steve and eddie have been friends since 1973. they've been dating since 1981. how are they supposed to keep their relationship under wraps if they're dragged into a world of government conspiracies and interdimensional monster hunting?
Do y’all ever feel stupid for having to ask a writer about what a term they used in their stories means? Like, I feel like I probably should know it but I don’t and I tried to google it and it does mean something but not what I think the person that wrote it in this case means it as. I probably embarrassed myself on main by sending them an ask about it. I was gonna send a dm but they don’t follow me so it wouldn’t let me and now their entire follower base is gonna see my stupidity in 4k. If I get exiled for not knowing this term, it was nice knowing all of ya. I’ll bury my head in the sand for the rest of my existence out of shame 🤠
Some of yall might see my obsession with Alastor and think I'm a "I can fix him" kinda girl. I assure you, I am not. I can't fix him. But he can surely break me and make me worse. And that's all I'm here for.
Forced to learn how tumblr works because quotev has officially killed itself ☹️ (please tell me terms and stuff i should know) (and explain it like youre talking to your mom about your favorite media)
Asks- Messages sent to an inbox, anonymous or otherwise.
Tags- The hashtags at the bottom of the post. Used for trigger warnings (tw) content warnings (cw) community tags, Fandom tags, personal tags you can search later on your own blog, and minor commentary.
Comments- the speech bubble at the bottom of the post, for talking about things relating to the post or other comments without interacting with the post itself.
Reblogs- Sharing a post by clicking the little green arrows at the bottom of the post. This shares the post to your blog, so people who follow you can see it. There is no algorithm for seeing posts, so posts are only shared when people interact with them by reblogging the.m.
Likes- clicking the little heart at the bottom of a post. This adds it to your 'likes' list, but does not share it to your blog. (People may be able to see your likes unless you go into settings and make your likes private.)
No Algorithm- Because there's no system for auto-sharing posts "based on your likes", posts must be reblogged in order to gain notes (reblogs, comments, and likes) in order to be seen. As a consequence, you will often see posts that are over a decade old, that happened to get popular.
Notes and notifications- Your activity page will show you every time someone interacts with a post you interacted with first. "Flooding your notes" means a post or re-post of yours got popular and people are interacting with it so much that you have to dig through your notifications to find updates on anything else. You can mute a post, delete a post, or turn off comments or reblogs to make this stop, but keep in mind that people might screenshot the post itself to keep sharing it if you delete it or impair activity. (I am going to ruin your notes by reblogging this. I am sorry.)
Ads- The ads here are wildly unpredictable and often make no fucking sense. There was a common one for a long time with a creepy dude dressed as Pikachu that became a meme. I get a lot of religious Christian ads. Sometimes you get ads where it isn't clear what is being advertised, or why. Tumblr is a famously unprofitable website and most of us just seem to ignore them even when they are coherent.
Crabs- "Crab Rave" is a music video with dancing crabs that reached meme status here. Dancing crab gifs come up usually when someone famous and terrible experiences a deserved misfortune. There was a brief feature where you could send people little cartoon crabs. I don't understand this as well as I would like.
"Blaze"- You can pay money to make random people see a post. This is a combination of "pay to become popular" type thinking and an act of warfare amongst users.
Mutuals- Someone you follow who follows you back.
Followers- The people who follow your blog and see your posts and reblogs. This number is not public. Nobody cares
"Investing at X notes"- A common comment used to imply that someone's post, usually only having a handful of notes, is about to go wildly popular. This is usually regarded as a curse, because having a post blow up means getting your notes flooded and having to see a load of bad-faith messages from idiots.
Staff- Tumblr site staff have made a lot of dumb fucking choices since the dawn of the sisite'creation and people tend to @ staff, much in the way that a helpless peasant may shake their fist skywards to an uncaring god. Just roll with it.
Anons- You can turn anons off, meaning nobody can send you anonymous messages. Because some of these fuckers are hateful cowards, this will cut down on harassment, bigotry, and general stupid talk shoeing up in your inbox. Unfortunately, this will also limit messages from shy people who genuinely wanna be nice.
Bots- If you get a weirdly flirty message out of nowhere by someone who hasn't followed you long and has a weird username, it's it's bot. Flag and block. If you're scrolling through an unrelated tag and suddenly see a supermodel looking person with their tits out and a bunch of random tags, it's spam and it's a bot. Flag and block. It's been a problem for a while, like roaches.
Dipshits- If you see a blog with "rad", "radical", "fem", "female", "vulva", "uterus", "terf", "radfem", or "critical" in their username, check their blog to verify if they're a radfem or a terf. If you don't know what those terms mean, you can Google 'em, but they're weirdly aggressive offshoots of feminism that wrap back around to being mysoginistic, transphobic, and racist, and they aren't very popular here. The common move is to just block 'em and move on. We also have trolls and white supremacists but again, not very popular, pretty easy to block, report them if you can.
Other common etiquettes:
Always assume OP is reading your comments.
Reblog posts, don't just "like" them. Again, no algorithm- this site doesn't work without sharing.
Don't share personal information. Always assume you can be doxxed. Keep it vague.
Don't be a dick.
Fact check before sharing info if you can- theres a lot of misinformation and misinterpretation.
Always read twice- Reading comprehension has been so bad on so many posts here that it's become a meme too. If you don't understand, read it twice before commenting.
Have fun, and do it for yourself. This isnt isn't clout website.
Other longtime residents are welcome to add on if I've forgotten anything.
Changing my belief system from "this is the hill I'll die on" to "this is the hill I'll kill you on" has done absolute wonders for me 10/10 do recommend
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.
$50,000 immediately dropped into my bank account wouldn't improve EVERYTHING but boy it sure would be a grand, sexy little start to a good, happy life path, don't you think
Through Your Eyes | Part 3 - In the Blink of an Eye (Joel x Reader)
A/N: So this is the rest of what was chapter 2, but I broke it up to keep chapter 2 shorter, and good thing, too, because I ended up adding a lot more. 🤣 Also, I know in canon the garage is a separate building, and I have a plan for that, so bear with me, please.
I do not own The Last of Us or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.
Warnings: Oooo, this one’s a doozy as well, but in a different way than the last one. So many things. (Let me know if I miss anything.) 😮💨 Some more original characters, lots of canon violence and swearing, (this one is a big one. Like a lot. There’s a hefty amount of swearing.) mention of attempted sexual assault without detail, Reader is a badass. We round it all out with obscene amounts of fluff and humor between it all, sweet moments, and just soft things. It’s me. I can’t not. No use of Y/N.
Word count: 13,464
Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex for reading over this however many times it’s been now and fangirling over it when I was having my down moments. You’re the reason this still exists.
Previous | Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Next
Xxx
The next morning, your little band of six was up with the sun and making sure the horses were ready. Starting out with over fifteen, this smaller party felt like a speck of dust in the wind compared to the massive herd you were before.
Joel had introduced you to the remaining members, people he personally trusted, which from your brief time with him, you knew meant a lot.
First was an older man named Jack, closer to Joel’s age with graying hair and a laugh that was infectious. He was a whisperer when it came to the horses. Well, any animal, really. You could have sworn you saw a butterfly land on his fingertip when no one was looking earlier this morning.
He looked over both shoulders so slightly you almost missed it, but he did a double take when he caught your eye, a small smile spreading up one side of his face as you both watched the small winged creature take flight once again. Jack held his index finger it had been perched on up to his lips in a bid for your silence, to which you only pressed your lips firmly together and gave a single stilted nod to try not to draw attention toward either of you.
It didn’t work.
“What’re you doing?” Joel asked from your right, drawing out the words skeptically to match the raise of his eyebrows in question.
“Nothing,” you offered quickly, fastening your backpack closed and gathering the last of your gear before heading over toward your horse. Once your back was to him, you grimaced. That was much too fast to be convincing.
“Uh-huh. Sure,” he drawled sarcastically, mumbling something under his breath when you didn’t acknowledge him. Something along the lines of, “She ‘nd Ellie’ll be the death’f me.”
It was Jack’s whiskey that had helped Jane’s wound yesterday. He hadn’t hesitated offering his little hip flask out of a secret pocket on the inside of his jacket as soon as he saw the state she was in.
A man pulled you gently off to the side before you could make it over to Jane, Joel following quickly after you less than a step behind.
You didn’t know his name, just that he seemed trustworthy, and slightly tortured. His eyes held a closed off level of pain you’d seen all too often since outbreak day, once or twice in your own reflection, and you knew not to judge how a man chose to fight his demons.
So it was no surprise to you when he offered the stainless steel little demon chaser he obviously kept with him at all times, primed and ready. The liquid sloshed a little inside as he quickly tugged it from his hidden pocket. It was dented in a few places, worn and obviously loved. It had seen better days, but that was kind of the point…. It saw “better” days in order to help you see some better days yourself.
