gay math nerd🏳️‍⚧️🏴‍☠️

pronouns.page (30yo, USAmerican) also: @eyes-white-as-daisies Mod of @mac-aro-ni incorrectly red in shitigami eyes 💖EGGBUG IS LOVE, EGGBUG IS [dead]🪦 rip cohost

[mathsbian]

Welcome to the bone/pain zone… 🤕🫩😵‍💫

Hi! I’m Fractal/mathsbian and my pronouns are they/them(+). I have been here since at least 2014. I am 30. In case it wasn’t obvious from the skin tone visible in my avatar, I am white.

You can tap the search icon on mobile to see my showcased tags. ℹ️ Before you follow ℹ️. And for anybody under 18 considering a follow... 🖥️Checkout my blog on desktop!🖥️

♾️ I’m autistic and have a special interest in Star Wars media. I’m especially fond of Obi-Wan, Padme, Ahsoka, and the pre-prequel era. And the period between epIII and epIV.

🧠 I have OCD, I will not tolerate anyone, especially anons, moralizing my posting or nitpicking my identity. I also post about autism and neurodivergence more generally.

♿️ I have severe chronic pain and chronic fatigue causing me a lot of brain fog most days. I will often quick-reblog without tagging posts. Sometimes I will go back later and add tags to some of these.

🚫 On a related note, I am unemployed and have no money. Don’t ask me for money, don’t ask me to fundraise for you, when I’ve tried I’ve not been any help and have only ended up getting told I’m directly responsible for children supposedly dying because I literally don’t have even $1 to donate.

🏛️ I’m in the US Southern Border State (Civil War border, not national border)/Upper Bible Belt state of Kentucky. I’m very passionate about hating Mitch McConnell (Sen., R), Rand Paul (Sen., R), and Andy Barr (Rep., R). And also Republicans in general. Ronald Reagan broke the mold and got his own special tag!

📨 I’m more than happy to discuss any part of my identity or neurodivergence in good faith. Be warned: I am not very tolerant of questions about “how I’m even a lesbian” after a lot of harassment over it. Anything else is fair game, though. As long as you’re not obviously being a jerk.

🗂️ I mostly reblog political (US, UK, Canada, and elsewhere), edu-cat-ion-al, generic, and shit-/meme- posts now. I will occasionally reblog fandom stuff, usually: Star Wars • Star Trek • Gravity Falls • Shoujo Kakumei Utena 😍 • Tri-Gun • Doctor Who • Supernatural 😑 • Portal • Person of Interest • Critical Role • Stardew Valley • Twin Peaks • Knights of Guinevere

🪩 I will eventually have blinkies, flashers, and buttons under a cut

🧿 I do not care who is in my notes unless you start causing problems in my inbox/activity feed.

If you are a minor, read this post please

I try to avoid following teens just because I’m almost 30 and very little of any teen’s blog is relevant to me or interesting to me. And I don’t want to accidentally get in an argument with a teenager when I get heated.

My header comes from this image set

Mutuals can ask for my Signal account or the email I have for this Tumblr account (which uses this username and not any of my real name and is purely for online stuff). I check for mutuals by looking for people in my followers list on mobile (difficult and annoying), or on desktop I have XKit Rewritten which labels mutuals on your dash, too!

[genderkoolaid]

"that historical figure COULDN'T have been transmasculine, she clearly identified as a woman!!" women can be transmasc.

"that historical figure COULDN'T have been transfeminine, he clearly identified as a man!!" men can be transfem.

"that historical figure COULDN'T have been nonbinary, he/she clearly identified as a man/woman!!" men and women can be nonbinary.

"transgender" as a term was meant to create solidarity between all kinds of people harmed by cissexism because they deviated from "normal" "appropriate" performances of gender and gender identity. it is frankly kind of heinous that, for sake of making transness palatable to cis people and assimilation-ready, the inherent diversity and anti-categorization of our community was sanded away. there are so many people (dead and living) that we aren't "allowed" to consider part of our community, or who don't feel they are "allowed" to be part of our community, purely because people can't imagine transness is slightly more complicated than Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: Part II

[dovesndecay]

Microaggressions against polyamory in interpersonal interactions are important and should be discussed, but I do wish more of the conversation focused on the ways that systemic amatonormativity impact things like family units, taxes, healthcare, inheritances, housing, childcare, etc.

