She stared at herself and she could not recognize what she saw. Her lips were pale, her eyes wide open. Her skin stretched on her bony cheeks. Who was the skinny girl, lying on the floor? Was it supposed to be her? Was it someone else? Would someone come for her? She walked through the bedroom. She doesn't remember eating that cake and leaving half of it over the table. She doesn't remember ripping off the pajamas her aunt once gave her. What was going on? Why did no one come? Oh yes. I told them so. She sat down on the floor, staring at herself again. Her eyes were wide open. The deep brown of it was becoming quite blankly. Was it possible? Was she not dead yet? I thought ghosts only came out when their body was dead. Isn't it so? Her arms reached for herself. She tried to touch her hair, the thing she most hated about herself. Isn't it funny? I used to hate my hair when I was alive, now, seeing it laying on the floor, it doesn't seem that bad. Although it still not matches my eyes. But her hand went through it. Never actually feeling it. Yes, I guess I am a ghost. What happened? What have I done with my life, I wonder. What am I gonna do now that I'm dead? Am I to watch aside as the lives of my family goes by? And their children, and their children, and forever stuck? This seems boring. It seems worse than my life used to be, if that is even possible. A soft sound comes from the kitchen and she stands up, alarmed, as if caught doing something wrong. Oh yeah, I forgot I'm dead. She relaxes and walks to it. There's Sir Von Puk, her cat. She felt her heart weigh as if it had 100 pounds. Dammit. How could I forget you? Who is gonna feed you now? No one likes you, except me. And no one liked me, except you. For the first time, since she saw herself dead, she felt bad. She feels like crying, but the tears never come. Of course not, you're dead. He stops, suddenly. And looks right at her, as if he could see her ghostly form. Oh, I knew you could see ghosts! He meows. I know, I'm sorry for it. You know I couldn't help it. The scars were too deep. He... Well, he nods. Or something like that and continues his search for food. She hears a noise. Not soft paws over the kitchen table, but a person's steps. Is it normal, to be a ghost and have your keen senses? I could never hear such things when I was alive. There was the noise of a key on the kitchen door and it suddenly opens. She looked right at her sister and smiled. I wonder what she'll do when she sees me. Her sister looked at Sir Puk and made a face. She didn't like him, but compared to the rest of the family, she loved as if it was her own. He ignored her, as usual. "Rina!" She called me. I smiled a little more. "Rina, mom asked me to come check you!" Mom? Really? Since when does she care? "God dammit Rin! I don't want to walk in your disgusting apartment! Come on!" Yes, my sister, Pamela was too beautiful, too delicate and too snobbish to walk through a stupid and poor musician who could not do as her and become a great lawyer. Specially when the stupid musician left medical school to play drums with a 37 year old harmony player. Okay, I didn't even love him. But he was a nice guy. Well, at least his mouth was. She finally gave up and entered my living room and looked at the paintings on my wall. She never told me - or anyone, to be honest - but I know she had always been in love with my best friend, Kenny. But Kenny had a few "problems". He wasn't famous, nor rich, neither had a successful career. He was just a painter. "Just". That's so stupid. He was the best painter I've ever seen. But he had a difficult temper and not everyone could understand him. Only me.. And Pam. He loved her as well. He told her. She ignored him and married a CEO. He died the next day, from a car crash. And I hate her for that. She stood over a huge painting - my favourite. It was me, with a flower between my teeth. I was smiling. I was happy. But it was a long time ago. She finally got out of my living room and looked for me in the office. "Rins!" Then, she opened the door to my room. "Oh my god!" She covered her mouth, but the screams came anyway. And she didn't stop, not for once. She fell to the ground, trying to hold herself on my door. I was not smiling anymore. She started crying, and screaming and saying unintelligible words. I could not follow it. I suddenly, somehow, shut the noises off. I was still there, by her side, watching her scream and cry, I saw the old lady Mithern come - my neighbor. I watched her call the ambulance and the police. She held my sister's arm, and forced her to stand up and get away from the bedroom, from the apartment. But still, I could not hear a word. Was there something wrong with me? The ambulance came. They checked my vital signs, but everyone knew I was already dead. The police came right after. Took some photographs, wrote a few notes and left. My body was removed and I could not even say goodbye to it. Damn, I wish I had. Why? I walked back to the kitchen, and found out Pam took Sir Puk with her. I hope she feeds him. I don't want him to die. Isn't it strange? When it comes to your own life, you don't care about it. But when it comes to a loved one.. "You know, she will take care of him" I turn to see Kenny's face. "I thought you were never coming" "I know. But I didn't want you to think I was coming only for your sister" "You killed yourself for her" "I did" "I hate you as well for that. You left me alone. You had no right." "Just like you just left Sir Puke alone?" "Don't call him that" "I never stopped loving you. But you know how artists are. Always so dramatic..." He smiles. "I do" and I turn myself again to my apartment. "Is it okay that I miss this? It's such a mess!" "You're such a mess, and yet, I watched you everyday" "Thank you" He holds my hand. Yes, we are both ghosts but we can touch ourselves. Weird, huh? "What's going to happen now?" "We are going somewhere" "Better? Like Paradise?" He smiles.. "If you make it a Paradise...".
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