Never Enough

So yea, just a college kid with a messy past that's still recorded here.

[wheatthin1]

Am I still alone? Am I still depressed? (2013)

[wheatthin1]

Want to save parts of your blog?

https://filthy.media/how-to-download-all-your-nsfw-posts-before-tumblr-removes-them

Your content doesn’t have to be NSFW to save it elsewhere before deleting!!  The same apps and tools work regardless.  Best of luck...

[staff]

A better, more positive Tumblr

Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.

Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).  

Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.

So what is changing?

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.

Why are we doing this?

It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.

So what’s next?

Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.

Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.

Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.

Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.

Jeff D’Onofrio CEO

[wheatthin1]

I’m jumping ship.  There are lots of memories here, but it seems someone who likes fanart, funny posts, and a private blog is no longer welcome.  The vast, overwhelming majority of my posts are SFW, but this still dicks me over.  There are great artists who happen to enjoy making nsfw content, and this platform is slated to die for them.  Them, and anyone who posts pictures, because this algorithm can’t tell the difference.  I’m all for deleting porn bots and battling child pornography until my dying breath, but this attempt failed - miserably. There’s a lot of reasons I kept coming back.  Tumblr changed my life for the better.  But... seems it’s time to permanently delete all my blogs here. TO ANY FOLLOWERS WHO KNOW: What cite are we going to instead?  Please message me with ANY ideas...

[justavpdthings]

I once said to my therapist after a particularly hard week, “I wish I could just fix all of my problems and move on to live a normal life” And he looked at me and said, “There is no finish line”.

Those words felt like a stab in my heart, but they were words that I desperately needed to hear. There is no finish line to my problems. It’s not possible to get through a certain point in life and have my problems simply disappear. And it’s unhealthy to think that way. Up to that point in my life, that’s what I though recovery was. I thought it was like working your way forward until it seems like your problems never existed in the first place.

The finish line does not exist. Instead, everyone has a capacity for recovery. You may never completely rid yourself of whatever causes you pain, but you will move miles from where you started. Don’t set your expectations too high and create that theoretical finish line in your life, or you will only end up chasing it. Instead, focus on your own capacity for recovery, and be proud of yourself for every step you take.

[justavpdthings]

Just saw Eighth Grade and reblogging the heck out of this bc wow it gets so much better if you just take it one step at a time

[mintedwitcher]

Okay but I cant help but hear “there is no finish line” and immediately respond with “then why am i running the race?” What is the point*? Where is the benefit of putting in the effort if its not going to ever end? If i am always going to battle I would rather just give up the fight.

*(Im not saying recovery is bad or whatever ppl wanna reach for, this is my personal view)

[dalniente]

That’s the thing, though: it’s not a race. It’s a garden.

No matter what your garden looks like in the beginning, you have to weed it before it can grow into what you want it to be. And when your flowers are planted and growing, you still have to keep up with the weeding. You have to keep up with the weeding even after your flowers are tall. A garden can’t survive on its own. There will always be weeds.

But there will be flowers, too, if you give them space to grow. Give them room, give them time, and keep checking in to make sure the weeds don’t get too tall. You will always have weeds, but you will also have flowers.

And maybe your garden doesn’t look exactly like you imagined it would. Maybe you aren’t sure how to get rid of that one big thistle in the corner. Maybe you’ve got bindweed and nutgrass (which will always, always come back). Either way, you’ve got flowers now, and it’s a nice place to sit and look around, and it looks nicer than it did before, and it’s yours. Keep going with it. If you miss a few days, or months, or years, that’s okay. Pull up the weeds when you’re ready, uncover your old flowers and plant some new ones, and keep going.

Gardening is a process, not a project or a problem that can be solved. The same is true for your mental health. Weeds will grow, but you’ll get better and better at pulling them, and you’ll grow flowers, too.

[silkirose]

:/

[silkirose]

:0

[silkirose]

:)

[rosetherandomreblogger]

I support this artist

[h2ojones]

Yeah hi this is the only Halloween post I LOVE this early. Send me this in June idc. I love this. I wanna share my birthday with this forever.

[wheatthin1]

Always support artists.  <3

[wheatthin1]

I need more hugs and human contact in general.