I'm not dating or married or related to anyone I live with, and our household of four adults can't get any kind of financial or food or housing aid because we count as three separate households despite our semi-blended finances and living together for a decade. There are laws that have been proposed (at least, I don't know if any passed) that limit housing to nuclear families.

Amatonormativity and polyphobia are not just theoretical "people are kinda mean about this sometimes" -- they are real and materially impactful systemic issues, and they affect all of us.

[scramratz]

Masculinity can be queer. Often is.

[narutwitter]

[skeletal-spire-man]

THE LIKE BUTTON IS GAY FOR PRIDE MONTH??????

Edit; you need to reblog the pride tags for it to work on reblogs (On web at least) (for me you do, may be a me problem)

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

One thing I really like about Beverly Engel's book It Wasn't Your Fault, which is about PTSD-induced toxic shame, is that quite a bit of it deals with people who haven't broken The Cycle of Abuse (TM) and have gone on to hurt others. That's a really underserved and vulnerable patient population, and statistically, it's also MASSIVE. I don't think I've read a single other self-help type book on PTSD and self-loathing that confronts the possibility that you're exactly as bad as you think you are.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

I felt better that it so much as mentioned that children can react to abuse with ungovernable rage. Everybody likes the image of PTSD patients as internalizing everything and becoming doormats, which does happen, and often, but it's not the only narrative. Personally I've always hated my abusers and have always wanted everyone who so much as breathed wrong in my direction from ages 0 to 18 to burn eternally in hell. I *never* thought any of it was my fault and ever since I was a toddler I was willing to make it everybody else's problem, and it's really relieving to read a clinical perspective that acknowledges that abuse victims can act that way too.

[reasonablywittyatbest]

It's wild to me that its such a neglected subset of abuse victims. Its really common. When I still lived with my parents and was still subjected to my father every fucking day I would lash out terribly at my mother, to the point when i went to visit them for years afterwards she was afraid I would lash out again. We've worked it out, I'm a much better person when I'm not regularly subjected to mental and emotional abuse, but like, its just so common.

I think it must be, at least partially, because, people hate the imperfect victim. Its easy for so many people to sympathize with someone who never lashed out. Less so for people to sympathize with people who are angry and lash out. Even though its a perfectly sensible reaction to being hurt over and over. I'm sure most people would like to think they would simply never.

I don't think this is the whole reason, but, I think it plays into it.

[sunspotpony]

Similarly, there’s a narrative of, you cannot experience grief over having fucked up. That if you are hurting because you caused harm, because you were the cause of harm, that you’re not allowed to grieve, because you “earned your sorrow. You deserve to bottle it up and to hurt for the bad things you have done,”

Which is punitive logic. It’s copthink. Which is bad.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

important

In fact, you can actually give yourself trauma over fucking up too badly and doing, witnessing, or failing to prevent something evil that goes against your morals; for instance, if you steal your mother's life savings due to drug addiction, kill a civilian during a military operation (please do not join the military), or became abusive because you didn't have the tools and skills yet to handle BPD. In the field of psychology this is called "moral injury" or "perpetrator trauma."

[lastoneout]

Ngl the other thing that sucks is the memory issues on top of it that often make it hard or impossible to know if you hurt others and/or why. It's why the narrative of the perfect victim and the correct response being "it wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong and you didn't deserve it you can forgive yourself uwu <3" makes me so angry. Everyone says this is the ONLY correct way to react to your own abuse, wto accept that you're a poor innocent baby who deserved nothing and hurt no one, but that feels like a lie to me. That doesn't feel like what happened, and I can't move on if I don't find a way to live with what happened and my fractured memories of it and forgive myself for everything I will never know.

And yeah while most people do internalize blame the solution is always presented as "break them down by telling them it wasn't their fault over and over, as many times as needed until they believe it and cry and heal" and if you did that to me I'd fucking hate you and never trust you again. I never find that shit validating, it feel GROSS. But apparently that makes me a bad victim.

