Screaming Dark @boxoflili - Tumblr Blog

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

torchichate

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

#reblog

wumblr

since the dawn of time immemorial, humans have wondered, “what happened before the beginning of history?” the answer… is “fungus, mostly.” unfortunately, the mycorrhicene era has ended, giving way to the meatier, louder, and less efficient anthropocene. but what if i told you. we could bring it back? (shoots you with a spore dart)

papasmoko

#reblog

dungeonskeleton

we could be going down the bigfoot titty slide rn but you won't text back

hokuto-ju-no-ken

#reblog

midnight-sloth

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys

These wonderful people have a single braincell to share but unfortunately none of them are using it

#reblog

sadgi

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

sadgi

thank you wikipedia for this really good image

sadgi

a helpful mnemonic for everyone

talkwithtatsu

too good for tags

headspace-hotel

This mnemonic has a permanent place in my life.

Every time in yoga class when my instructor would say "now get into a prone position" I would think "ah yes on your pronis"

#reblog

wizardshark

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

saspitite

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

where's that post of someone getting a letter from their bank like "dear keith we realise you're just taking the piss but every time you venmo your mate for 'al-qaeda training camp' we do have to, by law, fill out a lot of boring paperwork for the police so we'd really appreciate it if you'd stop doing that"

here it is

#reblog

brightlotusmoon

zhenya-grey

Okay that's funny

I laughed for the first time in a while.

Thank you

#reblog

wholesome-animal-images

#a star #reblog

not100bees

do we think chocolate guy is gay?

senatortedcruz

-Grandpa Joe muttering to Charlie in that factory

#reblog

nealashitposts

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

nealashitposts

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.