technically not a cat

Autistic / ADHD ace agender trans woman. I'm kind of dense so it took me a few decades to realize I'm any of those things. I like blue. I like cats. I am an unaccredited witch. I am, by decree of the fates, a monarch butterfly. Also if you know me IRL no you don't. Please block me. If I figure out you're someone I know IRL I will block you.

[silyaspider]

"It’s common for people to conceptualize these components of narrative identity as intrinsic properties of their experiential selves, which can be very painful if enough of the components are negative. Recognizing that the experiential self is only a construct and thus has no intrinsic properties can help liberate us from rigid, unpleasant self beliefs." From Surjective Perspectives on the youtubes.

[silyaspider]

When applying a label, patching together some piece of identity, it's important to attend to how that changes you.

It's not as simple as labels fulfilling themselves, of course. You can't just label yourself with virtues and call it a day. Moral licensing is a thing, after all. Nor does labelling oneself with vices make one evil.

There is no straightforward rule, you just have to pay attention and see what happens.

[selfcarereminder]

the version of you from five years ago would be genuinely amazed by what you’ve handled since then. sit with that for a second

[tgirl-tamag0tchi]

Being awake is over rated…

[silyaspider]

Have you tried sleep? I recommend sleep.

[dragongirlsweetie]

the thing is threatening to institutionalize suicidal people doesn't actually scare them out of being suicidal it just means they don't tell anyone when they are getting close

[oneheadtoanother]

idk anything about this but I love it

[silyaspider]

[asexualeros]

I could not figure out why more adults don’t sleep in twin beds, and for some people more space like a full or queen is required, but i think for most people it’s about being able to have another person sleep next to you lmfaooooooooooo #celibacy #i love sleeping by myself

[silyaspider]

I sleep on a queen bed because I like sleeping (platonically) with my cats.

[asexualeros]

you make a really good point and that’s incrediby sweet. in my specific case, my cat wants to be worn like a scarf no matter the size of the bed.

[silyaspider]

One of mine wants to lay on my neck. I have to explain to her often that I am not actually OK with that.

This one.

[tejoxys]

same for me; I'm some nebulous aroace who's never enjoyed sleeping with a partner, and getting a larger bed was life-changing because my cats can now spread out instead of cramming themselves in and baking/smothering me in the night

I do kind of miss my twin-size bunk bed, though, just because it was very easy to turn it into a cave. maybe I'll look into a canopy eventually

[silyaspider]

Where I lived two years ago I went full bedfort with my queen mattress. At the moment I am at partial bedfort. Bedframe on stilts, with or without blanket walls, blanket ceiling. Right now the bedframe is up and the bed as a whole is in a tiny L-shaped room where like a third of the bed is in part of the room that happens to be exactly the width of the bed. And yeah, that's why I loved bunk beds. Shared a bedroom with my brother for a bit when I was young, and then when we got separate bedrooms I got to keep pieces of the bunk bed setup and used them to construct varying forms of bedfort or eyrie.

[asexualeros]

I could not figure out why more adults don’t sleep in twin beds, and for some people more space like a full or queen is required, but i think for most people it’s about being able to have another person sleep next to you lmfaooooooooooo #celibacy #i love sleeping by myself

[silyaspider]

I sleep on a queen bed because I like sleeping (platonically) with my cats.

[asexualeros]

you make a really good point and that’s incrediby sweet. in my specific case, my cat wants to be worn like a scarf no matter the size of the bed.

[silyaspider]

One of mine wants to lay on my neck. I have to explain to her often that I am not actually OK with that.

This one.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

i like your kitty.. please give him pats from us :D /nf

[storm-of-feathers]

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

[storm-of-feathers]

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

[carriesthewind]

When I was in high school, I lived in a small progressive city in a spot of red. Our GSA threw everything into observing the Day of Silence, and blanketed the school in big, visible, bracelets for people to wear in support of their silent classmates.

On the bus one spring, on the Day of Silence, I overheard two girls talking about the fact that one of them was wearing a support bracelet. She said, "I don't actually support 'them', but, you know, it's basically socially suicide to say that."

And I was so, so glad. To know that I went to a school, in a place and a time, where people needed to conceal their hate, instead of needing to conceal their love.

[kairithemang0-fm]

Reblog if you're transmasc, support trans men, or want a chocolate chip cookie

[asexualeros]

I could not figure out why more adults don’t sleep in twin beds, and for some people more space like a full or queen is required, but i think for most people it’s about being able to have another person sleep next to you lmfaooooooooooo #celibacy #i love sleeping by myself

[silyaspider]

I sleep on a queen bed because I like sleeping (platonically) with my cats.

