Yo Waddup

Not here to be perceived

[sexybritishllama]

just finished this month's book club book, went skimming goodreads reviews afterwards as you do, got my breath taken away by this absolutely brutal ending to one of the multi-paragraph 1 star reviews

[langernameohnebedeutung]

it's so funny to read "and there was just one bed :O" fanfiction set in time periods where sharing a bed was entirely normal. Guys, just be glad it's only the two of you.

[ineptshieldmaid]

Hmm.

Proposition: There’s only the two of us in this bed (which makes it uncomfortably intimate). We’re usually three abed with Snoring Steve the footman between us. We kind of expected to bunk down before the fire or in a hayloft, but our mysteriously gracious host has given us a room, and this bed, and there’s only two of us in this bed.

[headspace-hotel]

YES i am sexualizing the relationship between parasitic orchids and fungi

[headspace-hotel]

@egregiousderp sorry for posting a conventionally attractive parasitic relationship

[hypokeimena]

image description: tags reading #ooo ooo low hanging fruit from the two most sexualized looking things in the entire tree of life /end description

[marinebiologyshitposts]

[vernadskova-deactivated20230803]

[i-fear-neither-death-nor-pain]

Do they not have skulls!? Why is it mushy there!?!? @bunjywunjy

[bunjywunjy]

well of course beluga has a skull!! that's just not where it is.

see, you wouldn't necessarily pick up on this, but beluga skulls (and most cetacean skulls in general) are pretty much

flat...

so what's going on up there? well, most of the beluga's head is taken up by soft tissue and a large organ called the melon, which is basically a big ol waterballoon of semiliquid fat!

(boob. it's a head boob.)

this organ is found in every toothed whale and dolphin species on the planet and it's INCREDIBLY important, because the melon is what lets them echolocate!

the actual sound-producing organ is inside their nasal passage of all places, which sits up behind there, but the melon is what's actually used to fine-tune the soundwaves into the laser-accurate pinpoints that dolphins and toothed whales are so famous for.

tldr: without their head boob, belugas and their relatives would be literally flying blind!

[puppetbilly]

does slapping the melon like that hurt it ? like does it affect how it works or anything

[proteus-no]

@weirdgirlwambsgans @vampire-juicebox you guys are in luck bc it does not! Belugas will squish their melons voluntarily against things like rocks and glass. Think of it like when you squish your butt (but at the same time not, bc they have no nerve endings beyond the skin) they even voluntarily let humans play with it!

This is a strong creature, if that hurt or bothered it, you would know

[caressthosecheekbones]

nasa is using a 3D world graphic for the solar eclipse thingy today where germany is still devided in east and west adjfglkafdhgadfg. buddies, it's been almost 40 years.

[chthonion]

So I showed this to a physicist and they were like "Oh! Yes! It's a figure from Fred Espenak's very old paper where he did a bunch of eclipse graphics! I've been looking at these my entire internet life, basically, for every solar eclipse! They called him Mr. Eclipse. He just passed away recently 🥺"

Anyway apparently Mr. Eclipse made 5000 years' worth of solar eclipse graphics, which you can find the simpler versions of here

So now instead of laughing at NASA for their outdated graphics I'm emotional about Mr. Eclipse and his hard work

[mortalityplays]

so I spent a lot of last year working with / around this local activist group mostly made up of your typical ambiently queer, ambiently leftist college students. like every loose affinity group it struggled with the sort of unpredictable fluctuating capacity problem of most participants being tied to day jobs or college term times, variously disabled, turning up when they could make it and then vanishing for months at a time. it's to be expected with that kind of organising but it does also make for kind of a pain in the neck.

anyway this particular group does (or did?) have kind of a nucleus of very committed members who were more tight knit and ended up taking on a lot of the practical work themselves. they were your more serious vanguard party type communists, very much structure and role enjoyers, which is probably why things eventually played out the way they did. they took their commitments seriously and were constantly sort of irked that others saw the voluntary nature of the group as a reason to deprioritise it in favour of what might be life necessities but are still basically capitalist pursuits. fair, maybe.

