420 Graze It

illicit dealer of wheat and wheat by-products ~ 25~ FSSWer ~ no minors zone ~aro enby they/he

[star-plasma]

｡･:*˚:✧｡ My latest pokemon card offerings ｡･:*˚:✧｡

My Etsy

[thlayli-rah]

I work at a restaurant and nothing will ever beat the time this woman threw an absolute hissy fit at brunch because we ran out of home fries and all we had were french fries, she yelled at me, she demanded to speak to my manager, and when she’s in the middle of complaining, my manager just stopped her and went “hey do you want a hug?” and this woman went “what?” and my manager was like “you just seem super upset about the shape of these potatoes and I thought maybe you needed a hug” fucking hysterical, I got to watch a human blue screen in real life, absolutely the best way to shame someone for their nonsense I’ve ever seen

[sapphling]

your "harmless" outdoor catgirl just fucking killed and ate my subby birdboy

[lizardsfromspace]

People are fretting about the "sexuality" of people riding bikes naked at pride and as someone who was once at the Farmer's Market with family without realizing it was World Naked Bike Ride day I have to say: who the fuck sees that and gets horny instead of thinking about how awful it'd be if they crashed. I know I'm ace but if you look at a dicks out bicycle rider and think sex thoughts instead of FRETTING for that dick, being CONCERNED about the lack of safety precautions for that dick, thinking with horror about the pavement beneath, I don't know what to say

[rydenxo]

does tumblr know about tim misny??? like has the level of tim misny awareness that exists in northeast ohio broken containment and become known online yet???

[rydenxo]

ok so tim misny is a personal injury lawyer here in ohio.

that’s him. you do not have to remember his face from this image because you’re gonna see it a lot in this post. so mainly i think we all kinda honed in on tim misny because of his slogan

he’s gonna make them pay. he’s gonna get you that money but also it’s a little threatening like he’s gonna fully fuck his legal opponent’s shit up. this sprung tons of local memes. then there were the billboards which were normal at first.

but here’s the thing; we already know what misny does. he makes them pay. so it turns into just saying “you know what i do” which is funny enough if you don’t at all have the context.

but this is not where the absurdity caps out, my friends. no. this is what it has evolved to and they. are. everywhere.

that’s right. no text. just the judging eyes of tim misny, glaring through our skin and into our souls. there is no god. there is no devil. there is just tim misny and he’s gonna make them pay.

[bluestempigeons]

Beau only has two modes

[only-tiktoks]

[thesummoningdark]

#ultimate ally mom: forgot child was trans and gave wrong sex talk (tags from @findafight)

[flagellant]

"I don't like the Jack Harkness test because it means it's okay to fuck Scooby Doo"

yes that's the entire damn point of the Harkness test. The Harkness Test doesn't exist to say you have to fuck Scooby Doo. The Harkness Test exists to say that it is morally/ethically fine for someone to want to fuck Scooby Doo, because Scooby Doo can give informed consent and communicate as such.

the reason you don't like it is because none of you are self-aware enough to realize how incredibly fucking puritan all of you are when it comes to fucking

[sethprotector]

Tumblr being free is humanity's greatest error.

[flagellant]

Then pay me 20$ if you feel so strongly about it

[flagellant]

Tumblr is a free website where I am paid $20

[inthefallofasparrow]

In the town where I grew up, there was a large statue in one of the parks, of a famous historical white colonizer. I'm not going to say who specifically, suffice it to say that it was someone who wasn't worth memorializing for their deeds. And as you can imagine, this statue was a frequent target of vandalism, with paint or toilet paper or eggs on multiple occasions. Now, the local council was generally pretty lax when it came to repairing potholes or other public damage in the town, but every time, 24 hours after this particular statue was hit, the same person would always appear in a Hi-Vis vest, hat, mask and sunglasses, carrying a bucket of water, and wash it clean. They would do it as quickly as possible, but always made sure the face and the name carved at the bottom were generously scrubbed. This only encouraged people to do it again, and so it became a vicious cycle.