Or to help you sleep through them.
Whichever helped most.
It was the apocalypse.
Who were you to judge?
“Take it,” the man said, holding it out, his hand shaking slightly as he gripped the lifeline with just the tips of his fingers in a hesitant extension. “She needs it more’n I do.”
“Y’sure?” Joel asked, as you eyed the tremble of the man’s fingers. “Withdrawal is no joke, Jack.”
The man who you now knew as Jack’s features curled up in some sort of shame, then determination. He bounced the flask slightly in a renewed offer toward the two of you, his extended hand more firm as he worked hard to calm the tremors. “Neither is being stabbed. What she’s going through is worse than a few uncomfortable nights for me. I’ll survive.” Try as he might, the flask started to vibrate slightly, and he looked down at it like it had betrayed him.
And in a way, you guessed it had.
Reaching out to gently cradle his hand in both of yours, the tremors seemed to still for a moment. Holding his gaze, you took the flask from his grasp, not missing the way his grip tightened just a little before releasing it.
Withdrawing his hand back to his side after a delayed moment as if he had been shocked by some electric current, curling it into a tight fist and quickly stuffing it deep into his jacket pocket, Jack smiled brightly as he looked between the two of you. “Jus’ don’t shoot me when something crawls up my ass in a few days, Joel.”
“No promises,” the elder Miller grunted with a small grin, turning and ushering you toward Jane to make sure no one else interrupted you along the way.
Next was a younger man named Liam, who looked to be around Will’s age. Despite being new to patrols or going on runs and all they would entail, he was eager to learn and an excellent shot.
Turns out he’d also come from Texas, though was much younger when everything had happened, probably only twelve or fourteen years old on outbreak day, so you assumed he and Joel hadn’t crossed paths until later, somewhere closer to Jackson.
And you couldn’t help but feel like maybe Joel was playing a little bit of a favoritism card for his home state, allowing the much younger newbie to tag along with all the other more experienced travelers when he still had so much yet to learn. (You couldn’t blame him if he was. It was yours, too, after all.)
It wasn’t until you heard Liam mention how his family had worked for Joel’s contracting company ‘once upon a time’ - to which Joel had walked past grumbling something resembling, ‘I ain’t that old’ - that things started making a little more sense.
Less of the home field advantage, and more of the home grown kind.
It was becoming clear that Joel was a family man, although to be honest, that was obvious from the start. What you were coming to see was that family wasn’t all just blood.
And that was a decision he made long before the apocalypse.
That was just Joel Miller.
That was his DNA.
If you found yourself in his fold, you’d be okay.
Taken care of.
Even when the world went to shit and he ran into your kid thousands of miles away across the country when everyone was fighting against infected….
That boy would have a home.
You watched with a smile as Joel helped Liam adjust something on his rifle, then braced it on his shoulder and looked through the sights down the barrel with one eye squinted shut, before lowering the weapon and handing it back to the younger man.
Liam copied Joel before pulling away only a step to meet the elder’s gaze, and they shared some quiet words. Some muttered joke drifted to you about old eyes before Joel lightly cuffed him along the back of the head with a smirk and a smartass as he turned to leave, Liam grinning with a chuckle as he turned and secured his rifle to the side of his mount.
With your own grin pulling up your features, you turned slowly and surveyed the rest of the group as you stroked your horse's mane. “I think we may just make it, old girl,” you mused quietly, turning a skeptical eye on your mare when she chuffed at you. Rolling your eyes, you looked back to the group, and mumbled under your breath, “If Joel were a horse…. You’d be it, darlin’.”
The last newcomer to you was a woman named Kate, about your age, and a walking encyclopedia of every living thing in the forest. What you could eat, what you couldn’t, what was medicinal, what was flammable…. Before the outbreak she had been a nurse, and her skills were invaluable to have around on an excursion like this.
She had offered to help with Jane, but Will only let her supervise. No one could pull him away from the wounded seamstress. Under any other circumstance you would find it endearing, but at that particular moment, you found it anything but.
You tried to speak calmly, but the man was trying your last nerve. “Will, she knows what she’s doing. Let her help.”
He lifted his eyes to look at you from where he knelt on one knee on the other side of Jane, and you swore you saw tears brimming in them. If he blinked, you were pretty sure they would fall. But he hadn’t blinked as long as you’d been looking at him, which struck you like a bolt of lightning when you realized how long that had been. It was almost as if he was afraid to close his eyes. Like if he did, she would be gone when he opened them again…. Even if only for a second.
“I’m not moving.” He pulled his gaze higher to meet the sympathetic face of Kate. “But she can supervise.”
You began to argue again, but Kate put a hand on your shoulder. “That’s fine. I can do that.” Her voice was soft and soothing. “Let me go grab my kit, and I’ll walk you through it, Will.”
He swallowed roughly and nodded once, not looking directly at her, his eyes falling back down to look at Jane who hadn’t woken up since she’d passed out at the raider camp.
“You’re lucky she’s unconscious, or else she’d be giving you an earful right now,” you sighed, letting your weight slump back onto your seat. Resting your forearms on your bent knees, you studied Will cautiously as your head lolled to the right with a tired huff.
“I’d gladly take that over this silence right now,” Will said so quietly, you almost missed it. He held one of her hands in his own, so fiercely and yet cradling it so delicately, you couldn’t even begin to hope to describe it should you have to.
He maneuvered so her head was in his lap, and he peered down at her with a look you thought had died off on outbreak day. Something so tender, so soft, contented….
Come to think of it, you’d seen it on Joel a few times, usually when he was looking at Ellie, or Tommy, though the last was short lived.
Occasionally when he would look down at his watch, though that fluctuated between pain and this sense of peace and contentment.
Almost always when he was in his shop, tool in hand and project on the table.
And sometimes, when he thought you weren’t looking…. Like right now…. He had this look when he’d steal a glance at you.
Stealing your eyes over Will’s shoulder, you met the eyes of your current housemate, and instead of darting away like they usually did, he held your stare as he absently tended to his horse’s tack.
“It’s weird to see her so quiet….”
Will’s soft words pulled you back to the matter at hand. And you could have sworn you saw Joel grin in your peripherals.
“You’re gonna wish you never said that,” Jane mumbled, groaning as she rolled her head to the side, her face screwed up in pain. “Once I start going, I don’t stop.”
You grinned. “It’s true. She doesn’t have an off button.”
Jane reached out and whacked your arm. “Be nice to me. I’m dying.”
“No, you’re not,” Will said around his broad grin, maneuvering her head off of him so he could get beside her for a better view. The smile he gave her then was nothing short of brilliant. “Not if I can help it.”
Speaking of….
“Joel? Where’s Will?”
He smirked with a gentle shake of his head. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Gripping the reins of his horse, he clicked the side of his mouth quietly as he got near the creature's head, stroking it softly with one hand as the horse nickered at him.
You led your horse over toward him, reins pulled tight as the giant, powerful, dapple gray wonder named Delilah balked, digging into the earth and tossing her head side to side with a discontented snort.
She’s as stubborn as he is. Fact, I’m pretty sure they planned this. Conspired and everything.
“I plotted nothing with your horse,” Joel mused quietly, amusement heavy in his tone as you realized you said the last part out loud. “Only thing Delilah and I conspire ‘bout are sugar cubes n’apples.” He shrugged. “There’s the odd carrot talk here n’there, but….”
Joel sighed before you even really got moving, as if he were anticipating the whole thing. His head tossed back as he peered up at the sky as if to ask why.
Dropping the reins you closed the last few feet between you and Joel, arms coming to cross over your chest once you landed behind him. “Well, I’m gonna.”
Joel sighed again, resting his head against his horse’s, who let out a soft contented bray, before pulling back to look at you. “Will’s okay,” he said softly. “Now, leave it alone.”
“How do you know?” You swiveled to follow him as he walked over to gather your horse’s reins, shushing the large mare until she, too, was nickering at him, then he led her back over to you.
Joel shrugged, pulling his face tight in amusement as he placed the horse’s tack back in your hands. “Jus’ do.”
“If you don’t tell me….”
He mounted his horse with a groan. “I patrol with the man. I just know his little quirks, okay?” Looking down at you from atop his mount, Joel’s expression was unreadable as his horse stepped back and forth, eager to get going. He reached out to pat the back of the large chestnut’s head, muttering calming words. “Shhhh…. Calm down, Old Beardy….”
“Your horse's name is-”
“He’s not in trouble…. Yet,” Joel cut you off, sitting up abruptly, slightly wide eyed on the back of Old Beardy. “But if he keeps pesterin’ Jane like I think he’s wantin’ to,” his eyes narrowed in on you ever so slightly as he leaned back over his horses head to offer soothing circles of comfort on the side of his neck, “that could all change very quickly….”