about this time last summer, that inner circle apparently decided to get more serious about recruitment and figure out how to do outreach in a way that would bring in more committed membership to reliably spread the workload. the way these things go, a couple of these guys had originally met through a local gay bar's drag nights (specifically the drag king circuit) so one of the first things they did was draft in another friend who did marketing for those events already and get him pushing for more eyeballs on their event listings via twitter and instagram.

now, bar guy was very very good at this. one of his big innovations was the idea of using club promoter type strategies to get more students more consistently engaged with the group's activities. that basically meant appointing some of the more active members as 'outreach officers' and encouraging them to do things like organise socials for new volunteers and train those people in turn as recruiters, with a tiny bit of a floating budget for pot lucks and house parties every couple of months.

this worked astonishingly well, like beyond anyone's wildest expectations. at a certain point they had brand new members throwing their own parties just to introduce their friends to the people who recruited them, who in turn had been recruited by the volunteers the outreach officers trained. it worked so well that it got to be a problem because most of these newer members were also relatively new to organising and didn't have a whole lot of theory. it was getting very vibes based and suddenly there was a huge influx of people to handle who most original members didn't know. and also, because they'd asked a gay guy who promoted gay club nights to organise all this peer-to-peer recruitment, it turned out almost all the new members were gay men.

in itself that's not necessarily a problem, but obviously it presents a challenge for a group that's supposed to be open and diverse. especially because outside of the little clique who started all this, most of the old guard were not gay men. it didn't blow up into the kind of messy schism it could have, fortunately, but a lot of the older members (especially those who were less into the hardline soviet-nostalgia communist utopianism of the main organisers) decided around this point that they didn't feel the group was a good fit for them any more, and split.

so now the inner circle had a new problem. the remaining group was overwhelmingly now made up of very sweet well intentioned young gay men who wanted to volunteer with this cool voluntary circle of other young gay men who liked to party, and vanishingly few of them actually knew a whole lot about mao or lenin or the practicalities of community organising or what have you. but club guy was like "don't worry I've got this", and suddenly out of nowhere started producing all this orientation literature and politics 101 material that he was chain emailing to his army of new recruits and recruiters. like he just had all this shit ready to go. he had slogans, he had essays, he had these weird point by point breakdowns of what karl marx would have to say about your college courses and why communism was like actually a lot like bdsm if you think about it.

you will probably not be shocked to learn that it very quickly came out he had been generating all this shit with chatgpt. the group went into absolute meltdown, the vanguard party shut down their website and disassociated themselves completely from the whole mess, and the last I heard they're back to organising with some of the older group members and whoever turns up whenever they turn up. but club guy was unrepentant, he'd already sent out all his ideologyslop to his recruiters, who had sent it to their guys who sent it to their guys, who I guess are still out there recruiting twinks into the fully automated contentless communism mill,

or the MLM MLM LLM MLM if you're nasty.

[dykecinema]

[demilypyro]

I tried makeup for a while in college but I could tell it was actually making my dysphoria *worse* because I'd feel alright about myself but then take it off at the end of the day and I'd see my face without makeup and suddenly be hit by how ugly I felt without it and I was like oh. this doesn't seem healthy. so I swore it off and threw it all out and now my bare face doesn't really bother me anymore. I want to feel good about myself at all hours of the day, actually

[demilypyro]

Oh yeah this isn't even really a trans thing, this is a woman thing.

[muffinlance]

"Trans women are women!" say make-up companies, your equal opportunity source for corporate-backed dysphoria

[genderkoolaid]

as a lover of historical fiction and art about women and horny art and silly art i am so so into this premise. everyone can't stop being like "ohh his is dick made of wood too" it's magic dumbass. i am obsessed with how this sounds like an obscure medieval european folk tale. peter dinklage plays a basketmaker with the power to bring life to inanimate objects for an spinste's sexual pleasure. suspend your disbelief about his cock and have a little fun

[genderkoolaid]

and the leading lady is played by a woman whose gay man. perfect movie perhaps

[genderkoolaid]

for those who haven't seen the trailer.

