A 21st Century Girl (Woman?) That's 21 Years Old Who Believes in Complementarianism.
So there’s all this hullabaloo about the biblical view of marriage and what it says about how it’s supposed to go down. Often we see guys write about this topic and people get all mad because complementarianism supposedly favours men. So here: a woman who is writing about complementarianism in marriage.
Let me state this right now: I’m Holly. I’m 21 years old, and yes, I’m a complementarian.
What does this mean in a marriage framework, you may ask? Well, to me, it means that if the Lord wills it, I am so excited to joyfully submit to my husband as his wife. How? I will do my best each day to submit to Christ as the One who loved me and gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20). Out of that will flow a desire to serve my husband as his helpmeet, his friend, and his lover.
You see, I think there is this view that a lot of people have that there is misogyny and sexism that is underlying the complementarian view. It is seen as this man-favouring, woman-oppressing, old school view that has no relevance to today. But I don’t think this is true at all.
Now let’s look at some (not all) verses that speak to complementarianism because we cannot understand this outside of a biblical framework as it is a biblical concept.
We start off with the women:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Women, we are called to submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord. Part of acting in obedience to Christ is to submit to our husbands. A parallel is drawn here between the husband as the head of the wife and Christ as the head of the Church. In this, the line drawn says that our submission to our husbands is a picture of the very submission that we as the Church have for Christ.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
First off, men, you have such responsibility! Men are called to love their wives how? As Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. What an expectation. Men are to be willing to die for their wives. Not only that, they should love their wives as they love their own bodies. Men are to take care of and cherish their wives, again with a parallel being drawn to Christ and the Church.
If women are to be willing to serve their husbands as the Church should serve Christ, men are called to something even greater which is to serve their wives as Christ served the Church. Christ gave Himself up. The Good News of Christ is that He became servant to all and died that we may live. The greatest act of servitude ever shown and men are called to be examples of that. How is this in the men’s favour? If anything, women, we are called to much less responsibility!
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Notice that it concludes with men being called to love their wives and women, as well, respecting their husbands. This is complementarianism, friends. The very word means that two different parts come together to form a whole that works in harmony. Two roles being fulfilled harmoniously.
I think we would be remiss in not highlighting the fact that marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the Church. Again, marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the Church. It is the closest understanding we have here on Earth of the love that Jesus has for us. And this is why I believe it’s so important that we look at marriage from this framework. We understand more of our relationship to Christ through biblical marriage.
Submission is not a scary thing once we realize that we are submitting to men who have submitted to Christ first. They are called to so much in the light of Christ’s sacrifice and understanding this makes submission beautiful.
Yes, I realize that we are only human and that we will get this wrong sometimes, but it is a journey of being made more into the image of Christ daily and that is what walking towards heaven is. But if we are both pursuing Christ and pursuing biblical submission, me to him as to Christ, and him to Christ resulting in serving me, then I believe that there will be so much beauty in that. And that is a man that I want to do life with, that I want to pursue Christ with, that I want to raise a family with, that I want to do ministry with for the rest of my life.
So this is why I love the complementarian view of marriage. It’s simply so beautiful to me.
If you have any questions or any thoughts, please let me know! I’d love to hear them!