[maggie-stiefvater-deactivated20]

Hey Maggie! This is maybe a bit of a difficult question, at least to ask, but do you have any advice for handling chronic pain in a general since? I have both mental and physical chronic pain and some days it’s just... hard to be a creator, or to have enough spoons because of one thing or another. How do you fight it? Thanks! Annie

Dear oquinn53,

It’s hard to describe to non-creators how difficult it is to be abstract when you’re in pain, or when you’re exhausted, or when illness or drugs or mental illness has washed you up on a strange chemical shore. All art requires an element of abstraction, of big picture thinking, because art at its heart is simply the act of imposing artificial structure upon the world. With writing, you don’t even have the concrete sensory anchor of paint or clay or bricks. You have only words, in themselves already art, some past human’s clumsy attempt to translate a concept to a vocalization. 

When you’re an animal under duress, the big picture feels very unimportant. 

I’ve talked a little bit about my health struggles over the past 18 or so months, the implosion of my immune system, the shrinking diet, the fatigue, the failure of my adrenals, the discovery that hookworms were living in my fucking face. It was all pretty impossible. The part that made it the most impossible? The brain fog. Brain fog’s pretty common with all sorts of inflammation, and before I figured out that a huge part of my problem was that I had face-friends, I was pretty much always locked in brain fog. Some days it was just confusion. Light inability to finish sentences predicted from 3-6 pm, bring an umbrella. Other days, I couldn’t remember my home address.

The problem was I had a book due. So I threw myself against it, because that’s how I had always approached life. Screw you, brain fog, illness, allergic reaction, I’m just going to push through. 

I would get up every morning and begin working on ALL THE CROOKED SAINTS. One labored word after another. I would sit at the computer for 12 hours to accomplish a paragraph. The next day, if the fog had cleared a little, I would ditch all of the repeated words and the sentences that led to nothing. Most days that was everything. Some days I got to keep a few sentences. On good days, I tried to use my brain to solve big picture problems and get enough of it down that my fogged brain the next day wouldn’t mess it up too much. Then I would get up the next day and I would do all this again. 12 hours. 1 paragraph. I would do it again the next day. The next day. 

I used to write rough drafts in four months in four hours of writing every other day. With Saints, I wrote for 12 hours a day for an entire year. Quite literally I did nothing else — everything else fell apart and away. I muscled through. If I couldn’t understand words, I sat there and I typed nonsense until I could. I read it aloud until the words sounded familiar. I leaned heavily on every beta reader and critique partner — tell me when I start to make a book, friends, please, tell me when I’ve gotten into the weeds. Finally I managed to turn it in. 

People say that book doesn’t sound quite like my others — no, it wouldn’t. I fought wars for that book. They say it sounds more precise, more poetic, more deliberate. Yes, it would. Every word was stolen, snatched, cobbled, carefully assembled. I can reread any of my other books, but not that one. I open it to a random page and I can only remember the weeks it took to accomplish each of them.

I’m telling you all this because I was wrong. 

Back in early spring of this year, after I’d gotten the hookworms out of my face but while I was still dealing very intensely with all the physical damage left behind, a very wise woman gave me a piece of advice. She told me to start a journal. In the morning, she said, write down the percentage that I felt I was that day. 20% Maggie. 90% Maggie. Then I should write down what I accomplished that day. 

I thought at this point she was going to tell me to admire how much I’d gotten done each day despite being ill. I didn’t want that;  I didn’t need a pep talk. I needed my brain. 

But that wasn’t what she said. She told me: write down what you’ve managed to do on a 20% day, what you’ve managed to do on a 40% day. Eventually you’ll have a guide so when you wake up and you’re at 20%, you won’t try to do the things you do on a 40% day. You’ll know you can just go watch a movie or sit with your goats or whatever and not feel guilty, because you were never going to write words you could keep or be able to exercise or whatever. 

And that was the right way. 

It meant I no longer labored for 12 hours each day, doing nothing but trying to smash my way through a draft. Instead I slowly began to write bits and bobs in on my good days. A funny thing happened then: once I was not spending every second forcing myself to do things I couldn’t, I found I had enough energy to actually start to work on myself. To look for patterns in my good and bad days. To research healthcare providers and new studies on what was wrong with me still. Slowly I found I was able to chain more of the 60% days together, then 80% days. Slowly I began to realize that although it was taking months, I was improving overall.  

