But it's in the detour that we truly find our way.

Kole. 25. 💉 10/3/2013. 🔪3/27/2017. Total Colectomy 1/24/18. Queer. Ohio unfortunately. Chronic Wanderlust. A work in progress. Trying to get healthy. Fuck Ulcerative Colitis. No colon, still rollin'. Suddenly and unapologetically a Hamilton blog. he/him/his

[ghostsandgoblins]

[colemckenzies]

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

[ggiornojo]

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

[colemckenzies]

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

[animatedamerican]

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

[nentuaby]

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

[animatedamerican]

… huh.  I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

[thepioden]

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

[rooksandravens]

Is it a glitch or a feature?

[cranberrybogmummy]

Feature

[lauraannegilman]

definitely a feature.

[thecommonchick]

date someone that makes you roll your eyes and smile right after

[e-b-e]

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who aren’t actors

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who can’t sing for shit

Shoutout out to all the theatre kids who have two left feet

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who have never seen a broadway show live

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who have only ever seen the bootlegs

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are techies

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are stage managers

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are pit members

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are into the hella popular musicals

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who are into musicals that no one has ever even heard of

Shoutout to all the theatre kids who always get the ensemble parts

Let’s celebrate all these lovely musicals together and stop the hate 😊😊😊

[oscar-piastri]

Abby + Buck on the telephone requested by anon!

[jonbutter]

[oscar-piastri]

[wearenthistoryyet]

9 Days Post Op

February 02, 2018

Today I am 9 days, count 'em NINE, post-op from my total colectomy with ileostomy with Dr. Joshua Braveman in Columbus, OH. I have to say, I did not expect to be doing nearly as well as I am at this stage in my recovery. When I decided to go surgery route to treat my severe Ulcerative Colitis, I knew that it was going to be a bumpy ride; so that's what I was prepared for. Now, I'm not saying that this first surgery has been all sunshine and roses, I have been in pain, but nothing like what I expected. To give you an idea, I had a double mastectomy with male reconstruction 309 days ago. That's not a bigger surgery, and is considerably less invasive than having an entire organ removed and an ostomy created; and I was out for the count for nearly 8 weeks. I could barely get out of a chair or off the couch for almost 2 weeks! Yet here I am, 9 days post-op from my colectomy, going to the store (in one of the electric scooters, but still out!) and out to get food! They told me that I would start to feel better after this surgery, but I didn't realize just how much better.

If I had ANY doubts that this was the right thing to do, they are completely gone. But let's be honest, they were gone when I was sitting in the bed waiting to be wheeled back into surgery. I had this sense of peace, that this was the right thing to do. That I knew that I was about to get my life back. Yes it may take a year, and two more surgeries to until I have my j-pouch, but it's going to happen. I'm going to be able to function like a semi-normal human being for once in my life.

For anyone who has never been sick, the thought of having to go through 3 surgeries to have a normal life probably sounds ridiculous. I was trying to explain it to one of my friends; my reasoning behind deciding to move forward with surgery when I knew that it would be a mass amount of pain and recovery time. It's hard to find the words to tell them that trading one more year of my life to some temporary discomfort from surgeries, a little bit of work with the ostomy for a few months, and then adjusting to the new j-pouch; is more than worth it to not live a life of not being in constant pain, having to live a life of "Well, I MIGHT be able to make it if my body decides to cooperate that day, and I don't eat anything I shouldn't a week or so in advance..." and having to know where every single bathroom is every moment that I walk out the door. I'm 25 years old. I have given almost 4 years of my life to this disease, despite everything I've done to fight it. I'm tired of it. I want to take control of my life again, and this is going to let me.

[earpwave]

You’re a wanker, Number 9!

an ancient lesbian proverb (via cophines)

[perplexistan]

Happy 24th birthday to The X-Files, September 10, 1993. 

[myassbrokethefall]

YOU GUYYYSSSS I HAVE THE PERFECT PLAN

Context: This is going viral:

YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT

THERE IS NO XF WRITERS’ ROOM, NONE OF THEM KNOW WHAT ANY OF THE OTHER ONES ARE WRITING

YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS YES

Does anyone really know what those two writers’ assistants look like???

…

HERE’S HOW IT’S GOING DOWN

1. Agree on a fanfic. (This is going to be the hard part.)

2. Get the script to David and Gillian. You guys, they don’t know what’s going on half the time anyway. And they will be so happy to have dialogue that makes sense.

3. Find a trustworthy man to direct. @h0ldthiscat​ suggests Matthew Rhys in a mustache. (kcat: “He would be like ‘I’ve totally directed for this show before!’ And Gillian would be like 'oh yeah, I remember you!'” FOOLPROOF)

4. Distract Chris Carter during the week one of his episodes is supposed to shoot. I recommend luring him through the woods to a magical surfing beach a la Nimue in Camelot. Please do not drown him. We don’t do that. Show him a nice time.

