I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Andulka
RMH
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JVL
art blog(derogatory)
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
wallacepolsom
Cosmic Funnies
⁂
Keni
blake kathryn
Misplaced Lens Cap
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
YOU ARE THE REASON
occasionally subtle
d e v o n
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Monterey Bay Aquarium
ellievsbear
seen from United States
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seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Chile
seen from Saudi Arabia
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@whatdoyoumeanthecookiejarisempty
things you DO NOT need to be a man
a dick
he/him pronouns
XY chromosomes
things you DO need to be a man
the swiftness of a coursing river
the force of a great typhoon
the strength of a raging fire
the mysteriousness of the dark side of the moon
^this post was brought to you by LGBT^
Let's
Get down to
Business
To defeat the huns
They're going crazy on LinkedIn
me: *googling what kind of bike helmet i should get*
search result 1, AI-generated article: Since the dawn of time, humans have wondered what kind of bike helmet is best for protecting their cranium and lower intestine. In the event that you find yourself with a bike helmet, you must find a way to save your family. Therefore, we have compiled a list of qualities to look for. First, sodium content is of great importance when biking your helmet.
search results 2, 3, and 4: sponsored ads for bike helmets on amazon
search result 5, reddit thread: bikeaholic363736: hey guys, do any of you have experience with the windslapper 30g helmet from spronklegear?
spokejunkie666: it's probably the best helmet on the market right now. if you're not using the windslapper you might as well just be riding your bike into a woodchipper
handlebar_hamburglar: idiot. we've had this thread a hundred times. don't the mods enforce the repost ban anymore? OP, don't listen to spokejunkie. the windslapper is the leading cause of death in the netherlands
This is about as unrelated as it gets, but I was once on a cooking competition show as background. I had a prep list, and while the contestants were front-stage, I was in the back of the shot, doing the prep list, looking chef-y, alongside some other BG. The prep list was double-duty, it was also making stuff for the contestants to use later, but our main job was just to make the kitchen look busier. I imagine that in most shots I was in, I was at best an out-of-focus blur behind the main shot. So at the beginning, the contestants are showing off their knife skills and making little fruit sculptures or whatever, IDGAF, and they were being interviewed at the same time. "What does cooking mean to you?" and that kind of stuff. I . . . was not supposed to be interviewed. I was BG. The interviewer apparently, did not know who was a contestant and who was BG, so they came over to me. And after all of these eloquent long-winded philosophy-and-dream guided answers, they come to me, and go "What is cooking?" And me, deep in focus on looking professional and getting the prep list done and not listening to the interviews, aware that I'm not supposed to talk or be talked to (I'm not paid for speaking lines!), but also aware I am the focus right now, but also aware that they will cut this out of the televised part and I can relax and shrug him off, but also suddenly aware there's still a live audience and I can't just shrug him off, but also confused because I didn't realize he was fishing for a deep philosophical answer: "Cooking is making food". Well. I got a laugh out of the live audience, and they must have decided to keep the line because my pay was upgraded from "SSE" (Special Skills Extra) rates to "Speaking" rates.
best answer
remember when chris evans got hacked and the hacker leaked his nudes but no one cared because he also had this meme of himself saved on his phone
okay okay i get it he wasnt hacked he just showed his camera roll on instagram live. i am aware now you dont need to tell me 568 times i got it
The Onion’s journalism is the only journalism that matters. Holy fuck.
men love being tied to chairs and gagged it makes them feel masculine it's the same as working in an office
this is very funny bc i went to a class on gay cowboy bondage that discussed hypermasculinity in the practice and basically made this exact point but like, unironically
a class on what
So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:
“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”
And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”
“He’s three.”
“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”
And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.
The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.
So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”
“is he very verbal?”
“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”
“was it hard to potty-train him?”
“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”
“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”
“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”
“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”
“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”
“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”
“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”
The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.
(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now: https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalus )
everyone point and laugh
As funny as this is, it's absolutely disgusting that one person, one single human being, can lose the GDP of a reasonably productive country (according to 2 minutes of googling, Greece sits just outside the top 50 in terms of GDP) and still be one of the two or three richest people in the world, with a 12-digit net worth.
Andrew Tate randomly decided to come for Greta Thunberg. Greta replies in what was the biggest burn of the century. Andrew claps back with a video where he is eating pizza. Romanian authorities realize that he is eating pizza from a Romanian pizza chain thus confirming that he was in the country and are able to track down his location. Andrew Tate is then arrested for *allegedly* human trafficking. You cannot make this shit up.
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Let him die.
I don’t owe you anything. Not conversation, not politeness, not my nakedness, not my truth, not my body, not one fucking iota of me.
Let him die. One less person who acts this way running around the planet would be great.
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weirdest side effect of the pandemic is how many people i know who get sick and say 'but my covid tests are negative so i should be fine' like you know other illnesses. exist. right.
need to collect more of these
It wrinkles my brain that Jupiter’s moon Europa has oceans that are sixty miles deep, while Earth’s oceans only reach seven miles deep at most. I’m willing to bet good money that there’s life in Europa’s oceans. Like five bucks. You hear me, NASA? I bet you five bucks that there’s life on Europa… Now that there’s money and reputation on the line, I bet they send a mission there real quick.
I have no idea when this was originally posted, but NASA is working on their Europa mission RIGHT NOW to look for alien life! But get this, they theorize that because of the depth, gravity, and composition of the oceans, any organisms that lived there would be waaay bigger than aquatic life on Earth. So far everything’s going well with regards to their Europa mission so they should have a spacecraft on its way to look for giant sea monsters in space in only a few years. (The planned date is in the early 2020s.)
Looks like my negotiations worked. You’re welcome, humanity.
I’ve never been gripped with such cold terror and pure delight in my LIFE
explaining to an 18th century sailor that we’re looking for sea monsters in space.
The launch date for the Europa Clipper is October 2024.
Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space
absolutely could sell the daylights out of something like that, this feels brilliant to me
This is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen and I saw the Sherlock fandom come up with the Johnlock Conspriacy after season 4.