You scoffed, arms across your chest cinching tighter. “Really?” They rearranged to your hips as you leaned toward him with each word, most likely for emphasis, but you weren’t entirely sure. “Was that a not so subtle dig at me to stop pesterin’ you?”
Joel shrugged, one shoulder going slightly higher than the other, as he sat back upright astride his horse and an amused grin started to pull up one cheek. “You said it. I didn’t.” With that, he nudged his horse forward, moving past you at a slow walk, and you could tell he was trying hard not to smile.
Xxx
Without Will here, the group traveled in relative silence. After a while, it became unbearable for you, and you steered your horse to sidle alongside Joel and his steed.
“Ellie told me Tommy was your patrol partner.”
Joel nodded. “Mmm-hmm. Usually is.”
You watched a butterfly fly in front of you, smirking as you glanced at Jack and found him already grinning in your direction. “So what changed?” You focused back on Joel and the road ahead.
Joel sighed, adjusting in his saddle. “He’s gonna be a daddy soon.” Your eyes bugged out of your head, making him chuckle. “Yeah, that’s ‘bout the same reaction I had.”
“Same reaction we all had,” Jack chimed in, making everyone laugh softly.
“I dunno. Seems like he’d be a good dad,” Liam posed.
“What makes you say that?” Kate had turned in her saddle to face the youngest of the group, her eyebrows nearly in her hairline.
“It’s just a gut feeling.”
“A gut feeling,” Jack agreed distantly, staring straight ahead. “And by that you mean the thought of it makes your stomach turn.”
As Jack passed by on your right, you reached out and shoved his shoulder lightly.
“What?” The man protested, looking at you wide eyed. “It’s true! Ain’t no way the words Tommy Miller and Daddy ever came up together naturally….” Jack grimaced as he turned back to face forward again. “‘Least not in any way I care to think about.”
“Watch it,” Joel warned teasingly. “That’s my baby brother you’re talking about, asshole. He may be a stick in the mud and about as sharp as two spoons trying to pick up pudding-”
Your face twisted in confusion as Joel took a breath. “Um, spoons could easily pick up pudding. That’s not an insult. You must be tired.” Joel turned his glare on you, and you simply grinned around it, continuing on. “I think you were going more for something like spoons trying to cut through stone?”
The group all snickered behind you as the two of you simply stared at one another, amusement hiding deep in your expression while annoyance clearly painted his.
“I concur with Liam,” you agreed instead after a moment. Joel huffed and turned his gaze on the young man who only shrugged in response before he was looking back at you.
“A Miller man an actual daddy,” you mused quietly, smiling softly as you stared straight ahead. “I don’t think the world could handle the awesomeness.” Looking back over at Joel, you expected to see him grinning at the playful banter, but instead he looked somewhat sad.
The same expression he had when he looked at his watch sometimes.
In fact, he glanced down to it now. It was brief, but you caught it.
It wasn’t the look Will had had with Jane. This was that sad, forlorn expression, like he was missing something. Like a piece of his soul was gone.
But as quickly as it came, it went.
Without a glance your direction, he pulled his eyes up to the path ahead and squinted as the horses pulled into another clearing and sunlight shone directly on his face.
“Yeah,” he finally gruffed, clearing his throat as he purposefully looked at the forest around him. “He’s gonna be great. Anyway….” He nudged his horse faster, seeming to head for the next pocket of tree cover a few yards away. But you weren’t that dense and could tell he was just trying to get away from the conversation, so you followed suit, falling into step beside him once again.
Joel sighed almost imperceptibly when he heard your horse's footfalls lining up with his own once again. You could have sworn his eyes rolled slightly, too, now that they were not squinted in the shade of the tall trees. But he went on regardless. “Maria’s been sick a lot more the further the pregnancy’s gone, so…. Told him t’stay home.”
Nodding, you kept your gaze forward, allowing Joel a respite from prying eyes. This was all a tender subject, and you still didn’t know why, but you could respect that. “Well, it looks like Will is a good one to take his place,” you mused quietly.
Glancing over, you saw how Joel’s expression brightened again, his eyes casting down to the ground like a bashful kid. “He’s alright.”
The group made it a decent ways, a handful of miles between all of you and the former bandit camp now that there were fewer of you, plus you didn’t have the cart to slow you down.
Even so, you still missed Jane and Will. They both added a quiet energy to the group even if they never said a word.
But they both always said plenty.
Joel had the group stop at an abandoned cabin on the very edge of the forest, letting the horses rest and grabbing a bite to eat from what was packed. Everyone was settled in and halfway through some sandwiches, when suddenly you could hear muffled galloping through the cabin walls. It was approaching rapidly in the distance, back in the direction you had come from.
The whole party sat up abruptly, food long forgotten as they reached for their firearms and listened closely.
“Everyone stay inside,” Joel mumbled quickly, striding over to the small fire in the cabin's hearth and setting his cup of water on the mantle, swapping it for his rifle already resting there, always within arms reach.
Jack and Kate cocked their rifles, clicking them over to safety and resting them across their laps while they remained in their seats by the fire, watching Joel head out the door. Once the elder Miller had passed the threshold, the door softly latching shut behind him, Jack clicked his safety off. Kate arched a brow at him, and he shrugged.
“Better safe than sorry.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “And if it’s nothing? And you get jumpy? What then?”
Jack huffed quietly at her whispered admonishment. “I don’t get jumpy.”
Casting her eyes down to his still trembling hands pointedly, she pulled her eyes back up to meet his and arched a brow. “Maybe you don’t, but that leftover whiskey in your system sure does.”
Flipping his hand under the barrel over to grip the armrest of the chair in an attempt to stabilize himself, Jack glared at Kate, but quickly turned the glare down to his hand when the tremor instead began to rattle the loose wooden pegs holding the seat together.
“Point taken,” he grumbled, flicking the safety back on before sitting on his practically vibrating palms, his rifle braced across his thighs. After a moment he hurriedly grabbed the rifle and rested it against the stone fireplace in front of him, sitting back on his hands and adding a bouncing knee to the routine. He looked at Kate and shrugged. “It’s gotta work its way out somehow.”
Turning away from the two by the fire, you spotted Liam still asleep in one of the long abandoned bunks in the cabin corner, and you couldn’t blame him. An actual mattress that hadn't gone to hell was hard to come by. You smiled faintly after remembering how he had plopped in it within five seconds of entering the structure.
“Anyone wakes me sooner than morning, clickers are gonna be the least of your worries,” he said, flat on his back and eyes already closed, followed by a contented sigh as he melted into the slightly redeemable box spring.
The dust particles that had filled the air in a violent swirl when his back hit the mattress had finally begun to settle. They floated through the lazy sunbeams that danced through the remaining cabin windows, dirty as they were, reminding you of lazy weekend afternoons back before the outbreak.
A lawnmower going down the street.
Kids laughing in the cul de sac.
The smell of barbecue from somewhere nearby, or just a fire as people stood round to watch it for fun in their back yard with a drink in hand and relax.
Not to rely on it for warmth like now.
For food.
Usually outside and in silence for fear of what lurked just out of sight.
You hadn’t thought about these things in so long….
Since before moving to Jackson.
Before Joel and Ellie….
Shaking your head, you shut your eyes to quit staring at the dust particles long enough to focus back on the matter at hand.
Liam. Hoofbeats. Focus.
Looking back at the peacefully sleeping young man, you grinned slightly. Shifting your weight side to side once, you sighed heavily through your nose.
Sorry, kid.
After absently adjusting the strap slung across your shoulders of the rifle you’d stolen from the raiders, tugging where it pulled tightly at the center of your chest, the weapon a heavy reminder at your back, you walked quietly over to him.
Gently nudging his shoulder with your left hand, you then held the index finger of your right up to your mouth to indicate silence as he stirred and began to ask what was happening in a bleary voice.
Liam turned his head toward you, his face screwed up like you had a flashlight trained on his face in the darkest of nights. “Who dares to distur-” The hand rubbing one eye froze mid swipe, and he stared at you with the other eye that was still exposed.
Suddenly fully awake, his palm trailed up to rest on his forehead as he blinked a few times then looked wide eyed around the cabin and saw everyone with their weapon either in hand or at the ready.
He sat up abruptly, his hand falling to his lap soundlessly as he continued to scooch closer to the edge of the mattress, miraculously avoiding every traitorous squeaky spring in the thing.
Once at the edge, feet still propped up on the tiny cot, he reached down seamlessly into his open backpack resting on the floor against the foot of the cot closest to his head, and pulled out a machete, bringing it up to rest on the bed beside him as he gave you a single nod.
It was a very Joel thing to do.
A snort of amusement pulled your attention back over your shoulder where you saw Jack looking on with a grin, nodding in approval. “Kid’s got the right idea,” he said just above a whisper.