Within a year, the statue had sustained so much damage that it was unrecognizable and the lettering unreadable, so eventually the council came and took it down. Also apparently, the person in the Hi-Vis vest didn't even work for the council. They were supposedly just some 'good samaritan' who cleaned it, often before the council even discovered it needed cleaning, so they just let them do it and ignored the problem. They didn't bother putting the statue up again.

Much later, we found out that the anonymous 'samaritan' had been deliberately washing the statue with a bucket of saltwater, which had dramatically corroded it, causing irreversible accumulative damage far worse than spray paint ever would have done. It's even theorized that they were also often the one spray-painting it, just so that they had an excuse to come back after a day to wash it.

[love-to-love-puppies]

A good samaritan indeed

[prokopetz]

Some people say the Legend of Zelda series has too many different ancient sky-dwelling precursor civilisations. I say those people are cowards. The next Zelda game should feature the ruins of an ancient sky-dwelling precursor civilisation whose statues and murals all inexplicably look exactly like Tingle.

[chaser]

[bitternest]

Come on Tumblr, don’t be fucking cowards

Alternatively -  come on nameless intern #102, you have a chance to be the fucking funniest person on staff.

[bitternest]

cowards

[northwest-cryptid]

Time for manual blazing, tumblr can be a coward but they can't stop us.

[teaboot]

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

[xiaq]

Small Town Grocery Store Stories: LGBTQ+ friendly edition

Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store

One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle. 

My student is holding hands with one of his teammates. 

My student: Oh hey, Professor X!

Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: …Hello

My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.

Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!

My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.

Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.

My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can punch them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.

Hand Holding Boy: Always nice to punch a homophobe. And [gesturing to another boy in the group] maybe they’ll think twice about saying something to [other boy’s name] if he ever gets a boyfriend and wants to hold his hand for real. The Gay One, resigned but smiling: I’ve decided it’s sweet and not really fucking weird.

[the-long-gone-souls]

This is what “boys will be boys” is meant to be

[chaoticevilbean]

This is the best thing I’ve seen in a while.

[kuradex]

day 39: jigglypuff

support me on kofi!

[grapefruiters]

masculine looking cishet guy wearing an ”ask me about my pronouns” shirt. when you ask about his pronouns he really excitedly explains to you that they’re he/him.

[mathsbian]

This is what we want when we say cis people should explore their gender too. Get excited about it! Euphoria is awesome! Find what you love about being you and embrace it wholeheartedly!

[spacelazarwolf]

[eyezehuhh]

Street Fighter IV: The Ties That Bind

[genderyomi-deactivated20240903]

having gay sex would have been less gay than this

[juliathefacesofevil]

this is gay sex to me

[mioxenoblade]

"You wearing a collar in public is bad cuz I didn't consent" you wearing a bracelet in public is bad cuz I didn't consent to it.

Yall don't really have a right to consent to other peoples clothes.

[mioxenoblade]

What's next? Boys aren't allowed to wear dresses cuz conservatives don't "consent?" Trans people don't get to wear gender affirming clothes cuz people don't "consent?" Women don't get to wear pants anymore cuz you don't "consent?"

"Wearing a collar is sexual!" OK and? There are people that get off wearing certain clothes, are you going to restrict what men and women are allowed to wear by deciding those clothes are inherently sexual?

You ignore parents abusing their kids in grocery stores, you ignore the homeless people begging for money, you can ignore the gay people in collars and stuff.

[mioxenoblade]

So many people are getting soooo mad at me for things I never said in the post. But, real quick: no, youre not morally correct to assault someone in a collar. No, youre not morally correct to assault someone with a leash. No, youre not morally correct to assault someone in a gimp suit. And, I can't believe I have to say this, considering how it's a disability millions deal with around the world - no, you are not morally correct correct to assault someone you notice has a diaper under their clothes. Your righteous violence it turns out, is just violence, indistinguishable from anyone else's.

On that note, yall are the blogs that joke about being so anxious about telling the cashier you didn't want pickles. Yall ain't "beating" anyone's ass.