just a girl with fragile heart who is trying to survive a cruel world on her own (working on growing a thicker skin). i like watching things, travelling, talking about mental health and petting strays. 26 bi/pan but mostly homoromantic (sexuality is fluid and still questioning) // turkish she/they
honestly, i just needed a place to scream into the void. life has been a lot lately my mental health decided to take a dive, my heart is pretty much in pieces, and i'm just trying to survive on a diet of fictional characters, travel and animal content.
i don’t actually have any pets other than my 2 birds who hate physical contact (crying), so expect me to reblog every animal i see as a coping mechanism. my name literally means story, but right now the plot is a mess and i’m just here for the escapism. if you like fandom brain rot, pretty cities, and being "too emotional," we’ll probably get along. please be nice, i’m fragile. 🐾✈️🩹
my spotify playlist that i listen to everyday:
☁️ a little bit about me
• my name: öykü
• my sexuality and gender: bi, she/her
• my age: 26 (june 2nd)
• my zodiac sign: gemini
• my favorite animal: 🐼
• my favorite color: 💜
• the character i relate to most: nell crain/the haunting of hill house
• my biggest comfort habit: walking by the beach (i live by the sea) 🌊
• my dream travel destination: italy 🇮🇹🍕
• countries i’ve been to: turkiye🇹🇷, cyprus🇨🇾 germany🇩🇪, luxembourg🇱🇺, france🇫🇷, belgium🇧🇪, netherlands🇳🇱
• favorite place i've ever been: colmar 🇫🇷
• window seat or aisle seat?: window 🪟
• city lights or mountain views?: city lights 🌉
• one place i want to go to heal my heart: i want to go to paris again cause the memory of it was ruined for getting my heart broken in “the city of love” sadly. i want to experience it happier in its full glory.
• my next destination: barcelona 🇪🇸
• how i’m feeling lately: (honestly) on and off. some days are better some days are meh.
• one thing i love about myself: i am stronger than even i think ❤️ i always survive.
• something that always makes me cry: love. in any form. i guess you could say it’s the thing i’m most hungry for.
• what i do on my worst days: usually either leave the house/location i’m at for a whole day cause i feel the walls are trapping me or go see a movie to make me think about something else.
• a small dream i have for the future: travel more ✈️
• my current hyperfixation: heated rivalry and f1
• my favorite show: the haunting of hill house manifest and friends
• why i started this page: my old account was @fangirlproblcms but it had lots of things i didn’t wanna see atm so i wanted a fresh start. i won’t delete the other account for now though.
• my other hobbies: journaling, puzzles, reading (mostly mental health books), gaming, sudoku, meeting new people hanging out with my irl and online friends.
recently i had lots of losses that i couldn’t handle. my uncle (who was like a dad to me) passed away. lost the job i loved doing so much cause of that, my performance got bad and eventually they had to find someone to do my job better after working there for 2 years. i got fired in the most awful way that i sued them for it but thank god the court is on my side. i fell in love with my best friend and got dumped over a text 2 times first after our paris date and second one is i hurt them accidentally cause i was hurting and they were pressing all of my worst fear buttons ever since romantically dumping me. then i kinda stopped talking to a mutual friend of ours cause they remind me of the old times with my best friend. i also cut another best friend of mine off cause they switched up on me too. 2025 was a year of lots of losses but i can always begin again ❤️ i cry a lot and i’m an angry personality because i hurt so bad and i get angry about it. therapy and my support group is helping me through it a lot and i can confidently say i’m so close to be %100 healed (i really popped off with this helping and loving myself era 🥹)
this was long but you’re a real one if you have read this far 👌🏻
One thing i’m so glad i started was therapy. The best decision i have ever made in my entire life. Prioritizing myself for it was the best thing. I’m not taking myself off of it or my pills anytime soon my therapist said she expects me for the next 2 years at least 🤣
I really love being caring and i hope i can keep doing it as long as i want ❤️ That’s who i am and it heals me. It’s my personality i love loving my people ❤️
I met someone exactly like my ex best friend in personality today. The same quietness and shyness. We clicked instantly. She’s so beautiful and if you know me you’d know that i love complimenting my friends so i told her she’s so beautiful. She folded like my ex best friend. Not a nerdy girl like her but i get invited to things by her and she wants to be around me. I want to be around her. She’s younger than me too and i feel like i want to protect her. Call me a fool for connecting so instantly but we were also born in the same place 🥹❤️ We went for a coffee today, going out for a beer tomorrow and seeing Wuthering Heights on wednesday together ❤️ I missed being someone who people reach out to and not the one always doing an effort and left feeling unwanted 😭 She’s got a boyfriend and she chooses to spend more time with me than her boyfriend now 🥹 Having similar experiences with female romantic relationships and friendships made us bond stronger too 🥹🥹🥹 Anyways i just came here to share this. I have been crying for hours now cause it was something so delicate to me.
Didn’t take pictures with her cause i forgot but it was so special ❤️ Instead here’s a kitty and ducks from today ❤️
Hello people ❤️ Went to a basketball game today with my friends for the first time in years and it was so fun ❤️❤️ We lost but i got to watch my friend as a cheerleader and hot women throwing a ball around 🤭
Today was a marathon of hospital rooms and hard truths. Between the gynecologist, the dietician, and therapy, my body and mind finally starting to have a roadmap.
I was officially diagnosed with PCOS and a hormonal disorder. It turns out the PCOS was fueling PMDD, which was sabotaging my mental health and my progress in therapy. I am taking five pills a day now, including my antidepressants and new ones for my hormones, just to function 🤡 But there is a silver lining: I got an ultrasound and my cyst is officially gone.
From the hospital, I went to my therapist and finally opened up about something fragile. Last August, I was assaulted behind my apartment complex. It happened in a field of tall grass while a festival was going on nearby. I screamed, but the music drowned me out. It was over in five minutes. I remember the shock, walking home, showering, and taking a birth control pill I had left over from a previous fling because I just did not know what else to do.
I kept it a secret from almost everyone. Only my ex girlfriend and a close friend knew. I was going through a brutal breakup and I directed all that trauma toward the heartbreak instead, just so I would not have to face what actually happened. I did not want people to look at me and only see that.
My therapist helped me realize that the self disgust I have felt, which is the reason I did not recognize myself in the mirror, is why I have been so passive aggressive. I hated myself so much that I projected it onto the people I loved, convinced they could not possibly love someone as awful as me. Especially after how i was broken up with by my ex girlfriend which was the trigger starting the self destruction.
I have not been public about it, but I have been seeing someone else since December. After last summer, I am incredibly cautious, maybe even a little too avoidant, but he knows everything and he stays. He looks like Travis Kelce a lot too ahaha 🤣 And he acts like a real partner. He drove me and spent the entire day sitting with me in hospital waiting rooms and outside my therapist’s office.
Oh and by the way i have been watching quiz shows for years. And i always do so good but i have never applied to be on one until yesterday. Yesterday i sent an application to be on Turkish Who Wants To Be A Millionaire 🙃 One of my granny’s friends’ daughter was on it the other day and i said why am i not doing it too? 🤭
Anyways! I am grateful. My heart is broken, but I am still happy. I guess I can do it with a broken heart too 🥹❤️
