Twisted Runes

Things that tickle my fancy and random writings (some content NSFW) MASTERLIST Side blogs:nothingbutprompts ||| twistedthreads ||| dontforgetyourmedstoday Animal Background Vectors by Vecteezy

[systlin]

So. Tyr, my dog, is a Great Pyraneese. This is important because this breed is known to be smart. Not in the way a German Shepherd or border Collie is smart, and wanting to please a human; Great Pyrs are independent minded and bred to Be Management of herds when a human might not be around.

Anyway.

It has been very pleasant out. We had the windows cracked and left them cracked when we went to work. This has never been an issue before.

My darling spouse was working on a job in a small town about a mile from our place. He was getting some stuff from the work van when he sees a large white dog prancing along.

"Huh." He thinks. "That looks an awful lot like.....TYR WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE."

Tyr, delighted that she has Found Father, bounds up happily and gets in the work van to give face kisses.

"GIRL NO WHAT." Kev says, scrambling to go let the client know that he has to take the fucking criminal back home real quick.

Turns out she discovered that a window can be shoved open with a determined snoot, and a window screen is not as strong as 80 pounds of muscular dog. And went for an adventure.

I got a call at this point while I was doing payroll.

"BABE WE NEED TO BABY GATE ALL THE FUCKING WINDOWS." My spouse says.

"....okay??" I say, and then get the story. I swore a bunch.

Anyway my dog is a criminal escape artist and we have to baby proof the fucking windows now

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Our dog, Lord Percival Hundstein von Sidney Westen de Doggo ll (but you can call him Percy), is to our best estimation a GP/Coonhound mix, and this tracks. He definitely wants to be around us, and is pleased when we are pleased, but does not see it as his job to please us. Indeed, this dog feels he should be allowed to do whatever he wants and we should be happy with the outcome.

He makes a wealth of decisions, mostly centered around home security and constant vigilance, and frankly, can't understand why we're not getting with the program.

"That serial killer in the blue jacket* comes up to the house everyday at 2:00 in the afternoon, and does anybody do anything about it? No. It's up to me."

*the mail carrier

[systlin]

WOW that sounds familiar.

A part of the reason we were fine leaving windows cracked was because Tyr is on 24-7-365 security detail, and while she has gotten much better about reactivity OUTSIDE the house, she would absolutely no questions asked attempt to murder anyone who broke in without our permission.

Her least favorite person in the world is the mail carrier and the UPS man, who comes up on HER PORCH and knocks on HER DOOR, THE DOOR TO THE PACK DEN, HOW VERY DARE.

I can see her understanding things. I can also see her thinking 'IDK why on earth I would do silly tricks for the humans. No I will not roll over. I do not want to. I'm going to hop up on the couch and nap now. If you want someone to chase the ball YOU get it."

[effinbirds]

[todaysbird]

“ravens are symbols of death, demons, and the underworld”

x

[yourlocalaphrodisian]

Ravens have always been associated with prophecy, foresight, wisdom, divine intervention and ice cream

[imthehuggernaut]

can't believe the art side of tumblr hasn't drawn a cute version of this little raven putting on her pink lipstick in the morning before going out to the raven shopping mall and seeing her raven girlfriends

[ratt-teeth]

I have to do everything around here

[wholesome-animal-images]

@wholesome-animal-images

[cruising-frog]

i did need to see some flower cows, now i shall share it with the moots :)

[aphel1on]

Affirmations before posting:

The freaks who follow me understand my vision

The freaks who follow me understand my vision

The freaks who follow me understand my vision

[memeuplift]

[teaboot]

As a childhood know-it-all who has grown into the Weird Facts Person. Please know that sharing wonder is my love language. I’m not trying to ‘look smart’ I’m trying to share the joy and excitement and nothing makes me happier. Tell me your weird niche knowledge back I promise that’s all I want

[iwtv]

what’s the sexiest playing card suit

clubs ♣️

diamonds ♦️

hearts ♥️

spades ♠️

tie/combo

indifferent/results/bald

Voting ended onMar 28

[trollochtomtar]

[luulapants]

If you're in the US, now is a great time to talk to the young people in your life about the US military:

The recruiter is not your friend. The military employs child psychologists to learn how to make you think the recruiter is your friend.

The recruiter is allowed to lie to you and makes more money if they do.

The recruiter is paid a commission to groom children into cannon fodder.

The recruiter will tell you you're special and will go into special smart soldier programs instead of combat. They're lying.

The recruiter may tell you they can tell if someone can get PTSD or not and only recruit people like you, who won't. They're lying.

The recruiter may tell you you'll be too busy attending free college (!!) to go overseas. They're lying.

The recruiter may ask what countries you want to travel to and promise you bougie placements on military bases in those countries. They're lying.

Even "It's just four years!" is a lie - the government is allowed to hold you past your enlistment period with a stop-loss order.

The recruiter actually has zero power to decide anything that happens to you after you enlist and they more importantly don't care what happens to you.