“I learned from the best,” Liam mused around a grin.
“Yeah, Joel’s really been passing on some gems,” Kate said, looking slyly at Jack, and snorting in amusement when he turned a disapproving glare her way.
“The kid wasn’t talking about Joel,” he groused. “He’s my patrol partner, Kate. He meant me.”
“I actually meant Tommy.”
All three sets of eyes turned to Liam, before quiet snickers of laughter went around, the younger man beaming at the attention.
“Nah, I’m just joking.”
“We know,” Jack coughed softly, eyeing the door of the cabin when Joel still hadn’t returned, clearing his throat.
“I meant Ellie.”
This time the laughter was a bit louder and unrestrained, but still quiet. A thump on the cabin door was heard, then it swung open and Joel popped his head in.
“Hush!” He hissed to the four of you, the continuous growing sound of approaching hooves filling the following silence of his deathly stare. “You four are louder than a horde!”
The cabin door shut silently, but it might as well have been slammed with the finality it gave. The four of you exchanged looks.
“‘Least we smell better than a horde, though.”
Jack’s off handed comment made the rest of you snicker quietly as you tried to follow Joel’s request.
“Speak for yourself,” Kate grumbled. “Most of us do, ‘nyway.”
Jack and Kate shared another little stare off as the tension of the impending approaching hoofbeats grew closer.
Meanwhile, Joel had slinked around the side of the cabin outside for a better vantage point before the newcomer on horseback could get any closer. You were able to track him through two of the cabin’s windows before you lost sight of him. If he stayed on the path you’d last seen him on, then he would have made it just behind a pile of firewood and out of sight when the rapidly approaching horse crested over the tiny hill and came into view.
His footsteps were virtually silent, only the foliage crunching underfoot could give him away, and he was careful to not let it. Aside from one or two traitorous twigs that helped you all in the cabin follow his movements once he was past the windows, he was like a ghost.
Suddenly his footsteps shuffled carelessly, every leaf and twig breaking under his weight and being kicked to the side with little to no effort to mask his steps as he slid to a stop at the same time you heard a second male voice.
It was familiar as it yelled, “Woah, woah,” overlapping the sound of a horse breathing heavily as the galloping came to a stop. Then a thud as someone hopped onto the ground from a height, you guessed from the back of the horse, the foliage underfoot crunching from the impact.
You were so concentrated trying to place the familiar voice that had called out to the horse, you missed the pair of returning relaxed footsteps back toward the cabin. The low, muffled voices exchanged a murmured conversation you couldn’t quite make out even if you were paying attention.
The cabin door suddenly swung open, and there stood Joel, a grumpy look on his features, followed by an amused looking Will.
“Told ya he was fine,” Joel grumbled, holding your wide eyed gaze.
The other three members of the group let out a collective sigh, of what you assumed was relief, all of them stowing their weapons once again and settling back into the comfort and warmth that had been interrupted.
Will stayed outside to tend to his horse while Joel came back into the cabin, grumbling something about not signing up for this the whole way back to the fireplace.
As Joel passed behind Jack, he pulled the chair the older man was seated in back, making his friend reach out to stabilize himself before looking up at Joel skeptically. “And you do smell like a horde. Go use the rain barrel out back and clean up, ya ass.”
“It’s the shakes,” Jack mumbled, staring at the floor in embarrassment as he got to his feet before heading for the door. “They make me sweat somethin’ fierce.”
“Then use this as ammunition to never let the whiskey get you this bad again, Jack.”
Pausing halfway to the door, the older man looked up to meet Joel’s piercing expression, the embarrassment on his own melting away into determination. The two men held each other's gaze for a moment before Jack nodded once and headed out the cabin door.
“I’ll go with him. Make sure he’s okay.” Kate stood up, slinging her rifle across her shoulders and grabbing Jack’s from its spot still against the fireplace. “After everything, I’d prefer someone watch my back, too. Only fair I watch someone’sin return.”
Joel nodded and watched her follow after Jack. When the front door opened, you could see Will tending to his horse out front before it closed again and cut off the outside world. He, Jack and Kate traded muffled words before Will came inside, swiping his sweaty brow in the crook of his elbow with the sleeve of his outer flannel layer.
Once he got settled into the cabin, hogging a space by the fire despite a look from Joel as he adjusted to make room, and several pieces of beef jerky from the main stash despite you and Liam staring him down pointedly, an overly excited Will explained everything.
Hold your horses I’m getting to it! How he rode all morning …. Can someone pass me some water? I think I swallowed a bug on the way here …. after sneaking out of Jackson …. Jerky has never tasted this good …. to try and catch up with the group once again after …. Man, whoever built this fire did a good job. It is hot! …. after Jane ‘threatened to maim him’ if he didn’t get ahold of her sewing machine. Shouldn’t be too difficult.
He had a starstruck look in his eyes the whole time, and you were pretty sure it was because he was living out his secret agent dreams by sneaking out of town and back to the group, but it was especially evident when he talked about Jane, making you smile.
Does he realize he would have done it if she hadn’t even asked?
He was wrapped around her finger already.
Kate and Jack had come back in by now and were in their seats by the fire once again, watching Will with bemused expressions.
“We had to get out before dawn so the council wouldn’t put a stop to it. Things are crazy since we got back and those raiders wouldn’t say a word. Became freaking mimes.” Joel snorted in amusement.
“Security was doubled instantly after we told them about the threats, so I had to pay off the south gate watchmen. By the way, Joel,” he turned toward the older man, “they get to choose their next three patrols.” He shrugged at the exasperated look from the elder Miller. “Was all they wanted. I told them they had to be done within the next three months or no deal, and they said fine.” Joel arched a brow.
Will took a deep breath, wincing slightly like he didn’t particularly want to relay this next part.
“Spit it out,” Joel growled, adjusting in his seat in front of the fire to face it, holding his hands out toward the flames.
“The council aren’t too happy that you didn’t come back with everyone.” He looked around the room. “Any of you.” Then back at Joel. “But especially you, since you’re partially in charge of security, n’all.”
“Well, ain’t that nice,” Joel mused quietly, the side of his mouth ticking up as he continued to stare at the fire.
“They mentioned a disciplinary hearing once this is all sorted out.”
Everyone in the cabin groaned at the mention of more politics.
Everyone but Joel. He just grinned, rubbing his hands together in front of the flames. “Well, I think Ellie said it best….” He looked at you, then Will. “They can bite me.”
“Speaking of Ellie,” Will grabbed his backpack where it rested at his feet, pulled it into his lap and unzipped it, digging into its contents with purpose. “She was real worried ‘bout both of you when she heard what happened.”
He looked up, his hand withdrawing from the bag and gesturing between you and Joel with his index finger, then went right back to rifling through the bag, making one side of your mouth pull up slightly at his antics. “So she sent these with me.” Pausing in his search, he shut his eyes in exasperation and tilted his head back toward the ceiling. “Don’t ask me how she knew I’d be leavin’, before you start yellin’, Joel,” Will disclaimed preemptively, his voice tired already as he focused back on the bag, returning it to the floor and withdrawing two items. “Girl’s got a mind of her own.”
Will extended a hand to each of you, the one for Joel holding an old revolver that the man looked at fondly, his eyes softening as he took it from Will’s hand, and tucked it into the back of his pants. The younger man reached back into the bag and pulled out a bandolier lined with bullets for the gun that you’d seen Joel using his reloading press to make out in the garage a few times.
Ammo could be hard to come by, depending on the caliber, so when Joel happened on some reloading equipment on a patrol, he’d been ecstatic. It didn’t matter that he’d thrown his back out trying to get the heavy gear home. Stubborn as he was, he made it work, he and his horse somehow tag teaming the equipment all the way back to Jackson from who knows where. He had not allowed Will to touch it the entire way back, some stupid childlike claim waging between them like finders keepers or something along those lines - you’d stopped listening with a roll of your eyes as they’d bickered the whole way into the garage with the equipment.
“Come on, Joel. I helped you get it here!” Will’s voice carried from the garage, his breathing heavy as he tugged the makeshift sled the equipment was on the last few feet over the threshold.
“I said no! Now drop it,” Joel groused, the following silence after a loud clatter almost deafening.
“You said ‘drop it’,” Will said nonchalantly.
Joel’s hiss could be heard clearly all the way in the kitchen where you were doing dishes. “I meant the topic, not the tools….”
“Well, maybe I could think more clearly if I hadn’t just trekked thirty five miles with all that weight-”
“It wasn’t thirty-”
“Felt like it-”
“You’re acting like a child-”
“And you’re acting like a grouch-”
“Don’t test me, Will.”
“But grouch is nothing new for you, Joel.”
“Oh, just fuck off.”
“Make me.”
“Oh, I will….”