I threw out every labored word I had written on my current book and I began again with ferocious and structured joy. It took me only a few weeks to completely regain the wordcount of that draft I forced, only this book was free and easy and ridiculous and batshit and I loved it. 

I still have 20% days. Really, seriously, don’t let hookworms in your face, especially if you already have an underlying condition. I don’t know when I’ll actually be completely better. But I do know that on those 20% days, I don’t have to make things. It’s ok. I can spend those days enjoying whatever I can. Consuming art instead of making it. That’s enough. That’s right.

I’m very proud of Saints, both how it turned out and what it took from me. But I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. There’s a better way.

Good luck,

urs,

Stiefvater 

[feministism]

[twistedrunes]

I remember years ago listening to a doctor speak on the radio and something stuck with me ever since. I’m paraphrasing but the gist was this:

When someone who has been sad, distant, not themselves for a while suddenly starts going out of there way to see people, often giving them gifts or possessions don’t assume they got ‘better’. This is the time to really ask them if they are okay; to reach out and not simply accept the answer of ‘fine’ or ‘great’ or ‘never better’. Because for some people the relief of having made the decision to end their life can make them happy, euphoric even. 

He pointed out that often this change in the person is such a relief to their friends and family after having seeing someone they love suffer, they just don’t realise what has caused the change and frankly they don’t want to ‘rock the boat’ because they are just so happy to have the person they love ‘back’. But in reality, the person they love is saying goodbye. 

During the interview, he told the story of a colleague (back when he had a factory job before he became a doctor) who had been depressed for a long time. One day he came in and was really happy, people kept commenting on how good it was that he wasn’t sad and grumpy anymore. He gave people some of his things, took people to lunch. Went home and killed himself. 

He explained that when the police came to talk to people, they told him it was a common story they heard “but they were so much better.” 

So be there for your friends and family. Tell them what they mean to you. Let them talk to you without fear of judgement. LISTEN. Suggest people get help if you think they need it. 

Finally, let me add: The world will not be better off without you in it. You matter. You will be missed. Please don’t harm, hurt or kill yourself. 

[wheatthin1]

Rough day.  Part of me says I don’t get to say things like that.

I’m feeling lonely - wanting to cuddle some guy, any guy - feeling distant from my friends I try to talk to - feeling distant from all the friends I could try and talk to but haven’t.  I mean, I’ve done it before, gone down the list of contacts starting with best friends.  But after the first four or so people say they’re busy or just don’t respond, I get to thinking about how everyone else has a life and then there’s me.  I don’t have a life and I don’t fit into anybody else’s - not in any important or frequent way.  Sure, I’ll make an appearance as some background character and it’ll be good fun until I’m alone with my own thoughts again.

I finished TMS five days ago (transcranial magnetic stimulation, for anyone who hasn’t heard of it - a depression and anxiety treatment).  I won’t know for sure how much it worked for another month or two.  Everyone’s confident it’ll work, so I can’t sabotage that.  All my eggs are in this basket; it they break, I’ll just get new eggs.

It fees like I’m not doing enough - never doing enough.  I know full well that’s just anxiety talking.  I can list half a page or more of things I do every single day to contribute to my physical and mental well-being - to my recovery.  Still, any off-handed comment from any rando with zero context or applicable medical knowledge can stick with me for months.  I’m still plagued by shit a sleep doctor told me about my anxiety - she’s a fucking pulmonologist, she deals with respiration not mental health.  That was literal years ago, now.  So, all I can tell myself is I’m not doing enough. I’m just distracting myself, day in, day out.  I don’t enjoy much of anything, bar a fleeting laugh or show that lets me escape from my anhedonia if only for a few seconds at a time, usually with some music that’s tied to an expected payoff, not even a real payoff sometimes.

I’m pathetic and rambling and I’m tunneled into my counselor’s words that I need to do something that isn’t an idea that’s surrounded by something that’s not my head.  I need to occupy myself with something real...  Instead, I yell at myself for not having done that already.  It doesn’t achieve anything, but here I am, stuck in the same cycle of self-sabotage.

