when I forget to stay busy for one second and suddenly I get a wave of everything that has ever hurt me.

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@wayofthewiltedrose
when I forget to stay busy for one second and suddenly I get a wave of everything that has ever hurt me.
i hate how fragile i am. one word, one tone, and i'm spiraling. and i know it's not normal. i know i'm supposed to "regulate." but how do you regulate a storm that's lived inside you for years? how do you tell your body you're safe when it never believed you?
I hate being me oh my godddddd I hate being me
What if I’m unfixable? What if I’ll have to stay this way forever?
the traumatized urge to over explain things so that i'm not misunderstood
Just once, I want my absence to be felt.
The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.
there's not a single nonchalant bone in my body. I care so much I could literally vomit.
the “i wanna go home” never leaves my head even when i’m physically sitting in my bed
i hate how ugly i am. inside and out. it's all rotten.
"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past
Being passively suicidal is funny as fuck like yeah i don't plan on doing anything and knowing me i never will but the idea of a gun to my head sounds really fucking good right now.
you can never go back. this is your one life. you had a bad childhood and that's it. you lost your teen years to mental illness and that's it. you're miserable in your 20s and that's it. you just go forward