“Boys!” When you walked into the garage, the two of them were nose to nose, chests puffed up and about to bump into one another in a ridiculous display of strength. “Stop it. You’re both idiots.”
They both turned their heads to look at you.
“He thinks-” Joel started, overlapping Will’s “I didn’t-”
“What did I just say?” Your hands went to your hips in admonishment, brows knit together in an unimpressed glare.
Joel turned back to Will, a heavy puff of air passing through his nose before he smiled. “Fine. Finders keepers.”
Will scoffed in protest as Joel peeled off to start unloading the equipment.
“That’s not fair!”
“I said what I said. Now don’t touch my stuff, idiot.”
With a shake of your head, you left them to sort out their nonsense, letting the garage door close behind you and muffle their bickering as you headed back to the kitchen.
The night before you left, you’d seen Joel and Ellie out there together, working with the press as he taught her the basics of reloading. You wondered how many of those she’d made herself as you watched him take the bandolier delicately, holding it in both hands out in front of him like you would a newborn child. Practically cradling it.
The look in his eyes as he ran them up and down the lines of bullets, surveying each shiny casing, was much the same as that of a parent looking at their brand new precious offspring just after they’d entered this world. It was a look once adopted that never really left. Something a little precious, awestruck, filled with wonder and love, and a hell of a lot of pride.
You were ninety percent sure he was thinking about Ellie, and not the ammo, though.
Well, more like eighty percent.
Will cleared his throat to pull your attention back to him, jostling his hand still held out to you.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, looking down at the offering.
You saw your yellow fanny pack being extended to you, partly deflated and sagging as Ellie had obviously removed all your tools you wouldn’t need on the trip.
When you took it from Will’s hand, an unexpected weight inside caught you off guard. Unzipping the main compartment once you’d clipped the belt around your waist, you pulled out a pocket knife you had seen Ellie flipping open and closed almost daily.
She was never without it.
….Except now….
….Because she’d sent it with you.
The room began to swim behind your unshed tears as they threatened to fall, but you blinked them away rapidly. This wasn’t the time for that. Nor was it the time for that thing catching in your chest as you traced the tip of your index finger over the worn housing of the blade.
After a moment, you looked up at Joel, and saw the surprise on his face before his eyes pulled up from the familiar pocket knife to meet yours, something like fondness taking over his features as they softened. “That’s her most prized possession.”
“Besides the garage,” you shot back, trying to speak around the emotions building up in your throat, clearing it in an attempt to rid yourself of them. A wet chuckle took their place as you held his gaze, your grip tightening around the pocket knife protectively.
Joel snorted, shaking his head gently as he looked back down to the bandolier. “Don’t start.” He slipped the ammo belt over his shoulders and across his chest, adjusting it minutely like a man would a tie on Easter morning.
It struck you for a moment how much life had changed since outbreak day. Men used to adjust their ties and now they adjusted their weapons.
These were thoughts for another day.
Setting the knife back in the main compartment of your pack, you dug out the rock Joel had given you to rest against your black eye from your jacket pocket, and really looked at it for the first time since he had given it to you.
It was smooth, almost perfectly round, yet flat enough to hold in the palm of your hand easily. A rich dark gray, almost black with white streaks running through one part of it that made it look slightly off kilter. As it caught the firelight, the white streaks glimmered slightly. They were some sort of crystal, barely the width of a sharpened pencil, yet still they decided to shine.
You wanted to be like that rock. Solid and steadfast, it knew what it was, until sometime when it was forming, something else came along to meld with it and left a mark, a scar, a blemish, and yet…. It was still beautiful.
Glancing up, you saw Joel already watching you curiously, his brow raised in amusement. Unable to hold his gaze, you shook your head slightly before looking back down to the bag, and tucked the rock in the main compartment right beside the pocket knife like you’d meant to do before you’d gotten distracted.
The sound of the teeth stitching closed as you zipped the bag shut once again acted as an anchor to your wayward mind.
“I’ll protect it with my life.” Looking back up, you caught Joel’s eye, and something unreadable passed across his face, his gaze fluttering down to the bag, then back up to meet your own, before turning to Will as they started in on another topic.
Holding out a hand to halt the conversation, eyes shut tight in confusion, you stopped them. “Wait, wait, wait.”
Ignoring Will’s exasperated sigh, you forged on. Opening your eyes, you peered at him with furrowed brows as you lifted only your index finger, gesturing to your left a few times. “Back up.”
He lifted his eyebrows at you in question. Bobbing your finger slightly as you continued for emphasis, you arched your own brows curiously. “‘We’?”
Faintly, in the distance the same direction Will had come from, you heard a wagon wheel squeak as it rolled closer toward the cabin.
After only a moment of exchanged looks in hesitation, Will refusing to give away anything, you all piled outside to see who the newcomer was. Just cresting over the little hill before the cabin came a horse with a rider moving at a casual pace, the cart from before that had taken Jane and the raiders back to Jackson being pulled along behind them.
Everyone smiled while Joel groaned and cradled his head in his hand when it was clear it was pulled by none other than Tommy.
“You guys have all the fun without me,” the younger Miller yelled good-naturedly.
Joel groaned a bit louder, starting toward the cart with determination. “Raiders n’infected’ll hear us comin’ a mile away with that wheel. What’d you do?”
Tommy scoffed. “First your hinges, now this? Why d’you always assume it’s me?”
Once Jack, Liam, and Kate saw who was atop the cart, and that he and Joel were quickly slipping into their usual ways, the three of them wandered back into the cabin, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes as the two men continued to bicker.
Will, however, stuck around for the show. He was a firm supporter of Miller Entertainment. So long as there was something to see, he’d be there.
Oblivious to the reactions of the others, Joel continued towards his brother, taking the reins of the horse he was atop as Tommy hopped off. “Because it is always you.” He handed the reins back to Tommy as he went to inspect the wheel quickly before they both returned to the now dwindling group.
“Well, you’re fucking welcome, y’old fucker,” Tommy grumbled teasingly. “This wasn’t my idea, anyway.”
You smirked. “Jane got to you, too, huh?”
He looked at you with wide eyes. “That woman is frightening.”
You and Will laughed, as Tommy looked between you with the same, wide eyed look of fear.
After a quiet moment filled with your dying laughter and Joel’s grumbling as he glared at the wheel, Tommy turned back to his brother. “I just want you t’be happy, Joel.”
Knelt beside the wagon wheel, inspecting it up close now that they were beside the cabin, Joel didn’t even spare his brother a glance. “Then leave me alone, you ass.”
Tommy unhooked the horse, and you led it over beside Will’s where the two men started taking the gear off of them to rest for the evening.
After a long moment of messing with the wheel, Joel turned his head up to Tommy from his perch on the ground, wide eyed. “Who’s watchin’ Ellie?!”
Tommy looked down at his older brother, hands on his hips, unphased. “Herself.”
With a shake of his head, Joel got to his feet and paced in a small circle with his hands on his hips. The two Miller’s looked like carbon copies of each other, and it made you grin. “They’re all doomed. All‘f Jackson….” He rounded on his brother, both of them squaring off with hands on their hips and a stern, stony expression. “What were y’thinkin’?”
You laughed. “You may not have your garage to yourself when we get back, Joel. She may take matters into her own hands.”
After turning his hard glare on you, he turned back to the wheel, wrestling with it for a moment and finally yanking out a small twig caught up in the mechanism, before standing back up and dusting off his hands with a dry, tight grin. “For everyone’s sake, she better fuckin’ not.” He nodded to Tommy. “‘specially him.”
“Why me?” Tommy scoffed.
“You’re th’idiot that left a teenager unattended in my house,” he groused.
“There’s not much she can-”
Joel just leveled a glare on him. “‘member when y’threw that party when mom ‘n dad were out of town, and I was watchin’ you?”
Tommy huffed. “That was so long ago, Joel, and she’s way different ‘n I was. She ain’t the social butterfly like me,” Joel snorted, “anyway, it’s Jackson in th’middle’f a goddamn apocalypse. What the hell is she gonna do that’d be so awful?”
They shared a look, something unsaid that had Tommy’s expression shifting to some sort of understanding. He softly amended, “I’m sure she’s fine, Joel.” He clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “She’s stayin’ with Maria, anyway.” Tommy grinned at Joel’s groan. “I’m not entirely useless, big brother. I thought’f all that. Maria’ll make sure she gets t’school n’eats n’bathes….” That understanding passed over his face again, turning it to something soft, along with his tone. “She’ll be a normal kid, it’ll be fine.”
Tommy’s tone took on a teasing nature. “Besides,” he smirked. “That girl offered t’take my patrol shift for a week if I told you she was on her own.”
Joel’s eyes went wide as he stared at his brother, the shit eating grin on Tommy’s face only growing wider.