[genderkoolaid]

#I assume his dick is ribbed for her pleasure and well-lacquered#like yes I assume the wicker guy who is ostentatiously 100% wicker everywhere we can see also has a wicker dick#I also assume a basket-making wizard who can make a whole-ass articulated dude out of wicker in one month#while *also* keeping up with his bill-paying day-job baskets#knows how to make a dick where none of the pokery is anywhere near the jiggery#sorry to everyone who's only seen shitty big-box store baskets that are made out of spite and neoliberalism#his dong is wicker and also perfectly fit for purpose#wicker? I hardly knew her! etc.

beautiful + true tags from @tyrannosaurus-trainwreck

[lizzibennet]

per anon’s request, i present to you THE best version of beatrice’s monologue in much ado about nothing. i thought about cropping this but decided this scene must be watched in its full glory

[x-soapbox-x]

What’s really cool about this is this is the first version of this scene that I’ve seen where the tone doesnt whiplash wildly which is so hard to do!!! Bc it’s a scene that comes directly after some rough public shaming and it is both a love confession scene and a scene where a woman asks someone to kill someone and the love confession IS funny but Beatrice’s monologue is not. A lot of the other versions- even well beloved ones like the 2011 version with David Tennant and Catherine Tate- do this scene and there is emotional whiplash, audiences often laughing when Beatrice begs Benedict to kill Claudio. To see it done this way??? Oh my god the line read on “if a were a man, I would eat his heart in the marketplace” DESERVED that cheet

[k2e4]

Great Performances - Much Ado About Nothing : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

For the first time in over four decades, Great Performances presents a Public Theater production recorded live at Free Shakespeare in the Pa

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you

[hazelriver74]

Yes!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.

[fueles]

You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.

[perfectly-disfigured]

MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.

[lithiumdoll]

My mum renovated houses for thirty years, she says “you’re half right, but in some cases - particularly in houses built before 1930 - the phone does add some benefit. Could be a tablet too if you’ve an old one in the garage. And anyone who says it’s got to be a particular model is just being precious about it, whatever the forums say.”

[00venator]

IPhones and tablets where invented in 1898, what did they do before then?

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Nothing, tiles were invented in 1899.

[thesaltofcarthage]

my sister the historian studied ancient pompeiian tile mosiacs and there's definitely graffiti of dropping cans on strings into the buckets of putty, so it goes way back.

[propelledbydisaster]

is anyone else haunted by the fact that Geezer Butler said War Pigs wasn't supposed to be all, like, political, or anything

generals gathered in their masses (apolitically!)

just like witches at Black Masses (which could be good or bad. who can say)

[eleilinnrallin]

This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

[newtsoftheworldunite]

Translating this into tumblr's preferred public service announcement format for this kind of alert:

[kimberlychapman]

Or this preferred Tumblr announcement system:

[blueskittlesart]

loz twitter was briefly trying to decide if the hero of time can read. i genuinely think the answer is no

[blueskittlesart]

"the hero of time doesnt know what doors are" is good. but allow me to present a second, funnier option,

[mortalityplays]

talking about impenetrable accents/dialect just reminded me. when I was in Milan a couple of years back I was staying in this little rathole hotel and I had the biggest fucking migraine, so I was like non c'è problema I'll just go buy painkillers. of course every pharmacy on the map in a three block radius was closed, so my stupid ass just starts wandering around trying to figure out on the fly if you can get OTC from supermarkets in italy.

I walk into this little everything store (to my foreign eyes the kind of place that back home could sell you a bunch of carrots, a 6-pack of beer, pantyhose, bleach and a screwdriver set) and I see some household basics in the back but not what I need. with the confidence of a person who is only in the city for 3 days because he got bored and packed a bag and booked the cheapest flight available the week before (<= MENTAL ILLNESS), I was like no worries I know some italian, I can just ask.

