they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance
last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically
occasionally subtle
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@whereasterslie
they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance
last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically
sent this message to my coworker today and he sent me this screenshot with microsoft teams's suggested replies... incredible 10/10 no notes.
forgive me father for i have opened a notification and read the message within to make the red dot go away and then forgot to reply for a month . it will happen again
"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."
"come again?"
"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."
"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."
a long and judgmental pause. then:
"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"
Opposable thumbs are handy
Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus
They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her
I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.
Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.
Odysseus: Regret it why?
Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.
Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in.
*A couple of months later*
Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit.
Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure.
Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family.
Cassandra: Penelope, I’ve had another vision.
Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.
the original? on my dash?
teachers
Forgot for a second that Sokka is truly the character of all time because he truly just did all that with no powers, no money and no responsible adults around. Like he organised a schedule that made it possible for the avatar to learn everything in a year, freed nations, learnt a dozen different types of weapons and art forms planned multiple prison breaks, revolutions and actual invasions with nothing but a flying bison, the worlds most powerful children and a boomerang. Coffee was invented for him and for him alone.
Anything to walk on land 🔪 2021
one of my sexual fantasies is to have someone notice my absence and wonder about me
happy birthday luffy! ☀️
What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?
When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.
curiouser and curiouser
I didn't realize that this was about Project Hail Mary at first I just accepted that this was Ryan Gosling's fault and we have to kill him
per my last desperate howl at the heavens,
i beat myself up for not knowing enough about my special interests a lot but then i remember the average person off the street has no idea what the carboniferous is and i feel better
are you really bad at it or are you in "good at it" spaces
"are you really bad at it or are you in 'good at it' spaces" has derailed so much self-hate since I read it
this is a load bearing sentence in my psyche and I can't believe it's only 2 months old
ship dynamic i really like