“My guess is for that very reaction.” He pointed at Joel, wagging his finger gently. “But of course I said like hell. She ain’t goin’ on patrol. No fuckin’ way.”
Joel visibly relaxed, his eyes closing in relief before they flew open and back on his brother with a skeptical brow raised. Waiting.
“So instead,” Tommy went on, smile only broadening, “she offered t’take my shift muckin’ out the stalls in the stable for a week. Somethin’ ‘bout ‘it’s all shits and giggles, but now instead it’s shits for giggles’…. I don’t know. Half the time when she speaks it’s like another language.” He was grinning like a fool by now. “Reminds me of….” That same look of understanding passed between him and Joel again, only this time something heavier seemed to carry underneath. His voice softened. “She’s a good kid, Joel.”
As they sat in their shared moment, you decided after a minute to break the silence. “Too bad you didn’t tell him, then,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.
Tommy turned to you. “What d’you mean?”
You couldn’t help the smirk. “I didn’t hear anything ‘bout her bein’ on her own.” You turned to Joel. “Did you?”
He was grinning softly. “I didn’t hear nothin’. What ‘bout you, Will?”
Looking over at Will, you saw him grin like a cat with a canary. “Not a peep.”
Tommy sighed. “You bastards.”
“Takes one t’know one, ya idiot,” Joel hummed under his breath, turning toward the tack for the horses that had been set on the wagon to move it under the makeshift barn that had been set up for the evening.
“You’re so mean,” Tommy groused half heartedly as Joel passed by, pouting his lip out in an attempt to garner sympathy from his big brother who just turned to him and wrinkled his nose up at him in disgust. The younger Miller mimicked the face and lightly shoved the shoulder of his older brother, causing him to stumble sideways.
“Boys!” You called out, grinning when they snapped their heads your way in unison. “You’re how old again?” Turning toward the cabin, you called over your shoulder toward the men, “I’m just sayin’…. But just for shits and giggles….”
“Ah, shaddup,” Tommy called over the laughter of the other two.
The rest of the party had just stepped out of the cabin to see what all the fuss was about, when suddenly there was a very high pitched yet muffled sneeze from behind you.
Knitting your brows, you turned to Kate who had just walked past. “Bless you?”
She looked just as confused. “That…. Wasn’t me.”
You turned to Joel. Only making it as far as to open your mouth and take in a breath before he cut you off.
“Ha ha, very funny, darlin’. Wasn’t me.”
Another attempted assasination of a sneeze sounded from the back of the cart under a tarp, and all eyes went to it, staring in disbelief.
Liam was the first to break the silence after a long moment. “Did that tarp just sneeze?”
A very quiet and muffled, “Ow,” came next, and you’d know that voice anywhere, no matter how squeaky it currently was.
Your feet were moving before your brain was fully processing what you were doing, carrying you toward the cart.
Jack was quick to chime in behind you, with an entirely necessary, “Did that tarp just talk?!”
A second female voice, this one much younger and sarcastic came from under the tarp, dry and droll, “Nice going, blondie.”
Joel’s eyes went wide. They pulled up to meet yours where you now stood on the opposite side of the cart.
He moved so fast, you could have sworn he had super speed. He was on top of the wagon wheel and ripping the tarp back to reveal your stowaways before you could even blink.
To be fair, you were only half a second behind him, ripping the tarp off the rest of the way from the other side.
In the dying light of the day, Jane and Ellie blinked up at the two pairs of eyes peering down at them from around the edge of the cart, looking justifiably sheepish at the attention. Five more sets of eyes appeared slowly, trickling in as they realized what was going on, only adding to the squirming of the two stowaways.
You were the first to break the silent little stare off. Holding the gaze of your friend, you hissed quietly, “What are you doing here?! You just got stabbed! Are you crazy?!”
Jane wasted no time in coming to her own defense. “I told you!” She tried to sit up quickly, and hissed when her wound protested at the movement. Before you could even reach out to offer help, Ellie was quick to help her sit up fully, putting Jane’s arm over her shoulder to ease her into the right position slowly. She spoke through a grimace, “I want that sewing machine, and I’m gonna get it!” Her eyes opened fully, her voice strong. “Come hell or high water.”
After you let out a strangled puff of air through your nose in aggravation, hand still held out to help coming back to land on the edge of the cart with a smack, all eyes turned to the teenager beside her.
Ellie merely shrugged, Jane’s arm still over her shoulder rising and falling with the movement. “I’m just here for the show.”
Xxx
Your small party sat outside around a campfire, milling about as the evening wore on, tending to the horses and other menial things before everyone was set to take off in the morning.
Will would not leave Jane’s side. He was her human crutch. Literally. He helped her hobble around, and from the look on her face, she was about to shove him to the ground and run, damn whatever happened to her wound.
He was a sweet boy, but a girl needed to pee in peace, stab wound or not.
“Are you going to chew my food for me, too?” She snapped as he broke a piece of beef jerky down into smaller pieces for her to eat.
He just stared at her for a moment, frozen.
“I’m injured, not broken.”
Will nodded after a long pause, looking down to the jerky in his hands as they rested in his lap. “You’re right. I’m sorry. This is just really tough stuff and I didn’t want you to hurt yourself trying to rip it apart.”
Jane sighed. “No, I’m sorry.” She rested a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate all the help, I really do. I’m just a really independent person, and this…. All this needing help…. is driving me nuts.” Her hand fell down to rest on his. “Maybe we can compromise?”
He looked up and met her eyes with his own, smiling broadly. “I’d like that.”
Jane nodded once. “First things first,” she popped a bite sized piece of jerky in her mouth from the pile in his hand. “I get to pee without an escort.”
“But what if-”
“Will, I swear to God, don’t make me-”
“Fine! Fine, fine,” he held his hands up by his head in surrender, jerky flying every which way as he forgot he was holding it. He peered at it on the floor in disgust. “Oops?”
Jane had a sour expression on her face, her nose wrinkled up. “That’s yours now. Mmmm…. Floor jerky. Yum.”
You’d tried to return the pocket knife to Ellie now that she was back, but she wasn’t having it.
“Since you’re here, go ahead and take this….” Unzipping the main compartment of the fanny pack, you extended the pocket knife she’d gifted to you toward her.
Ellie lifted a hand, shaking it as she took a step back. “No. I don’t need it.”
Cocking your head to the side in question, you bent your elbow but kept your hand out, letting the pocket knife rest in your palm between the two of you. “You need something to protec-”
The teen pulled out a machete from a belt along her hips you hadn’t noticed before. Holding it sideways, she tilted the blade side to side, letting it catch the dying light of the day and the errant twinkle of firelight. “Liam already hooked me up. I’m good.”
You snorted. “But this is yours-”
“And now it’s yours,” she countered. “….for now.” Her cheeks flamed pink. “I want that back.” A look of determination came over her features as she jut out her chin to look down her nose at you. “So you better not die, Miss Fanny.”
Grinning, you tucked the knife back into your pack. “I’ll do my best, Sparky. I’ll do my best.”
Ellie grimaced. “Sparky?”
Zipping up your fanny pack, you looked up at her through your lashes. “It’s what you remind me of.” Once the knife was secure again, you lifted your head to look at her fully. “A spitfire.”
Her grimace deepened. “But Sparky? That’s like what you name a dog or something…. Or elderly men like Joel.”
Joel, who was only a few feet away tending to the fire sighed heavily, obviously listening in, before he chuckled lowly.
“Then what do you suggest?” Your arms came up to cross over your chest, weight shifting to rest on one leg as your hip popped out to the side.
“I dunno….” She looked at Joel. “He’s The Contractor,” she said it in a ridiculous voice, making you giggle, “so can’t I be something cool like that? Like, I don’t know…. The Lumberjack…. The Carpenter….”
“You have to do all those things to get those names, smartass,” Joel chimed in, not even bothering to turn around and face the conversation.
Ellie stuck her tongue out at him.
“The Artist….” You offered, smiling when you saw the lightbulb go off behind her eyes. Nodding once, your grin grew when her own started up her face. “The Artist it is…. Sparky.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the sour look her face instantly took on.
Tommy leaned back in his spot beside Joel with a loud groan, a mischievous grin starting up his face. “I just call it like it is. She’s Trouble.”
Ellie gasped, whipping her head over to look at him as her arms came to cross over her chest defensively. “And after I didn’t lump you into old man Joel territory over there.” She gestured to the elder Miller with a bob of her head before setting her sights squarely on the younger sibling once again.
Tommy shrugged demurely.
She glared at him, the ferocity of her expression causing you to chuckle softly as Joel let out a low whistle. “You’re dead to me, old man.”
It had dwindled down to just the two Miller’s, Ellie, and yourself. Everyone else was inside the cabin, tucked in and tightened down for the night.