I grab a bottle of water, walk up to the counter, and I'm like Ciao, hai il paracetamolo? And the guy is like che, and I'm like paracetamolo. Per la mia testa. And he's like che?

This is where I would have said 'aspirina' except I can't take aspirin for medical reasons, or 'antidolorifico' except I don't know that word and I've got no phone data for google translate and also I'm stupid. So in my fucked up leith-glasgow-italian accent I'm like paaa-ra-cetta-mollll-ooo. He's like ohhh bene, bene, and he calls another guy out of the back and asks him to go get something. Other guy then walks out of the store into the street, and before I can be like hey, che la fuck, he comes back and hands me a huge bundle of herbs.

At this point I'm like okay this entire interaction has been a bust, but these guys have been very nice and patient and they're both smiling happily at me because they've been of service, so I'm like ahh perfetto, grazie, pay them a couple of euros and leave.

EVENTUALLY I find a pharmacy that's open, and my head is fucking killing me, and my phone still isn't connecting, and now I have this small shrubbery poking out of my coat pocket, so I don't even bother looking around the shelves. I just walk straight to the counter and I'm like uhh ciao, scusi. And hearing my nightmare of an accent the guy answers in english and I'm like thank christ, do you please have paracetamol. Not aspirin, I can't take aspirin. And he's like yeah yeah hold on, goes into the back, comes out with what I need.

Only when he comes out he gives me this look, and then he starts laughing. And then he pretends he's not laughing and rings me up and I pay, and as I'm leaving I can see him losing it. But I don't care, my head is going to explode, I'm going back to the rathole to close the blinds and fall comatose for four hours.

When I get back to my hotel room I take off my coat and remember the huge bouquet of herbs in my pocket. They smell amazing, and I'm like I'm pretty sure this is parsley in which case I can just get some tomatoes and mozzarella later and make it work. but since I have no idea what that interaction was, I want to make sure. I bring out my phone to get a visual reference of what parsley leaves look like, and because I was using it for google translate earlier I put 'parsley' in the wrong box like a dope and translate it to italian.

prezzemolo

I wish I could have been the pharmacist in the moment he looked at my tired pissed off anglophone ass, heard me say 'paracetamol' in my fucked up accent, and turned around saw what was in my pocket. I'd have lost my shit too.

[treely-ruly]

Making a collage zine is like doing a puzzle where I don't know what the finished image looks like. All my little pieces laid out on the table, slotting together, forming groups and attaching to other pieces. Conglomerating into a page, becoming part of the zine.

Making a collage zine is like carving marble. The beautiful form is already in there, I'm just cutting away the external pieces to release it.

Here is my life's work (and by that I mean like... multiple hours a day for about a week)

[homunculus-argument]

The people who'll go "ugh that's not what ketamine does, you people have clearly never done drugs" obviously were not there when "cast ketamine ape" was added to the list of banned spells. Because clearly you've got the wrong idea of what "cast ketamine ape" actually does.

First of all, did you know that as far as magic is concerned, it can't tell the difference between being poisoned unintentionally, being poisoned intentionally, and being intoxicated recreationally. You can straight-up fucking narcan someone with any healing spell that includes removing poison from the body. And the fun part is, they come out in full fight-or-flight. Yeah they come up swinging. Also even if your healing spells are specifically tailored to be used on humans, and are unreliable even on most other mammals, primates are so close to humans in structure that specifically human-intended spells work on them just fine.

Now picture the following: You've got a full-grown adult male cape babboon, already deep in a k-hole, somewhat conscious but with no inkling of where, how, what, or why it is, lightly concealed within some sort of material that it could easily rip through if it was in its full strength. Let's say, gently wrapped in newspaper.

Now let's say you stealthily leave a mysteriously wrapped bundle - almost the right size to contain a human child but certainly the wrong shape for that - in an inconspicuous place. Like under one of the tables at a wizard conference. Maybe under the table of someone important that you don't like. Then, at a safe distance but within reach of the magic, you cast "poison heal".

And obviously, they couldn't just ban "poison heal".