I interact with people as its scheduled.

I work on the days when its not.

When I get time alone?

I crank up music.

I dance with animals and I make myself laugh.

I talk to myself or stumble over nothing at all and grin almost admiringly.

I never used to do any of that.

Ive become my own best friend.

Ive learned to have parties on my own.

And the blessing to know and love who I am now is something I never thought i was allowed to have.

But due to how rare it is?

I dont want to risk losing it.

Too often id let in the wrong ones when I began to love myself.

So its been 9 months since I wver truly did.

And the door isnt cracked anymore.

No welcome mat on the hypothetical floor.

But the music is on.

And the energy is good.

Just a left and right foot that learned how to enjoy staying put.

So maybe I dont have the dream in mind that I was after.

But god what an experience to be on your own and cause yourself laughter.

I dont have to go to my room anymore to stifle my shine.

But when I do go to my room?

Where ever that may be?

Im singing at the top of my lungs.

And enjoying that i dont have anyone i have to flinch away from if I dont hit a note right.

Just me and myself and not feeling any longer like its a personal hell.

Ive got myself now, and knowing that I do?

Means I know deep down no matter what happens.

Ill always be able to make myself feel whole after.

[waidengotto]

I granted am AuDHD with a passion for culinary.

I made Gnocchi tonight. And was planning to add some instrumental classic. Little orchestra moment.

My ADHD said no.

And in turn it became... this.

Enjoy.

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[justsomepetermemes]

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[waidengotto]

Also what I do

[thememedaddy]

[thememedaddy]

[luciovicious]

[dawg-in-me]

[thememedaddy]

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[thememedaddy]

[thedankmemes]

[importantdogimages]

[thedankmemes]