Fuck.  It’s all I can say sometimes: fuck.  FUCK.  GOD FUCKING DAMN ME AND THIS SHITTY CLUSTERFUCK OF SYNAPSES I’VE CARVED OUT.  My brain is just this spaghetti code of shock collars turned up to 100 and it’s all my fault that I’m like this.  It’s my fault for staying in these cycles.  It’s my fault because I’m not doing enough and I’m not doing the right things and I’m just not right.  There’s nobody else to pin it on.  Maybe anxiety has it right: “If it’s biology’s fault, then it’s really my fault.”  Sure, there’s all this concrete data that my brain isn’t functioning correctly, and I de-rationalize it by saying I made it that way, then I can’t refute myself.  And I cycle and I cycle over and over again. FUCK.

FUCK.

I’m frustrated.  All the time.  It’s always there, no matter what I’m doing or how I’m feeling, there’s this background of frustration to everything.  Perhaps if my head were a clear glass, you’d see about 92% filled with clay frustration, leaving that tiny fraction to put anything else in.  Then some days, I just put in some liquid frustration - you know, for good measure.  Just in case I didn’t already want to rip my skull in half.

Perhaps I should read back on this and see the self-narrative I’ve lined up.  I’d probably find I set myself up for failure.  You know, like I am literally right now.  Then I’d probably say, oh, I’m doing that, but I already knew that.  So how in the ever-living fuck am I supposed to do something about it?  Fukkin’ escape the matrix from the inside using only a mirror?  Been there, been trying that.  Still fucking trying.  Self-narrative: that’s all I think I can do, is keep trying.  I’m probably doing it wrong.

To someone healed, I suppose this might be frustrating, hearing this.  Nobody will hear this, but still.  To someone who’s come out the other side of this endless tunnel, it must look obvious.  Perhaps not easy in the least, but obvious what I need to be doing to escape - to fix myself - to recover.  Then again, they could tell me and it may not even work.  That’s the thing about epiphanies: they’re unique to each person, so you can’t just go chasing someone else’s.  I hate that, sometimes.  I think, “if I’m not unique in the least and, who knows, millions upon millions of people have already gone though these exact things... why the fuck does it have to be a different way each fucking time?”  They’re the same problems, yet the same solution doesn’t work, not unless it’s too general to be goddamn useful.

Fuck.  I’m tired.  I’m tired and I can’t even sleep if I tried.  I’m frustrated.  I’m bored.  And I just don’t have it in me anymore to text back the friend who finally replied.  Or maybe I’m just telling myself that. I’ll humor the conversation I started.  I’d get too anxious if I didn’t.  So, I guess that’s it for now, typing words nobody will ever hear. Here you go, Void.

[dicennio]

Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer “Nothing.” The thought went through my mind that it didn’t make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.

Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human (via fictionspulp)

[rabbitloser]

Things that are NOT selfish:

Self-care is NOT selfish.

Putting yourself first is NOT selfish.

Doing what makes you happy even though someone does not approve it is NOT selfish.

Respecting your own time is NOT selfish.

Ending a toxic relationship is NOT selfish.

Saying “no” is NOT selfish.

Having some time for yourself is NOT selfish.

Not being able to help someone is NOT selfish.

Spending money on yourself is NOT selfish.

Setting boundaries is NOT selfish.

You are NOT selfish for doing what’s best for you. It’s actually a healthy thing to do. You are amazing and doing good things for yourself will never be something bad.

[merrybitchmas91-deactivated2019]

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

[lovelyplot]

This would’ve been great an hour ago

[elliesgaymachete]

If your anxiety includes rapid heartbeat for no reason then it may help to exercise! It helps for me because I’m focused on whatever moves I’m doing and breathing, and it gives my heart rate a reason to be that high so that I can start the slow cooking down process and (hopefully) bring that heart rate down with it. Look up a quick cardio workout on YouTube or something and just do it in your room!

[systlin]

This is so, SO true. 

All ‘doing something relaxing’ ever did for me was give my brain MORE free time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. 

[kipplekipple]

Drawing and making stuff does occupy my mind so I mean YMMV

[inkskinned]

When you write the rules in violence, don’t be surprised when the gentle respond in kind.