[zinesbycee]

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

[tinybro]

so we have a conversational safeword in my group of friends and it’s great, idk why more people don’t do this. whenever someone wants a subject to be dropped immediately no questions asked we just say “spleen” and we stop immediately and it’s a really good way to avoid crossing the line between teasing friends and genuinely upsetting them by accident, or stopping debates from turning into actual arguments

[the-hopeful-lark]

Wait but no this is actually a brilliant idea. 

[imakegoodlifechoices]

When I was a little baby high school student, I used to do the Living Chessboard at our local Renaissance Faire. We always used “forsooth” to indicate if someone was actually injured and needed to quickly end a choreographed fight. It was also very useful when doing little street improvisations because if someone tried to stop you, you could say “forsooth good sir, I must leave.” and they knew you couldn’t do a scene right then. We all used it in real life too, to say “no really” and it was amazing because there was a word used in a casual setting that meant “I’m not playing, I need you do listen to me.” So if someone tried to pick me up or tickle me, I could say “forsooth stop.” And I was instantly obeyed. I had “forsooth” long before I learned what a safeword was, and having a non-sexual safeword for everyday use amongst a circle of friends was the best thing ever. It made me feel very safe and listened to, even as a tiny 14 year old. Because let’s be honest, 14 year old me was teeny tiny and adorable and it’s easy to coo at kids when they say “no don’t pick me up!” but to have a word that every single person respected to mean “whatever I say after this MUST be listened to” was amazing. It gave me a definitive voice when it would have been easy to dismiss me.

So basically having platonic safewords is awesome and I’m all for it.

[edsdame]

ú

[hussyknee]

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

[creekfiend]

although if we ARE talking about passive aggression my technique is generally (and I have had a LOT OF PRACTICE developing it lmao) is to interpret what I think they're implying and then say "are you asking me to (x)?" in a very polite tone with a friendly (sincere! not mocking!) smile. I find that this often 1. ceases the tiresome cycle of ignoring passive aggressive behavior -> behavior escalates -> ignore it -> it escalates, and on and on that you get if you simply ignore it, 2. lets the person know that in the future they can just fucking ask you directly for god's sake, and very importantly 3. although I strive not to sound condescending when I do this, it is inescapably and obviously something that I learned to say when talking to toddlers. the people I use this with the most (mostly older female relatives but not infrequently on men as well) will often catch a hint of that and sort of realize that their method of approaching me was childish, not in a derogatory sense, but in the sense that they don't need to try to get me to do stuff in the way they got used to working in the past. they can do it differently.

obviously how effective this is varies wildly based on the relationship, or lack thereof, that you have with the other person. but I find it effective with people who are In Your Life but don't meaningfully have any control over you. quite often it DOES result in increased directness in the future, especially if it's something I end up doing fairly often. and it's not rude; I'm just politely seeking clarification about what is being communicated. it makes the person have to think about what effect they were expecting their behavior to have on my behavior, and then just... tell me straightforwardly. but without escalating the situation or making the person feel 'called out' most of the time.

its very simple but I so much more often see people say "always ignore passive aggressive communication" and while I think that's absolutely a good approach much of the time, especially especially from strangers. it is not especially EFFECTIVE at helping them change how they're approaching communicating with you in the future. in my experience. so. I prefer to use my method when I determine that it might be effective.

[gayofgaymark2]

I use this technique on my grandmother a lot.

She frequently makes requests by telling me what I want, eg "oh wouldn't you like to.." "don't you think it's be nice if..."

It used to drive me up the wall, but now as an adult with better understanding of what's happening I say "Actually I'm fine with x, but I'd be happy to do y if that's what you want?"

One day she actually asked me, "Why is it so important to you that I say that y is what I want?"

and i got to say "Well I don't like being told what I want. I have enough life experience to know my own desires and limitations, and I can advocate for them when I need to. However your opinions do matter to me and I want to take them into account. It's much less stressful for me to do so when I'm not guessing what's in your mind."

And folks, she Actually Listened.

Later that day she wanted something that ended up not being possible, but because she said so directly I was able to help her find a different way to achieve the same goal!

She still slips up, of course, but it was so good to see her Understand.

[creekfiend]

I love thissssss. yes I have had similar experiences modeling this behavior for older female relatives. I think a lot of them got real used to having to be indirect to get their needs met and it becomes maladaptive but they get stuck.