Whatever Life Gives

Jessica. 21. Illinois State University. Actuarial Science Major. Normal, IL. Studyblr: study-practice-run-love

[valtsv]

adulthood is just telling yourself “and after i’ve done THAT i can finally relax” with increasing desperation

[madame-halsey]

Little realization: I’m marring my FWB.

He was definitely not supposed to be more than that. I remember us having the, “I don’t want a relationship,” conversation. Neither of us did, we just enjoyed each other’s company. I remember we had been seeing each other for a few months, we were laying in bed laughing about something, and he said, “Oh my god I love you— Wait… No I don’t. I didn’t say that. I actually hate you.” I remember him taking me on a date when we were absolutely not a couple. Nope, we were just friends. He opened the doors for me, held my hand, kissed me in public, took me for a walk on the bridge, but we were just friends. I remember how we would stay up until the early hours of the morning just talking about everything: music, books, movies, SciFi, family, life. We would stay up all night and some nights we would just fall asleep together. I remember being out with my friends and they asked me how things were going and I said, “I can’t believe this… But I think I’m in love with him.” I’m marrying this man. This was not supposed to happen. We were just supposed to be friends and he just went and ruined it by being a perfect match for me. What a jerk. I love him.

[tbfhprincess]

“No, we didn’t drift. You stopped talking to me and that was the end of it.”

— drifting doesn’t hurt like this.

[hssliebe]

“When your tears roll down your pillow like a river, I’ll be there for you”

— There for you - Martin Garrix, Troye Sivan

[deeplifequotes]

“Pay attention to people that care. Who are always there. Who want better for you. They’re your people.”

— Unknown

[i-wrotethisforme]

The worst part about a relationship ending is slowly realizing all the things that don’t matter anymore. For example, all the dates- his birthday, the day you met, your anniversary- that are just ordinary days again. The comfort is gone, the routines and traditions are over, and it makes you sick, but to make it worse- he’s the person you’d normally go to when you feel this uneasy, and you don’t have anyone else that could make it better like he would. And weeks go by and you’re still thinking about the fact that you know all his favorite foods and you don’t know how to fill that space in your brain with something else. You keep mourning the end of you and him, but then you realize that’s not the only thing that died, because there’s also your five year plan and the inside jokes that don’t exist anymore and the kids with your eyes and his hair who won’t ever be born, and then it hurts all over again.

But if you’ve felt this before- or if you feel this right now- that means you’ve been through the exact same thing as I have and so have all the other people reblogging this. And I got through it, over it, past it, happier. Many times. And so will you. Because the things you lose when you lose a person are all replaceable with someone new- new anniversaries, secret places, nicknames, cute jokes, a new list of favorites to remember. And you have no reason to think that the next person who makes you feel like home is going to be less special to you than the one who just left.

[woefulwriting]

My friend told me that the boy she’s talking to has been ignoring her for 17 hours. It made me laugh because she was so precise about the timing but it also brought back flashbacks. The days I’d be anxious and desperate for him to reply. I’d sit and wait and check my phone hundreds of times, only to be met with silence. I’d check if his Snapchat score went higher, wondering who he’s talking to and why he hasn’t replied to me. Am I too boring? Is he with friends and too ashamed to text me in their presence? My mind would race with all these possibilities and I was so naive to the truth: he didn’t like me. It took me half a year to come to the realization. A boy who truly wants you will make it known, don’t settle for anything less.

Things I wish I had known

[dizzydaisythoughts]

the first thing i notice: you’re not mine anymore

the second thing i notice: you never really were.

[ashleymacleanblog]

“your voice still rings in my ears like an overplayed song and on some nights the phone still trembles in my hand but never again will i beg for you to love me.”

— sometimes i really want to

[wordslikerosepetals]

“The hardest part of letting go is understanding that the other person is okay without you.”

- B.M.

[i-wrotethisforme]

The boy I liked in college would always invite me over at night to do homework or play video games or make grilled cheese, it was always something different. And sometimes I’d lay with him while he watched videos for his biology class and play with his hair. And he’d always complain when the videos were long but I was genuinely always so happy when they were, because I just liked being with him. And for the length of those videos it was just me and him with the lights off not even talking at all. But then they’d end and it’d be late and he would call his girlfriend to say goodnight and I would walk home to my apartment downstairs. Because reality is a lot messier than a 20 minute video about cells.

[my-writemind]

“I never liked my name, until I heard the way you say it.”

— My Beauty Comes From Within (You) // c.r.m.

[healerorkiller]

[olearypoetry]

[cozyings]

do you need me or do you need someone?

[healerorkiller]

[i-wrotethisforme]

There are people that will hurt you and there are people that will help you; people that will make you very happy and people that will make you cry; people that will change you for the better and people that will wreck your life. The problem is they all look the same at first.