[istayinthedark]

What the fuck is this even supposed to mean

[inkskinned]

thank you for asking. it is a direct response to the right-wing movement’s “keep the peace” rhetoric that suffices every page of “minion memes are funny” facebook. it is a direct response to the incredibly, incredibly ignorant demand that those who are being oppressed simply deal with it. 

black people are being shot for being black by a militant police. millions of dollars pour into arming individuals who report domestic violence rates of two to four times larger than the general population. when black children are arrested for attending pool parties, the police officers are given the benefit of the doubt because “blue lives matter.” black children are not given any benefit. they are told to sit down and shut up and be un-violent, with the promise that if they are a peaceful people, they’ll be slaughtered someplace less public. when a man kneels, this is seen as offensive and degenerate. but police officers committing felonies is “just how it is.”

school children are being killed because individuals love a tool more than they love the incoming generation. despite the fact we know, as an open fact, that the NRA buys politicians, we are told to sit on our hands and just buy a gun if we don’t feel safe around them. the american schooling system is entirely built to be classist and currently forces college grads who didn’t die into a system of debt that ensures little to no upwards mobility for many students, ensuring the creation of a lower class that is indebted to the higher class. students are assured that Miss betsy deVil has their best interests at heart while she absolutely annihilates every chance they’ve got. 

women speaking out about sexual assault get silenced so much that it takes forty women saying “yes, he does this, it happened to me” before someone is actually charged with assault. we literally live in a world where “incel” is a real thing women have to watch out for; a community set around the idea that men are owed a woman as a reward. these men and other men kill women for rejecting them. women are assured if they stop dressing like sluts and started giving these good honest men a chance, we would be hurt so much more delicately, without the man feeling nearly so close to guilty.

two years ago was the pulse shooting, where a latinx gay community was targeted, yet nobody talked about it on tv. instead every news caster pretended to be reeling: “what could he have wanted possibly.” this world, this america, this land-of-the-free, has gay/trans “panic defense” as a legal precedent in which i can be murdered if a straight person perceives an “unwanted homosexual advance”. i will not be around to defend myself, because i will be dead. i am assured that if i want to be upset about these things, i can just take my cake to another bakery. that it’s someone’s right to discriminate against me, because apparently freedom of speech covers bigotry.

a pedophile and white nationalist is not in prison but instead running for congress, even despite his online admittances about his desire for sexual violence (tw: don’t read his posts unless you want to vomit). i’m assured no one will vote for him, but just look at who our president is. they told me “no one will vote for him” too.

we have been told backwards and forwards and upside down that everything we do is violent. that our peaceful protests are riots. that our legal demands are taking away from real problems. that we are not being good, that the violence enacted upon us isn’t really violence, it’s just The Way It Is. They quote MLK to us while they step on our necks. the anger we have is always too much, too loud, too valid. it Upsets The Peace.

i’m saying: you made the game. you set it up and played. you made sure we were always, always, always losing.

you don’t get to be surprised when we return what you gave us. you don’t get to cry “hate begets hate” instead of stopping the original bigotry in the first place. you don’t get to say it’s not fair! when you’re the ones who made it unfair to begin with. you don’t get to turn the other cheek to nazis but call anti-nazis a disgrace while whining and keening you’re not actually a racist. you don’t get to ban abortion for the “sake of the children” and then turn your nose because people are protesting children in cages. you don’t get to wring your hands now that people are punching nazis rather than sitting them down and letting them have a say. i’m saying you made the fucking rules!!

we just figured out how to play.

[capslockapocalypse]

important,

[theunitofcaring]

load-bearing

Sometimes people hit a place in their life where things are going really well. They like their job and are able to be productive at it; they have energy after work to pursue the relationships and activities they enjoy; they’re taking good care of themselves and rarely get sick or have flareups of their chronic health problems; stuff is basically working out. Then a small thing about their routine changes and suddenly they’re barely keeping their head above water.

(This happens to me all the time; it’s approximately my dominant experience of working full-time.)

I think one thing that’s going on here is that there are a bunch of small parts of our daily routine which are doing really important work for our wellbeing. Our commute involves a ten-minute walk along the waterfront and the walking and fresh air are great for our wellbeing (or, alternately, our commute involves no walking and this makes it way more frictionless because walking sucks for us). Our water heater is really good and so we can take half-hour hot showers, which are a critical part of our decompression/recovery time. We sit with our back to the wall so we don’t have to worry about looking productive at work as long as the work all gets done. The store down the street is open really late so late runs for groceries are possible. Our roommate is a chef and so the kitchen is always clean and well-stocked.