5. Get to work with David, Gillian, the script, and “Todd Johnson” or whatever name we select. No one’s gonna remember.

6. Once it’s in the can, get it to Fox before anyone is the wiser. We can always shuffle all the episodes around to cover our tracks. It’s going to make about the same amount of sense regardless. 

7. It airs! Mulder and Scully make out a lot and have emotionally fulfilling interactions, domestic sweetness and affectionate familiarity, a plot that involves them as people and is therefore engaging to the audience, subtle but beautiful angst courtesy of Matthew “The Americans” Rhys aka Todd Johnson, and a satisfying ending. David and Gillian never know that anything went awry but they may have the vaguely pleasant sense that their characters got some emotional closure. Glen Morgan is a little suspicious. Chris Carter blithely takes credit for the episode which is obviously a huge hit. Anne Simon cheers him on. People like The X-Files again and Fox makes money. Todd Johnson has a flourishing second career directing television in a mustache. Everyone is happy. Myassbrokethefall is released from her two-plus decades of torment and becomes a goat farmer in the Faroe Islands. 

THE END

[wearenthistoryyet]

Making the fiancée start at the beginning of Doctor Who. She keeps saying that I'm going to spoil everything. If we managed to watch 4 episodes of series 6 without me saying ANYTHING about River being Amy and Rory's daughter, I think I can make it through without spoiling anything.

[ithelpstodream]

[dannykitchen]

Advice for girls: buy skinny jeans in the boy’s section

They’re more comfortable, still form fitting, and best of all: THE POCKETS. THEY HAVE ACTUAL POCKETS.

don’t believe me? look:

these are boys pants, and they look just as good on me as any other skinny jeans I own

See that phone? I’m going to put it in the pocket. Must be so small right??

Ah yes, girl pants length. Probably can’t fit any further than that-

what? what’s this?

Good god. Oh good lord in heaven. This is blasphemous.

Look at how much room is still there. There’s chaos in the streets. Babies are crying. Fashion designers are screaming out of fear of the unknown.

Buy your pants in the boys section, girls. Live in the beautiful world you deserve where you can fit shit in your pocket.

[prismatic-bell]

Curvy ladies: Men’s dress pants have more room in the butt. I don’t know why, I only know that all my dress pants for work are off the rack in the men’s department in Target. Literally nobody has noticed, except a couple of my younger coworkers who’ve asked me–you guessed it–”oh my god, where did you find pants with pockets?”

Tall ladies: men’s pants are easier to find in longer lengths than women’s pants are.

Trans ladies: Wanna get on this gravy train, but afraid people will misgender you for wearing clothes off the men’s racks? Step one: tell me who these people are and I will punch them in the face. Step two: if it doesn’t make you dysphoric, please don’t feel obligated to wear pants off the women’s racks if pants off the men’s racks are more comfy/useful to you. I’m a cis woman who’s been wearing pants from the boys’ section and, later, the men’s section, ever since I hit puberty and in thirteen years maybe, maybe half a dozen people have noticed. And it’s always women asking the oh-my-god-pockets question. You’re all good. <3

Fat ladies: you will pay the same for a pair of 42x32 jeans as for a pair of 34x32 jeans, instead of having to pay some kind of Fat Penance Tax by way of being in the “plus size” section. Also, did I mention more room in the butt?

Ladies concerned about modesty: For obvious reasons, there is more crotch space in men’s pants. Embrace it and enjoy a life free from cameltoe worries and spontaneous labia-wedgies when you squat down.

All ladies: I swear to god the waists in women’s pants these days are made specifically to fit exactly nobody so that no matter what you do, your underwear will show. Men’s pants do not do this. The waists sit where they’re supposed to and will actually lay flat against the small of your back instead of flopping open to show your unmentionables to the world. If you want hiphugger jeans, buy one leg-length too small and one waist-size too large and let them hang, and they still won’t accidentally show your undies. Men’s pants will last longer. They cost less, in a lot of cases. Embrace the men’s jeans. Buy the men’s jeans. Stop buying shitty flimsy women’s jeans that wear out in six months.

AND FINALLY: to determine your size in men’s pants, take a tape measure around your waist at its smallest point. This is your waist size and will be the first number in a pair of men’s pants. Next, take the tape measure from about an inch below your no-no squares parts, and run it to your ankle. (You may need a friend or parent to help with this.) This is your inseam length, and will be the second number on a pair of men’s pants. Men’s and boys’ pants are tailored the same way, so if you have trouble finding your waist size in men’s, hop over to the boys’ section. Feel no shame. If they’d give us decent fucking pants we wouldn’t have to steal theirs, right?