“Come first light, we need to get out of here,” Joel mumbled as he leaned over at the waist, poking the fire with a long stick to rearrange the logs that had turned to coals before adding a few new fresh ones. He turned his head to peer over at you, then set his gaze squarely on the redheaded teen who sat across from the two of you, palms extended toward the fiery heat and her eyes studiously on the flames.
“The council isn’t gonna take long to put two ‘n two together, and I want as much distance ‘tween us when they actually do so we can just get this damn thing over with.”
Rising to his full height with a quiet groan, he didn’t even seem to register Ellie slapping her palm to her forehead and rocking her head back and forth in disbelief as he glanced down at you where you sat against a log to his left, his face twisted slightly in trepidation. “…. I didn’t mean-”
“No, I agree,” you nodded once, pulling your eyes from staring at the fire to look at Ellie in amusement before lifting them all the way up to meet his with a small smile. “Bleeding heart Miller over here probably got the town on red alert.” Bobbing your head to gesture across the flames where Tommy leaned against another fallen log beside Ellie, you grinned at Joel’s haggard sigh as he took his brother in.
Ellie turned to look at the older man with a disapproving scowl, one side of her upper lip curling back as her eyes swept him from head to toe. You could see every Joel mannerism she had picked up on as she surveyed the younger Miller, and it took everything in you not to comment on it.
Turning back to the subject at hand, you tilted your head to the side as you took in the sleeping giant.
Tommy’s legs were outstretched with one crossed over the other easily at the ankle, hands clasped loosely in his lap, and head tilted back as snores that grew with each attempt tumbled out of his lips.
“Not to mention they’ll raise the alarm when they notice Ellie and Jane’re missin’, too,” you added, watching Tommy begin to mutter softly in his sleep. You tried not to let Ellie’s wide eyes that snapped to you affect you from going on, not able to bring yourself to meet them. “Not to mention Will.” You looked up at Joel as you spoke softly, his own gaze meeting yours. “Tommy’s one thing. All four of ‘em?” You shook your head as your gaze fell back to land on Tommy. “All four of ‘em’s gonna set off all kinds of bells.”
“Not to mention a missin’ cart,” Joel grumbled, turning toward Tommy with a scowl that made the corner of your mouth tug up just slightly. You noticed in your peripherals it had Ellie grinning, too. “Which requires a horse….” He tugged off his gloves from tending the fire and tucked them into his back pocket with unneeded aggression, shaking his head. “Stealin’ all kinds ‘f’things, aren’t we, little brother?”
Joel sighed yet again, this one quieter and more to himself than anything, before taking a step over towards his sibling and kicking the bottom of his shoe with the toe of his boot. As Tommy sat up abruptly with a snort, making Ellie choke back a laugh, Joel eased to the ground beside you with a groan he tried to hide behind tightly closed lips. “Get up, mighty warrior. Get inside with the others. I’ll take first watch.”
“Wasn’t asleep,” Tommy mumbled dejectedly, rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand.
Ellie scoffed. “Dude, you sounded like a buzzsaw ate a bear. You were totally one hundred percent snoring.” She got to her feet, brushing off the front of her pants, then the seat.
“You were sawing logs, cart thief. Now get.” Joel jerked his head backwards toward the cabin. “‘nd keep an eye on Trouble here.”
Ellie glared at Joel, but quickly turned her attention onto Tommy, helping him to his feet. “Come on, Uncle Tommy.”
“Told you not t’call me that, weirdo,” Tommy grumbled, blinking too many times against the firelight as his eyes still adjusted to being awake.
The teen threaded her arm through his and helped to stabilize him, starting toward the cabin. “That goes both ways, asshat.”
“Y’know what? You’re rude,” Tommy mused, pulling away just enough to look down his nose at Ellie.
“And you’re old. Now come on, cart thief.” She started to pull him back toward the cabin, looking over her shoulder and winking at you. She looked at Joel and offered a small salute before facing back forward and giving the man a tug that sent him stumbling forward slightly. “Beddy bye is just a mere few steps away.”
Tommy mumbled something nearly unintelligible, but you thought you caught the name Sarah, not missing the way Joel stiffened at the word, staring into the fire in front of him, and Ellie looking back at the two of you over her shoulder with a somewhat panicked expression.
The teen focused on Joel for a long moment, her features pulling into something sad, then determined as she looked at Tommy and finally yanked him toward the cabin, pulling him along by his ear until they were safely inside.
As Tommy slowly got to his feet and ambled toward the cabin with Ellie, you smiled, always enjoying their banter. They obviously loved each other despite how they bickered.
And whatever this Sarah talk was, clearly it was something important, but it didn’t feel like the right time to ask about it yet. Maybe someday.
Joel glanced down at his watch briefly and cleared his throat before tugging the sleeve of his jacket down to cover it. Once the material was over the broken dial, he placed his palm over the shattered face through the fabric and rubbed it gently back and forth for a moment, staring at the flames before softly shaking his head as if coming out of a fog. He lifted his hand off the watch and set it on his thigh, his fingers gripping his flesh a little too tight and dimpling the denim under his touch.
It was then you made the connection that Sarah had to do with the watch. Somehow. And you knew that had to do with home. Texas. Back on outbreak day. The thing he missed the most.
You didn’t like where this was going.
Catching Joel’s eye, you leaned back into the log once again. “Mind if I join you?”
He just blinked for a long moment, making you grin and settle back into the log even further, letting your head loll back slightly. “Let me clarify. Mind if I stay?”
Simply shaking his head after a minute, Joel turned back to the fire after staring at you for a beat too long. “Don’t mind.” He was mumbling. “You’ll probably be bored silly, but so’ll I, so, I guess that makes me selfish.”
You snorted a laugh. “No, no. It makes you human.” Turning to the flames, you felt a different heat on the side of your face as you noticed his eyes on you again out of the corner of your field of view. He stared for a moment too long to be deemed just a friendly curiosity before Joel cleared his throat, looking down at his boots before his gaze quickly pulled right back up to you, painting your skin in varying shades of heat as you felt his eyes trace over your features once again.
Something about that heat was much preferable to the little pile of coals inches from the tips of your shoes. Much more comforting, too, considering where your mind kept wandering to. “Can’t quite get to a place my mind’ll let me sleep, anyway. Not after everything….”
He nodded in understanding, and you saw his face turn back towards the embers after a last lingering moment of taking you in. The trail he had traced on your skin with just a look still felt warm and pleasant, but now began to cool under the loss of his attention. You found yourself angling slightly to lean just a bit closer to him to try and make up for it, catch just a wave of body heat. It wasn’t working.
“How’d y’learn all that?” When you arched a brow at him in question, Joel pointed back toward where everything had happened with the raider scumbag, and the general direction of Jackson.
Turning your eyes from him to the fire, you stared at the flames as they crackled. “I don’t want t’talk about it.”
“That’s fine,” he drawled softly, lowering his hand. A moment passed before an even quieter, “But that don’t come from nothin’.” He jerked his head toward the direction this time. “We’ve all got our demons. Hell, I’ve got too many t’count.” He turned back to the fire as you turned to look at him again. “N’most’ve us’ve killed our fair share. That’s just life now-”
“No,” you interrupted him, focusing back on the heat of the flames and away from the fire in his eyes as they landed on you once again. “That I’ve never done.” You waited a moment before adding a quiet, “Least not yet.”
A memory, sparkly and worn, something you’d viewed time and time again as it haunted your every quiet moment, awake or in the dead of night began to tiptoe behind your eyes.
A voice you’d rather forget drifted to the front of your mind, clearer than anything else, as if it were right in front of you yet again.
“This is just how things work now.”
Night seemed to be its favorite, though; when your defenses were at their lowest. It’d come slinking in like a thief, ready to steal your sleep, your sanity, your time….
The rest of a phantom conversation began to play in the theater of your mind, unbidden and loud, consuming anything else in front of you in favor of its wicked games once again on repeat.
“I said no.” Your voice was weaker than you ever wanted it to be as you struggled against hands that had always been helpful, but now they only sought to keep you still. Angry tears threatened to crack your resolve with every word.
The next thing you knew his gun was out of its holster and in your hand aimed at his stomach. How it got there, you still didn’t know. It must have jumped.
Telekinesis.
Something.
It’s the only thing that makes sense. Because the alternative is that you grabbed it voluntarily, and that was a road you were not willing to travel down.
A sneer of disbelief colored his face as he held his hands up in surrender, looked down to the gun, then to you, eyes narrowing as he chuckled softly in amusement.
“You wouldn’t.”
He moved toward you, whether to move the gun or move you, you didn’t know.
You’ve analyzed it over and over again for years, and this is the point where it always goes black, blissfully giving you a respite from the rest of the gory details.