It’s useful to think of these things as load-bearing. They’re not just nice - they’re part of your mental architecture, they’re part of what you’re using to thrive. And when they change, life can abruptly get much harder or sometimes just collapse on you entirely. And this is usually unexpected, because it’s hard to notice which parts of your environment and routine are load bearing. I often only notice in hindsight. “Oh,” I say to myself after months of fatigue, “having my own private space was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a scary drop in weight, “being able to keep nutrition shakes next to my bed and drink them in bed was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a sudden struggle to maintain my work productivity, “a quiet corner with my back to the wall was load-bearing.”

When you know what’s important to you, you can fight for it, or at least be equipped to notice right away if it goes and some of your ability to thrive goes with it. When you don’t, or when you’re thinking of all these things as ‘nice things about my life’ rather than ‘load-bearing bits of my flourishing as a person’, you’re not likely to notice the strain created when they vanish until you’re really, really hurting. 

[think-critically]

IMPORTANT! The EU is About to Destroy The Internet #DeleteArt13

Sources: http://ow.ly/HsGP10168R5

Sign the Petition: https://saveyourinternet.eu/

EDRI Article: http://ow.ly/VEpH101689Z Techdirt article: http://ow.ly/gs9b101689X

[zjedzgoffra]

Hope this will spread as much as save net neutrality posts

it’s way worse than that law actually, in US they “just” wanted your money, here the EU goverment wants to take our freedom without even giving a choice

[roskii]

SPREAD THIS

[ar-ameth]

I’m just speechless. Dudes, this is wayyyy worse then The Net Neutrality bullshit in the US. Spread this like a wildfire! I don’t wanna lose everything I have thanks to this law!

[ask-v3-students-blog]

Oh my gosh why am I only hearing about this now? Please everyone, spread this! Most of the time we talk about problems that are happening in the US but this time it’s in the EU and we need to stand against it!!

Please help if you can it’s going to make so much damage!  Just for an example, both of my blogs will disappear if it isn’t stopped, ao3 will also disappear for european countries just like every website like these ones.

So please, help!!

[fredrickthepig]

@helly-watermelonsmellinfellon, hey I know you have a lot of followers and if you could signal boost this that would be amazing.

[laron1a]

@lucycamui @victorsporosya @summersteve @iruutciv @crimson-chains @abarero @kazliin @natsubutart @justrae2010 @ebenroot @omgkatsudonplease @emmylynna @ars-matron @dreaming-fireflies @forovnix

I know you all have tons of followers, please help spread this! 

[crimson-chains]

what the literal fuck??? MADNESS

[skinoutqueen]

Here’s some hard to swallow pills that’ll probably make people upset but is 100% the truth and idc.

You do not have to stay in a relationship with a mentally ill person if it becomes too much for you to handle. You are not their saviour, that’s not your responsibility to save them.

Any person who uses their mental instability to control you staying is a shitty person. IE “if you leave me I swear to god I’ll kill myself”, still not your responsibility, LEAVE.

[yellowxperil-deactivated2026012]

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

it’s a f***ing trap

[bombchelle]

F***ing hate dudes forreal.

[poltxsexkitten]

too many f***ing times ugh

[potamideriver]

