flaccid penis... it's chic, it's hip, it's the next big thing
it's the next thing
EXPECTATIONS
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trying on a metaphor
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Jules of Nature
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shark vs the universe
sheepfilms

Discoholic 🪩

Andulka
will byers stan first human second

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we're not kids anymore.
Misplaced Lens Cap
RMH
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@wefeedthemwithglitter
flaccid penis... it's chic, it's hip, it's the next big thing
it's the next thing
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
okay there are two things i want to address here
1) dick calling bruce mr. wayne 2) the ward bruce is talking about is dick… he called dick fearless, effusive, graceful
The Dick-Talia-Selina beef is, dare I say, the most legendary cat fight I have ever encountered.
It starts — starts — with Talia pulling a quick one and ghosting him while he’s whining about her.
Then Dick complains to Alfred about it, because there’s no way Bruce would ~~ignore him~~.
And then, then we get to where Talia is supposed to stay with them. Dick cannot have this. Obviously. Talia is a threat. Obviously.
(And I cannot get over the melodramatic door slam and the “goodbyeeee!”, like Jesus Christ diva.)
When this fails, god forbid, Dick:
Gives a classic “it’s me or her” dilemma, and then proceeds to lose said dilemma (observe the Talia smirk, because she knows what she did and she is reveling in it in classic girlboss form).
Pouts about losing the dilemma while Bruce looks as distressed as I’ve ever seen him, because the man cannot fathom that Dick would threaten to leave and actually do it.
Packs a bag dramatically. I don’t even think the bag is necessary. I’m pretty sure he hadn’t moved back into the manor since he dropped out of college, so he had stuff elsewhere, and there’s no way that one bag is holding all of any kind of equipment he’d need to transfer. That bag is for effect.
You’d think this is where the beef ends. Dick, defeated. Bruce, choosing a woman over their sacred bond.
But no. You’d be wrong.
Dick, our glorious, glorious petty bastard, pulls out the big guns. He goes and pouts to Bruce’s other main love interest, the one he actually likes. He gets Selina.
The salt, oh, the salt. The Dead Sea could not compare.
They’re gossiping about him. On a plane. Like they’re gal pals venting about a situationship. Incredible. Wonderful.
I can’t. It’s so good. So juicy. The soap opera of all operas. And Bruce, the absolute wad, fails to acknowledge the fact that he has his own Real House Wives of Gotham following him in the background except that the characters in question are his ward and two situationships.
dick grayson shibari. he hates being made to hold still until he doesn't. someone should pet his hair too.
You don’t understand. You can’t understand. This is the funniest shit ever.
Look at how pathetic Bruce is. Oh my god. He’s so distressed. He’s so stupid. “How could Robin do this to me?”, over Dick not going on patrol with him.
Trying to keep him home, over Dick not going on patrol with him.
LOSER LOSER ABANDONMENT ISSUES LOSER
WOAH!
honestly, the emergence of depth from historical/pop culture almost cartoony characters who were not initially intended to be that deep is so fucking cool, to not have their symbolic or narrative weight from the get-go and instead gain it over time from the new added context of changing audience sensibilities and shifting tones of modernity, oftentimes feeling like puzzle pieces that click so so nicely into place that it honestly feels planned even though it wasn't, like connecting the dots and solving a mystery of their characterization in the modern age, an aspect that isn't shared with more recent characters who were built with complexity/intent for future complexity in mind, reinterpreting and reinterpreting over and over again and building upon itself and all that
then you get perverts like me who go, what if it was dadson dom twink dubcon angsty incest porn all along
I honestly thought I set this joke up so obviously, but I guess if you want something done, you have to do it yourself
"dick is the no. 1 sperbat shipper" that boy is bending over for batman long before clark was around lets not play around
free me from sperbat coparenting dickie takes on my fyp pls dickie was doing that with bruce bc they raised each other. i need more proships in my tiktok 😭
porn setup
lots of arguing about "okay but what does talking about rapists ACTUALLY accomplish??" and besides the good points others have made about warning others, i simply think that if a victim wants to talk about their experience just for the sake of being able to share their experience, then they should get to do that. if a victim wants to say "this happened to me" just because they wanna talk about it then they should get to talk about it.
pink ulysses (1990) dir. Eric de Kuyper
just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body
I can't get over how blatantly orientalist the portrayal of the Gerudo is lol like they've had almost 30 years to at least attempt to refresh the concept and that's still what we're doing..?
Ok I know I said no examples but I just unlocked this memory in totk and just the visual of all these half naked brown ladies lined up against the hook-nosed big bad almost made me throw my switch lol. They even threw in the ambiguously middle eastern sting for good measure
that woman on tiktok giving parents advice on making their kids "less weird" in school is genuinely going to hell
who cares if your 12 year old meows at people. it's grade school, not a job interview. and before anyone says anything no I wasn't the meowing kid. I was a wolf thank you very much
If I'm ever making hiring decisions and a candidate meows at me, I'm hiring them.
this honestly☝️
two meads in and i'm asking my knight if i can feel how sharp his blade is 🤦♂️ i'm giggling and kicking my feet too. should i ask him to press it against my neck or is that too forward