They First Make Mad

Not actually a human being. I am a machine that identifies as a live-size portrait of Willem Dafoe.

[zebruh]

the post I stole this from got reblog turned off but I wanted to rb it so here

[desolendate]

im literally in tears what the fuck

[slimetony]

Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits of of mountainsides. They crave that mineral.

[sailor--spoon]

Why is this back on my dash in 2018

[conqueringthenoodle]

Thank god this is back on my dash in 2018

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[shofarsogood]

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[amygdalae]

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

[destinationtoast]

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

[halfbloodfanboy]

[json-derulo]

having the Aviation Accident Investigations Autism™️ has actually done wonders for the way I process and respond to my own fuck-ups

[json-derulo]

And I don't just mean "oh, my little work mistake is actually nothing compared to a fiery crash that kills people," either. The reason commercial flight is so many orders of magnitude safer than any other form of transportation is because after every accident and incident, an independent regulatory body investigated it with the express goal of figuring out exactly what happened, why, and how to prevent the same thing from ever happening again—not to root out which person deserved the blame or the liability.

It's a simple, shockingly effective idea. It's also worlds away from how most people approach their own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

[json-derulo]

Because it’s never just one person’s fault. And even when it is, it still isn’t. 

The sharpest, best-trained pilots make worse decisions when they're tired or sick or stressed out, so there's two of them. The most dedicated and experienced air traffic controllers garble an instruction over the radio sometimes, so pilots are trained to always repeat clearances back to catch misunderstandings quickly. The best and brightest maintenance mechanic still overlooks a screw or misconnects a wire once or twice in her career, so aircraft systems are built with two or three or four layers of redundancy, and pilots are exhaustively trained to deal with failures safely. 

Everyone eventually has a bad day. Every component breaks down. Every computer gets a bad a Windows update and spirals into a reboot doom loop. If it’s possible for one person’s mistake to domino into a mushroom cloud of a fuckup, then that task is too critical to be one person's sole responsibility. The accident sequence starts with the design of the system—so how do you improve the system to keep it from happening again?

[json-derulo]

oh yeah. The “modern commercial aviation is the safest form of transport” thing only applies to planes, btw. A helicopter is a beautiful metal horse that wants to break its legs and die so so so badly

[dogpuppy]

[captain-price-returns]

gentrification is when trash goes in trash cans

[teaboot]

(walking down a street and not stepping in any needles, glass, rotten food, loose bags or bottles of piss) this whole damn place has gone to shit

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Every time one of these publications mentions Mamdani I remember that time he got a bidet installed and they tried to make it sound like a huge problem for the mayor of New York to have a clean arse.

[scribefindegil]

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving

[keitrinkomfloukru]

I checked, the book is real.

[prince-atom]

Oh, "Moron Label" (Molon Labe) is so good.

[heroineimages]

Currently on back order on Bookshop.org, but I ordered a copy anyway.

[retrocgads]

ATI Graphics Pro Turbo / WinTurbo / Graphics Xpression graphic cards

ATI Technologies, Inc. USA 1995

[knownqueerbaiter]

idk who needs to hear this but it’s healthier for you to just accept that you’re gonna be kinda fat than it is to live the rest of your life miserably trying to monitor yourself to maintain a skinny weight your body doesn’t want to hold onto

[knownqueerbaiter]

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” what feels even better is living a life where your self-worth isn’t entirely dependent on your thinness and you don’t constantly monitor and shame yourself. attaching the tweet that was worth at least five hours of therapy for me

[nocturnaltigerrevelation]

>have problem

>recognize it as part of my divine punishment

>no problem

[free-my-mindd]

[diedoffscreen]

[mornington-the-crescent]

[captain-price-returns]

[depsidase]