Ofc the first time I saw the alternate narrative, the one that resonated with me, which was "okay well maybe you did fuck up and hurt others and it's your fault, you still didn't deserve it and you're allowed to just accept that shit sucked and was messy and confusing and move on, we may never get clean answers that feel good, but we do get to take the next step" it got maligned by everyone and their mom for being an evil, pro abuse stance. Because the character was in part at fault for what happened to them, and apparently suggesting that an abuse victim could ever be at fault or even just feel like they were was bad representation. That the only correct way to conceptualize your abuse is to vehemently deny that you did anything wrong ever and accept that you deserved none of it even if saying that makes you feel like choking on bile and drags you back into your trauma again and again with no reprieve.

Let victims be imperfect, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Especially when it makes you uncomfortable.

You aren't owed our perfection, nor our fucking innocence. I'd rather do the hard work of learning to forgive myself in the face of having done wrong and improve than sit in a happy little fantasy that makes everyone else comfortable and me wanna scream. You don't get to ask that of us.

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[alanaisalive]

Okay, so about a month ago, I decided that a million is too high, especially since I had comments limited for about the first 6 months because it took me that long to figure out how to turn them back on. (I’ve explained that I am very stupid.)

So I posted to my followers that I’d lower the threshold to 700,000 because I love you all and I’m starting to worry about a handful of you.

Anyway, we have passed 700,000 sometime in the last 2 days, which is great news because I already have an appointment with my tattoo artist on Monday. It will probably take more than one session, but I’m hoping to at least have a partially finished version to show off by the deadline in June.

[starlight-shadowbanned]

Even though OP will be getting the tattoo either way, I want to see if we can get this to 750,000 notes (three-quarters or the original goal). We’re currently at 748,929, so we only have 1,071 to go!

[tikkety-tok]

Good news that we deserve 😌

[bagheadautist]

for people who can’t watch the video: THE AMYGDALA CHANGES TRADITIONALLY FOUND IN MOTHERS SHOW UP IN ALL PRIMARY CAREGIVERS REGARDLESS OF SEX

Changes in this part of the brain were previously used to previously used to argue that women are the ideal primary caretakers of children in all cases. And apparently, it’s false. The reason they found these changes in women was that women were already the primary caretaker in almost all cases, not because there’s something inherent to women that makes them better parents.

this is big news for SAHF and single dads!

[legend-of-the-fandoms]

This is also big news for adoptive parents and queer couples! Many people try to argue that adoptive parents aren't real parents because of biology and blah blah blah. Bigots will also argue this case against queer people. So, to all my traditionalists: it's not science! It's bigotry and sexist!

[stele3]

Nurture Changes a Parent's Brain

The first few months of being a parent are a sensitive period.

[dailymanners]

This is why paid parental leave for all parents regardless of gender is so crucial. All parents need and deserve time to bond with their children. When only one parent is given parental leave, that parent is naturally going to have more time to develop a bond to that child than the parent who immediately goes back to work. This will, inevitably, create a lifelong imbalance in who does most, or all, of the childcare. Equal paid parental leave regardless of gender benefits all parents and all children.

[the-semicolonoscopy]

It’s Pride Month Eve, so leave out some milk for Freddie Mercury and his cats.

[the-semicolonoscopy]

Time for the annual Pride Month reblog of Freddie Mercury and his fabulous cats!

[jonzinmybonz]

✊🏽Black men deserve peace.

✊🏾Black men deserve respect.

✊🏿Black men deserve to feel safe.

✊🏽Black men deserve to grow.

✊🏾Black men deserve to thrive.

✊🏿Black men deserve to love.

✊🏽Black men deserve to be themselves.

✊🏾Black men deserve to live their lives.