The echo of the hammer on the revolver cocking back in prime to shoot echoed in your mind then just as much as it did now. You remembered how the sound filled you with a grim satisfaction, a smirk crawling up your face now that was too terrified to even try then.
Blissful darkness continued to fill the next moments as you were lost in the memory, absently staring at the fire in silence, until a resounding phantom gunshot echoed around the walls inside your head when Joel said your name, making you jump.
When he said it again, the concern swelling in his voice made your breath stutter.
Blinking the darkness away, you saw the fire once again come into focus in front of you, and out of your peripherals, Joel leaning forward beside you, tilting his head to the side in question as he tried to catch your eye. His features were drawn cautiously.
Pulling your knees up closer to your chest as a chill ran down your spine that was from anything but being cold, you gave him a sideways look before turning back to the flames. “I’m fine.” You wrapped your arms around your legs to hold them tightly to yourself.
“Y’look it,” he teased.
Cutting your eyes his way, you found Joel smirking slightly at you, but his eyes still held concern as they studied your face, then made a run up and down the length of you, pausing on your hands briefly.
That’s when you realize you’d clenched them into fists so tight, you had indentations from your nails on your palm when you released them. With a sigh, you turned your stare back to the fire. “I’m fine, Joel.” Repeating the words didn’t help for some reason, so you continued on. “I…. I’ve never killed anyone, but….” Tilting your head back and pulling your knees tighter to your chest, you looked up at the stars. “I’ve come damn close once‘r’twice. Too close.”
“You don’t have t’talk abou-”
“The first person I lived next to in a QZ,” you started, smiling gently at his attempt to give you space on the topic. “He didn’t like the…. What did y’call it? Smelly noise?”
Joel scoffed in amusement, meeting your gaze as you lowered your eyes back onto him before staring toward the fire again absently.
“Came over after about a week t’tell me so, and I guess somethin’ in the way I said hello sounded like an invitation-”
The man stiffened beside you. “Y’know that’s not-”
Reaching out, you rested your hand on his forearm. “I’m kidding, Joel. I know I didn’t do anything, the man was just a pig.” You looked at him. “But thank you, though.” Turning back to the fire to find the words again, you took a deep breath. “Long story short, he tried somethin’, told me it was just the times we live in now, so I grabbed the gun he was wearin’ and threatened to teach him how no means no.”
A snort of laughter left Joel along with a gentle shake of his head as he too stared at the flames, giving you the space to finish your story.
“He didn’t think I would do it.” You went silent. The next time you spoke, even you could barely hear your own voice. “I probably should’ve. He went on t’do it to many others after me. Joined FEDRA. Should’ve seen that one comin’.” Clearing your throat, you shook your head and went on, voice a little stronger. “I shot him in the foot. Well, first I fired a warning shot to the side. He made some stupid comment about how he likes them crazy and lunged so I….” You made a finger gun with your left hand, pointed at Joel’s foot to your right, and imitated a shooting sound. “He gave me so many nicknames after that. So colorful. You crazy bitch, and-”
“I think I can paint a pretty clear picture, no need t’go on,” Joel said softly. His voice was gruff, not towards you, but the situation you’d found yourself in and the man with no name.
You nodded. “He’s why I left. After he joined FEDRA, he made my life hell. Made sure I got less ration cards, blacklisted me, caused all sorts’f problems. So I used what I had left t’pay someone to smuggle me out’f the QZ.”
“Nothing’s happened out here?”
“You mean outside the QZ?” He nodded. “No. I mean besides some infected, but I don’t count them. They’re technically already dead; it's just the fungus at that point. If we’re splittin’ hairs.” Looking out at the tree line, you sighed forlornly. “I used t’love mushrooms.”
After a second of silence, Joel burst out laughing, a low gravelly sound rumbling from deep in his chest. It vibrated you from your spot next to him, your very bones seeming to resonate with him. He was under your skin, and that made you smile.
“Y’know,” he started after a minute. “I just heard ‘bout the most Texan come out’f your mouth in the last five minutes than the whole time I’ve known you.”
“The most….?”
“‘I’ve come damn close once‘r’twice,’” he mimicked your words from earlier, emphasizing you’re lackadaisical grammar.
“Pfffft,” you blew out a huff at him. “Did not,” you countered, pushing his shoulder slightly.
“You’re slippin’” he teased with a grin, watching the flames.
His smile was contagious. “I’m just comfortable, is all. Comfortable and tired.”
“Oh good gracious, there it is again.” He looked at you mischievously. “Tired.” He drawled the word ridiculously now.
You narrowed your eyes at him. “I do know how to shoot a gun, Joel.”
He nodded once in understanding. “Yes, ma’am.” Quickly turning his eyes back to the fire, he glanced back up at you only once briefly, the side of his mouth twitching up before his eyes fell back down to the wall of heat.
As you sat around the campfire, it had dwindled down to just the two of you. You watched him as the firelight reflected in his eyes, a small smile continuing to pull up his face as he stared into the flames.
“What?” He asked after a minute, pulling only his eyes up toward you, his head still angled down. “I got somethin’ on my face?”
You snorted. “Besides your age, which you wear brilliantly, by the way? No.”
“Ouch,” he chuckled. “Thank you? ….I think?”
Grinning, you leaned your shoulder into his before sitting back upright. “You’re welcome.” Despite having sat back how you had been, the sides of your arms now brushed one another’s, and neither of you made an effort to move.
“So.”
He finally turned his head to fully look at you. “Yeah?”
“Why are you so opposed to Ellie moving into the garage?”
He sighed, glancing over his shoulder toward the cabin before looking out across the small camp toward the tree line. “Ugh, not you, too.”
“Is there something you’re worried about, or is it just…. Puttin’ your foot down?”
Joel heaved another sigh, eyes darting back and forth along the trees as he stared at them absently. “It’s…. I don’t know.” He paused, letting out a breath before taking another deep one as he started again. “We…. We went on a really, uh, tough trip together to get here. To Jackson, I mean. All the way from Boston. It’s been a rough road for her.”
“For the both of you, it seems,” you offered quietly. He looked at you and you shrugged. “You traveled together. If it was hard for her, it was for you, too. That’s just how it goes.”
“Yeah, I….” He looked at the flames. “I guess so.” He smiled softly before it faded. “I guess I just don’t want her that far from me.” He looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers, the tips of them dancing along the band of his watch before he closed his hand around the worn fabric. “Not yet.”
“It’s five extra steps, Joel.”
“I can keep an eye on her better down the hall.”
“You walked across the country together, a few more steps won’t break you.”
“You don’t know that,” he objected quickly, somewhat defensively, meeting your eyes again with his own as a dry chuckle painted the last of his words.
Smiling softly, you leaned further into his side slowly as you looked into the dwindling flames. “No, you’re right. I don’t.” He began to relax, his shoulders rolling forward as his weight slightly melted into you, staring at the flames once again himself. “But I’d like to think I’ve come to know you.”
Joel froze, his body tense once again as he listened to you go on.
Looking up at him through your lashes, you saw the firelight dancing across his face, sending him into all kinds of shadows. It could have been a trick of the light, but he looked almost nervous? His eyes were definitely apprehensive, and once you noticed that, you lowered your gaze down to his lap where his hand was once again digging into the fabric of his jeans.
“I don’t know what or who happened to you, and I’m not asking for details, that’s up to you. What I am saying is….” reaching up and across, you rested your left hand on his left forearm where it continued to press into yours with each deeper breath either of you dared to take. A small smile worked its way up your features as you saw his hand relax and unclench against the denim, his palm coming to rest on your knee instead. “You’re on a supply run for a teenaged girl to get paint. And to me?”
You turned just enough to catch his eye, finding his gaze already on you. When you realized that, you had to really think to remember what you wanted to say, swallowing roughly to remember how words worked as your eyes flicked between his own, your voice now something incredibly soft. “To me that paints a beautiful picture.”
Joel scoffed, his eyes studying your face for a long moment before he turned back to the fire that was now mostly coals, and started laughing. The sound started quiet but grew with each new round until it was a truly ruckus thing. “That…. was truly awful. And you say my puns are bad.”
You grinned as you sat back upright, pulling your knees tighter to your chest so you could rest your chin on them. He kept his palm on your leg, letting it ride just a bit above your knee and squeezed. “I have a bad influence. My roommates? Awful. All the time. Horrible, horrible puns.”
“Oh, really?” He arched a brow at you, giving your leg still in his grip a small teasing shake.
With a sigh, you tilted your head to the side to rest on the backs of your hands on your knees, studying him and trying to keep the damn smile off your face. “Yeah, they think they are so funny, but it’s really sad.”
He tilted his head back, looking down his nose at you in amusement. “Well, maybe you should teach them a thing or two.”
You grinned. It was inevitable. “Yeah. Maybe I will.”