If you enlist, you will be brainwashed to make you willing to do things to other humans that you would never be willing to do today.

You will be ordered to do things that will kill children. And you'll do them.

The military is not the only way or even the best way for you to go to college or start a career.

Military brainwashing will actually make you into a terrible university student because it degrades your ability to think critically and question your sources.

Having PTSD and/or a TBI will make it harder to be a student and keep a job.

Veterans' benefits suck these days.

Being a veteran drastically increases your risk of homelessness, suicide, alcohol and drug dependence, prison time, and becoming an abuser to your loved ones.

The military will expose you to chemicals that will drastically increase your chances of developing cancer.

The military will withhold information about your rights to conscientiously object after enlisting.

A lot can change in four years.

[c4bl3fl4m3]

All of this!

If you want an organization who WILL tell you the truth about your rights to conscientiously object, how to legally get out of the DEP (Delayed Entry Program) or about any of your other rights in the military (whether you’re enlisted, thinking about enlisting, or a family member or friend of someone enlisted (or thinking about enlisting)), who will do it confidentially & for free, you want the

GI Rights Hotline

run by NGOs & non-profits, which has been counseling folks for DECADES now:

Are you in the military or thinking about joining? Are you unsure of where to get reliable answers? Call the GI Rights Hotline at 1-877-447-

Or by phone:

1-877-447-4487

[ms-demeanor]

Even if all the person you're speaking to cares about is the money, the money sucks.

Minimum wage in California just went up to $16.90. You need to be rank E4 or be E3 with at least 3 years of service before you're making more than the CA minimum wage in the military.

You will literally get better pay and benefits working at a costco. (And that's not even accounting for the fact that the military isn't a 40 hour work week, your entire life is on the clock)

I cannot emphasize this enough, if you're a desperate young queer person you will make better money, get better healthcare, and have more affordable options for school if you move to California, get a job at costco, live with roommates, and go to community college than you will have if you join the US military.

[collectingstories]

Band Aid - Richie Jerimovich

...plastic band-aids laid tenderly over a cut...

Summary: Richie brings his daughter to the hospital with a broken wrist and meets the reader, a nurse in the ED.

<- Cigarettes | Orange Magic Masterlist | Pencils ->

You pressed the orange swirled band-aid against the plastic arm of the American Girl doll clutched on Eva's lap, one of her arms holding it in place while the other had a bright orange cast up to the forearm. 

Richie Jermiovich had brought his daughter into the ED straight from school. The elementary school's nurse had called him to say that Eva had fallen off the monkey bars during recess and they thought that she had possibly sprained her wrist and needed to go to the hospital. So here he was, at 1:30 on a Thursday, watching his daughter brave a cast for what turned out to be a broken wrist, clutching the American Girl doll that he'd grabbed on his way out the door, figuring that might calm her a little bit. It was shit like this that made him feel like he was losing his mind, like someone other than him (anyone other than him) would be far more qualified for parenting. 

He needed a cigarette, maybe a beer. He still had work tonight and he needed to drop Eva off at Tiff's house. He'd called, gotten her answering machine, and left a message to tell her that he was taking Eva to the hospital but it wasn't anything too serious. Tiffany had called before the cast but after the initial exam and talked to Eva, promising ice cream for dinner and rewatching The Eras Tour for the millionth time. 

"Okay," you stepped back from the exam table, "you and Nikki are all set."

"Can I have the day off school tomorrow?" Eva asked, clutching her doll a little closer. 

"I think that's up to your dad," you replied, glancing over at Richie before looking back to Eva, "I can give you a sticker though, I have special Valentine's ones." 

"Can Nikki have one too?" She asked, face instantly brightening.

"Of course she can." You took the basket of stickers from the desk in the exam room, holding it out so Eva could sift through to find her favorite. "I like the name Nikki, did you name her yourself."

"No, she's the historical American Girl doll."

"She's historical?"

"She's from the 90s," Richie cut in, an easy smile finally breaking on his face at your look of disbelief. He'd spent most of the appointment going between frantic and nervously quiet, trying to pay as much attention as he could to everything going on without getting in the way or making Eva more nervous. Now, at the end of the appointment, he was finally starting to relax. 

"The 90s? The 90s are historical?" You paled, "good god." 

"Tell me about it," he laughed. "Hey, do I know you?"

You looked at him for a minute, trying to place a face that you were sure you hadn't seen before, "I don't think so."

"Yeah, yeah, I swear you look so familiar." 

You shook your head, "maybe just like, at the grocery store or something?"

Richie pursed his lips together, squinting a little as he looked at you. "You're a friend of Claire's right? Claire Dunlap?"

"I am," you replied, "you know Claire?"

"She's dating my cousin." 

"Carmy? You're related to Carmy?" The way you said betrayed the fact that you didn't believe it, if only because he didn't look anything like Carmy. Not that you saw Claire's boyfriend too often but of the handful of times that you had met him, he did not look like Richie at all. 