Story time. One day I was on the MAX (basically a giant street car that goes all over the metro area) on my way to meet up with a few friends. I didn’t look at anyone, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just stood to the side on my phone making sure I wasn’t going to be late to my meeting. Out of no where, this guy comes up to me and starts to chat me up. Me, being who I am, am absolutely terrified to tell this guy to f*** off. He was at least half a foot taller than me, and was way too bulky for me to fight back. So I suck it up at humor him, say hello. Before introducing himself or asking me for my name, he asks me out on a date. Not wanting to piss him off I try to make light of the situation and I laugh, telling him that my boyfriend wouldn’t like the idea, but thank you for the offer. He just shrugs and says, “He doesn’t need to know.” At this point I’m scared out of my mind. There’s this guy who, after seeing me run two blocks to catch the train, comes up to me and has made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t going to leave without getting something out of me. I deny him a second time, saying, “I don’t even know you’re name. We’re strangers, I don’t know you.” He finally introduces himself and asks me for my phone number. I tell him I don’t give my number out to people I’ve just met and he says, “Fine, but at least take mine so we can meet up later.” So he watches me plug his number into my phone (which I deleted as soon as I knew I was safe and away from him) as we’re pulling up to my stop. I tell him I need to leave and switch trains and he tells me, “Oh, I’ll wait with you. I don’t have any plans, so I’m in no rush.” It’s important to note what at this point he had previously told me that he was late to a job interview, but he has all the time in the world because he still hasn’t gotten what he wanted from me; a yes. I get off of the train and he follows me, and waits at the platform with me for over ten minutes until my train arrives, asking me all sorts of personal questions about where I live and where I was going that day. As soon as the train pulls up he grabs for me and says, “Do I at least get a hug before you go?” I was terrified. I was embarrassed. This dude, who before even asking me for my name asks me out on a date and then continues to harass me after I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks me for a hug only fifteen minutes after meeting. People around us were staring at me, as if I was being rude for denying him, and every inch of me was mortified. I wanted to run, but I felt like if I had done that he would have chased after me and things would have gotten worse. So I did, and he squeezed me so tight I felt like I was going to burst. It took me a good ten seconds to get him to let go and I ran to the train car just as the doors were closing. He was trying to get me to miss my train so I would have to wait with him even longer. I would have been stuck there for over a half an hour until the next train came by, and the platform (aside from the few buses coming by) was now COMPLETELY EMPTY. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he knew EXACTLY how to get me alone with him. People, if you are in a situation like this do not feel obligated to give in. If someone is making you uncomfortable and asks to touch you in any way, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YES. Make excuses, be blunt, just straight up say ‘no’. If possible, go to someone else near by who you think can help you and ask them to help you. It’s important for guys to learn that they can’t get what they want just by asking over and over again. I got lucky. But not everyone does. Please, everyone, Be Safe.

[d-o-llf-a-ce]

SECOND STORY TIME

So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.

Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?” 

This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that. 

AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-

“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.

So this is the second lesson for yall. If you can not have the courage to say no or make an excuse, cry. Let out those sobs and tears and cry your heart out. Because it is going to make people notice and make people aware.

[cosmic-noir]

Reblogging for that second story. This might save a life.

[grumpybeardruid-archive-deactiv]

I just wanna note that bus drivers can be really amazing and good ones do look out for their riders.

[han-syolo-shot-first]

Also, as an additional tip (in case you cannot cry on command or such), you can say, “No, because you’re creepy/creeping me out” and if he persists or tries to laugh it off, say “I do not want to be touched” and look at one of the strangers/persons that is watching.

It: 1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help. 2. Contains words so that if you’re in a public place but people aren’t necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some people’s attention. 3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.

Hopes this also helps, guys, and I’m so sad that this has to even be a post we need.

[oxfordcommaforever]

Dudes who follow me: 1) reblog this 2) don’t be the creepy guy who asks random women for hugs 3) be aware of your friends or random creepy dudes and call them out if they act gross towards girls/womem

[midoriko-sama]

Ok, I wasn’t going to comment about this, because there was no way of doing it without talking about a part of my life I really didn’t want to. But fuck that, there be young girls out there who need a hand.

So I used to be hot when I was young. I mean, model hot, because I actually used to model. Even now, I’ve let myself go on purpose because I was tired of the harassment. But I fit a UK size 6 with a pert ass from volleyball and a cup c breast. As you can imagine, I couldn’t wear anything or go ANYWHERE without being harassed. I sometimes even happened in church.

Anyway, I’m not a shrinking lily, and when I get angry enough I can do some crazy shit. So here are some of my coping mechanisms:

1) find a matronly looking lady, run up to her with ‘aunt may! I haven’t seen you in ages! ’ then whisper ‘please help he’s harassing me!’. 99.9 times out of 100, she will be scandalised and help you anyway even if she’s annoyed or in a hurry. If no older lady is available, find a younger one, or a nun, or a trans lady. We of the sisterhood know what it is to be harnessed, and I guarantee if you look frightened enough, they will help.

2) If you are out alone at night, and someone is following you, spot a house or apartment where the lights are on and knock, asking ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ or ‘john’ to let you in. Even if the people inside are annoyed, odds are they won’t turn you away, and you can phone someone to pick you up, or phone the police from a safe space

3) Make noise. Cry and scream loudly, call them out ‘i don’t know you and you are terrifying me! Please get away from me!’ if there are people around. Even if they don’t help directly for fear of their own safety, someone around you is calling security or 911.