[thewinterotter]

Listen you guys, I am SO MAD ABOUT THIS. I’ve seen this first post before, and recently my mom said, “Hey, did you see that post on Tumblr about shopping for jeans in the men’s department?”

And I said yeah, I’d seen it, I’ve been through the Trying To Fit Clothes On My Stupid Body wars, and this post really only applied to skinny jeans because they’re so stretchy. It couldn’t possibly work for regular jeans! I have TRIED SO MANY TIMES. I’ve always shopped in the men’s department because women’s clothes are like 90% bullshit and 10% fake pockets.

But I hadn’t seen the second addition, which gave me more hope, and I decided to just try on a few pairs when I was at Old Navy the other day. They have some “classic” jeans with no give to them at all, which is what I was trying on years ago that convinced me it just wasn’t possible. (Jeans in my price range didn’t really come with any form of stretch back then, as I recall. Textile technology is bad-ass.) But these days they mostly have “flex” jeans that have some give to them. (Women’s jeans are usually labeled “stretch” but apparently men’s have to be “flex” like they need stretchy garments so their HUGE MUSCLES don’t just TEAR THEIR CLOTHES!)

This was totally an impulse decision so I couldn’t measure myself, but I grabbed a few sizes based on what I vaguely thought my measurements probably were and decided it couldn’t possibly be worse than the endless cycle of regret, dissatisfaction, and recrimination that is trying on women’s clothing.

The first pair I tried on fit like a DREAM. I’ve been gaining weight lately which is a whole separate nightmare (mainly centered around “but I don’t WANT to buy new bras, this is bullshit!”) and the reason I need to buy new jeans because nothing freaking fits me, and I was sure these wouldn’t either, but DAMN. They’re the best pair of jeans I own. Twice as thick, pockets twice as big, legs nice and loose (they don’t even sell women’s jeans with a cut remotely similar to this), and contrary to my super dumb opinion from before this experience, they’ve got my plenty of room for all my womanly curvey bits. AND because they’re actually a relaxed fit instead of trying to cling to every inch of me, they don’t show my weight nearly as much as my women’s jeans do, they’re easier to move in, they’re not constantly inching down my hips with every move I make, and overall they just make me feel GOOD about how I look which is a strange new sensation I could definitely get used to.

It’s like a miracle. I want to cry both out of joy and because of all the shitty jeans now filling my closet when I could have been buying comfortable, relaxed, pocket-having men’s jeans all these years. Many blessings to the posters above, may your crops grow and your cows give milk and your jeans hold all the gadgets you desire.

[thatoneartyishperson]

Also: men’s pants have constant sizes that are based off of actual measurements instead of the women’s whatever-the-company-wants-to-make-the-size sizes. They’re far more reliable and your size will translate to other brands.

[inconspicuouslyevil]

@get-dunkd-on help me remember this for our next Goodwill run lmao

[fenland-witch-deactivated202005]

I HAVE to try some men’s jeans. Sick of these super skinny show everything always having to be hitched up no pocket crap jeans!

[k-lionheart-deactivated20171126]

Honestly signal boost. Because imagine this actually starts some kind of ludicrous pants revolution that ends up causing women’s pants fashion company’s sales to tank, absolutely forcing them to realize men’s pants have always had the right idea and start doing that instead of this bullshit. Like just imagine. And don’t just signal boost this. Tell every woman you know. Tell every trans friend and every curvy friend out there. You see a lady down the street, stop her and tell her you’ve discovered a new gospel and it’s purchasing men’s pants. With the way women spread information when we’re excited, the mentioned scenario could actually be hella achievable

[akreliadeklavesht-deactivated20]

PRAISE THE UNIVERSE I FOUND THIS POST AGAIN

[what-even-is-thiss]

Guys. Gals. Non binary pals. As a trans ftm person who just recently started shopping in the men’s department and has gigantic hips full of dysphoria let me tell you a thing.

Athletic cut jeans have more room in the butt. I repeat. Athletic cut jeans have more room in the butt. You don’t need to go to the dress pants to fit your lovely curvy self in there. Go to the regular section or big and tall if you’re a bit taller and/or wider, and there’ll be a little section of athletic style jeans. They’ve still got the giant blessed pockets and the room in the crotch and if you’re really curvy with a large bone structure like I am you can get yourself some quality pants.

This has been an addition by your local nb trans dude. Thank you for your time.

[sulrae]

Reblog to save a fucking life

[mantimecomic]

[strawberry-aesthetics]

Gravity Falls aesthetic 👽🏚👻

[hellokittyismyspiritanimal]

Trust no one