[frownyalfred]

me, quietly whispering to the ao3 page of an author who doesn’t even know I exist: I am obsessed with you

[newskyillusion]

me, whispering to the ao3 page of an author who hasn’t updated anything in four years: I think about you often and I hope you’re alright

[azrielgreen]

me, whispering to the ao3 page of an author who wrote one life altering banger and nothing else: I hope your pillow is cool and your skin is clear and you find money in a forgotten jeans pocket

[jezebelgoldstone]

me, whispering to every single person on this post: please leave one singular comment saying literally any of that

[queer-as-city-folk]

If anyone has a right to call people out on this, it's fucking Joan Baez, she was at the forefront of activism in the 60s and marched arm in arm with MLK

[queer-as-city-folk]

Swifties are just upset that Joan actually has done something for the oppressed people of the world, unlike a certain popstar

[queer-as-city-folk]

She placed the dignity of oppressed people over her career and was punished for it, she has every right to criticize people for not doing the same

[queer-as-city-folk]

Come back to me when Taylor Swift goes to Tehran to protest the American War Machine or when she attends an anti genocide march in DC

[pynapplepyro]

Taylor Swift is a billionaire with 2 private jets that she flies simultaneously.

She has publically dated a neonazi and white supremacist and refused to comment on her politics when asked.

Shes not hard to read.

[samcormac]

what’s the rush?

[apolladay]

If you’re someone who believes that people are capable of changing, do you believe that you yourself changed over the course of your life?

Yes, I believe that people can change, and I believe that I myself have

No, I do believe that people can change, but I don’t believe that I myself have

I don’t believe this

(Just to be clear, I’m not trying to have a “gotcha” moment or do anything mean-spirited towards people who have a different worldview to my own, I’m just wondering how much personal experience impacts this particular belief.)

If you’re someone who believes that people are capable of changing, do you believe that you yourself changed over the course of your life?

Yes, I believe that people can change, and I believe that I myself have

No, I do believe that people can change, but I don’t believe that I myself have

I don’t believe this

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

(Just to be clear, I’m not trying to have a “gotcha” moment or do anything mean-spirited towards people who have a different worldview to my own, I’m just wondering how much personal experience impacts this particular belief.)

[plantpupper]

[synt-dn]

Holy shit. Did I just see a piece of art on the #sexism tag that actually promotes actual equality?

[shijounosora-deactivated2020111]

[d00egred-deactivated20221106]

This poster was in my 10th grade history teacher’s room.

[partywithponies]

Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???

[urlocalpyshcopan]

as a black gay person real like where y'all be finding this stuff pass the name

[brainsforbabyjesus]

for real though, those DO NOT WATCH OR YOU'LL CORRUPT YOUR CHILDREN lists put out by conservative christian family groups is where I find all the stellar tv shows. Like, shit I didn't know half of those existed, thanks for finding them for me, gonna go watch 30 hours of gay tv now!

[infamousbrad]

I think I know how this works.

For personal context, before I went to the '98 Burning Man festival, one of the things I'd read from a couple different journalists was that "everybody" runs around naked. Which, fine by me, I'd already spent a lot of time in clothing-optional spaces, I'm not fanatic about it but it's nice.

So I got there early and set up a public shade structure on one of Black Rock City's main roads and spent most of each afternoon just watching the crowds go by. I don't remember seeing more than one actually naked person the whole week. I think a topless woman passed by my intersection maybe every half an hour, sometimes once an hour. So why in the hell were people, normally pretty smart and observant writers, coming away with the impression that everybody was naked?

Then I remembered an unrelated passage from Joel Garreau's great book about the history of the outer-ring suburbs, Edge City. Mall developers told him flat-out that they tried to keep the crowds in their malls less than 5% black. Not because they themselves were racist, but because they had determined, experimentally, that if more than 5% of the people in the mall are black, the median white shopper will wrongly describe the mall as at least half black, as mostly black. And not a few of them would describe it, at 6% black, as a mall where "only black people go." Why?

Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.

Same as the journalists describing Black Rock City as all naked. Same as the right-wing religious culture warriors describing television as entirely mixed-race and gender non-conforming. Not because it's even vaguely true, we know that, but because they haven't gotten over their discomfort over the last one by the time the next one comes along. The anger, not the stimulus, is the part that's continuous, so their mind lies to them that it's "all" the thing they can't get over.

[kagedtiger]

Similar effect for the presence/proportion of women in things, by the way: https://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/how-17-equals-496-the-amazing-multiplying-women.htm