4) speak a foreign language. If you know it, speak the language to them fast and incessantly, like you have just met someone you knew and you’re just giving the best performance rant of why your OTP is the best OTP. Make yourself ANNOYING. Think about what would be awkward and annoying to you and make it what you do to them. If you make them think YOU are something to get away from they will leave you in peace.

Now beware, the following ones are the CRAZY ones and may not always work. But they are a valid last resort:

5) stare at them. Stare at them like you’re hungry and they are a hapless deer you’re going to tear to pieces. Like yours the girl from the ring emerging from the TV to kill them. Don’t smile, don’t change your expression. DON’T BLINK. Hold their state like you’re Wednesday Adams about to do unspeakable things to a spider, and they are the spider. Even the most courageous of stalkers balk at this, but if they don’t…

6) Use the Hannibal Lector. After staring at them for and extended period of time (imagine all the things that have made you scared, imagine you could get revenge on them for putting you here, that’s the thought you need to have), if they are getting closer to you, whisper something like ‘i would fry your liver in garlic’. Even the hardiest ones will be taken aback, but keep it up while making sure you don’t let the others hear you. Things like, occult star readings requiring blood, wondering whether he is the offering the spirits sent. If you’re on this site you’ve read some weird shit at least once. Tell him that. Tell him you would like him to meet your lord, Vlad the Impaler, who requires much blood to be appeased. Be a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ like they see in the movies. Believe it or not, this has worked for me twice.

Above all, banish the notion that you have to be polite.

They were impolite by approaching you. If you can, ignore them. If you are not alone, pointedly put headphones in your ear, and don’t make eye contact, wait for them to realise that ‘youre a bitch anyway’ and move away. If you are alone, evade and find places and ways to fix that as soon as POSSIBLE.

And if all else fails, summon Satan.

[prismatic-bell]

Something I have learned at work:

Never underestimate the power of a good “EXCUSE me????”

Legit. It makes people STOP IN THEIR TRACKS. This is the one I whip out when people start swearing at me over the headset and always, without fail, they stop what they’re saying, shocked.

Go for offended, and go for loud. Not yelling loud, but giving-your-best-presentation loud. “EXCUSE me??? You approached me two minutes ago, I don’t even know your name, and you want WHAT? Creep.”

For one, the presentation will shock them. For another, that indignant tone? EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS GOING TO WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS JUICY SHIT.

Now the second key here is, DON’T LET HIM JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). He smiles and goes “I just wanted–” FUCKING INTERRUPT HIM. Firmly. Irritably. “I heard what you wanted, and I’ve already declined once. Maybe you should go back to kindergarten where they teach you no means no.” Run right over the fucker. He’s not respecting your words, you don’t need to respect his.

A further note: if you’re an iPhone user, you can use Siri to call 911. (I know Android has a similar function, but I don’t know what it is–play with your AI and find out.) If you’re in a secluded area, this works well; I used to walk home from work at 2am and had to do it twice. Make eye contact with your harasser, activate Siri, and loudly, firmly say “Siri, call 911.” Siri will immediately reply “calling emergency services.” (It actually takes five seconds to activate, but there’s a Call Now button if you need it.) Almost ALWAYS the person harassing you would rather take off than wait for you to get a dispatcher on the line.

[alleiradayne]

As they say on the podcast, My Favorite Murder:

Fuck Politeness.

[feel-the-beat-of-the-tangerine]

“If all else fails, summon Satan.” Words to live by.

[tuntematonkorppi]

The “EXCUSE ME” or something similar worked great for me. 

I was in the subway and there were no seat available so I stayed up. Around  minutes after, I noticed that a guy on a seat near me was using his phone and angling it a me. He was trying to be sneaky but I could see he was trying to take my picture. I saw the woman sitting next to him glancing at his phone, frowning and looking weirded out.

So I turned fully toward the guy and went like “ExCUSE me, what the FUCK are you DOING? You think I don’t see you?” 

At that point the guy is like trying to put his phone away saying “I didn’t do anything” so I cut right up and go “You were trying to take my picture?! Without my consent?! You were, weren’t you?” 

The woman next to him nods. At that point people are watching and the guy is blocked between the subway wall, the woman and me. But I keep going strong like “That’s super creepy, you should be ashamed you fucking pervert”.

People are whipsering, giving him disgusted glances.

He left at the next stop.

FUCK POLITENESS. MAKE A SCANDAL.