"I mean, cousin like, ya know, cousin." 

"So cousin like not cousin?" You laughed.

"You know Claire?" Eva asked, looking up from the sticker basket, slipping three stickers into her sweatshirt pocket. 

"I do know Claire, yeah. She's awesome," you replied. 

"She is awesome!" Eva exclaimed, smiling wide. "Will you tell her hello for me?"

"I think," you looked at the clock, "she's still working, she might be down the hall, we can go check if you want?" 

"Yes!" Eva cheered, hoping off the exam table, "I'll show her my cast!"

With Eva at the helm, the three of you headed down the hall to the nurses' station to say hello to Claire. Richie walked beside you, looking over every couple of seconds until you reached the desk and Eva ran to where Claire was sitting at the computer. 

"Small world," you commented, "I can't believe you know Claire."

Richie nodded, "thanks for, keeping Evie calm. I was freaking out the whole time...she's never broken a bone before."

"She'll be okay, she's so easy going," you assured, "you'll be okay too."

"Hey listen, you been to The Bear yet with Claire?"

"Carmy's restaurant? No, I'm not really a fancy restaurant person. I've been there when it was The Beef." 

"Then I have seen you before, probably took your order," he snapped his fingers as he spoke, making you laugh. "Come by though, food's good. I work front of house so,"

"So you'll take my order again?" You joked.

He nodded, "yeah."

"How about, I go somewhere else and you go with me and we can both eat," you asked.

"You asking me out?"

"I am, Carmy's not-cousin," you said.

"Richie." 

"Richie," you smiled at him, "so?"

"Yeah, yeah okay. That's better," he replied as Eva ran back to the both of you, Claire's hand in her good one. 

[twistedrunes]

[yuriwinged]

the prince has begun practicing curtseying in the mirror. which could mean nothing.

[heydocverdant]

we have good news and bad news, my liege. the good news is that we now know what that curtsying was about: you will be pleased to know that, after several heartfelt conversations between your child, the court jesters and a myriad of singing woodland creatures, you are now the parent of a proud and joyful new princess. the bad news is that, due to a series of events related to the dragon-sized hole in her bedchamber wall,

[illmoraineakoi]

I love the insinuation that the second the princess realized she was a girl and thus actually a princess, the dragon was there. That thing wasted no time. It heard "princess" and was like "I need no further invitation, here I come."

Gender affirmed by Dragon. Amazing.

[heydocverdant]

pretty sure you’re literally the only person who understood my vision on this accursed post

[pointnclick]

I don't trust anyone. I'm a bad ass lone wolf *eats food someone else grew* *crosses bridge someone else designed and trusts it not to fall* *crosses street in front of 70000lb vehicle cuz there's white lines on the ground telling it to yield*

[fishtrouts]

Watch me get progressively lazier with the backgrounds on this one 🙈

Read “How to be a Dragon” on Webtoon!

[bitethebullets]

the loss of the audio jack is due to puritan culture hating on penetration

[sadmortician]

wanted to draw my beautiful wife dana evans because she’s coming back to me in 4 days <3

[kaijuno]

Alaska’s passive-aggressive map of the United States

[spaceorphan18]

Is it bad that I feel slightly bad that I keep coming to the library to use its quietness and its desk space and its pleasant atmosphere for writing but I never check out books?

[ckerouac]

Why would you feel bad? You’re using the library for one of its intended purposes. The desks, WiFi, space etc are LITERALLY there for you to do exactly what you’re doing AND each time you go in you add to the foot traffic numbers that prove hey people are coming in to use our stuff mr. government so keep funding us.

[surroundedbybooks]

Confirmed by another public librarian. One of the stats we track is "WiFi usages"

That is, we track number of sessions/devices using it over time.

The library is not about snooping on what you're doing with that WiFi. Libraries respect privacy.

[rosefyrefyre]

We literally have a door counter at my library. Congratulations, you just added to our statistics.

[chaosfrisur]

I think it's a bit sad that with more and more public spaces vanishing, people are feeling bad about not "buying" stuff to "earn" their time at a library.

A library is like a park, you're allowed to just. Exist in it.

I check out books every 4 weeks, when the learning period from my current books is up, but I go much more frequently with my kid to just sit there and read to them, and that's okay. In my school days, we'd go and do our research for presentations there, just reading, never checking out.

A library is a space to just exist.

[foxofninetales]

So a year or so ago, we added some new desklets at our library, in areas where we noticed that people gravitated to but didn't have the right furnishing to use them in the way they wanted to.

The first few weeks of having the new furniture were absolutely filled with excited librarians whispering to each other, "Look! Someone's using the desklet in the back corner!" and "casually" walking by to enjoy the sight like wildlife researchers who had successfully baited a particularly elusive rare bird. Nobody cared if those people checked anything out or not. There was a need! We saw the need! We filled the need! Hooray!

WE PUT THE THING THERE TO BE USED. USE THE THING.